Page 6 of 8 FirstFirst ... 45678 LastLast
Results 101 to 120 of 151

Thread: Online dating

  1. #101

    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    NY/NJ
    Posts
    4,924
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    32055
    Quote Originally Posted by Kruss View Post
    So here's a question. Do you think it's rude to not reply when someone sends a message via these sites? I don't want to be rude to anyone, but I don't see the point in engaging in a conversation when I am not interested in the person based on their profile.

    I think it is probably polite to say "hello, thanks for your interest, no thank you", but somehow I don't want to deal with any negative reaction they may have. Been there, done that.
    I know on Match, you can click a button that automatically sends the person a polite "ding" letter - "thanks but no thanks." However, I later learned on one of those Match community boards that it's considered impolite by many to send that ding letter b/c it rubs your lack of interest in their face!
    "Marge, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'm just going to have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson in the Mr. Plow episode

  2. #102

    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Age
    50
    Posts
    2,104
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    466
    Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I think I'll just not reply, and if they persist, block them.

    I appreciate the advice!
    Give me one more quiet night, before this loud morning gets it right, and does me in.
    ~DC

  3. #103
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Rejecting your reality and substituting my own
    Age
    30
    Posts
    11,003
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by made_in_canada View Post
    That's essentially what happened in my marriage. Two introverted people living in a 600 ft. apartment is not a good combination. Then when I actually needed him to be attentive when I was sick I think he actually had no idea how.
    That's when you tell him what you need. When I was sick (this was for months since I was slow in recovering from stomach flu) my bf asked specifically what he could do to help.

    And it isn't like introvert bfs don't care. They do. They just doesn't know what to do, so you have to tell them.

    Again, I was familiar with this because of my dad. When he's upset, he doesn't show it publicly nor does he tell anyone about it. But when my mom was sick and doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her, my sister said he scared her sometimes because he'd go into his study and just scream. Otherwise he'd be just stoic, but in that instance, he couldn't take it anymore.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobalina77 View Post
    I didn't reply if I wasn't interested. Like I said.. I had one guy tear a strip off me because I didn't reply to him. I was like.. whoa.. red flag right there lol! If you reply to every person who writes it gets a little ridiculous I think.
    Yeah, that happened to me too. For many sites, you can block users as well. I've done that several times.

  4. #104
    Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    the other FSU
    Posts
    3,686
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    I've considered trying online dating, but it seems like a lot of work. I'm introverted too and while it would be nice to occasionally have someone there (especially going on vacations and things), I do need my space. I don't even have a facebook account because I don't want a bunch of people I barely know contacting me and showing off their random pictures. With the safety issues about online dating and stories of creepy emails and random strangers PO'd if you don't reply, I'll need to set up a special email account for this and then find some pictures to post and put together a profile. How much work do you put into your profile?

  5. #105
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    231
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Kruss View Post
    Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I think I'll just not reply, and if they persist, block them.

    I appreciate the advice!
    I did the online dating thing for a little bit a few years ago, and I agree that it's better not to send anything. Usually, you'll send a couple of letters to people, and normally a few days later you forget about the email, so it's just a mean reminder a few days later if you get a ding.

  6. #106
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    231
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by susan6 View Post
    I've considered trying online dating, but it seems like a lot of work. I'm introverted too and while it would be nice to occasionally have someone there (especially going on vacations and things), I do need my space. I don't even have a facebook account because I don't want a bunch of people I barely know contacting me and showing off their random pictures. With the safety issues about online dating and stories of creepy emails and random strangers PO'd if you don't reply, I'll need to set up a special email account for this and then find some pictures to post and put together a profile. How much work do you put into your profile?

    I did the online dating thing very briefly as it wasn't the right time for me. But I didn't encounter too many weirdos, and those that I did encounter, I nixed very quickly online.

    As for how much effort this takes? Quite a bit. Your profile is very important, so I would put a lot of thought into it because this is what people will see and use to decide if you are a match and if they should contact you and explore further. It also takes time and effort to go through other people's profiles and decide if they are a match for you. When I joined, I didn't quite realize the effort this would require because you have to sort through people, chat with them online, chat on teh phone, meet up for coffee, etc., all the while working or going to school and hanging out with your friends. So it's a time consuming process, which I didn't realize and which is why it wasn't the right time for me.

