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Thread: Online dating

  1. #21
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    Ajax, although I have no personal experience with internet dating (since I have been married since before thei internet existed), I am happy to inform you that my cousin and his wife of 2 years met online.

    This thread led me to a question: has FSU led to any serious relationships between members?

  2. #22
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    I wonder - has anyone ever met via FSU and later gotten togetha?

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quintuple View Post
    I wonder - has anyone ever met via FSU and later gotten togetha?
    Yes, BrokenAnkle and KHenry IIRC.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by agalisgv View Post
    Yes, BrokenAnkle and KHenry IIRC.
    Oooh, I didn't know they met here.
    3539 and counting.

    Slightly Wounding Banana list cont: MacMadame.

  5. #25
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    I've been on match.com and JDate for almost a year. I haven't met any ax murderers or disturbed people, but obviously I screen who I choose to see as carefully as I can. I've met many nice guys, one lasted a couple of months, and I'm still on there although I'm even more selective about my choices now.

    My 32-year-old second cousin, when she married her husband whom she met on JDate, told me sternly at her wedding: PRlady, it's a numbers game. It took me about 100 guys to meet the right one, get started!

    This made me but she had something of a point.

    What you put in your profile definitely matters, spend time on it.
    "Youth and vigor is no match for age and deceit." -- Prancer

  6. #26
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    Thanks for all the advice and stories everyone, keep them coming
    The website I'm using is called okcupid. I think it must have magical powers - it matched me up first with a guy from the same country as me (and I hadn't put in my profile that I was from there so it was completely coincidental!), and then with the real-life friend who had recommended the website to me

  7. #27
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    I finished with internet dating about two years ago after some pretty significant trauma, losers and only one bright light (in FOUR years)...

    Rather than rehash all that, here is one piece of advice and a take on each site I used.

    Advice: Meet in public and tell someone where you are going and get an intervention phone call about 45 minutes in. If it is good - good and if it isn't - this is even better. I had this plan from day one and it was the best thing I did.

    One other - cross reference the sites. Typically people do not frequent only one site and sometimes, the profiles are SO different between sites, you know they are not for real to begin with.

    Plentyoffish... too many fish. It takes a LOT of effort to weed out.

    Match.com... AVOID. NOTHING came from this.

    eHarmony... the first time it sucked, the second time it rocked. BE REALLY specific when you answer questions though because if you are wishy-washy in an answer, they do not really take that criteria into consideration (ie. age). This IS a pay site, which used to indicate to me they were more serious about finding someone... a theory I now believe to be flawed.

    perfectmatch.com... I might have been their perfect match, but not one who contacted me interested me.

    Lavalife... this was probably the best one over the years. I did meet losers from here, but I met my one long term on here, as well as a few that are still friends. I like this one because it has three strands of profiles (dating, relationship and sex), whereby you can learn a lot about a person and their intentions. If I were to recommend one, this would be it.

  8. #28
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    I met my husband on Match.com. We got engaged after 3 months of dating, and were married about a year later. We've been marrried for over 4 years now...so I guess we are a success.

    I will admit that I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit we met online. Sometimes I fib and tell people we met through friends...I think how we met is a rather personal question, and you'd be surprised how many people ask that question.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by milanessa View Post
    Oooh, I didn't know they met here.
    I don't think they did. I could be wrong about that, though.

    I know of some couples who have met through skating forums--not necessarily just this one, but more a combination of skating forums where one kept bumping into the other.

    None of them lasted or were particularly "out," however.

    Quote Originally Posted by PRlady View Post
    What you put in your profile definitely matters, spend time on it.
    I've known a lot of couples who have met online and I think the best advice for ads is to be honest. Don't try to be something you aren't as part of the sales pitch. Sell what you have, not what you think other people want.

    The lies always come back to haunt. There are a lot of men out there who really don't like long walks in the rain but have created this expectation that they do and now have to live with it or the fallout. Meanwhile, they have been passed over by a lot of women who have thought, "What kind of moron likes to walk in the rain?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Veronika View Post
    you'd be surprised how many people ask that question.
    In my salad days, it was meeting in a bar that was embarrassing. And the line was always, "Er, we met in a bar. But it was a NICE bar."

