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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    I am 5-10 minutes late for work every day but no one complains. If I was told I was going to get fired for it, I would find a way get my butt to work on time. It's not like I am late for everything all the time. That is an issue it is hard to draw the line on IMO.
    If you commute in a city, traffic becomes an issue, too. When I lived in the city and commuted 12 miles one way on the freeway, there was this two minute window I could leave in to get to work on time. Any earlier than that and I was 5-10 minutes early and any later and I was 10-20 minutes late.

  2. #62
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    I get to work early every day. That way I'm never late.
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  3. #63
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    I used to be chronically late until I set all the clocks in the house 5-10 minutes ahead.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueRidge View Post
    I get to work early every day. That way I'm never late.
    Where I worked at the time I was referring to, you could not get in the building until five minutes early due to the way they did their security. So arriving ten minutes early meant sitting in the car in the semi-darkness in winter (our teacher arrival time was 7:25) in a scary neighborhood. Sorry, but that was never on my list of things to do.

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by flyingsit View Post
    Coming from one of the always-on-time people... what makes us crazy is when it's the same people late over and over again. For example (not to pick on you specifically, but using your example), how many times have you actually gotten everything ready for work in 10 minutes? And how many times has it taken longer? So we tend to have the reaction of "oh, they know they're going to be late and just don't care."
    I used to be chronically late, but I worked on it and turned myself into an on-time-and-sometimes-early person. I have a friend who is always late, and she sometimes brings her mother along, and her mom is always late, too. I guess it's genetic with them. Last week we had dinner reservations at 7:45pm, but decided to get to the restaurant at 7 to have drinks. I knew they would be late, so I took my time getting there. I got to the restaurant at 7:10 and they didn't show till 7:41. In otherwords, they left me sitting there for a half hour. I think it's incredibly rude. It's gotten to a point that I don't want to go anywhere with these women because we've been late to plays, concerts, parades, movies, you name it; anything with a definite starting time is a problem.

    Now as for myself... I am not shy but sometimes I wish I was. I talk too much and find myself babbling on about things. Ever hear of "think to talk" vs. "talk to think"? I am definitely "talk to think" and wish I could staple my mouth shut some days.

    I also wish I was more self-confident in expressing my opinions in a group when I am not certain that everyone is going to agree with me. This happens a lot at work. I go into a meeting with thoughts and ideas, and then just weasle out of everything I was going to say. Ugh! Drives me crazy!

    I have the phone-phobia, too. Weird! I thought I was the only one.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    Where I worked at the time I was referring to, you could not get in the building until five minutes early due to the way they did their security. So arriving ten minutes early meant sitting in the car in the semi-darkness in winter (our teacher arrival time was 7:25) in a scary neighborhood. Sorry, but that was never on my list of things to do.
    Okay you have a good reason that you didn't put in your post. Most of the people who get to work late don't. I don't really care about anyone who doesn't effect me. But I am a little tired of it where I work. Not that I blame the people who come in late. Why not come in late if no one ever holds you accountable for it?
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    With lateness, I think the most important thing is whether or not you're going to let someone down. I've had problems with lateness, but I try really hard to be on time if someone's depending on me. It doesn't matter so much if I slip into choir practice a few minutes late -- it does matter if I leave someone hanging for half an hour, like Bev's friends.
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  8. #68

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    Yeah. I often arrive at my office 5-15 minutes later than I'm scheduled, but since I just work on my own at my desk all day it's not as if anyone even notices what time I arrive.

    If I'm meeting someone or arriving for an appointment, I usually make a point to be slightly early. Occasionally plans go awry, but not on a regular basis.

  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    I am 5-10 minutes late for work every day but no one complains. If I was told I was going to get fired for it, I would find a way get my butt to work on time. It's not like I am late for everything all the time. That is an issue it is hard to draw the line on IMO.
    As the night shift person who's done a 12 1/2 to 13 hour shift and really just wants to get the hell home, trust me, your 5-10 minutes late every day WOULD be annoying as hell, and would be grounds for termination here. As well it should be anywhere. It's disrespectful to chronically keep other people waiting like their lives and own time are unimportant.
    I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.~W. C. Fields

  10. #70
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    A friend of mine is chronically late to the point where it really bothers me. I can count on her being at least 15minutes late, but usually it's closer to 30minutes or even once it was about an hour. I don't mind(as much) if we are simply meeting up at my home for dinner or a movie, but if she is meeting me someplace else then it really is bothersome. It has gotten to the point where I had let her know that if we are meeting somewhere and she is 20 minutes or more late then I am leaving and going home.

  11. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasey View Post
    As the night shift person who's done a 12 1/2 to 13 hour shift and really just wants to get the hell home, trust me, your 5-10 minutes late every day WOULD be annoying as hell, and would be grounds for termination here. As well it should be anywhere. It's disrespectful to chronically keep other people waiting like their lives and own time are unimportant.
    I don't think snoopy said that people were waiting or depending on her arrival. If her arrival wouldn't impact your ability to get home, why should you care? I do agree that keeping people waiting is rude, and when I know that I'm going to be in that situation, I try my hardest to be there on time. But if a tree is late falling in the forest ...