  7. #107

    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Not after the same people as Theatregirl
    Posts
    21,916
    vCash
    350
    Rep Power
    35656
    What mash said. I did set up a separate email account for it--didn't want all that stuff coming into my regular email.

    It does take some work, because a lot of guys write to all new women, without even reading the profile. You will get lots of copied and pasted emails--they are easy enough to figure out because usually you will realize you have zero in common with them. My profile says don't even bother to write if you aren't going to mention something in what I've said, but that still assumes the person has bothered to read what I wrote.

    I've been told by a straight guy that my profile was too long and too picky. But trust, it wasn't stopping the flow of emails that were coming in...

    I did go on two nice dates that led to nothing, but then school started and it just got to be too much work.

    There are nice guys on there, but it's work to find them. But I suppose if the right one pops up, then it's worth it.

  8. #108

    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Age
    50
    Posts
    2,104
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    466
    I think I'm starting to spot the cut and paste ones already. I didn't realize a lot of guys blindly email new women on the site but that would explain a few responses I already got. :/
    Give me one more quiet night, before this loud morning gets it right, and does me in.
    ~DC

  9. #109
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Rejecting your reality and substituting my own
    Age
    30
    Posts
    11,003
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Kruss View Post
    I think I'm starting to spot the cut and paste ones already. I didn't realize a lot of guys blindly email new women on the site but that would explain a few responses I already got. :/
    They're usually the first ones to respond, since I think there's a "new members" link on most sites.

    Meh, it wasn't all that much work for me. Although I made the dreadful mistake of posting a relatively witty personal ad on Craigslist (yeah, I know) and got 400 emails in 24 hours. Fishing through THAT was exhausting.

    And after all that, I only went on about 5 dates and went nowhere. When I finally met the guy who would become my bf, I was only checking Plentyoffish once every two weeks when I had some time. It worked out for us because we contact each other intermittently anyway. Only a crazy stalker guy would expect a response within a day, I think.

  10. #110
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Two-foot skating = BAD
    Posts
    20,458
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Southpaw View Post
    I can't do Internet dating. Apparently, I don't behave very well on dates at this point in my life so I'm liable to give some guy who doesn't know me the wrong first impression. I was on a date once at a restaurant and one of the Grand Prix events was on the television in the bar and I kept looking over my date's shoulder as he was talking to watch the skating.

    He said he would get his revenge during a hockey game, but we never actually made it that far.
    Oh my god, you arranged a date during a GP event... BURN THE INFIDEL!

    Kruss - I also don't reply if I'm not interested. As you've written on that community board, letting people know "I'm not interested" just rubs it up in their face. They already get the point, if they just don't hear back from you.
    Last edited by Ziggy; 07-27-2010 at 12:52 AM.

  11. #111
    INTJ
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    4,099
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    That's when you tell him what you need. When I was sick (this was for months since I was slow in recovering from stomach flu) my bf asked specifically what he could do to help.

    And it isn't like introvert bfs don't care. They do. They just doesn't know what to do, so you have to tell them.
    Oh, I told him, first subtly then not-so-subtly. I realize that it's not easy for the caregivers either when someone is sick but he still refused to do any cleaning around the house, do things like install a ceiling fan (I had to do it which wiped me out for two days) and whined about having to clean the litter box (I wasn't allowed). His best friend told him that he was treating me like crap, his response was basically meh. He cared and was worried about me but had no idea how to practically show it. I have never felt so alone in my life, he wouldn't even come to chemo with me because there's needles there
    "Beautiful things don't ask for attention." -The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

  12. #112
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Rejecting your reality and substituting my own
    Age
    30
    Posts
    11,003
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by made_in_canada View Post
    Oh, I told him, first subtly then not-so-subtly. I realize that it's not easy for the caregivers either when someone is sick but he still refused to do any cleaning around the house, do things like install a ceiling fan (I had to do it which wiped me out for two days) and whined about having to clean the litter box (I wasn't allowed). His best friend told him that he was treating me like crap, his response was basically meh. He cared and was worried about me but had no idea how to practically show it. I have never felt so alone in my life, he wouldn't even come to chemo with me because there's needles there
    Yeah, that sounds lame. My dad and sister hate needles as well, but at least they would show up in person and look away when the IV went in.