    I think people ask "How did you meet?" when there doesn't seem to be an obvious connection, like attending the same college or growing up in the same town or working together. Some people are just curious; other people, though, want to hear stories of magical happenstance; it gives them hope .
    "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."-- Albert Einstein.

  10. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I know of some couples who have met through skating forums--not necessarily just this one, but more a combination of skating forums where one kept bumping into the other.

    None of them lasted or were particularly "out," however.
    This was not on FSU, but I do know of one case where people met via gymnastics message boards and ended up moving in together. They're still together some 4 years later. I used to do gym websites a while back and met boatloads of people online that way. Some turned out to be genuinely friendly and interested in getting to know me, some were complete creeps who kept asking for 'action shots' from my days as a competitive gymnast. One even went as far as to specify a preference for front pics of stalders on bars, erm...
    http://www.gymmedia.com/ghent2001/im...ina_UB_RUS.JPG

    I did meet one guy that turned out to be very nice and met up with him while on vacation in Italy. Unfortunately, he was not terribly attractive, so things never went beyond friendship.

    My old roommate did online dating when we lived together and she was constantly surprised when she met up with guys for coffee that I'd gotten a good read on them 'just' by reading their emails to her. I think actively posting online means you have a better read on these things just because you learn to look for 'tone' without the additional pressure of trying to figure out if the person is relationship material. I'd say definitely give it a try!
    Last edited by ioana; 07-20-2010 at 04:27 PM.

  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Veronika View Post
    I will admit that I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit we met online. Sometimes I fib and tell people we met through friends...I think how we met is a rather personal question, and you'd be surprised how many people ask that question.
    Yeah, I can't even imagine introducing a guy to my mom or dad and telling them that I met him online

  12. #32
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    I met my husband in Match.com.
    I was there for around 2 years without much luck and most were only one date kind of guys.
    So, I decided that I was going for one more date and that was it. I calculated that statistically I was very close to meeting someone. I had two guys e-mailing me. One wanted to meet me on the other side of town one afternoon. I told him I was busy so he changed the time to 4:00 pm, which was weird because most people are working at that time. I told him that was not going to work for me and started setting a date with second guy. Now, 4 years later he is my husband.
    I was his second date in Match.com.
    I have to say that I learned a lot about myself during those years and what I was looking for. Good luck!

  13. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I've known a lot of couples who have met online and I think the best advice for ads is to be honest. Don't try to be something you aren't as part of the sales pitch. Sell what you have, not what you think other people want.

    The lies always come back to haunt. There are a lot of men out there who really don't like long walks in the rain but have created this expectation that they do and now have to live with it or the fallout. Meanwhile, they have been passed over by a lot of women who have thought, "What kind of moron likes to walk in the rain?"


    Yeah I think the point of online dating is being able to cut through that bullshit. Otherwise it'd just be like trying to meet people in a bar - they're all there for the same thing and they're all gonna be saying stuff that get women to go home with them! That's what I wanted to avoid in the first place!

    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I think people ask "How did you meet?" when there doesn't seem to be an obvious connection, like attending the same college or growing up in the same town or working together. Some people are just curious; other people, though, want to hear stories of magical happenstance; it gives them hope .
    Hehe, that's why I tell people the truth and say we met on a dating site. Proves that you don't have to be a total weirdo or loser to do so.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ajax View Post
    Yeah, I can't even imagine introducing a guy to my mom or dad and telling them that I met him online
    Oh, they know. They trust me to make good decisions. Or, well, as long as he wasn't an ax murderer..."No refund, no return!" as my mom would say.

  14. #34
    gold dust woman
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    In my salad days, it was meeting in a bar that was embarrassing. And the line was always, "Er, we met in a bar. But it was a NICE bar."
    My parents met in a bar, and it wasn't a nice bar. Not the type of place a nice surburban, rather conservative couple would meet--but hey, it was the early 70s, right?

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    I have a friend who met her husband on EHarmony, she got pregnant, they were married (in that order), and their first child (they now have two) has Harmony for a middle name.

