Is it possible to cancel Christmas next year?

[rudi]

(((Hugs))) to you, woodstock, and to all of you here that have toxic family members. I can relate. Families and holidays: you gotta love 'em.

I have limited my contact with my toxic family member (my mother) as of a few years ago (after many years of hurt and heartache, unsucessfully trying to have a good relationship with her), and I have to tell you that making the decision to limit contact has done wonders for my mental state. I recommend it. You don't have to cut them out completely, but just keeping visits to a minimum, keeping conversation very light and casual, and making a decision to not engage in their nonsense can work out well.

The FSU anti-holiday sounds like heaven to me and is a little similar to what I did this year. I spent a quiet Christmas and week off from work with my daughter (who is also off from school); we've stayed up late watching movies/battle of the Nutcrackers/some skating, ate a lot of food and Christmas cookies, drank hot chocolate, saw a couple of friends, but for the most part, we've just hung around the house. Tonight we will be watching Toddlers and Tiaras so we can laugh and at the crazy pageant parents.

[skatemommy]

Err, like the Bahamas? Or a cruise to Jamaica,,,,,,,,,,

Count me in! I have way too many leftovers, way too much stuff, spent way too much money, drove way too much (and I actually simplefied this year).

[aliceanne]

I'm seriously considering bailing on my family next year. But I also know it would hurt and alienate them to the max, have to decide if it's just better off to suck up a few hours of side comments/looks or just plain tension. .

I agree with the others who have posted that you should skip Christmas with your family next year, and if they ask why tell them (you can't make them happy - so why bother?). I had to do this at one point in my life and several of my family members changed their negative attitudes. It's not pleasant spending Christmas away from your family if that's what Christmas means to you, but the results are worth it.

If by chance they are so unredeemably miserable that they can't change (I don't think they are) then they won't miss you anyway and it is better to build a new life somewhere else before you become one of them. Your mother especially seems stuck in a rut, maybe you can be her role model for change.

At some point you have to look out for your own survival or you won't be of any use to anyone else.

[PeterG]

I agree with the others who have posted that you should skip Christmas with your family next year, and if they ask why tell them (you can't make them happy - so why bother?)...

So....like...being HONEST?

[WindSpirit]

If anyone is interested in an FSU anti-holiday group tour, I say we should get something organized.

Whoohoo, sign me up, baybeee!

[KatieC]

I spent Christmas Day with relatives - and a back going into muscle spasms. Had to chew Tylenol 3's, while being criticized for not helping more with the meal. I put in the turkey, fixed the carrots and pealed and mashed the potatoes, as well as making the gravy. I put up with it because of older relatives who are great people. But in the past, I have canceled out of family Christmas's because I just didn't feel welcome. I decided it was my choice how I spent the day, so I chose to spend it with friends, who did make me feel welcome. Those friends are now all split up, so I might be up for a trip in '11.