Rebuildling trust in a work relationship

[Jenny]

It's not email logging in Outlook (it might be, but I don't use Outlook so I'm not familiar with it). What I mean by "email logging" is that somewhere in the IT department there is a server that tracks *all* the activity that *everyone* on the system carries out....be it email logging in/out, what applications they open, what websites they are looking at, etc. etc.

I see your point overedge about being prepared if this gets bigger or comes up again - however, if Bailey is spending work time on FSU and other personal sites or sending personal emails etc, this is not a can of worms you want to open.

The fact that she's always had access to her boss's email makes me wonder what the fuss is about - did he not know you had access? You might have an opportunity to show that you are proactive and responsible by suggesting to him that you contact IT yourself to remove those folders from your Outlook set up. If he needs you to action something in future, he can send it to you.

Also, just a word of caution - if you have access to his emails, maybe he also has access to yours, or other people do (other than IT of course). Best to keep your nose clean at work and not use it for anything personal (including online shopping etc).

[BaileyCatts]

The fact that she's always had access to her boss's email makes me wonder what the fuss is about - did he not know you had access?

That's the part I can't remember. When I started working for him 1.5 years ago, I sat at his desk and fixed the delegate page and clicked all the boxes (which is Calendar, Inbox, Tasks, Notes, Contact List), because I always click all the boxes. I can't remember if I specifically asked him if I should have access to his email, or I just automatically did it and asked him later and he said no he would manage, and then I never went back and removed it. So maybe he knew and maybe he didn't. I really can't remember. When he saw that message he had sent on my screen, I think the first thing he did was look at that delegate page and saw I had his Inbox and that other stuff, and clicked off all the boxes except calendar.

Yes, I'm still freaked out.

[snoopy]

BaileyCatts, do you do desktop support? Where I work only IT can set access like that.

[BaileyCatts]

No. In Outlook, as long as you know where to go to set it, you just go on the person's computer in their Outlook box, click Tools, Options, Delegates ... its all very self expanaltory and you just do it yourself. IT does not have to go behind the scenes and do anything. You would only need IT's help to walk you thru it if you really didn't know how to set that stuff. But you do it yourself at your own computer while you are logged into Outlook.

[overedge]

I can see why you're freaked out...but on the other hand I can think of a lot worser things that people at work do, and get fired for (sometimes).

I think what Jenny has suggested you say is excellent. Even if your boss is an ex-military by the book kind of guy, I am sure he isn't so hardnosed as to think that clicking on his calendar by mistake is something worth firing you over. And I can't see why he wouldn't understand that you "lied" - I don't think you did in a deceitful manipulative way, just that you misspoke what was going on because you were confused and upset about your mistake.

It sounds like you really haven't sorted out who has access to whose files - that you've just been operating on an informal understanding that has worked until now - so it would also make you look proactive and solution-oriented to bring that up with him, and to reach some sort of explicit mutual agreement that will hopefully avoid this issue happening again.

[Stormy]

If you've had access to his e-mail all the time, I'm surprised you didn't click on it accidentally before. So you were on his computer when this happened? If you were on his computer, he must have seen in Outlook there were two sets of folders, one for you and one for him. He must have known you had access to it.

Sounds like a good solution is to have yourself removed from his access all together, so he's assured it won't happen again.

[Quintuple]

How did it turn out? I typed out some thoughts, but everyone else covered it. I hope it turned out for the better!

[Rock2]

Often times, crises are the best times to (re)build a relationship such that you end up in a great place. This may be one of those times.

I'll keep in mind he's ex military and make some stereotypical assumptions there.

I agree that you want to be factual but you want to be 'real', too. Being human is often times the tie that binds.

If it were me, here are the types of things I'd do/say:

*schedule a meeting
*don't worry about being eloquent or polished since you are likely to be a loss for words on certain things. This works for you in terms of being sincere.

When you meet, be totally up front but tell him you don't have all the answers. Put yourself in his shoes and think about him. I can't emphasize this enough. The meeting is about him...not you. Points I'd make:
*I'm here because of what you saw and how I handled the situation
*I want to explain as best I can and leave you with some feeling that I can be trusted...because I can.
*I'm absolutely disappointed in the whole situation and I can't imagine how you're feeling.
*Here's what happened (and then explain it as you did earlier)
*Include an explanation about how you reacted when you were confronted, indicating that your embarrassment was overwhelming that you worked to minimize it by deflecting the situation rather than living up to your mistake
*Now you're here to live up to the mistake...and apologize
*I'd tell him (if this is true) that this is the only time this has happened, which you realize might be hard to believe, but you are telling the truth. If email activity can in any way be investigated by the company, you are happy to have that happen and that he'd find no suspicious activity.
*Finally reassure him that you feel terrible, he's in no danger having you as his assistant but realize all you can do is tell the truth and apologize. You appreciate that he has to make a judgement and you'll live with whatever he thinks is fair.

