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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by Veronika View Post
    I'm 32, and I've been freaking out about my fertility since I was 29. We are planning to have kids at some point, but the time never seems right.
    There's never a perfect time. You may want to consider it if things aren't actively awful. My hubby and I weren't where we hoped to be when we had our son, but it's good enough.

    I always planned to get pregnant before 30 due to statistics. According to my preggo guide, a woman between 25-29 has a 86-93% likelihood of getting preggo within a year of trying. It took us one month. I'd like to have one more (on good days anyway), probably when I'm about 32 or 33. According to the same data, my likelihood within one year is 72-86%. Not too shabby.

    But even the late 30s have a 65%-72% chance! It's hardly impossible.

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    You referenced a blog post, not an article, and described one woman's reaction to it, yes? Or did I miss something?

    In any case, a blog post is not something I consider a report in the media; YMMV, of course.



    Maybe so, but the average age for a woman in the US to have her first child is going up, not down, so again, I don't think women are panicking.
    And if I posted that I currently have a sinus headache, I'm sure you would post that I do not have a sinus headache as lacking multiple MRIs and the opinions of 77 neurologists, there is no data to back up that I have a sinus headache.

    Trouble is that wouldn't make my headache go away.

    Just as your lack of data does not change that many of my former students have 3-4 kids before they are 30, little or no post-secondary education and few or no job skills. Some of them have never held a job. Circumstances like the current economy and their spouses' resulting job loss or unexpected divorces have left a number of them in dire straights and they are completely unequipped to help support their families. And the fact that a lot of people told them they couldn't have babies after 30 contributed to their situations (as well as their belief system--but I think I made that clear). And just because data doesn't tell you they exist, doesn't mean they don't. As Hannahclear cited, lower percentages of women conceive in one year as age increases, but the numbers are not that staggeringly different. And to hear the media tell the tale, many people would guess the numbers for late 30s well below the 65-72% range she posted. I don't feel that it is okay to give women that impression any more than it would be fair to give them the impression that the fertility rate is exactly the same at 35 as it is at 25.

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    I read one report that said that 49% of the live births in Canada in 2005 were to women who were over the age of 30 so it appears that concerns about getting pregnant after 30 aren't impacting on the decision to wait all that much.

    Hearing that younger women are feeling pressure to breed before their eggs go bad, would make me laugh if it weren't for the uneasy feeling that this is just one more way to use biology to control women and make them feel guilty for wanting to finish their education and establish their careers before having children.

    Veronika, there is never a "right time" to have a baby. There are always many other things that should be dealt with first.

    As someone who had babies in her 20's and another when I was nearly 40, there are advantages both to waiting and to going ahead as soon as possible. My older children remember a young mother who was physically more active - going skiing, camping, canoeing, and horseback riding with them. Tink had a mother who had more time and money for cultural enrichment and after school programs. We had a cottage and while I didn't take her skiing, I did take her swimming and canoeing, and taught her how to garden.

  4. #84
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    I know there isn't a right time, but first we were waiting for him to finish law school. Then we were working in different cities and each commuting 2 hours a day. Once we are both finally working in the same city, we'll get serious.

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahclear View Post
    There's never a perfect time. You may want to consider it if things aren't actively awful. My hubby and I weren't where we hoped to be when we had our son, but it's good enough.

    I always planned to get pregnant before 30 due to statistics. According to my preggo guide, a woman between 25-29 has a 86-93% likelihood of getting preggo within a year of trying. It took us one month. I'd like to have one more (on good days anyway), probably when I'm about 32 or 33. According to the same data, my likelihood within one year is 72-86%. Not too shabby.

    But even the late 30s have a 65%-72% chance! It's hardly impossible.
    Hopefully this will be encouraging for you. I had my first at 31. It took 18 months for me to get pregnant. But I did, without any more assistance than a basal thermometer and good graph plotting. I'm sure they now have much more accurate ovulation home testing methods. We decided to start trying for the second one, when the first one was 14 months old. figured it would take a while. I was pregnant within one month. I was 33 when I had my second. Everyone is different and statistical averages may or may not apply to you.

