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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    Am I the only one who finds this thread seriously creepy, esp since the OP still has his mother & apparently she's not even sick. Why would you think about what to play at your well mother's funeral?
    Not creepy in the least. It is planning thoughtfully to honor a loved one's wishes. Every family is different, and this may not be for your family. But knowing in advance what my mother wanted and arranging what she wanted has brought me comfort every day since her death. Friends and relatives to this day compliment us on the music we used at mom's funeral and tell us it helped to make a very, very difficult time more bearable for them.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by dbny View Post
    My mom, who died of congestive heart failure, was hospitalized for a week before, and repeatedly asked for a poem she had known as a child, called "The End of a Perfect Day." One of her friends found it for her, and read it at her memorial service. It was actually a song by Carrie Jacobs-Bond. My mom had a very hard life, growing up impoverished on an Illinois farm, and suffering chronic illness and near-poverty most of her adult life, so it came as a real surprise, and a gift, to me, that this is how she viewed her life.

    A PERFECT DAY

    When you come to the end of a perfect day,
    And you sit alone with your thought,
    While the chimes ring out with a carol gay
    For the joy that the day has brought,
    Do you think what the end of a perfect day
    Can mean to a tired heart,
    When the sun goes down with a flaming ray,
    And the dear friends have to part?

    Well, this is the end of a perfect day,
    Near the end of a journey, too;
    But it leaves a thought that is big and strong,
    With a wish that is kind and true.
    For mem'ry has painted this perfect day
    With colors that never fade,
    And we find at the end of a perfect day
    The soul of a friend we've made.
    Oh, wow, dbny. That is beautiful.

  3. #43
    what a glorious day!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aceon6 View Post
    Based on the number of relatives who didn't get the send off they wanted, no. The only way to get what you want is to decide, write it down, and make sure your survivors know where you're wishes are kept. I think it makes perfect sense to discuss this when everyone's fairly healthy.

    An uncle wanted a church funeral followed by a party... I mean a PARTY! He had an envelope marked final instructions with the venue, music, partial guest list, and a filled in withdrawal slip for his son and daughters to take the money from one of his accounts. It was a blast. Great music from the 40s and 50s, plenty of food and drink. Just what he wanted.
    I'm with Aceon6. If music and other plans (party!) are important to you, then by all means arrange accordingly. In writing.

    Thank you for bringing up music at funerals, Jot the Dot Dot. I hadn't given it any thought.

    My parents are gone and I could not tell you the music played at their funerals, even though I, along with their pastor, chose it. He knew their taste in hymns much better than I, and the choices probably had meaning to him and their fellow parishioners. As the oldest living member of my family, I'm coming to the conclusion that I would want my children to choose music that was meaningful to them, even if their selections included "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead."

    dbny and Ebayj, you made me cry - in a good way, of course.

  4. #44

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    My mother passed away in February and it was so much easier that she had written down her wishes and discussed them with us beforehand. You are faced with so many decisions that have to be made so quickly - everything that has been pre-decided is a blessing. Also in our case it was helpful to ensure my brother understood that my sister and I truly did know what she wanted as it was not traditional and he definitely is.

  5. #45
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    When my aunt passed away she wanted the song Angel and I will remember you by Sarah Mclachlan played at her wake. Then at her funeral she got the French version of I did it my way played as her casket was leaving the church. It was a perfect song selection that suited her perfectly.

  6. #46

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    I have a pretty good idea what my parents would want in terms of music for their services, when the time comes. For my mom, Scarlet Ribbons, her all-time favourite song.

    My husband and I talk about it lightly every so often. I've dared him to play Ding Dong the Witch is Dead for me, but he probably won't. But seriously, I've asked for Over the Rainbow (the Iz version) and Phenomenal Woman (by Amy Sky). And at some point later on, when the party's happening, Shook Me All Night Long by AC DC. And I'm dead (sorry) serious about that one!
    With glowing hearts / Des plus brillants exploits.

  7. #47

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    I don't think "Twister" would ever be appropriate.
    I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.


  8. #48

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    My father in lawdied in February, and because he had been ill for a long time, he had also decided what hymns would be sunged and plyed in his funeral ceremony. It made the organisation easier for all of us, and it really felt good to sing his favourite hymns, it was the last thing I could do for him.

    My husband knows that I want Bach´s chorale from St. Matthew´s passion in my funeral.

  9. #49

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    You are all telling stories about what the person said they wanted. None of you are telling stories about asking a well person what they want when they are dead. That's the part I think is creepy. Sorry, I just think it is.

    If the songs played at the funeral is important to a person, he/she will bring it up. If not, then any song will do...it's not like they would know the difference anyway.

  10. #50
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    Mama A Rainbow

    http://www.carlinamerica.com/titles/...=579&terms=197

    Just some of the lyrics:

    "Mama, a rainbow, Mama, a sunrise, Mama the moon to wear -- that's not good enough, not half good enough, not for Mama

    [more]

    Mama, a lifetime crowded with laughter -- that's not long enough, not half long enough

    What can I give you, that I can can give you, what would my present be?
    Mama young, and beautiful, always young, and beautiful!
    That's the Mama I'll always see.

    And that's for Mama with love from me."

    This whole song was sung at my mother's memorial service.

    And "Softly and Tenderly"

  11. #51

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    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    You are all telling stories about what the person said they wanted. None of you are telling stories about asking a well person what they want when they are dead. That's the part I think is creepy. Sorry, I just think it is.

    If the songs played at the funeral is important to a person, he/she will bring it up. If not, then any song will do...it's not like they would know the difference anyway.
    I think the point I was trying to make was that we did discuss it. I know my brother and I started discussions with my mother when she was in her early 80s. When she died at 87, we had discussed it many times.

    I'm "only" 59, but my husband already knows what I don't want. I'm still trying to figure out what I would prefer. Believe me, once I have a better idea, we will discuss it.
    AceOn6, the golf loving skating fan

  12. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    You are all telling stories about what the person said they wanted. None of you are telling stories about asking a well person what they want when they are dead. That's the part I think is creepy. Sorry, I just think it is.

    If the songs played at the funeral is important to a person, he/she will bring it up. If not, then any song will do...it's not like they would know the difference anyway.
    Well, I beg to differ. I am more than sure that my mom knew exactly what was going on at her memorial service and I think we're lucky she didn't come back to haunt us.

  13. #53
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    Sorry if I drew a sad plank. My 80 year old Mom is alert, alive, but in care. Morbid, but if what she wanted was "Amazing Grace", I would grant her that honor.

  14. #54

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    I thought in advance about my mother's funeral and the music (she had an illness). Since I knew people would ask me to play (as in actually perform), I tried to imagine myself doing it in advance. I knew I wouldn't be comfortable doing it, so when the time came, one of my CDs was played during the service, of some of her favorites.

    I did however, play for her privately, shortly before she passed.

  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gypsy View Post
    A woman I work with (and I am not kidding) has actually put it in writing and had it notarized so that her daughter goes thru with it.

    She wants "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" played at her funeral!!
    I was just about to come post this as a suggestion. How awesome!
    To think that fun is simple fun, while earnest things are earnest, proves all too plain that neither one thou truthfully discernest.

  16. #56
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    I think my parents have their wishes written out somewhere, but trying to think about it now, I can't really guess at what Mom would want. Probably a church song, maybe one of the ones sung at her mother's funeral. Grammy had "How Great Thou Art" (I think) and "An Empty Mansion." My mother couldn't hear that song without crying for about 10 years after Grammy died.

    I love the idea of the man who wanted the ice cream sundae bar at his funeral luncheon. That's awesome.

    My first thought when I read the title of the thread was that I do NOT want to think about it or imagine it or try to prepare for it in any way! I'd rather be blissfully ignorant and enjoy the fact that both my parents are still here than to try to picture life without them. But it's just one of those facts of life. All I can hope is that when they go, they go happy and at peace, knowing they're heaven-bound.

  17. #57
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    When this thread began, my mother was feeling okay. Sunday morning she suffered a stroke, and we buried her today. So the thoughts about music expressed here were helpful, though I probably wouldn't have been able to read them if I had known we would need to be making these decisions ourselves so soon.

    No hymns. As SonaoWat commented, hearing them would always make my mother remember the loss of her own parents, siblings, etc. -- especially the slow organ version played at the funeral home. We downloaded instrumental versions of Top 40s hits from her era from Amazon and used those instead.

  18. #58

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    (((hollygrove)))

    Quote Originally Posted by taf2002 View Post
    You are all telling stories about what the person said they wanted. None of you are telling stories about asking a well person what they want when they are dead. That's the part I think is creepy. Sorry, I just think it is.
    Perhaps I didn't say it well, but my wishes about music at funeral as well as other things were asked of me when I was well. Filling out a booklet call "Five Wishes" when I am healthy is part of my responsibility to my family. My friend who wants Happy Trails to you...is very healthy and this has been her wish for at least 15 years. When we would be laughing and talking about it, we would get some strange looks (especially from our waiters), but I happen to think it is a healthy discussion.

    SoNaoWat? that is my BFF and she is total riot to be around.

    I can understand why someone would think it is creepy.

  19. #59
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    (((Hollygrove))) My thoughts and prayers are with you..

    numbers- Ooops, sorry. I just browsed pretty quickly through the thread. I thought the person who wanted the sundae bar was a man!

    I can't think what I would want at my funeral. Part of me wants to think of something funny and non-traditional that would make people go, "Oh, wasn't she clever and quirky and original!" and part of me wants something very traditional, like beloved church hymns that would be familiar and comforting to my survivors. Hmmm... decisions, decisions.

    I totally agree with the idea that pre-planning and making sure your wishes are known while you are well is the kindest thing anybody could do for his family. It just takes so much of the burden off of those having to make the arrangements. If I could afford to be pre-paying for mine right now, I would.

  20. #60

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    (((Hollygrove))) You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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