He'd probably let you off the hook if you are sincere and "real" enough without being emotional.

Those are my thoughts.

Good luck

[Aussie Willy]

We all make mistakes but it the ones who can discuss them openly and honestly who usually gain the most respect. I would try and see him first thing when back at work and just be upfront about it. Taking the initiative is always a good thing.

On the other hand it sounds like you are freaking out about it because you are going over it in your mind again and again. It could be more than likely it has moved to the back of his mind. And thus creating a mountain out of a molehill for yourself. And if you are away from work this is only playing on your mind more because you are not there and not in a position to deal with it.

In the end this is only a small thing in life. Live and learn. But I understand how easy it is easy to get bogged down in detail.

[Aceon6]

So, what happened? Did you work it out?

[BaileyCatts]

How did it turn out? I typed out some thoughts, but everyone else covered it. I hope it turned out for the better!

Not good. I think I am going to get fired. When I went back on TH, I barely had time to change my shoes and my boss and HR came to my desk and said "can we talk". They took me to a conferene room and said it was a "serious violation of our PVP Principles", they cut off my access to a forms system (uh, all it does is complete forms, I don't know what they thought I could do with that) and told me they changed all the locks in my bosses cube! They said they have discussed this with the VP and the President of our section! The HR person said that 'trust and integrity are our most important values and there is no where I can move you to' (what?). I was so shocked I could not say anything. I barely got out a "it was a mistake" and and they left me alone to "compose myself". They told me I was being sent home for the next two days on paid administrative leave while they investigated (uhm, this happned on May 5, its now May 13 and they haven't investiagted yet? Or was it because I had my laptop with me when I was out May 10-11-12? And why would they have not taken it from me on and done all this on May 7 when they knew I was out for the next 3 days?) and they would call me on Friday. They took my laptop from me.

I was hysterical all day Thursday, begged my sister to take off work and stay with me on Friday. We waited all day for that call .... ALL DAY .... they never called!!! I don't understand why they didn't call! Even if they are not done "investigating" yet, shouldn't they have at least called me and said "we are still looking into this situation, you are still on paid leave, we will contact you on Monday?? They didn't call at all!!! So now I don't even know what to do on Monday? Do I get up like normal and get dressed for work and then call them right before I leave the house to see if I am allowed to come to work? Do I just show up to work? I know I have no rights here, but wouldn't the courtsey thing to do would be to at least effing call me on Friday and tell me SOMETHING instead of letting me sit here all weekend stressed about it even more!?! I've heard nothing from them since 9:30am on Thursday!

I had finally calmed down a little because my sister/BIL think maybe that's a good thing. Their first concern was a security breech. They don't know what you did so they are looking at your computer to see if you sent anything to outsiders (which I did not). And that maybe now they are stuck in they don't know what to do. That maybe they are discussing with legal what to do? That maybe I won't get fired and maybe just moved out of my job? They also think maybe they are talking to legal to see what would my response be and what would be the best option to make sure I don't do anything like sue or something, so maybe try to determine some kind of severance package? Why didn't they call me on Friday at all!!!

What do you think? Do you think I am going to get fired? The bottomline is that my boss did not know I had access to his email, I was in it, he saw me. Those are the facts. Do you think I am going to get fired and all they are doing now is determining there are no criminal charges they can file against me (like if I was sending stuff to outsiders, which I did not!!!)??

I have worked there for 22 years!!!! Yes, I admit to having an attitude problem and I don't get along with the other girls, and people think I am 'unapproachable' when I am not. I am just very very introverted so people think I'm a bytch. Frankly I don't talk to people unless they talk to me. Yes, I have a sucky personality, I admit it. But I am a good, hard worker, I show up on time for work every day (unlike the other girls who seem to get away with showing up whenever they want), I do my job, I do it well, I get good performance reviews, I was even rated a 1 (the best) in 2008! Am I really going to get fired over this??????

[Angelskates]

After 22 years, could they be looking for a reason, especially if you don't get along with your coworkers?

It certainly sounds like you shouldn't have given yourself access to your boss' email. I think you could be fired for that. If you go to another meeting, make sure you can point out all of your good work, WITHOUT comparing yourself to your coworkers. You're a good worker because you're a good worker, not because your coworkers are late etc. Are you doing anything about the attitude problem you know you have? I think I would find someone who has an attitude problem unapproachable. It takes more than being a hard worker who shows up on time to be a good worker, a good worker also has a good attitude towards working, including with those you're working with - whether you like them or not.

[BigB08822]

I hope it all works out. Did you get a chance to better explain yourself and what happened and how and why you lied at first? It sounds like it is too late now, but did they give you a chance in the meeting? I don't know what you should do about Monday. That is a very weird situation and they should have called, knowing you would be in limbo come Monday morning if they didn't contact you. If it were me, I would just call first thing Monday morning. I wouldn't show up and be embarrassed and not allowed in the building or something. I am so sorry all of this happened, it sounds like a lot of things happened in just the right way for this to all go wrong. I guess that is life and all you can do is learn from what happened so it wont happen again. 22 years at one place is a very long time, hopefully they will take this into account and just put you on some kind of probation or something.

