Rebuildling trust in a work relationship

[skatesindreams]

BC, at least this is over, and you can find a better opportunity.
I'm glad that you have applications filed elsewhere.
It seems "beyond the pale" that you aren't allowed to recover your personal property.

Is there any indication of what they are permitted to/will say to perspective employers?

It may not feel like it now; but, this is probably for the best, given the atmosphere that would have surrounded you, had you remained there.

[numbers123]

Do.Not.Speak.Poorly. Believe me I know how hard it is - I really do know how hard it is. But speaking poorly or trashing your old employer will make others wonder how you would speak about them.

[jenny12]

BC, I am so sorry to hear the news, but I wish you the best of luck on your job search. I'm glad to hear you already have applications out.

[FiveRinger]

BC, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know that you don't believe me, but I think all of this is a blessing. There is something better for you in the horizon and this gives you a chance to go after it.

The bitterness goes away, but it takes time. Trust and believe, I've been there and done that. For weeks (more realistically, months) I prayed that I would run into my old supervisor on the street so that I could run her over or better yet, get her address and pay someone to kick her ass. But, as you will discover, it's best to put that energy into your job search and the next opportunity.

I wish you the best of luck. PM me if you need the ear of someone who has been there.

[Garden Kitty]

I'm sorry to hear the outcome as well, BC, but let me add my agreement to the people who recommend not saying anything bad about your company. No potential employer will respect such conversation, or think it reflects well on you. For your own sake, put your energies in finding something new that will make you feel good about going into work.

I know it's hard now, but try not to give a second thought to the other people at work. The only way they "win" is if they are able to impact you or make you worry about them. They're out of your life now, and it seems like you win by getting away from an environment that was destructive to your well being. They're not a part of your world or life anymore ane whatever they discuss should be irrelevant to you.

You know what they say about the best revenge is living well. Take this opportunity to find something that you like, and you'll ultimately be the winner.

[Quintuple]

BC, so sorry to hear that your company didn't handle it well based on what you shared. Sounds like they didn't research the incident well or have any compassion (not that any company would). It's just awful that some of it sounds fueled by non-protocol cattiness. I'm glad that behind the scenes you were doing everything you could to protect yourself and lay the groundwork for your future. And yes, based on how they behaved, you are better off not working there. Good luck!

[mrr50]

The less said, the better when it comes to your old company. You will be moving on to better things.

My brother-in-law actually had the best experience with revenge. At his new employment he was given a stack of resumes to go through(this was after a couple year with the new company), in that stack he found a resume sent by his old boss. He was allowed to pitch it into the trash.

[Karina1974]

As you can tell, I am bitter.

And I hate that those damn bytches have won

I will tell you this: if you stay bitter and don't let this go very soon, those "damn bytches" as you call them, definitely will have won. Do you want to be one of those pathetic people who let something like this define the rest of their lives? Life does go on, and it will continue going on without you if you let it. Focus only on the future and when thoughts about that old job or old co-workers rise up in you, flick them away like bugs off a windshield. Believe me, that feels a whole lot better than sinking into bitterness and resentment. Because that's precisely what resentment is: re-sent thoughts, and the subject(s) of those thoughts sure isn't/aren't getting them; you are, and they will end up wreaking havoc on your state of mind, body and spirit.

and I can only imagine the "did you hear BC got fired" gossip going around.

Why the feck do you, or should you be, caring about that? So they're probably talking about you... so what? They clearly weren't your friends on the job, you don't have to deal with them anymore, so let it go. Now. Same as with your above comments -- if you hang onto this and dwell on it, it will say far more about you and your character than it will ever say about them.

[Anita18]

BC, I know the temptation is great to trash your company, but I strongly advise you NOT TO DO SO. Not on the internet and certainly not to a competitor or on a job interview. It will not hurt them, but will have a horrible impact on you. You never, ever say something negative about your previous employer if you are looking for a new job. Ever.

Hope things work out for you soon.

Definitely. The people you dislike at the company are NOT the company. They'll probably move on themselves and take whatever bad attitude they had with them.

Plus it's a very very very VERY bad idea to burn any bridges, especially when you've spent such a big part of your working life there. If you couldn't speak well about the company that you worked for for 22 years, what other job experience can you use on your resume?

As for the person who said apparently my boss did not hold me in the regard I held him, apparently so. Although the person who said my initial reaction may have caused the greater problem might be right, I still don't understand why I responded the way that I did. But I still think he would have pushed it. This was simply finally a way that department could get rid of me since they have never liked me, and vice versa. As you can tell, I am bitter. I never wanted to work in that effing department to begin with. I only did to move with my boss at THAT time, and he up and quits 6 months later. If I would have stayed where I was two years ago, this never happens. And I hate that those damn bytches have won and I can only imagine the "did you hear BC got fired" gossip going around.

The gossip doesn't matter. You won't be there to hear it, you'll probably never see any of those people again. So it can't affect you.

Be better than them - don't gossip. Gossip is for people who don't know what else to do with themselves.

I'm really sorry to hear that you got fired. Being there for 22 years...that's a long time and it definitely seems like that all that was for naught.

But good riddance, especially if you were unhappy there. A new start means new opportunities, and hopefully a better working environment.

[Anita18]

My brother-in-law actually had the best experience with revenge. At his new employment he was given a stack of resumes to go through(this was after a couple year with the new company), in that stack he found a resume sent by his old boss. He was allowed to pitch it into the trash.

That's the way to do it!