  16. #36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I've known a lot of couples who have met online and I think the best advice for ads is to be honest. Don't try to be something you aren't as part of the sales pitch. Sell what you have, not what you think other people want.
    Does this mean I shouldn't bother to hire that photo retoucher and assemble that all-male focus group to review my profile?
    "Marge, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'm just going to have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson in the Mr. Plow episode

  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prancer View Post
    I've known a lot of couples who have met online and I think the best advice for ads is to be honest. Don't try to be something you aren't as part of the sales pitch. Sell what you have, not what you think other people want.

    The lies always come back to haunt.
    One of my guy friends once said that online dating gave a whole new meaning to the words "medium" and "athletic".

  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    I met my bf of about a year (golly, has it been that long?) on Plentyoffish.com. Although it started out complicated because we casually dated for a few months before we seriously got together, and three months after he told me he wanted to get serious. He is one patient guy.

    I actually get a pretty good read on people when I chat with them online. It's always about 4 or 5 exchanges before someone suggests a meeting. Sometimes the guy messaged me first, sometimes I did.

    I always mentioned about something they mentioned in their profile when initiating first contact. I also only go for guys who've actually read my profile and comment on it. "You're cute" doesn't cut it with me. Obviously I don't go for ones who just say how romantic they are. That tells me nothing about their personality.

    I've met no weirdos in person, although there was that one dude on Lavalife who will go down in infamy as "foot fetish guy." The first question he asked me, before even a "Hi there" was, "How are your feet?"

    To me, online dating just means getting a chance to meet people without having to go out and actually introduce yourself to strangers (which I hate cause I'm a hermit anyway) or hope to "bump" into someone magically compatible with you. You'll come across a few weirdos, but that's the same in offline life anyway. A plus is that it's easier to weed them out without feeling too bad about it.
    This. I didn't ever reply to guys who had obviously only looked at my picture and hadn't read my profile.. and I found it pretty easy to weed out the weirdos. I met my ex on POF and my current BF as well. My ex was an okay guy we just had very different expectations of a relationship. My BF and I are much more in sync in that respect.

    I met one other guy before I met my BF and he.. well he was a jerk. He dissed my hometown (said the people there were snobs), was very judgemental of my life choices (I didn't own a house or a condo at my age..) and was basically just a condescending ass. Then emailed me a few days later saying he wanted to go out again.. seriously.

    I had another guy get mad at me because I didn't reply to his email. Serious anger issues.. crossed him off the list real fast.

    BF and I started out as friends and we actually had things in common. We went to the same highschool so knew a lot of the same people, we went to the same dance school when we were younger, lived in the same town and have no plans of moving away if we can help it.. we definitely want to raise our kids there. We've been together a year and are still going strong

  19. #39
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    I've dabbled on these sites for years but have never actually met someone. The last guy came the closest - we actually talked on the phone before I turned him away. His theory was that there are only two types of women dating online. 1). the divorced mothers who have just ended bad relationships, and "they have LOTS of baggage." And, 2). the single, 30 year olds who have never been married, maybe never lived with anyone, who are often pretty set in their ways and paying too much attention to their biological clocks and, "they are not very much fun to date either." Next...

    I totally believe it is a numbers game. I believe that good things happen when luck meets opportunity. But that said, online dating can be exhausting because there are so many fish to catch and throw back into the sea. And for me, I'm most comfortable meeting someone and getting a sense of that person in person so online dating is not very comfortable. And, that is ok. I get tired of people telling me about their best friends, neighbours, brother who met their wife online... For every success story, there is a lot of failure and heartache.

    And safety is the bottom line. I laugh and tell people that I don't understand why a man can not seem to write an email without having a sexual reference. I've had men send me pornographic emails, I've had them become upset with me and ask me if I thought I was better than them because I didn't respond to their "hello," it's crazy out there...

  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bailey_ View Post
    His theory was that there are only two types of women dating online. 1). the divorced mothers who have just ended bad relationships, and "they have LOTS of baggage." And, 2). the single, 30 year olds who have never been married, maybe never lived with anyone, who are often pretty set in their ways and paying too much attention to their biological clocks and, "they are not very much fun to date either." Next...




    Did he give a theory on the type of men who use dating sites?

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