[BaileyCatts]

Did you get a chance to better explain yourself and what happened and how and why you lied at first? It sounds like it is too late now, but did they give you a chance in the meeting? .

I was too shocked to say anything. I never never never thought they would send me home on paid administrative leave, remove my systems access, change my bosses locks! I couldn't say anything! I couldn't move! I couldn't even form words in my head! All I could say was "am I going to get fired" and she said "yes that is a strong possiblity", I still coudn't say anything until I barely got out "it was a mistake" when they left me in the room. I sat there for almost an hour and could barely even breath, I couldn't move, they sent the nurse up from Health Services and she made me leave with her and go to Health Services! I sat there for another hour crying and all I kept saying to the nurse was "I want my stuff back! all of it!". I don't know what I was doing. I barely remember driving home.

And my boss is not even here next week. He is traveling and not back until Thursday? Does that even matter if he is there at this point since it is now an HR matter? Did he not want to be there when they fired me? But why could he just not be there Friday if they made me come up Friday late to fire me? I don't understand why they did not call me!

Do you really think I am going to get fired?

[BaileyCatts]

Can can you file for Unemployment if you get fired for cause? Because this would be violating policy, wouldn't it? Can you file for unemployment in the USA if you get fired that way?

[Aussie Willy]

Sounds like they are checking out the security situation. This is a big issue for companies. We recently lost access to our personal email accounts like hotmail because someone used it for sending out company documents. So everyone got punished. However we still have access to internet. So maybe there have been problems and you are now being punished for what others have done.

I agree with BigB08822. I wouldn't go in on Monday but ring and ask what is going on. Still I would be documenting everything and maybe give that to them. From what you have described, you have probably given them many reasons for them to think that you are guilty of something (because of your body language and the way you responded when your boss caught you out initially), regardless of whether you actually are.

Still 22 years in a workplace is an very long time. If attitude is a problem (which you have made comment on), that may not be in your favour. The other thing to consider though, is that if it works out that you may get fired, look on it as an opportunity for something else. The fact that they have taken this so seriously regardless of your length of service may indicate other issues. So even with this, I would probably start thinking about moving on from this workplace. Because you are probably never going to feel comfortable working there again.

[BaileyCatts]

I am so sorry all of this happened, it sounds like a lot of things happened in just the right way for this to all go wrong.

It did!! It all happened in a matter of 15 seconds!!!! My boss sent the chart, he got up and walked to person's desk, I clicked it open, he walked back and saw it on my screen as I quickly clicked it off .... it all happened that fast!! I don't click that box at the exact second in time that I did, this never ever happens! That is how fast it happened! The worst part was that I lied! Of course he knows what he saw on my screen! I don't know why I lied about it, and again, and again when he kept asking me until I spit out some lame fake apology!! I don't know why I didn't just tell the truth that it was just a mistake!!! Why did I do that?????

[Norlite]

After 22 years, could they be looking for a reason, especially if you don't get along with your coworkers?

This may very well be true. I've seen it happen over and over again with the one in any job who is considered, uhm, "the bitch" as you put it yourself. One slip up is what they wait for.

At any rate, I would go to work on Monday. The suspension was for two days, the two days are over, phone call or not. Go to work on Monday and face whatever is going to happen.


I hope it all works out for you BaileyCatts, whichever way it turns out.

[Stormy]

But here's what I don't get, if you were in your bosses e-mail, didn't you say there were two folders, one for yours and one for his? He must have known you had access to it, right? I know you were blindsided by this when you came back, but I wouldn't have left without making sure they knew your side of the story. Even if you try to do that when you go back on Monday, it might be a little too late since you already had two other opportunities to rectify the situation and you didn't. I mean, if they said your getting fired is a strong possibility, they were probably telling the truth. But I agree with those that have said if you've been there that long and the situation is being handled like this, then something else is probably going on. It does not sound like the ideal environment for you anyways, since you even said you don't get along with others there. There's probably better workplace environments for you, so even if you are let go, finding a new opportunity could be a good thing in the long run.

[iloveemoticons]

(((BaileyCatts))) I hope things work out. As overedge pointed out, if they have email logging on a central server , hopefully the investigation will show that it was a simple mistake and that you weren't deliberately compromising security.

And I agree with everyone that you really need to be firm about what happened and explain your side of the story clearly. No matter what happens, your boss and HR need to know the truth of what happened, that you made a mistake. Document any evidence you can to support your story, and be very careful about what you are asked to sign (for ex don't sign an admission that you did something wrong or an agreement to resign). All of that will factor into whether you are able to get unemployment.