I get to work early every day. That way I'm never late.
“I am happy that it’s over. Happy that I did well.” Yu Na Kim
I used to be chronically late until I set all the clocks in the house 5-10 minutes ahead.
Now as for myself... I am not shy but sometimes I wish I was. I talk too much and find myself babbling on about things. Ever hear of "think to talk" vs. "talk to think"? I am definitely "talk to think" and wish I could staple my mouth shut some days.
I also wish I was more self-confident in expressing my opinions in a group when I am not certain that everyone is going to agree with me. This happens a lot at work. I go into a meeting with thoughts and ideas, and then just weasle out of everything I was going to say. Ugh! Drives me crazy!
I have the phone-phobia, too. Weird! I thought I was the only one.
“I am happy that it’s over. Happy that I did well.” Yu Na Kim
With lateness, I think the most important thing is whether or not you're going to let someone down. I've had problems with lateness, but I try really hard to be on time if someone's depending on me. It doesn't matter so much if I slip into choir practice a few minutes late -- it does matter if I leave someone hanging for half an hour, like Bev's friends.
Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
Yeah. I often arrive at my office 5-15 minutes later than I'm scheduled, but since I just work on my own at my desk all day it's not as if anyone even notices what time I arrive.
If I'm meeting someone or arriving for an appointment, I usually make a point to be slightly early. Occasionally plans go awry, but not on a regular basis.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.~W. C. Fields
A friend of mine is chronically late to the point where it really bothers me. I can count on her being at least 15minutes late, but usually it's closer to 30minutes or even once it was about an hour. I don't mind(as much) if we are simply meeting up at my home for dinner or a movie, but if she is meeting me someplace else then it really is bothersome. It has gotten to the point where I had let her know that if we are meeting somewhere and she is 20 minutes or more late then I am leaving and going home.
On the flip side, I've had people arrive WAY too early for things, and I think that's a little rude, too. My friend once came to my apartment 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave. I had to leave her sitting on the couch while I finished drying my hair and doing my makeup. AWKWARD.
But my point was more that I can change my behavior if I had to. So while some people may have some type of disorder, not everyone who is late has one. So I wouldn't take the whole disorder thing too far (which was discussed earlier in the thread).
Last edited by snoopy; 07-01-2010 at 12:30 AM.
Figure skating is hard.
I don't really see the difference between being chronically late and chronically early. If you're always 10 minutes early, I would assume that you have similar time management issues that someone who is always 10 minutes late has.
In my opinion, if you are, for example, going over to someone's house, it is ALWAYS better to be 15 minutes late than 15 minutes early. It gives the host(ess) a bit of a grace period to fix up any last-minute details. Showing up early is downright rude in my book. I once hosted a dinner party where a couple showed up 45 minutes (!) early, with no advance warning. Well, if you don't count calling from the parking lot advance warning. I was , and like the poster above, had to let them sit and wait while I finished getting changed, drying my hair, putting my makeup on, and placing various dishes in the oven .
Going out to dinner is less flexible in terms of time, especially if you have reservations, but again, if someone says "around 7 for drinks, reservation at 7:45", I take that to mean "arrive a bit after 7, not exactly at 7". I would try to arrive at around 7:10-7:15. 7:41 is extreme, and I would never do that without calling and saying that I would be late, but the poster who shared that story should be thankful that the friends in question at least arrived before the reservation, not significantly after, which I have had happen to me...
Work is another issue. If you are not taking over someone's shift, I see no problem with mild tardiness. I have a bigger issue with people who play farmville all day instead of working, than I do with someone who comes in 10 minutes late. If you work hard and do your job, I see no reason for anyone to jump down your throat for coming a little late. If you really feel like that 5-10 minutes makes a difference, stay 5-10 minutes late. Or take a shorter lunch.
Overall, I try to be understanding of people who are late. Maybe someone had a terrible night's sleep and needed a few more minutes of snoozing. Maybe there was construction on the way, or an accident. Maybe the person in question forgot to do the laundry and had no clean shirts . If you are running late, send me a message that I should not expect you to be on time, and it will be fine.
If someone is late I tend to be more concerned and worried than pissed that my precious time is being wasted, but YMMV.
I'm jumping in here:
1. I procrastinate, bad bad bad.
2. I have a hard time making up my mind, for example, hubby's the one who ALWAYS pick the restaurant because I just CANNOT MAKE UP MY MIND. Then of course I have a hardest time picking which food to order, ugh.
