facebook etiquette

[backspin]

For those of you on fb--I'm quite sure this has happened to you too--how do you deal with it?

I really want fb to be about keeping tabs on & keeping in touch with ACTUAL friends & family--People I know & care about.

However, as I'm sure all you have experienced, I keep getting friend requests from people who fall outside that definition! Sometimes it's clients (I'm a freelance designer). I feel I cannot ignore those as they may take it personally. So I accept those, which means sometimes I have to be very careful about what I post, and sometimes I exclude those people from a post if it is more personal.

Then there are the ones I went to high school with (apparently), who I have absolutely no recollection of, and don't even remember their name. This can at least be figured out by the 'mutual friends' thing, which helps you figure out how they even know who you are.

THEN there are the people who happened to attend the same networking dinner as me 2 months ago. We did not meet, we did not speak, we were not introduced. But, they did pick up my business card, and now *bang* I get a friend request on fb.

What do you do with these scenarios? Up until now I've simply accepted them, & hid them (I don't know you, I don't need to hear about your dog/kids/job/whatever). However that doesn't keep them from seeing all my posts, & it's a pain to have to select each time who sees what.

I've been looking at the profiles of some of these "friends". Some of them have 200+ friend connections, and I'm certain would never miss me if I dropped off their list. So I'm thinking of "unfriending" some, figuring I won't be hurting feelings if they don't even realize I'm not on their list anymore.

What do you do? How do you handle this kind of stuff? I know for some people on fb, it's "he who dies with the most friends wins" but I'm not one of those.

[jp1andonly]

i dont add them. As a teacher I often get requests from students. I dont think so. Occasionally I add someone from my MS group but often delete them as i find we only had 1 maybe 2 conversations.

[nubka]

I just don't add them.

[mmscfdcsu]

i dont add them. As a teacher I often get requests from students. I dont think so. Occasionally I add someone from my MS group but often delete them as i find we only had 1 maybe 2 conversations.

I don't either. If they are former or current students I also wonder what the hell they didn't comprehend when I was teaching ethics and boundaries.

[PrincessLeppard]

I have former students as friends. Since they are no longer my students, I don't see the problem. I don't post overly personal stuff, so it's not a big deal.

However, I think now you can separate people into groups, so you could have "real friends," "clients," and "people I don't remember from high school." And then you can pick who sees what.

Personally, I would go ahead and unfriend those people from high school you don't remember, and put the clients on their own list. But whatever feels comfortable to you.

[Spinner]

What PL said, and keep this in mind--it's your personal page, so don't add people you don't know if you don't want to. You can't worry about others' delicate natures not being able to handle you ignoring their requests.

[Aussie Willy]

I don't bother with facebook anymore. As a skating judge I feel uncomfortable being friends with the kids I judge at skating, as much as I like them.

[numbers123]

However, I think now you can separate people into groups, so you could have "real friends," "clients," and "people I don't remember from high school." And then you can pick who sees what.

Personally, I would go ahead and unfriend those people from high school you don't remember, and put the clients on their own list. But whatever feels comfortable to you.

I do some of what princess says - put people in groups, although with changes facebook sometimes implements, I don't always feel like this is a good option.

What PL said, and keep this in mind--it's your personal page, so don't add people you don't know if you don't want to. You can't worry about others' delicate natures not being able to handle you ignoring their requests.

and I keep in mind Spinner's advice too..

Having been in facebook wars, it is best to remember it is your page yet all that you post is on the internet.

[Wyliefan]

What PL said, and keep this in mind--it's your personal page, so don't add people you don't know if you don't want to. You can't worry about others' delicate natures not being able to handle you ignoring their requests.

^This.

[GaPeach]

When co-workers ask to be my "friend"- I don't want to be their friend in real life. I joke I have a ten friend slot limit and I'm saving my tenth slot for Jeff Goldblum!

[stanhope]

For people that are not actual family or close friends, I put them on "limited profile," which I have set to show only my picture, email address, and city. That way, if they need to contact me, they can do so either through the email address they can see or through the facebook messaging system. I've found this works great with co-workers or other professional contacts. It also works wonderfully for those people from my past who are just that - in the past.

[numbers123]

I don't let anyone see my address or email. If they are ones that need that info they can ask me for it

[duane]

Though I have many friend requests, I actually have only 2.

Like stanhope, I allow people to see my picture and email address, and it's been nice to say "good to see you after all these years" to people I haven't seen or heard from in centuries. But for the most part, that's pretty much where it ends.

[haribobo]

I really don't post anything too incriminating or controversial. I save that stuff for FSU. My sisters, dad, and cousins are on fb so I keep that in mind when I post. When one of these pseudo-friends starts overstepping their boundaries or whatever, they can get deleted. I generally could give a rat's ass what people think most of the time though. I'll add pretty much anyone, and delete when necessary. I suppose you could call my style "cautious yet carefree." That makes no sense, does it?

[Aceon6]

I'm a careful poster, but still have not accepted any friend requests from folks who don't care about me. My circle is my family and some very close friends, plus some folks from my past who really care about staying in touch. I use LinkedIn for business networking.

When I get a friend request that's related to work relationships, I send a response inviting them to connect to me on LinkedIn.

For old high school and college acquaintences, I send a "Great to hear from you. My Facebook page is primarily a family thing and I'm sure you'd be bored to tears with baby pictures and the latest goings on with the elder set. Please send me your preferred email address so we can get in touch around reunion time." 9 times out of 10, I don't get the preferred email address and they just go away.

[Indra486]

However, as I'm sure all you have experienced, I keep getting friend requests from people who fall outside that definition! Sometimes it's clients (I'm a freelance designer). I feel I cannot ignore those as they may take it personally. So I accept those, which means sometimes I have to be very careful about what I post, and sometimes I exclude those people from a post if it is more personal.

Create a separate "fan" page for your clients to add. This is something that many designers and digital arts have been doing to separate their private FBs from their professional life. That way, other professionals who pick up your card can add that page instead too. It also allows you to keep a small portfolio on FB.

Other than that, don't feel pressured that you have to add people if they request. A very well-acquainted classmate of mine is networked to 300 people because of the media work he does back in the Phillipines. I once wrote a message on his wall and it was a big mistake because I got bomb-barded by requests from Filipino media stars that I don't even know. I deleted them but I learned to only leave messages privately when I'm connected to people with open FBs.

I'm on absolute lockdown. I do occasionally de-link myself from casual acquaintances that I haven't spoken to in over year.

[zhenya271]

I don't do anything with the requests that I don't want to add. I've learned in the past that if I hit ignore, they sometimes come back, so now I just leave the requests hanging there! Rude, but it works for me.

[The Village Idiot]

1) it's your page and you don't have to add anyone you don't want to, and

2) since it sounds like you want to be able to have full control over who adds you, don't let anyone add you. Go to privacy settings and change the setting to let no one add you. That way if you want to be friends w/ someone, you'd have to add them.

[skateycat]

I really don't post anything too incriminating or controversial. I save that stuff for FSU.

Same here! I'm mainly a lurker on Facebook. I'm pretty active on Twitter, but I save the (relatively) juicy stuff for FSU.

[Spinner]

Though I have many friend requests, I actually have only 2.

Like stanhope, I allow people to see my picture and email address, and it's been nice to say "good to see you after all these years" to people I haven't seen or heard from in centuries. But for the most part, that's pretty much where it ends.

*blinks* is that duane? Interesting it's a facebook thread that gets you to post