Rebuildling trust in a work relationship

[heckles]

if they are going to fire me anyway why they could not have called me up at 6p Friday night

Employers are rethinking the tradition of firing people on Friday evenings. The reason is that many now believe it's better to fire the person early in the work week so she can look forward to filing for unemployment and calling new employers the next morning. In some states, I think North Carolina is one of them, the employer must fire the employee at the beginning of a shift because it's believed that if an employer knows that he plans to fire the employee at the end of the work day he will treat the employee poorly all day.

Good luck to you this week. Hope it works out well.

[Aussie Willy]

I know it's scary and upsetting and hard to see how anything good can come from this. But I've had friends who've gone through similar things, and a year later most of them are amazed at the positive changes they've made in their lives and the skills the talents and strength they found in themselves.

Totally agree. I have had situations with jobs where it didn't work out, but it then only led onto better things. Now I am in a job where I have opportunities and am happy. That probably would never had happened if it hadn't been for being sacked from a job about 4 years ago. Because being honest that particular job made me miserable.

[GarrAarghHrumph]

That maybe they are discussing with legal what to do? That maybe I won't get fired and maybe just moved out of my job? They also think maybe they are talking to legal to see what would my response be and what would be the best option to make sure I don't do anything like sue or something, so maybe try to determine some kind of severance package? Why didn't they call me on Friday at all!!!

What do you think? Do you think I am going to get fired? The bottomline is that my boss did not know I had access to his email, I was in it, he saw me. Those are the facts. Do you think I am going to get fired and all they are doing now is determining there are no criminal charges they can file against me (like if I was sending stuff to outsiders, which I did not!!!)??

I have worked there for 22 years!!!! Yes, I admit to having an attitude problem and I don't get along with the other girls, and people think I am 'unapproachable' when I am not. I am just very very introverted so people think I'm a bytch. Frankly I don't talk to people unless they talk to me. Yes, I have a sucky personality, I admit it. But I am a good, hard worker, I show up on time for work every day (unlike the other girls who seem to get away with showing up whenever they want), I do my job, I do it well, I get good performance reviews, I was even rated a 1 (the best) in 2008! Am I really going to get fired over this??????

As others have said, IMO, this is the thing they're going to use to get rid of you, but the other issues you mentioned are also a factor - attitude, fitting in, unapproachable demeanor. But the straw that has broken the camel's back is the lying, and IMO, you are very likely going to be fired, and you need to steel yourself up for that.

Someone else up thread gave some great advice re: showing up tomorrow. Show up. It's going to SUCK, but show up.

[SceneIt]

I wish you the best this morning. I hope they don't present you with a severance package that they have been putting together during your time off. If so, they don't want you working there any longer and there's nothing that you can do about it.

Everything happens for a reason. I do think you handled the situation badly. If anything, the moment you sit in their offices, they will pass you a written severance agreement you will have to sign. If they don't right away, apologize for handling this so poorly, don't admit to something you didn't do,and stand your ground.

Goodluck!

[mrr50]

I wish I had read this thread earlier. GOOD LUCK! If they give you something to sign today, make sure you READ it. As stupid as that sounds, I can't tell you how many times people sign things that are not in their best interest.

[Jenny]

I agree with all those who said Bailey should show up for work this morning, and hope she did. IMO your reputation for professionalism is something that should be protected above all else, especially when one incident threatens to blow a 22 year record.

I also agree that this is a really harsh reaction for something that was definitely wrong, but in the context of a 22-year service record, is relatively minor. There has to be more to it - and my guess is that in this climate, they are looking for excuses to get rid of people. Let's be honest, even if the work has been good, any of us are replaceable with someone who is cheaper. And who doesn't create any morale issues by not getting along with others.

Bailey, I'm sad to say that even if you don't lose your job now, your worklife there isn't going to get any better from here. I also know that after 22 years, it's not easy to just find something else.

I think you need to take this opportunity to have a good think. As Garden Kitty said, from your posts here you are obviously an intelligent and interesting person, you can be proud of your work over the past 22 years, and you have a sister who supports you. Lean on those things as you sort out your emotions over this and put things into perspective, and for heaven's sake, take care of yourself!

There's a new book making the rounds, haven't read it but it's getting great reviews, about a NY magazine editor who was on top of the world for years, and then it all fell apart when the magazine folded and she lost her job. If you have some time off, it might help you sort through your feelings - her name is Dominique Browning.

[Stormy]

He is probably the greatest boss I have ever worked for in 22 years and we had such a great working relationship and he has done so much to support me in the organization when I have the problems that I do in not getting along with the other girls. I don't know why I did this and ruined my effing life. I have nothing else in my life but that job. I don't have any close friends, I'm not married, no boyfriend, as much as I did not like those girls, I could ignore that because I liked my boss so much and I looked forward to going to work because he was so nice and I ruined all that. I would have been able to work for him for at least a good 3+ years before he would have gotten moved to another role and I threw that all away over a stupid mistake. I know those girls are just salivating over telling everyone I got fired and that I got what was coming to me when they are just as bytchy to me as I may be to them.

Here's the thing....if your boss was so great and so nice and you had such a great working relationship, why did he all of a sudden turn on you? If you had such a wonderful relationship, why did you feel the need to lie? Maybe he wasn't as great as you thought?

