Why do skaters leave coaches?

[Lanie]

Mostly because no one took me seriously because I was an adult skater. I got frustrated. I picked up things quickly, but because I am a horrible jumper, every coach I've had got pissed off at me and preferred to work with the little kids.

I want a new coach because group lessons are killing my love of skating (stuck with little kids who have 3275943739 private lessons a week and tell you you suck because your Lutz needs help would do it), but...

[Debbie S]

Mostly because no one took me seriously because I was an adult skater. I got frustrated. I picked up things quickly, but because I am a horrible jumper, every coach I've had got pissed off at me and preferred to work with the little kids.

I want a new coach because group lessons are killing my love of skating (stuck with little kids who have 3275943739 private lessons a week and tell you you suck because your Lutz needs help would do it), but...

Aww, Lanie, I hope you can find a good coach that is much more patient than the ones you've had. There are plenty of coaches out there that actually prefer to work with lower-level skaters (less stress, no IJS, no crazed parents....well, less of them, anyway, lol). Maybe ask the skating director, or skate on an FS session and (covertly) observe the various coaches in action. If there are adult skaters at your rink, maybe ask them who they work with? If there are no adult skaters, perhaps that's not a good rink for you - maybe there is another rink close by that might be better?

[Bev Johnston]

I just recently fired my freestyle/moves coach of 10 years and it was less than pleasant, that's for sure!

Basically, I came to realize that if I wanted to progress from where I had stagnated over the years that I had to have a new perspective.

I now have a great coach who is totally into teaching. It's very exciting. She had me write down 3/6/12 month goals and has a whole program of off-ice and on-ice exercises to help me achieve these goals. She also noticed that my blade placement was wonky and referred me to another coach who fixed my placement. What a world of difference it has made.

I could kick myself for sticking with a coach who had lost enthusiasm five years ago, but I am so happy now.

Unfortunately, the former coach didn't take it well and has bad-mouthed me to all of his students and their parents. I told him exactly what I said above... I need a new perspective, but he insists on thinking there's some deeper reason or that there is a plot against him. He's also said unpleasant things about my dance coach; basically blaming her for "brainwashing" me into leaveing him. It bothers me and it's awkward when we are at the rink at the same time, but I've decided that I'm not going anywhere and he can just learn to deal with it.

[smileyskate]

Mostly because no one took me seriously because I was an adult skater.

Hearing about these issues kind of bugs me. Not just regarding adults, but anyone who is truly trying hard (giving 100% at all times) in any sport/activity or school that perhaps has different goals or ability levels than the so-called norm. Do they really think that your goals are any less important than anyone else's? Aren't your achievements and tests just as important if not moreso as you are probably fighting against time/aging/ other responsibilities? Try bringing that up the next time you encounter someone with an attitude. Maybe they will see the light.
As for Bev, if you have firm evidence your old coach is badmouthing you, I think you are supposed to let the director know. Maybe even higher than that if there is such a thing wherever you are. Maybe it won't go anywhere but at least it will be on record if they pull that kind of nonsense again. Good for you that you found someone more motivated.

[Bev Johnston]

As for Bev, if you have firm evidence your old coach is badmouthing you, I think you are supposed to let the director know. Maybe even higher than that if there is such a thing wherever you are. Maybe it won't go anywhere but at least it will be on record if they pull that kind of nonsense again. Good for you that you found someone more motivated.

Actually, the director pulled me into her office one day and asked me about the situation. She shares a student with my old coach and he told her about all the drama. I told her that I broke no ethics rules: I told him I was going to find a new coach because I needed a new perspective, I thanked him for all that he taught me, I paid him all money that I owed him, and then I found a new coach. My intention was to be friendly to him when I saw him. My dance coach certainly never said one thing about him to me, so she is also blameless. I told the director that I was trying to take the high road and hadn't said anything about the situation to anyone, but it sure felt good to tell my side to someone at last. She said that she appreciated the way I was handling it. I'm sure the last thing she wants to deal with is some silly back and forth between supposed adults.

After skating with this coach for 10 years, I became good friends with lots of his other students and their parents and they were the ones that told me about all the badmouthing. I didn't say anything about him in return to them, I just told them that I left him because I needed a change; it was nothing personal.

I've been involved in skating long enough to see these little dramas pop up from time to time. They always go away over time and I haven't seen any other negative impact. Everyone treats me the same as they did before and that's great. I don't think anyone puts too much stock in anything that the former coach says, anyway. He has a reputation of not getting along with the other coaches.

[Bev Johnston]

Mostly because no one took me seriously because I was an adult skater. I got frustrated. I picked up things quickly, but because I am a horrible jumper, every coach I've had got pissed off at me and preferred to work with the little kids.

I want a new coach because group lessons are killing my love of skating (stuck with little kids who have 3275943739 private lessons a week and tell you you suck because your Lutz needs help would do it), but...

Some coaches prefer to work with adults, regardless of their ability. It's much more fun to work with someone who truly wants to skate and is not being forced by a parent. You should ask my dance coach who she prefers to work with: me, an adult who practices and listens and tries, or her Thurs 7am kid who pouts and stomps and cries and, nine lessons out of ten, has her lesson ended early because she refuses to listen.

Keep looking... there are coaches out there who like teaching adults!

[Aussie Willy]

Bev - most coaches, when students leave them have to find some justification, whether it is true or not. Most cannot accept that it didn' work out. That is damaging to their ego. So they go around blaming others for what is essentially a situation that is just not working out anymore. And in many instances they also cannot accept that they are just not very good coaches.

However it is like any relationship. Sometimes it just isn't going to last. Good coaches will accept when it is time for a student to move on, for whatever reason. And also accept their limitations.

I am so lucky I have been with my dance coach of 16 years for the simple fact that we like each other and have fun during our lessons. But she is also a damned good coach. If you are on the same wavelength as her, it is going to be a successful relationship.

[sailornyanko]

But interested to know why people have left coaches. Were they were teaching you wrong technique? You felt like you were getting ripped off? You just couldn't get on with them? Or they could only teach to a certain level and to develop you had to move on? Or did the coach drop you as a student?

In my case all of the above. I was also really hated by the mexican coaching community because my parents aren't multimillionaires. Coaches in Mexico City dump students for the stupidest of reasons. part of the reason why I never gave a damn about entering their little obnoxious social circle either.

I also concur on coaches not wanting to coach older students. Heck, I'm barely 5'1, thin boned and weigh less than 100 pounds and I was pretty good at skating doing a ton of intermediate figures coaches didn't even want to teach me because I wasn't in the in crowd (doctors that I work with creep out just looking at me and constantly tell me I'm anorexic like I had terminal cancer or something); and yet these coaches would rather coach a 12 year old girl that's already taller than me, weighs over 130 pounds just because of her age. If I skate enough I would probably be able to try out death drops again for the fun of ruining my right ankle. Not a lot of little princesses have ever been able to do death drops.

Not every skater wants to be an Olympic superstar. I preferred getting a college degree and only skate as a hobby but most coaches don't see that way. Maybe the day I show off what my fancy and hard to get degree is I'll get some respect.

[Artifice]

Because some coaches obviously try to make money by all means, building their and your skating course in function of how much they can make you work with him and trying to make you dependant only on him to do the moves, the program... They don't want you to learn things as good and as fast as possible, they just want you to be dependant on their lessons so that you will always come back to him. Like when they build a program, they use a "perverse" method : you come and pay for a certain time, and they do the work so that you will need to come back because the job is not done and you can't use the work done as it is. You have to come back and pay !!

A shame, such coaches get a few students but they lose more in the long term because people are not stupid.