    I certainly would have pointed out how installing a ceiling fan isn't helping my healing process. My bf admitted he missed going out to restaurants when I was sick and unable to eat anything aside from apples and ginger tea, but he didn't mention it when I was actually feeling ill.

    That doesn't just sound introverted, that sounds (maybe inadvertently, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt) selfish, completely clueless, and clearly not ready for the responsibility of being with another person.

  13. #113

    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Age
    50
    Posts
    2,104
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    466
    Okay, now I KNOW they don't all read the profiles. I just got 'winked' at by someone who clearly didn't pay attention.

    He wants: 18-45 years old (I'm 46), he wants slender (I clearly state I'm BBW), he "definitely" wants kids, I clearly state I don't.

    Buh-bye

    Give me one more quiet night, before this loud morning gets it right, and does me in.
    ~DC

  14. #114
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    618
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Oh yeah, there are lots of guys who don't read the profiles and it is very obvious when they send their "fishing" email - "I read your profile I want to talk with you." Seriously, if you read my profile mention something that we have in common to start some conversation (not done because that would take more than 10 seconds) and don't email me if you don't live in my province or we have nothing in common. Seriously, I used to laugh at the guys who would contact me from the states - the farthest person who ever contacted me was from Italy. Now, I'd love to meet someone and move to Italy but it's a little hard to meet for a date if I live in Canada and he lives in Italy. Duh!

    My favorite thing to do was to go to the "intimate encounters" section and see which men who had contacted me were also on that list. Scary...

  15. #115

    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Age
    50
    Posts
    2,104
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    466
    This is turning into a rather amusing experience; I've been providing my friends with daily funny stories of online dating sites.

    Today I read a profile from a guy who described his musical tastes by saying he's "not into wrap". I bet the Hallmark people will be upset to know that.
    Give me one more quiet night, before this loud morning gets it right, and does me in.
    ~DC

  16. #116
    INTJ
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    4,099
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Misspelling and grammatical errors like that would be a complete turn off for me. I don't think I could date a poor speller.
    "Beautiful things don't ask for attention." -The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

  17. #117

    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    In the Land of Unrealistic Assumptions
    Posts
    4,597
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    4187
    I'm dipping a tentative toe into plentyoffish, more out of curiosity than anything else. So far the results have been underwhelming.

    Lates response is from a guy half my age looking to be "mentored and nurtured." I don't think so, bud.
    I'd rather be thought of as absolutely ridiculous than as absolutely boring.

  18. #118
    Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    12,996
    vCash
    450
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by zaphyre14 View Post

    Lates response is from a guy half my age looking to be "mentored and nurtured." I don't think so, bud.


    "Are you my Mother?"

  19. #119
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Rejecting your reality and substituting my own
    Age
    30
    Posts
    11,003
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by zaphyre14 View Post
    I'm dipping a tentative toe into plentyoffish, more out of curiosity than anything else. So far the results have been underwhelming.
    You do have to somewhat lower your standards, but that depends on what your standards are.

    When I first met my bf, it was more like, "meh" but I didn't have anything better to do with my time so I figured I might as well go out with this guy. He seemed nice enough, and not outwardly insane.

    One of my professors in college met her husband through speed dating. She kept on saying no to prospectives during the session but finally decided to stop being so picky (like, he didn't reeeaaally have to like the same kind of music she did) and the next guy she said yes to, she eventually married.

  20. #120

    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    In the Land of Unrealistic Assumptions
    Posts
    4,597
    vCash
    500
    Rep Power
    4187
    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    You do have to somewhat lower your standards, but that depends on what your standards are.
    My standards aren't that high - employed, breathing and wifeless about covers it. Hair is a plus.

    In the first two weeks, I can't seem to get two out of three. Mr. Looking for Mom was the best of the lot.
    I'd rather be thought of as absolutely ridiculous than as absolutely boring.

Page 6 of 8 FirstFirst ... 45678 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •