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  1. #21
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    This is definitely a period of transition, which is why I like living on my own terms and paying my own way. Therefore, my circumstances would have to be extreme to move back with my parents. I would miss the independence.

    On the one hand I like that it teaches kids how to budget and to structure domestic duties. So, of course they should help around the house, and not clear the fridge like locusts.

    But does living under a parent's roof, mean having to comply to their rules. Other than respecting each other's space and privacy, does this mean abandoning curfews that were in place as a teenager, and bringing friends over whenever (which you can living by yourself or in a share situation)?

    They would have to be up for discussion otherwise I could see WW3 happening pretty quickly.

  2. #22

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    This may be one of the few chances you have to really save money, so do that if possible. Offer to pay something but if they turn you down then please use the chance to SAVE. In the mean time you could make sure to buy groceries often, bring home toiletries, etc.
    -Brian
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  3. #23
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    Congrats on your new job. My 26 year old son got a job with the Federal government two years ago after graduating from college. He needed a new car, so we suggested he live at home, buy a car, and save money for a home in a few years. He pays his car payment, insurance, all his bills, cooks, does laundry and helps take care of our dogs when we are out of town. I wouldn't think of taking his money for rent and I don't understand a parent insisting on charging their children rent unless they themselves were strapped. Would I rent out his room if he didn't live at home? Of course not, so why charge him money. The perks is I get to enjoy his company a few years more, something that is worth much more to me than a few hundred dollars a month. He is a great kid, kind, considerate, a big help to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freespirit View Post
    Congrats on your new job. My 26 year old son got a job with the Federal government two years ago after graduating from college. He needed a new car, so we suggested he live at home, buy a car, and save money for a home in a few years. He pays his car payment, insurance, all his bills, cooks, does laundry and helps take care of our dogs when we are out of town. I wouldn't think of taking his money for rent and I don't understand a parent insisting on charging their children rent unless they themselves were strapped. Would I rent out his room if he didn't live at home? Of course not, so why charge him money. The perks is I get to enjoy his company a few years more, something that is worth much more to me than a few hundred dollars a month. He is a great kid, kind, considerate, a big help to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
    That's great you have such a solid relationship with your son.

    The flipside reminds me of a joke Roseanne Barr set up in an episode of her show. She and her sister were attending a birthing class, and when one of the other women asked Roseanne how long it took to push the baby out, she answered, "Oh, about 18 years.)

  5. #25

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    If your parents don't want your rent, don't push it. However, I think your parents will be more agreeable to you paying bills, particularly cable, internet and the phone.

    I second using this opportunity to save money. Consider what the average rent would be in your area and stash that same amount in your savings for a downpayment or other major expense. Over time, it will add up. Also, when you start working full time, you have less time to go out and spend time with friends and family, which cuts down on costs.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by essence_of_soy View Post
    That's great you have such a solid relationship with your son.

    The flipside reminds me of a joke Roseanne Barr set up in an episode of her show. She and her sister were attending a birthing class, and when one of the other women asked Roseanne how long it took to push the baby out, she answered, "Oh, about 18 years.)
    Touche.......The upside to that is that when they do leave, hopefully they are ready and prepared and don't boomarang back!

  7. #27

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    Quote Originally Posted by essence_of_soy View Post
    This is definitely a period of transition, which is why I like living on my own terms and paying my own way. Therefore, my circumstances would have to be extreme to move back with my parents. I would miss the independence.

    On the one hand I like that it teaches kids how to budget and to structure domestic duties. So, of course they should help around the house, and not clear the fridge like locusts.

    But does living under a parent's roof, mean having to comply to their rules. Other than respecting each other's space and privacy, does this mean abandoning curfews that were in place as a teenager, and bringing friends over whenever (which you can living by yourself or in a share situation)?