[dbny]

Mostly because no one took me seriously because I was an adult skater. I got frustrated. I picked up things quickly, but because I am a horrible jumper, every coach I've had got pissed off at me and preferred to work with the little kids.

I want a new coach because group lessons are killing my love of skating (stuck with little kids who have 3275943739 private lessons a week and tell you you suck because your Lutz needs help would do it), but...

I am a coach and a skater. I love students like you! Where is the challenge in teaching someone who gets everything right away? I also love working with adults because I am an adult skater and feel I have a greater understanding of our challenges than many coaches who skated all their lives. I was a gold roller dancer as a kid, so that gives me a technical background, but ice feels very different! I hope you find the right coach soon!

Bev - most coaches, when students leave them have to find some justification, whether it is true or not. Most cannot accept that it didn' work out. That is damaging to their ego.

I don't think I would agree that it's "most" coaches. I would say "many." It's always hard to lose a student, for whatever reason. I lost one a few years ago, who just kind of sneaked away without a real "good bye." That was very painful, but I knew why she left and why she chose the coach she did, and it made sense. I took the high road, and recently was able to tell her very calmly that she did not handle things right and that it was hurtful to me. She was actually grateful to me for that, because she knew she had made a mistake and it bothered her every time she saw me. Now the air has been cleared (after about 2 years!), and we are friends.

I left my first coach ever after about 6 years. She had been my DDs' coach and also taught my DH. She was quite wonderful in many ways. I knew for a while that it was no longer a good fit, because there was no discussion, only her opinion. I had also come to realize that she was giving me some wrong info when answering questions. Finally, I think she resented it that I had started coaching, because I'm not a high level skater (and therefor didn't pay my dues like she had.) We were teaching LTS on the same ice and I didn't get my group off in time for hers to take the ice to practice their show number. I think I delayed her by all of 10 seconds, while my group finished their number. I didn't have a clue she was upset with me until I came in for my private lesson with her a few days later. Luckily, we were the only ones on the ice, because she started screaming at me full force. It was so awful that I had to choke back tears. I handed her the lesson fee and fled to the bathroom to sob a while. Got my skates off and made it to the car, where I broke down again. Later, via email, I learned that she felt I had disrespected her publicly, in front of her students' parents, by not getting my kids out of the way in time . Talk about ego! We both continued to work at the same rink and I never said a word about what had happened except to one friend, whom I knew would not repeat it. From things the Skating Director and assistant SD said, I knew the coach was badmouthing me, but since the things they said were sympathetic towards me, I was actually glad. It took me 1.5 years to find a new coach. I love my current coach and don't see leaving her unless one of us moves away. Not only do I learn skating, but she also is happy to help me if I have a coaching question, and we have had some really good technical discussions.

[jazzpants]

Well, I left my long time primary coach b/c my new job does not allow me the flexibility to work from home once a week, which is how I am able to take lessons with my primary coach.

Besides that, well, it's been 10 years... and it's time for a change of scenery to see how someone else approaches things. My primary coach now is my ex-primary coach's former primary coach (b/c my ex-primary coach quit skating, bought a home and became a "homeowner", so couldn't afford skating anymore.)

There's no bad blood between me and my ex-primary coach! He's now my hairdresser (his other job), in fact!!!

[jazzpants]

Mostly because no one took me seriously because I was an adult skater. I got frustrated. I picked up things quickly, but because I am a horrible jumper, every coach I've had got pissed off at me and preferred to work with the little kids.

I would highly suggest you take your time looking for the right coach to help you. And if the rink politics is such where the coaches basically prefer working with kids, you might want to see if there's another rink near you that you can go to that is more willing to take on adult skaters.

Majority (if not all) of the coaches at my home rink are VERY adult friendly. We have a LOT of competitive adult skaters here!!! I'm a horrible jumper too. (Actually I'm pretty much an overall horrible skater, but that's another thread... ) but the coaches are more than willing to work with me to improve and I honestly can say that I've seen some improvements from last year for me...