    On the flip side, I've had people arrive WAY too early for things, and I think that's a little rude, too. My friend once came to my apartment 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave. I had to leave her sitting on the couch while I finished drying my hair and doing my makeup. AWKWARD.

  12. #72

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasey View Post
    As the night shift person who's done a 12 1/2 to 13 hour shift and really just wants to get the hell home, trust me, your 5-10 minutes late every day WOULD be annoying as hell, and would be grounds for termination here. As well it should be anywhere. It's disrespectful to chronically keep other people waiting like their lives and own time are unimportant.
    Well FWIW, I don't relieve anyone. Plus I work way over my required 40 hours per week (on salary) which is what people here care the most about. But heh, if I could leave on time everyday I come in on time, I would take that deal.

    But my point was more that I can change my behavior if I had to. So while some people may have some type of disorder, not everyone who is late has one. So I wouldn't take the whole disorder thing too far (which was discussed earlier in the thread).
    Last edited by snoopy; 06-30-2010 at 11:30 PM.
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  13. #73

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    I don't really see the difference between being chronically late and chronically early. If you're always 10 minutes early, I would assume that you have similar time management issues that someone who is always 10 minutes late has.

    In my opinion, if you are, for example, going over to someone's house, it is ALWAYS better to be 15 minutes late than 15 minutes early. It gives the host(ess) a bit of a grace period to fix up any last-minute details. Showing up early is downright rude in my book. I once hosted a dinner party where a couple showed up 45 minutes (!) early, with no advance warning. Well, if you don't count calling from the parking lot advance warning. I was , and like the poster above, had to let them sit and wait while I finished getting changed, drying my hair, putting my makeup on, and placing various dishes in the oven .

    Going out to dinner is less flexible in terms of time, especially if you have reservations, but again, if someone says "around 7 for drinks, reservation at 7:45", I take that to mean "arrive a bit after 7, not exactly at 7". I would try to arrive at around 7:10-7:15. 7:41 is extreme, and I would never do that without calling and saying that I would be late, but the poster who shared that story should be thankful that the friends in question at least arrived before the reservation, not significantly after, which I have had happen to me...

    Work is another issue. If you are not taking over someone's shift, I see no problem with mild tardiness. I have a bigger issue with people who play farmville all day instead of working, than I do with someone who comes in 10 minutes late. If you work hard and do your job, I see no reason for anyone to jump down your throat for coming a little late. If you really feel like that 5-10 minutes makes a difference, stay 5-10 minutes late. Or take a shorter lunch.

    Overall, I try to be understanding of people who are late. Maybe someone had a terrible night's sleep and needed a few more minutes of snoozing. Maybe there was construction on the way, or an accident. Maybe the person in question forgot to do the laundry and had no clean shirts . If you are running late, send me a message that I should not expect you to be on time, and it will be fine.

    If someone is late I tend to be more concerned and worried than pissed that my precious time is being wasted, but YMMV.

  14. #74
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    I'm jumping in here:

    1. I procrastinate, bad bad bad.

    2. I have a hard time making up my mind, for example, hubby's the one who ALWAYS pick the restaurant because I just CANNOT MAKE UP MY MIND. Then of course I have a hardest time picking which food to order, ugh.

    3. I also over commit. I have a hard time saying no, be it making someone's wedding favors, a scrapbook for someone's baby... and it stresses me out to a point where I just throw myself on my bed and cry.

    4. I'm very suspicious of people. I can't stop thinking that people are just being nice because they want to get something from you, not just because they're being nice.

    5. I can have tunnel vision sometimes... or maybe you can say I'm in my own little world. I've literally walked right past family members (aunt and uncle-in-law) at a store without knowing it because of this. Of course they called me later to tell me about it.

    Geez, I have issues...

  15. #75
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    I can totally relate to being indecisive! I always take a long time to order food, b/c i'm afraid i won't like it.
    I just have trouble making decisions, period.

  16. #76

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    I'm the laziest person I know. I contradict myself all the time. I can spend hours doing things I don't need to do (something online, watching TV, movie, etc) but I can't make myself sit down for 10 minutes to write an email that is for work/school or do the last bit of homework I have. I guess I hate my lack of motivation and drive, I just don't have very much of it and when I get some it is just a spurt and is quickly lost. No wonder I am nearly 28 and still trying to finish school!

