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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Icetalavista View Post
    You know how they have those posters up about what behavior is/isn't acceptable at various sports events (for the kid athletes)? Why don't coaches be completely up front with parents who bring their kids to them for the first time and set boundaries then? For example, if I observe you berating your kid after practice/tests/competitions, our coaching relationship ends? etc etc
    That's exactly why when kids (or adults) begin training at Siudeks' club, they get all the rules layed down. Both for the skaters themselves and for the parents.

    And if they don't like them or break any of them, they can go elsewhere.

    But yes, if a coach really needs $$$ they can't afford to be that strict.

  2. #22

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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    On behalf of teachers throughout America and much of the rest of the universe, I would like to say welcome to our world.

    We have the slight advantage of them not being at school all the time, but they are able to fill our in boxes, call us on the phone (even at home, at 7:30 Sunday morning perhaps), stalk us at our homes (seriously, I had a parent driving past my house last spring to check my whereabouts--and he was an officer in the local police department), shove their way into the grocery line while we are paying to discuss the kid's exam grade. In July. While we are paying for the groceries. Stop us to request that we call them. At church. In the communion line. And if we are not completely cooperative with all of this--they call our bosses to complain about us. Always leaving out information such as "I asked her while she was in line for communion" or "I left the phone message at her house at 1 a.m. which may be why she did not call me back in the half hour time frame I requested."
    Do you live in a small town? I can't imagine being seen/tracked down like that.

    About the athlete's parents from hell -
    there's lots of talk about crazy parents trying to live their own dreams through their children, but I think there's also the parents who just can't bear for their child to be average and normal. They pressure their kids to be perfect, or the best, because it's important for the parents' own twisted egos. Being average isn't good enough.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by maggylyn View Post
    :there's lots of talk about crazy parents trying to live their own dreams through their children, but I think there's also the parents who just can't bear for their child to be average and normal. They pressure their kids to be perfect, or the best, because it's important for the parents' own twisted egos. Being average isn't good enough.
    Actually my parents' generation was all like that. That's how they raised us.

    Did I like it? No. But they did push us to try harder.

  4. #24

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    There are all kinds of bad practices on both sides - coaches and parents.

    The thing of it is that there is an enormous amount of money involved in the sport. Parents can never really be sure their child is as talented as they're being told because the coach won't make any money if the parents decide to pull their kid out of competitive skating. If the parents have money, some coaches will milk that for all it's worth - sandbagging the kid so he/she can win medals thereby encouraging the parents to continue to pay.

    Yes there are abusive parents in sports. Yes there are parents living vicariously through their children. But the vast majority of skating parents are truly there to support their kids' dreams and they're doing so with no real clue as to what it will take for their kid to become an elite athlete, or what they need to do to help their child succeed. There's no manual to tell you how to pick a coach, or a club, or anything else.

    I agree that someone needs to lay it out what is expected of the skater, of the parents, and of the coaches, but I've never had a coach do it for my kid or for me and I don't knnow of any other parents whose coaches did something similar.

  5. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    To be fair, though, so can over controlling coaches. Sometimes difficult parents are created by difficult coaches. I've seen coaches who were far worse than the worst parent.

    Not you, though, JockProf !
    And then there are the coaches who coach their own kids who are just awful. Because the kid can't get away from either parent or coach and has no-one to defend them. They are kids that I feel very sorry for.
    When you are up to your arse in alligators it is difficult to remember you were only meant to be draining the swamp.

  6. #26

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    Ah-stage Moms (and Dads.) Not skating, but dance is not far behind. I have stories of mothers who took their children out of broken leg casts two weeks early so they could audition for the Bolshoi school..and this child was only 12! But mostly, I see it in small, petty gossip and meanness to other dancers. I'm sure this is true of skaters. It's like a subtle undermining psychologically of those who might not have been genetically blessed with perfect ballet bodies.

    I write murder mysteries, and my next one is about stage/ice skating mothers. I'm going to kill off a few.

  7. #27

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    I write murder mysteries, and my next one is about stage/ice skating mothers. I'm going to kill off a few.
    I'd read that.

  8. #28

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    Quote Originally Posted by Holley Calmes View Post
    I write murder mysteries, and my next one is about stage/ice skating mothers. I'm going to kill off a few.
    Can the rest of us here help you?
    When you are up to your arse in alligators it is difficult to remember you were only meant to be draining the swamp.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aussie Willy View Post
    Can the rest of us here help you?
    I'll help, but I want to torture a few coaches and judges in the book.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by jlai View Post
    After reading several positive stories about a skater and his family, I got talked into paying for tickets at one event for that skater's parents. When I called the mom up to offer my help, she yelled at me and demanded to know where all her tickets for all her events were (I only knew about one event). She talked as if I owed her money or something. She had no desire to know who I was; only that I was to make the arrangement the way she wanted it.

    Then I haerd similar stories from other fans.

    I'm so sorry for getting you roped into that mess. She did a lot of lying to a lot of fans at that event. Including me. Karma did come around for her, however.
    And yeah, I've also got another story for you about that same Mom.
    After the comp, we invited her and several FSUers and some friends of mine that came down to watch one of the events to a late night dinner at a local restaurant nearby. She tried to get us to cover HER meal, as if it was her right as a parent of a competitor to have someone else pay her way. We stood our ground, and she threw a fit. She ended up ordering Potato salad or something, and whined about the cost. Then she freaked out and wanted someone to drive her to her hotel.....which was within walking distance among a large crowd of people going to the same place. I think that one of my friends drove her there, just to shut her up.


    A good story:
    While another member of a skaters family at the same comp accepted one ticket that they were looking for and a photograph in a new costume of this skater's partner that I had taken at a practice very graciously and then insisted on paying for it several times, even though I kept graciously turning her down. Total class! I'm glad that this skater (and partner) won a medal at this event!

  11. #31
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    I think I can guess which pair.

    Thanks for sharing your stories. I did go "no wonder..." after the phone call. Anyway, no need to apologize. Now we have stories to share should we meet at a competition!

    Quote Originally Posted by avivadawn View Post
    I'm so sorry for getting you roped into that mess. She did a lot of lying to a lot of fans at that event. Including me. Karma did come around for her, however.
    And yeah, I've also got another story for you about that same Mom.
    After the comp, we invited her and several FSUers and some friends of mine that came down to watch one of the events to a late night dinner at a local restaurant nearby. She tried to get us to cover HER meal, as if it was her right as a parent of a competitor to have someone else pay her way. We stood our ground, and she threw a fit. She ended up ordering Potato salad or something, and whined about the cost. Then she freaked out and wanted someone to drive her to her hotel.....which was within walking distance among a large crowd of people going to the same place. I think that one of my friends drove her there, just to shut her up.

    A good story:
    While another member of a skaters family at the same comp accepted one ticket that they were looking for and a photograph in a new costume of this skater's partner that I had taken at a practice very graciously and then insisted on paying for it several times, even though I kept graciously turning her down. Total class! I'm glad that this skater (and partner) won a medal at this event!

  12. #32
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    Above two posts, I don't understand why you had to pay for anything for this woman. What kind of competition was it, that there was an entry fee? I know it wasn't Nationals, because the chaperone gets a free pass to all events. And any regional or sectional I've been to, parents (at least) don't pay).

    And what kind of person would behave like that after you extended such a kindness?

  13. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    And what kind of person would behave like that after you extended such a kindness?
    Well, the kind of person that belongs in this discussion.

  14. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aussie Willy View Post
    And then there are the coaches who coach their own kids who are just awful. Because the kid can't get away from either parent or coach and has no-one to defend them. They are kids that I feel very sorry for.
    My mother was a pianist. Extremely talented, classically trained at a well-known conservatory. She married and back then, she didn't have a chance to achieve her dream.

    I was born when she was older, more focused. I was musically talented. She decided to teach me. IT WAS HELL.

    I saved myself by choosing to pursue an instrument she couldn't play. My college scholarship was in instrumental music so I did have talent, but I decided I didn't want to chance becoming my mother. I changed my major.

  15. #35

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aussie Willy View Post
    Can the rest of us here help you?
    Why, yes. Send me a message and I'll give you my personal email so you can send your tales of woe. I love me a good nasty mom-bitch-from-hell stage mother story, whether the stage is wood or ice.

  16. #36
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    The events mentioned above occurred at a ISU event.

  17. #37
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    Oh, aviva, I remember that.

    Fun times, eh? I had to leave before the hissy fit, thank God.

    I mostly just see lots of the skater mamas from hell with the itty bitty girls, yelling at them.

  18. #38
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    ^^

    Is not knowing who that is killing anyone else as well? I love a good "skating mommaz" story, but even more so when it's high level, instead of just my rink.

    My favourite story? A mum calling her daughter a "stubborn cow" and then refusing to let her have any fruit juice, because "we have to monitor your sugar levels" and then making her run through her program multiple times. This was on her NINTH birthday! Urgh.

  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by KateLeTangerine View Post
    A mum calling her daughter a "stubborn cow" and then refusing to let her have any fruit juice, because "we have to monitor your sugar levels" and then making her run through her program multiple times. This was on her NINTH birthday! Urgh.
    Because doing multiple program run-throughs without any blood sugar to provide energy is such a great idea...

    Somebody call the child protection services!

  20. #40

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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    On behalf of teachers throughout America and much of the rest of the universe, I would like to say welcome to our world.

    We have the slight advantage of them not being at school all the time, but they are able to fill our in boxes, call us on the phone (even at home, at 7:30 Sunday morning perhaps), stalk us at our homes (seriously, I had a parent driving past my house last spring to check my whereabouts--and he was an officer in the local police department), shove their way into the grocery line while we are paying to discuss the kid's exam grade. In July. While we are paying for the groceries. Stop us to request that we call them. At church. In the communion line. And if we are not completely cooperative with all of this--they call our bosses to complain about us. Always leaving out information such as "I asked her while she was in line for communion" or "I left the phone message at her house at 1 a.m. which may be why she did not call me back in the half hour time frame I requested."
    My mom teaches middle school math in Moscow, Russia. She could have written this paragraph. One thing she would add is: parents showing up drunk before the start of the first lesson to argue about grading (Ok, it happened only once but I'm still )
    Sorry for the thread drift, but this paragraph really hit a chord!

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