    They would have to be up for discussion otherwise I could see WW3 happening pretty quickly.
    I don't think going by the original poster these are the issues in this situation.
    When you are up to your arse in alligators it is difficult to remember you were only meant to be draining the swamp.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by KatieC View Post
    I feel a bit like ducking - but I lived at home and didn't pay rent. I did pay for groceries/some utilities, contributed to new appliances, did the gardening, the cooking, outside repairs and looked after both my parents. If I hadn't stayed home my mum would have had to go to a nursing home 5 or 6 years before she did, and my Dad would not have been able to live on his own either. I still live in the same house, and miss them both.
    It sounds like you were providing pretty significant care fro your parents rather than just living there. You probably were saving them money (they didn't have to hire someone else to do the things they couldn't do), and I'm sure gave them a lot of comfort as well. I would consider that different from a young adult child who needs or chooses to return home to live for some amount of time.

    mkats, I think the fact that you are wanting to pay rent shows your parents have raised a thoughtful, conscientious person. It also indicates that you see this as a stepping stone to living on your own. I think you should bring it up with your parents, and perhaps come up together with an amount that you both are comfortable with. Maybe they will save it for you for when you are ready to move as others have experienced. If not, you will certainly be paying less than if you were renting.

    They may refuse any rent and that's ok too. If that's the case, I'd suggest making sure you are paying for your own cell phone/driver's insurance, contributing to groceries (or at least preparing meals sometimes) and contributing to household chores. ok, maybe I'd suggest that anyway, but if they really don't want the money, maybe go a little farther in ways to say thanks to them.

    Congrats on the new job
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  9. #29
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    I lived at home until I got married at 25. Never paid room and board but did pay for my car, insurance, clothing, most of my food. I cleaned the house basically. I paid for my own wedding.

    Looking back, I probably should have either a) moved my butt out of there; b) lived there for just a few years and paid some money.

  10. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by Freespirit View Post
    Congrats on your new job. My 26 year old son got a job with the Federal government two years ago after graduating from college. He needed a new car, so we suggested he live at home, buy a car, and save money for a home in a few years. He pays his car payment, insurance, all his bills, cooks, does laundry and helps take care of our dogs when we are out of town. I wouldn't think of taking his money for rent and I don't understand a parent insisting on charging their children rent unless they themselves were strapped. Would I rent out his room if he didn't live at home? Of course not, so why charge him money. The perks is I get to enjoy his company a few years more, something that is worth much more to me than a few hundred dollars a month. He is a great kid, kind, considerate, a big help to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
    It's great that you feel you can handle this financially and emotionally. Most of my friends don't have that much wiggle room in the budget, or that much patience for giving up their privacy at this stage in their lives. In addition to the challenge of re-establishing their relationships sans kids, they're struggling to squirrel enough away to retire. Some have refinanced their homes to assist with tuition, so they have higher mortgages and longer to pay. Since many aren't that upfront with their kids about finances, it's hard for them to be honest with their boomerangs so they suffer in silence. I think many of them are quite stressed about the whole situation.

    I still say offer 25% of gross and let them talk you down. Although they may not say so, your contribution may be providing a much needed path to retirement for them.
    AceOn6, the golf loving skating fan

  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aceon6 View Post
    It's great that you feel you can handle this financially and emotionally. Most of my friends don't have that much wiggle room in the budget, or that much patience for giving up their privacy at this stage in their lives. In addition to the challenge of re-establishing their relationships sans kids, they're struggling to squirrel enough away to retire. Some have refinanced their homes to assist with tuition, so they have higher mortgages and longer to pay. Since many aren't that upfront with their kids about finances, it's hard for them to be honest with their boomerangs so they suffer in silence. I think many of them are quite stressed about the whole situation.

    I still say offer 25% of gross and let them talk you down. Although they may not say so, your contribution may be providing a much needed path to retirement for them.
    I appreciate your comments and you make very valid points. I think it's safe to say that each situation is unique and there are no definitive solutions. What works for one family, may not cut it for another.

  12. #32
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    My son just moved home again, he needed to reduce some of his expenses to be able to have money when his band tours Israel and Canada this summer. He has expenses with his business and since he cannot afford health insurance we do not expect him to pay rent, he does buy his own food etc. Money only goes so far.
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  13. #33

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    I moved back home when my brother got married and moved out. Parents were living 1/2 year as snowbirds and wanted someone to stay in the house. We had an arrangement that I can't exactly remember but think was 10% of my wages and chores while they were home and all expenses while they were away.