    P.S. Just throwing in my 2 cents about tardiness. I HATE it! It is one of the rudest things someone can do, IMO. I have a friend who is chronically late to everything, sometimes 30 minutes or more. It says to me that my time isn't important and that only his is. I simply can not stand it. I think being too early can cause problems as well, as mentioned above, but that tends to be something you can avoid (sit in the car for a bit if you are that early, ride around the block a time or two, etc.). When someone is late with me (more than 5-10 minutes), I take it personally.
    Last edited by BigB08822; 07-01-2010 at 05:03 AM.
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  17. #77

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    Quote Originally Posted by haribobo View Post
    For me, well there are so many things...I think the main one is my overanalyzing and stressing about how I'm being perceived to the point where I'm almost totally mute around strangers for a while. Or I force myself to make conversation but it often comes out totally dumb-sounding and I make an even worse impression than if I'd said nothing. I feel like I'm blowing opportunities left and right because I just cannot be myself until I get to know someone (which is just more time than most are willing to take) and even then I have trouble sometimes. Of course alcohol helps a whole lot but sometimes I wish I could be the way I am with 2-3 drinks in me all the time without having to drink at all. Some people are just so confident and out there right away and of course to some degree, I like not being annoying and obnoxious but other times its just massively frustrating to be so inside my own head. Anyone else?
    It's not productive to over-think how others are perceiving you and worry about how to behave and what to say. However, people you meet and often do judge you/form opinions of you. Insecurity is to a certain degree self-protection and you needn't hate yourself for it. Rather, turn it around and consider what you are looking for in a friend. And rather than beating yourself up for 'blowing' opportunities, consider that you are discriminating about your friends - and remember that others are also nervous and awkward in social situations.

    It makes perfect sense to get to know someone before you decide how much you trust them in terms of being yourself.

    A lot of social life is about filling space with people and activity - this is far more true for extroverts than introverts. Those confident people you refer to may not care about the quality of relationships they form.

    I don't have much desire for empty spaces full of people who have no particular value or meaning to me - I enjoy my own company just fine, thank you very much. Superficial chit chat bores me and I have no desire to engage in the mind games that some people substitute for a real connection. For example, a cousin of mine who has always given me the willies once commented that 'what people don't say is more important than what they do say'. This explained in a nutshell why I was so uncomfortable with this person all the time - to her, relating was all about posturing and guessing what the other person meant to say. I just never trusted her or felt 'safe' with her.

    If you want be be yourself with others who are also being themselves and desire the relationship to be of mutual value, take your time. Trust is earned, not given, and if you are seeking genuine connections, you are not going to find them with everyone you meet.

    I like what a friend of my says: "A friend is someone with whom you feel good about yourself". That's a good place to start.

    One of things I like about getting older is that I no longer care so much about how I appear to others and have come to enjoy my own company. Having a dog helps tremendously should loneliness arise - at times I must admit that I find dogs socially more appealing than people because they live in the moment and are completely sincere in their expression of who they are. Relationships with dogs and with people I trust and enjoy being with have provided me a barometer for what feel goods socially and what I want in a companion. And I don't think that measure would ever be compatible with what a person needs to do in order to win a popularity contest.
    Last edited by Japanfan; 07-01-2010 at 08:47 AM.

  18. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueRidge View Post
    I'm wondering if lateness isn't like other problems people have they can't easily change? Like phobias, or OCD issues? Maybe we actually should be more tolerant of the chronically late?
    I can completely see this logic but it drives me absolutely bonkers when late people don't even acknowledge that they're inconveniencing other people. That's just rude IMO. I have a few OCD issues, nothing severe but definitely noticeable to my co-workers and friends. I can recognize that not everyone is like me, and that what I do can be perceived as odd and apologize for it when other people notice. My boss on the other hand is chronically late and she doesn't really care if it means that I'm two hours late to have lunch. She also sometimes expects me to be okay with being late for other things when she's made me late. That is not okay with me. I've accepted that it's just how she is and now plan around her being an hour or two late just so I don't lose it completely.
    "Beautiful things don't ask for attention." -The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

  19. #79
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    1. That I give up so easily, even if I've worked so hard at something to achieve it or at least have given it my all, I eventually give up.

    2. That I let peoples negative comments effect me to the point where it plays a huge factor in number 1.

    3. That things in general, bother me more than they do the average person, and have so much more of a difficult time letting go of fears, paranoia, and insecurities than most people.

    4. Being about 10-20 lbs over weight and having the exact opposite of the body type I want to have for everything I've wanted to accomplish my lifes dreams.

    5. That I need significant amounts of therapy, we're probably talking in the double digits of years, multiple visits a week.

    6. That I constantly compare myself to everyone around me in almost every situation and context I am in, be it dance class, culinary school, work, the mall, nightclub etc...

    7. That the very things that made me fall in love with my boyfriend are now starting to annoy me at times.

    8. That I have such a hard time being happy in life.

    9. That I was further along toward the goals I wanted to accomplish and in a better position in my life at 21 than I am at almost 27. x infinity

    10. That I get so emotionally wrapped up in everything I do.

    11. That I STILL want to make an attempt at taking Calculus and Physics, even though I have no use for them and will never need them, it's an old demon that's haunted me from high school I've never gotten over.

  20. #80
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    I try to live with my qualities and my flaws.

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