[Aussie Willy]

Regardless of what has happened, I believe turn the negative into a positive and I am sure this is a golden opportunity to make a change. A long work history is always looked favourably (demonstrates loyalty to a company). But if they are going to treat you that way, they are not a company you want to work for anyway. You never know, you may now end up in a fantastic job for a company you will really love working for.

I agree with others about being careful what you say about your old employee. Toxic workplaces can really f*ck with your mind, having worked in one as my first real permanent job many years ago (and I stayed there 3 years). The fact you have been there so long can only compound the problems and bad feelings.

So the best retribution is to find a great job now. And then if you ever saw anyone from that place, the best thing you can say is you love your new job and work with really great people. I know that happened after one place I was let go from. Saw someone from it in a store once and the main comment I could make was that I was now working for a company where I am paid really well (because I was paid sh*t at the other place).

[Eden]

BC {{{{hugs}}}, sorry to hear that.
Please, be strong!
And remember:
Sometimes when we think it's the end of the world for us, we realize later that it is the new beginning of a better opportunity.
Good Luck!

[dbell1]

After 22 years, I can imagine wanting to be bitter and vindictive, but seriously - you were caught, lied, lied a few more times and had a very poor meeting resulting in the nurse coming to get you. I've seen people fired for less. Much less. They did nothing to cause you to open the email and you were offered ample opportunity by the boss to come clean. I'm sympathetic to you being upset, but it's not their fault this happened. And no one else in the company is to blame either.

I've given my fair share of notices over the years. No matter why I left, I walked away on the best terms possible. The world is a small place when it comes to employers, especially if you're applying to the competition. Trashing them online, in interviews (if you get that far) and on a daily basis turns you into a petty rock stuck in a bad place. Hell, I had a boss who threatened to fire me weekly, had me working 55 hour weeks, including nights, weekends and holidays at his beck and call and when I finally gave 3 weeks notice (even though I could have walked out that day) he was so freaking impressed with my professionalism that he offered me a PT job. His partners tried to keep me on too. I've left other jobs where the clients tried to hire me.

Slamming doors is never a good thing. It's all in the way you leave and trashing them will backfire badly.

[iloveemoticons]

(((BC))) Hope your job search goes well! Agree with everyone on keeping positive and focusing on your future.

[overedge]

Agreed that this outcome is unfortunate, and I too am very sorry that it ended like this. Good for you for challenging the form and their insisting that you sign it, and for noticing that it didn't have a non-compete clause.

Definitely, this may be a chance for new and better opportunities. I too wouldn't waste any energy at all worrying about the bytch former co-workers and what they might be saying. Instead, imagine how good you will feel when you find another job that doesn't involve having to endure them.

[Angelskates]

BaileyCatts, I'm sorry you're going through such a bad time. But it's over, that should be some kind of consolation. Limbo sucks.

I do think one thing you need to do is accept full responsibility for your actions though. This is your fault, not your company's fault. You do need to move on, but the longer you keep blaming others for your misery, the harder that will be. The people that are gossiping about you, your former boss, HR - they didn't cause this, you did. You gave them a reason to fire you. There will probably be people you don't like at ever job you work, and you need to deal with that professionally. I agree that you shouldn't trash them, it's unprofessional, and to be honest, you have no obvious reason to - I believe they did what the majority of companies would have. They have plenty of reasons to "trash" you and give out poor references. You need them more than they need you.

I am also a huge advocate for professional counselling - if you need it to talk things through, learn some coping skills, or even coaching (life and/or career), find it. Your initial anger, I believe, was a result of fear (fear or loosing your job, upsetting people, loosing trust, being gossiped about), and your lying was probably to cover that up. You need to work through that.

You have the opportunity for a fresh start; take it. I wish you all the best in your search.

[Yazmeen]

((((((((((((BC))))))))))))))

A small suggestion - whenever a job does not work out, it's a "bad fit." Which is a good way to describe it.

I don't honestly know what you have to say regarding your last job; however, don't badmouth the company. My last boss was the reason I left my previous job; however, I described it as when he was unexpectedly made our leader, he changed the position I was hired for and eliminated my strategic role, which was my purpose for being there. That sounded a hell of a lot better than him being an asshat who didn't want me to have the control I was supposed to have (making him follow rules for our work he wouldn't follow).

[essence_of_soy]

For any new job you interview for, ask if it is possible to work a day or half day there just to see if the office culture is a good fit for everyone.

Not only does that show you are serious and interested in the role, but it will give you a true indication of the environment without walking into something cold and regretting it in the long term.

[Angelskates]

For any new job you interview for, ask if it is possible to work a day or half day there just to see if the office culture is a good fit for everyone.

Not only does that show you are serious and interested in the role, but it will give you a true indication of the environment without walking into something cold and regretting it in the long term.

That doesn't say to me that you're interested in the role. I would never agree to this, and I think it shows bad form to ask. Part of having a job is making it fit you as best as possible, horrible coworkers or not.

Asking for a half day to "try" screams fussy, difficult to get along with, looking for alternatives, and just not sure about the job to me. You can't tell very much in a half day anyway, but can you imagine how much that would interrupt the office? What if each person who tried a half day decided the office culture wasn't for them? When should training occur? Employers can't afford to offer trials, it takes too much effort, time and money to train people.

[Bostonfan]

Sometimes after spending a long tenure in one place, it helps to do some temp work. A lot of people will do that anyway while doing their job search. Besides earning some money, temping exposes you to a lot of different companies, and could lead to a permanent position - at which point you could decide whether or not to accept based on the office culture you experienced while temping.