Also, you didn't ruin your life. I know it feels like that now, but this could be a great thing. It could be an opportunity for you to find something else other than your job that you can enjoy, which it sounds like you sorely need. Other than the job search, you will need something to occupy your time so you start a new hobby, or try something new you've wanted to do. This could be a good thing in the long run, it really could.

[Gypsy]

(((Baileycatts)))

Just hang in there and stay strong.

Please let us know how things are going and remeber we are here for you!!!

[talulabell]

I've been following this thread, and I'm with everyone who's wishing you well today. I'm sure, no matter what, today will be tough. I hope you had the chance to really explain what happened (as calmly as possible). Good luck.

[WindSpirit]

Hey BaileyCatts, I just read the latest. You must be there now. Keeping my fingers crossed and sending good thoughts.

[Southpaw]

Jumping in to say Good Luck, BaileyCatts!

[skatesindreams]

I'll be thinking of you all day!

[mon125]

Good luck!!!

[numbers123]

One mistake doesn't change a record of accomplishment, so even if this doesn't work out the way you want, don't beat yourself up or question your ability. Good luck!

I am going to second what gardenkitty said here. It has taken me two plus years to recognize that my situation was a "business" decision and not a reflection of who and what I am. It is totally confusing, frustrating, etc. to face something like this after years of employment and good performance reviews.

I even had one HR person in that organization tell me it was all wrong to be doing what they did to me.

I know that I won't be able to change what happens, but it has indeed taken me two plus years to come to that and still have nightmares over it so I know that it will be hard for you too.

I wish I had read this thread earlier. GOOD LUCK! If they give you something to sign today, make sure you READ it. As stupid as that sounds, I can't tell you how many times people sign things that are not in their best interest.

Since they were basically buying me out by changing my job description/eliminating my position, I had time to ask to review the documents. I faxed them to my brother, the lawyer, and he said it was the typical, yadda, yadda, yadda. I have been told that even with severance, you can apply for unemployment - too late for me, but maybe in time for you.

[Moto Guzzi]

(((BaileyCatts))) I just read this whole thread, and I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope everything will work out for you. As others have already told you, you have not ruined your life. You have many good qualities that will make you an asset to any employer. If you are, indeed, fired from your job, your company probably is not the best place to work if one relatively minor incident will cancel out 22 years of good service. You deserve better than that.

We all make mistakes, but the important thing is to learn from them and not let them make you feel badly about yourself. You didn't do anything malicious in an effort to harm your boss or your company; it was a mistake and nothing more.

Best of luck to you in getting this issue resolved. If you must find another job, so be it. Look at it as an opportunity to move on to better things.

[BaileyCatts]

Promptly at 8:30am this morning I got a phone call from the HR lady. All she said was she and her manager (the head HR person) would like to "talk to me for a few minutes at noon on Tuesday". That's it. Guesses on what that means .. "talk to me for a few minutes" with my department HR person and the head HR person? My boss won't be there, he is traveling. They are having me go to the head HR person's office, which is one floor below where I work. Its noon time .. I will definitely run into people in the hallways and elevators and parking lot going out to lunch. They couldn't have me come to a lobby conference room or something where I won't have to run into people I know? :-(

I am definitly not going to sign anything right that minute unless I have the time to fully read it and understand it, even if it is just one paragraph long.

What about my stuff? I know that's not really the important thing anymore, but I have 22 years worth of stuff there. Containers and storage units and tray dividers and supplies, things that I bought with my own money that you wouldn't think was "personal items" like pictures and trinkets, and I want every last thing back. I've been trying to make a list and imagine my desk, but I still know I am missing things. Is it okay for me to ask if I can be escorted to my desk AFTER HOURS when no one is there so I can make sure I get everything back? Because I know I won't if someone packs it and sends it to me. I even have stuff stored in cabinets in the hallways (like a radio and some other stuff I can't remember), a locker in the bathroom (don't know the number, I just know which door to open). I know its not important in the grand scheme, but I want every last little thing back. I have personal papers in my desk I want back too. They are scattered everywhere.

What about my personal documents on my computer? I mean like my personnel reviews, my resume, back in the 1990's I typed up both my grandmother's funeral sermons, I have pictures of my cat on there. Will they let me have anything off the computer?

[genevieve]

Are you on PST (meaning you've got a few hours)? Find a way to get everything personal off your computer NOW. Your personal effects will be returned to you (hopefully you will get to pack them yourself, but if not, make a list and you'll get it), but personal files on your computer won't be. If you are terminated they will probable lock your computer while you are in the meeting.

Don't spend time worrying about 'what it means'. You know what it means - it's most likely either a disciplinary meeting or a termination meeting. Use this time to get calm and focused. It might help to write out your side of what happened so you can refer to it. Even if they don't ask, you should tell your side of it.

Above all, stay calm. I know that is difficult, but it's critical.

Good luck.

[BaileyCatts]

They already took my laptop from me, so I can't even try to get anything off of it. Luckily I think I do have all my cat's pictures, but I don't know about the other things, and I don't want those girls reading my old personel reviews or my resume or stuff like that because they will have to give it to them to get my work documents off of it, and I just know they will read every single thing.

I am on Eastern Time in Ohio.

[genevieve]

HR should clean the laptop before giving it out to someone else. It would be completely inappropriate for them to give out a laptop with someone else's reviews on it.

So the meeting has already happened (isn't it 12:45 there)?

[Norlite]

So the meeting has already happened (isn't it 12:45 there)?

Noon Tuesday gen.