Thank you for bringing up music at funerals, Jot the Dot Dot. I hadn't given it any thought.
My parents are gone and I could not tell you the music played at their funerals, even though I, along with their pastor, chose it. He knew their taste in hymns much better than I, and the choices probably had meaning to him and their fellow parishioners. As the oldest living member of my family, I'm coming to the conclusion that I would want my children to choose music that was meaningful to them, even if their selections included "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead."
dbny and Ebayj, you made me cry - in a good way, of course.
My mother passed away in February and it was so much easier that she had written down her wishes and discussed them with us beforehand. You are faced with so many decisions that have to be made so quickly - everything that has been pre-decided is a blessing. Also in our case it was helpful to ensure my brother understood that my sister and I truly did know what she wanted as it was not traditional and he definitely is.
When my aunt passed away she wanted the song Angel and I will remember you by Sarah Mclachlan played at her wake. Then at her funeral she got the French version of I did it my way played as her casket was leaving the church. It was a perfect song selection that suited her perfectly.
I have a pretty good idea what my parents would want in terms of music for their services, when the time comes. For my mom, Scarlet Ribbons, her all-time favourite song.
My husband and I talk about it lightly every so often. I've dared him to play Ding Dong the Witch is Dead for me, but he probably won't. But seriously, I've asked for Over the Rainbow (the Iz version) and Phenomenal Woman (by Amy Sky). And at some point later on, when the party's happening, Shook Me All Night Long by AC DC. And I'm dead (sorry) serious about that one!
With glowing hearts / Des plus brillants exploits.
I don't think "Twister" would ever be appropriate.
If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.
My father in lawdied in February, and because he had been ill for a long time, he had also decided what hymns would be sunged and plyed in his funeral ceremony. It made the organisation easier for all of us, and it really felt good to sing his favourite hymns, it was the last thing I could do for him.
My husband knows that I want Bach´s chorale from St. Matthew´s passion in my funeral.
You are all telling stories about what the person said they wanted. None of you are telling stories about asking a well person what they want when they are dead. That's the part I think is creepy. Sorry, I just think it is.
If the songs played at the funeral is important to a person, he/she will bring it up. If not, then any song will do...it's not like they would know the difference anyway.
Just some of the lyrics:
"Mama, a rainbow, Mama, a sunrise, Mama the moon to wear -- that's not good enough, not half good enough, not for Mama
Mama, a lifetime crowded with laughter -- that's not long enough, not half long enough
What can I give you, that I can can give you, what would my present be?
Mama young, and beautiful, always young, and beautiful!
That's the Mama I'll always see.
And that's for Mama with love from me."
This whole song was sung at my mother's memorial service.
And "Softly and Tenderly"
I'm "only" 59, but my husband already knows what I don't want. I'm still trying to figure out what I would prefer. Believe me, once I have a better idea, we will discuss it.
AceOn6, the golf loving skating fan
Sorry if I drew a sad plank. My 80 year old Mom is alert, alive, but in care. Morbid, but if what she wanted was "Amazing Grace", I would grant her that honor.
I thought in advance about my mother's funeral and the music (she had an illness). Since I knew people would ask me to play (as in actually perform), I tried to imagine myself doing it in advance. I knew I wouldn't be comfortable doing it, so when the time came, one of my CDs was played during the service, of some of her favorites.
I did however, play for her privately, shortly before she passed.
I think my parents have their wishes written out somewhere, but trying to think about it now, I can't really guess at what Mom would want. Probably a church song, maybe one of the ones sung at her mother's funeral. Grammy had "How Great Thou Art" (I think) and "An Empty Mansion." My mother couldn't hear that song without crying for about 10 years after Grammy died.
I love the idea of the man who wanted the ice cream sundae bar at his funeral luncheon. That's awesome.
My first thought when I read the title of the thread was that I do NOT want to think about it or imagine it or try to prepare for it in any way! I'd rather be blissfully ignorant and enjoy the fact that both my parents are still here than to try to picture life without them. But it's just one of those facts of life. All I can hope is that when they go, they go happy and at peace, knowing they're heaven-bound.
When this thread began, my mother was feeling okay. Sunday morning she suffered a stroke, and we buried her today. So the thoughts about music expressed here were helpful, though I probably wouldn't have been able to read them if I had known we would need to be making these decisions ourselves so soon.
No hymns. As SonaoWat commented, hearing them would always make my mother remember the loss of her own parents, siblings, etc. -- especially the slow organ version played at the funeral home. We downloaded instrumental versions of Top 40s hits from her era from Amazon and used those instead.
SoNaoWat? that is my BFF and she is total riot to be around.
I can understand why someone would think it is creepy.
(((Hollygrove))) My thoughts and prayers are with you..
numbers- Ooops, sorry. I just browsed pretty quickly through the thread. I thought the person who wanted the sundae bar was a man!
I can't think what I would want at my funeral. Part of me wants to think of something funny and non-traditional that would make people go, "Oh, wasn't she clever and quirky and original!" and part of me wants something very traditional, like beloved church hymns that would be familiar and comforting to my survivors. Hmmm... decisions, decisions.
I totally agree with the idea that pre-planning and making sure your wishes are known while you are well is the kindest thing anybody could do for his family. It just takes so much of the burden off of those having to make the arrangements. If I could afford to be pre-paying for mine right now, I would.
(((Hollygrove))) You are in my thoughts and prayers.