    Another anecdotal story. A friend tried for several years to get pregnant. when she was 31 she started fertility meds. They did not work. She did invitro, got pregnant and miscarried. At 34 she got pregnant on her own, everyone was shocked and thrilled. She carried to term and had a healthy baby boy. She was pregnant again 3 months later! She now has 2 boys exactly 12 months apart!

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    I'm almost 25 and alot of my friends are starting to have babies and I'm still totally :yikes at the idea. My mom had me at 33 and my sister at 36. I refuse to have a baby until I'm 30, and my SO (who is just over a year older than me) is okay with that. Maybe I'm being too optimistic, but I want to finish university, get a job and be more settled first.

    Does fertility (or lack thereof) run in families? My mom was 32 and got pregnant with me on the very first try

  7. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by KikiSashaFan View Post
    I'm almost 25 and alot of my friends are starting to have babies and I'm still totally :yikes at the idea. My mom had me at 33 and my sister at 36. I refuse to have a baby until I'm 30, and my SO (who is just over a year older than me) is okay with that. Maybe I'm being too optimistic, but I want to finish university, get a job and be more settled first.

    Does fertility (or lack thereof) run in families? My mom was 32 and got pregnant with me on the very first try
    I'm not a doctor, but I suspect that there could be some fertility issues that are genetic (like structural) and some that are just flukes, like environmental (stress) or individual health issues.

  8. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    And if I posted that I currently have a sinus headache, I'm sure you would post that I do not have a sinus headache as lacking multiple MRIs and the opinions of 77 neurologists, there is no data to back up that I have a sinus headache.
    No, because that would be stupid.

    If, however, you posted that there is an epidemic of women having sinus headaches across America because you and your SIL and some of the women at your church do, that I would dispute.

    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    Just as your lack of data
    MY lack of data? Oh. The one data-supported assertion I made was that the age of women having their first child in the US is going up, not down.

    Here ya go--data: http://www.healthnews.com/family-hea...life-3566.html

    Let's see your data.

    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    does not change that many of my former students have 3-4 kids before they are 30, little or no post-secondary education and few or no job skills. Some of them have never held a job. Circumstances like the current economy and their spouses' resulting job loss or unexpected divorces have left a number of them in dire straights and they are completely unequipped to help support their families. And the fact that a lot of people told them they couldn't have babies after 30 contributed to their situations (as well as their belief system--but I think I made that clear). And just because data doesn't tell you they exist, doesn't mean they don't. As Hannahclear cited, lower percentages of women conceive in one year as age increases, but the numbers are not that staggeringly different. And to hear the media tell the tale, many people would guess the numbers for late 30s well below the 65-72% range she posted. I don't feel that it is okay to give women that impression any more than it would be fair to give them the impression that the fertility rate is exactly the same at 35 as it is at 25.
    No, it doesn't change any of those facts, but I never disputed any of them either.

    What I disputed was that women are panicking over their fertility because of media reports and are foolishly deciding to have children at an early age because of it.

    Where did Hannahclear get those positive stats, I wonder.
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

  9. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Veronika View Post
    I know there isn't a right time, but first we were waiting for him to finish law school. Then we were working in different cities and each commuting 2 hours a day. Once we are both finally working in the same city, we'll get serious.
    There is no perfect time. I had friends who were working in different cities when they were decided to try to have their first child, which they did. You will need to decide to do what works for both of you.

    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    Everyone is different and statistical averages may or may not apply to you.
    This ^.

    Quote Originally Posted by KikiSashaFan View Post
    Does fertility (or lack thereof) run in families? My mom was 32 and got pregnant with me on the very first try
    So far in my family female descendants of my grandma, who had her first children in her thirties and her last in her late forties, have been able to have families starting in their thirties. It wouldn't surprise me if it did run in families.

  10. #90

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    Quote Originally Posted by KikiSashaFan View Post
    Does fertility (or lack thereof) run in families? My mom was 32 and got pregnant with me on the very first try
    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    I'm not a doctor, but I suspect that there could be some fertility issues that are genetic (like structural) and some that are just flukes, like environmental (stress) or individual health issues.
    Relative fertility might "run in families" but environmental aspects definitely play a role. Expectations about "the right age" can also have a strong familial component -- a friend of mine was a little unsettled to find herself pregnant at age 30. She was in grad school and married to a doctor but thought that "30 is too young to have a baby" -- mainly because of her own family history. Her mother had her first child (my friend) at age 35 and then had another 4 children (sadly, she did have two miscarriages as well). For my friend, the "right age" to have kids was somewhere between 35 and 45, but she adjusted just fine once her daughter was born.

  11. #91
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    We have friends who reside in neighboring COUNTRIES who are trying to have a baby. But everyone is different, do what you have to do.

    At 34 she got pregnant on her own, everyone was shocked and thrilled. She carried to term and had a healthy baby boy. She was pregnant again 3 months later! She now has 2 boys exactly 12 months apart!

  12. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahclear View Post





    It's not that hard. I have one born Dec 20th 1985 and one born Dec21 1986

  13. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norlite View Post
    It's not that hard. I have one born Dec 20th 1985 and one born Dec21 1986
    Better you than me. And don't tell my husband that. He's already pestering me for another.

  14. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahclear View Post
    I was born in February, my brother was born in January of the next year. I'm pretty sure that I have posted before that when I was younger, our birthdays confused me. I was older but his birthday was first and then he turned the same age as me.

  15. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hannahclear View Post
    We have friends who reside in neighboring COUNTRIES who are trying to have a baby. But everyone is different, do what you have to do.



    Yes, but in Quyen's case it is a blessing that she got pregnant at all. So, having the second one was a miracle. Or, maybe her body just got the hang of it . In any case, they are two of the most adorable little boys ever! The oldest one is going to be a heartbreaker, his eyelashes must be an inch long!

  16. #96

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    Quote Originally Posted by Norlite View Post
    It's not that hard. I have one born Dec 20th 1985 and one born Dec21 1986
    Yep my daughter's best friend and her brother share the same birthday exactly one year apart. At the hospital they asked her mom if they were going to see her the next year on June 21st!


    As to 30+ women having babies, right now I have....

    A 39 yr old friend that just had her first baby. No problems. No sure how long it took them to get pregnant.

    A 36 yr old cousin pregnant with her first baby. Took about 16 months for her to get pregnant.

    Another friend in her 30s ( I think she's around my age 39 but not sure...husband is 42 though) that just had her second child.

    A 39 yr old best friend that had unexplained infertility for years (she's been trying since early 20's sometimes with meds) and had given up and adopted 1 child and is in the process of adopting 2 more kids that is pregnant.

    Everyone I know that is pregnant is either 1.) over 30 or 2.) my daughter's age (17-18).

    I did watch a show on TLC last week though where the woman was 55 and her husband was 64 and they were having their first child. She did have gestational diabetes and high blood pressure but lots of younger women have those during pregnancy too.
    Have you hugged your kids and told them you love them today?

  17. #97
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    My only concern with waiting too long to have children, as in 55 or older, is the long range health of the parent. If you have a child at 55, you will be 73 when that child graduates from HS. 77 when the child graduates from college. My worry would be: being around for my child's future & grandchildren. But that is my personal thing.

  18. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by KikiSashaFan View Post
    Does fertility (or lack thereof) run in families? My mom was 32 and got pregnant with me on the very first try
    My sister got pregnant with my niece on the first try too!

  19. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by KikiSashaFan View Post

    Does fertility (or lack thereof) run in families? My mom was 32 and got pregnant with me on the very first try

    Well, if you can't have kids, odds are that your kids won't have kids either.
    I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.
    (Edna St Vincent Millay)

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    Quote Originally Posted by cygnus View Post
    Well, if you can't have kids, odds are that your kids won't have kids either.
    Unless you adopt

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