    Due to my father's health issues after a few years they no longer went south for the winter and I completely took over his house maintenance and yard work and also paid $100/week as my contribution to household expenses. I understood this was a major bargain and took the opportunity to save faithfully. As it turned out I was laid off 7 years ago and have been so thankful that I had those savings - it enabled me to continue my contribution, take only casual jobs and spend some quality time with my parents before it was too late. My mother never would have been able to stay in the home she loved so much if I hadn't moved in so although I recognize what a soft time I had of it I like to think the benefits went both ways.

  14. #34

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    Definitely make the offer. Shows maturity, responsibility, and understanding that there is no such thing as a free lunch. If they refuse, definitely SAVE, and do something like buy something, chores, whatever.
    There are so many folks that mooch, it is nice to see something thoughtful.

  15. #35
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    it is a difficult thing to let go of the mommy parent role with adult children. One must let go of the curfew or friends (opposite sex or not) rules. But the child must also own up to adult behavior and think, what respect would I give another landlord or community living.

    A difficult situation - can be wonderful or hard feelings depending upon the maturity of all involved.

  16. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by KatieC View Post
    I feel a bit like ducking - but I lived at home and didn't pay rent. I did pay for groceries/some utilities, contributed to new appliances, did the gardening, the cooking, outside repairs and looked after both my parents. If I hadn't stayed home my mum would have had to go to a nursing home 5 or 6 years before she did, and my Dad would not have been able to live on his own either. I still live in the same house, and miss them both.
    No need to duck - like most things there is no one right answer and the important thing is that each of the parties involved try to act considerately and responsibly given the facts of the situation. It certainly sounds like you did all that and more!
    "The Devil is joining in, and that's never a good sign." Phil Liggett

  17. #37

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    My parents never made us pay rent if we were students which i was. However, with y brothers, my parents had them pay "rent" and they would put the money in a savings account for them when they were ready to move out. All my brothers had their down payments for their homes by the time they moved out.

  18. #38
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    There can be other factors at play here. One is that some parents might take pride in being able to provide for their children, and consider it a bad mark on themselves if their child has to pay them.

    Another is that as I understand it, mkats went to a very expensive school. I'm not asking for details, but just bringing up the idea that she may have significant student loans to pay off, or her parents might have made a significant investment in her education. If there is debt, parents might prefer that she focus on paying it down rather than paying them rent. If they paid for her schooling, then paying rent could be a way of paying them back, at least symbolically.

    mkats is a smart gal and I believe has a good relationship with her parents, so they should be able to talk it through.

    My one piece of advice has been alluded to by others - if an adult child lives at home, for the parents sake, be part of the family. Join them for meals, help out with chores, spend some evenings with them, introduce them to friends who visit.

    It's hard for parents to see their babies grow up and no longer need them, so this is a great time to transition the relationship and show them that they still matter and that you still want them to be part of your life, even when you eventually take the big step and move out.

  19. #39

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    Quote Originally Posted by mkats View Post
    My question is - how much seems reasonable? I think it'll be up to me to bring up a number, but I don't want it to be too much or too little. None of the other college grads I know that moved home are paying rent at all, so I haven't been able to compare with them.

    Would appreciate hearing how others handled this situation. TIA
    Good! For! You! For such decent approach to living with your parents and not expecting it to be “free”!

    Never mind what others “don’t pay”….. They’ll be on welfare someday or “living off someone else” which such attitude… You can't live "in a place" and not pay....

    The fair thing to do is to count the number of people in your house, you being one of them, and divide “house rent/mortgage”, food bill and utilities by this number of people – you X/1 share of each expense is what you pay.

    Rent/Mortgage 3000/month, and you have 5 people – you pay 600.
    Food 600/month – you pay 120
    Etc…..

    That’s what I always did when I lived with parents, on and off. It makes you feel “equal” and you have just as much rights in the house as adults, and you’re not burdening your parents financially.

  20. #40

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    ^^ Don't feel bad; I didn't pay rent either. I lived at home for 2 1/2 years (commuting into NYC for work), but my parents refused to let me pay them real rent, so I paid around $200 per month, plus chipped in for groceries and certain other miscellaneous stuff. I was very frugal though, and I took all the money I would have paid on rent and paid off my $185,000 student loans (college and law school) and put some money into savings before moving back to NYC. Thanks Mom & Dad!
    "Marge, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'm just going to have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson in the Mr. Plow episode

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