3. I also over commit. I have a hard time saying no, be it making someone's wedding favors, a scrapbook for someone's baby... and it stresses me out to a point where I just throw myself on my bed and cry.
4. I'm very suspicious of people. I can't stop thinking that people are just being nice because they want to get something from you, not just because they're being nice.
5. I can have tunnel vision sometimes... or maybe you can say I'm in my own little world. I've literally walked right past family members (aunt and uncle-in-law) at a store without knowing it because of this. Of course they called me later to tell me about it.
Geez, I have issues...
I can totally relate to being indecisive! I always take a long time to order food, b/c i'm afraid i won't like it.
I just have trouble making decisions, period.
I'm the laziest person I know. I contradict myself all the time. I can spend hours doing things I don't need to do (something online, watching TV, movie, etc) but I can't make myself sit down for 10 minutes to write an email that is for work/school or do the last bit of homework I have. I guess I hate my lack of motivation and drive, I just don't have very much of it and when I get some it is just a spurt and is quickly lost. No wonder I am nearly 28 and still trying to finish school!
P.S. Just throwing in my 2 cents about tardiness. I HATE it! It is one of the rudest things someone can do, IMO. I have a friend who is chronically late to everything, sometimes 30 minutes or more. It says to me that my time isn't important and that only his is. I simply can not stand it. I think being too early can cause problems as well, as mentioned above, but that tends to be something you can avoid (sit in the car for a bit if you are that early, ride around the block a time or two, etc.). When someone is late with me (more than 5-10 minutes), I take it personally.
Last edited by BigB08822; 07-01-2010 at 06:03 AM.
"Michelle would never be caught with sausage grease staining her Vera Wang." - rfisher
It makes perfect sense to get to know someone before you decide how much you trust them in terms of being yourself.
A lot of social life is about filling space with people and activity - this is far more true for extroverts than introverts. Those confident people you refer to may not care about the quality of relationships they form.
I don't have much desire for empty spaces full of people who have no particular value or meaning to me - I enjoy my own company just fine, thank you very much. Superficial chit chat bores me and I have no desire to engage in the mind games that some people substitute for a real connection. For example, a cousin of mine who has always given me the willies once commented that 'what people don't say is more important than what they do say'. This explained in a nutshell why I was so uncomfortable with this person all the time - to her, relating was all about posturing and guessing what the other person meant to say. I just never trusted her or felt 'safe' with her.
If you want be be yourself with others who are also being themselves and desire the relationship to be of mutual value, take your time. Trust is earned, not given, and if you are seeking genuine connections, you are not going to find them with everyone you meet.
I like what a friend of my says: "A friend is someone with whom you feel good about yourself". That's a good place to start.
One of things I like about getting older is that I no longer care so much about how I appear to others and have come to enjoy my own company. Having a dog helps tremendously should loneliness arise - at times I must admit that I find dogs socially more appealing than people because they live in the moment and are completely sincere in their expression of who they are. Relationships with dogs and with people I trust and enjoy being with have provided me a barometer for what feel goods socially and what I want in a companion. And I don't think that measure would ever be compatible with what a person needs to do in order to win a popularity contest.
Last edited by Japanfan; 07-01-2010 at 09:47 AM.
“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength” - St. Francis de Sales
1. That I give up so easily, even if I've worked so hard at something to achieve it or at least have given it my all, I eventually give up.
2. That I let peoples negative comments effect me to the point where it plays a huge factor in number 1.
3. That things in general, bother me more than they do the average person, and have so much more of a difficult time letting go of fears, paranoia, and insecurities than most people.
4. Being about 10-20 lbs over weight and having the exact opposite of the body type I want to have for everything I've wanted to accomplish my lifes dreams.
5. That I need significant amounts of therapy, we're probably talking in the double digits of years, multiple visits a week.
6. That I constantly compare myself to everyone around me in almost every situation and context I am in, be it dance class, culinary school, work, the mall, nightclub etc...
7. That the very things that made me fall in love with my boyfriend are now starting to annoy me at times.
8. That I have such a hard time being happy in life.
9. That I was further along toward the goals I wanted to accomplish and in a better position in my life at 21 than I am at almost 27. x infinity
10. That I get so emotionally wrapped up in everything I do.
11. That I STILL want to make an attempt at taking Calculus and Physics, even though I have no use for them and will never need them, it's an old demon that's haunted me from high school I've never gotten over.
I try to live with my qualities and my flaws.
"If I agree well it's just to appease you 'cause I don't remember what were fighting for..." - Sarah McLachlan