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  1. #1
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    Skating Mommaz from Hell

    Because the Joubert thread is getting derailed by this (partly my fault), share all your horrifying skating mommaz (and pappaz) stories here.

    The only thing I have to contribute:

    A skater skated the best performance of their life at a competition, but singled their last jump. They were ecstatic. When they went to their mom after the performance, the first thing she said to them was "Why haven't you landed that [last jump]?"

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    Are you using they as a way to suppress gender information or is this pair skating?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jlai View Post
    Are you using they as a way to suppress gender information or is this pair skating?
    To make it gender neutral.

    I was talking about one person.

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    Hmm Ziggy. How long ago was this (roughly)?

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    After reading several positive stories about a skater and his family, I got talked into paying for tickets at one event for that skater's parents. When I called the mom up to offer my help, she yelled at me and demanded to know where all her tickets for all her events were (I only knew about one event). She talked as if I owed her money or something. She had no desire to know who I was; only that I was to make the arrangement the way she wanted it.

    Then I haerd similar stories from other fans.

    People like that are the ones you never hear about in skating news. You really never know about people, really. Sometimes the normal ones aren't that normal either. sometimes I do wonder if one can invest lifetime's savings into a child's skating and be normal.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy View Post
    Because the Joubert thread is getting derailed by this (partly my fault), share all your horrifying skating mommaz (and pappaz) stories here.

    The only thing I have to contribute:

    A skater skated the best performance of their life at a competition, but singled their last jump. They were ecstatic. When they went to their mom after the performance, the first thing she said to them was "Why haven't you landed that [last jump]?"
    10 bucks says it was Lavonna Harding's response to Tonya's fantastic career - high performance at Skate America 1991.

    Makes me wanna whack her with Suzanne Bonaly's broomstick.

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    Wow that performance was so amazing. Such a wasted talent.

    And the person I talked about isn't anyone famous. Just a good example of how thoughtless and cruel parents can be. :/

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    This story is about 4 years old..I had a 5 years old student who was at her first competition. I should note that the Learn to Skate coaches figured I was the only one who could deal with the freaky stage mom...so I had this little girl for about 6 months as a student. She started her solo great but about 30 seconds before then end she totally forgot what to do. As I was by the boards, I made some signs to tell her what to do. I swear I had never seen a little girl so frightened.

    When she came out the ice, I conforted her saying that she did great, that she did it like she should have do, like a champion, etc...She knew very well she messed up but, I mean, she's a five years old at her first comp, what should you expect? By the time she had her skates off, she was okay. Then we went to see her parents. Her mom wasn't in the stands when whe arrived. I explained to her father that it didn't matter she forgot. The first thing her mom said when she came back is: « Student name» you have alzheimer!!!!

    I swear I was about to punch the mom...She is probably one of the biggest stage mom in our club as the little girl is still skating along with her younger sister...

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    Quote Originally Posted by firefly View Post
    This story is about 4 years old..I had a 5 years old student who was at her first competition. I should note that the Learn to Skate coaches figured I was the only one who could deal with the freaky stage mom...so I had this little girl for about 6 months as a student. She started her solo great but about 30 seconds before then end she totally forgot what to do. As I was by the boards, I made some signs to tell her what to do. I swear I had never seen a little girl so frightened.

    When she came out the ice, I conforted her saying that she did great, that she did it like she should have do, like a champion, etc...She knew very well she messed up but, I mean, she's a five years old at her first comp, what should you expect? By the time she had her skates off, she was okay. Then we went to see her parents. Her mom wasn't in the stands when whe arrived. I explained to her father that it didn't matter she forgot. The first thing her mom said when she came back is: « Student name» you have alzheimer!!!!

    I swear I was about to punch the mom...She is probably one of the biggest stage mom in our club as the little girl is still skating along with her younger sister...
    ahhh the nightmare ! How can you, as a coach, deal with that ? I mean can you say to the mom that this is not a problem if the girl messed up at such a young age and for her first competition ? How far do/can you go in explaining to parents what is important and what is not ? You teach the skater but sometimes parents just need some "sportive behavior" training to.

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    It's hard because they are paying you to teach their kid, not to hear parenting advice and you don't have the authority to be supernanny either. So you can't do much really, I guess other than gentle encouragment.

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    Well, I think that one of the hardest part of the coaching job is not technic, pressure or weird schedule (not only), it's parents from hell ! They are always around you, at the rink looking at whatever you do, acting badly with their kid and even being unproductive and a bother for your work.

    What do those parents think ? They are crual. I would like to say them that it's not because they couln't fulfill their personal dream that they have to force their child to do that for them ! Would they like to have someone always on them telling that they don't work hard enough, that they should skate like this or like that ? Sure no, so why do that to the kid ?... grrrr

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    Quote Originally Posted by Artifice View Post
    Well, I think that one of the hardest part of the coaching job is not technic, pressure or weird schedule (not only), it's parents from hell !
    On behalf of teachers throughout America and much of the rest of the universe, I would like to say welcome to our world.

    We have the slight advantage of them not being at school all the time, but they are able to fill our in boxes, call us on the phone (even at home, at 7:30 Sunday morning perhaps), stalk us at our homes (seriously, I had a parent driving past my house last spring to check my whereabouts--and he was an officer in the local police department), shove their way into the grocery line while we are paying to discuss the kid's exam grade. In July. While we are paying for the groceries. Stop us to request that we call them. At church. In the communion line. And if we are not completely cooperative with all of this--they call our bosses to complain about us. Always leaving out information such as "I asked her while she was in line for communion" or "I left the phone message at her house at 1 a.m. which may be why she did not call me back in the half hour time frame I requested."

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    I agree, there's not much we can do unfortunately. Just do your best so the kids are happy when they are with you...In my case, I just said nothing. If I had said something I think I would not have said it the way I wanted and I probably would have offended the mom enough that I would have been in trouble with the Learn to Skate coaches. I was around 18 at the time so I had absolutely not credibility whatsoever to give parenting advice!!

    Artifice, your so right. I am not a coach anymore, but for me he most important thing is that the kid is happy and has other interests in ilfe than skating. There are other important things like knowing how to make friends, go to school, play, etc...You need to push the talented kids but not at the expense of other things...

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    Quote Originally Posted by jlai View Post
    After reading several positive stories about a skater and his family, I got talked into paying for tickets at one event for that skater's parents. When I called the mom up to offer my help, she yelled at me and demanded to know where all her tickets for all her events were (I only knew about one event). She talked as if I owed her money or something. She had no desire to know who I was; only that I was to make the arrangement the way she wanted it.
    I don't understand. Why would you be paying for a skater's parent's tickets? And if it's that the parents couldn't afford them, they should have been thanking you, not attacking you. Was this a major competition? Because, I've never seen open comps that charge admission (at least not more than a few dollars). And if the parents can't afford the tickets, how do they pay for skating? Sounds like you had to deal with a true nut job!

    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    On behalf of teachers throughout America and much of the rest of the universe, I would like to say welcome to our world.

    We have the slight advantage of them not being at school all the time, but they are able to fill our in boxes, call us on the phone (even at home, at 7:30 Sunday morning perhaps), stalk us at our homes (seriously, I had a parent driving past my house last spring to check my whereabouts--and he was an officer in the local police department), shove their way into the grocery line while we are paying to discuss the kid's exam grade. In July. While we are paying for the groceries. Stop us to request that we call them. At church. In the communion line. And if we are not completely cooperative with all of this--they call our bosses to complain about us. Always leaving out information such as "I asked her while she was in line for communion" or "I left the phone message at her house at 1 a.m. which may be why she did not call me back in the half hour time frame I requested."
    Parents actually do that! Yikes! I never e-mailed, called, or complained about a teacher for either of my kids, throughout K-12. I might have left a message for them in the school office, to please call me, as I had a question. But, I would never impose myself on a teacher like that.

    The only thing I did complain about one time (to the principal for allowing it) was: When my daughter was in elementary school, a neighbor's kid found a dead owl in their backyard. The Parents (who are nuts) let the kid bring it to school for show-and-tell. The dead owl was kept in the coat room for 3 days (in a shoe box), while various classes checked it out. I was horrified! No one knew how the owl died, what kind of germs or bugs it might be carrying, and they left it where the kids kept their coats and lunches! The kids were lucky they all didn't wind up with lice. Not only that but (from what I understand) quite a few of the kids were really upset about seeing a dead owl, up close. I think this was first grade. And quite a few parents called to ask: What are you thinking?! Not just OCD me !

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    When I was coaching, my favorite phrase to use was "The best place to coach is an orphanage."

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    Quote Originally Posted by JockProf View Post
    When I was coaching, my favorite phrase to use was "The best place to coach is an orphanage."
    lol
    Poor coaches, parents can be so difficult sometimes !

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    Quote Originally Posted by Artifice View Post
    lol
    Poor coaches, parents can be so difficult sometimes !
    To be fair, though, so can over controlling coaches. Sometimes difficult parents are created by difficult coaches. I've seen coaches who were far worse than the worst parent.

    Not you, though, JockProf !

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    Quote Originally Posted by cruisin View Post
    To be fair, though, so can over controlling coaches. Sometimes difficult parents are created by difficult coaches. I've seen coaches who were far worse than the worst parent.

    Not you, though, JockProf !
    I agree. My daughter once had a coach who tried to control every minute of her life on AND off the ice.

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    You know how they have those posters up about what behavior is/isn't acceptable at various sports events (for the kid athletes)? Why don't coaches be completely up front with parents who bring their kids to them for the first time and set boundaries then? For example, if I observe you berating your kid after practice/tests/competitions, our coaching relationship ends? etc etc

    And yes, I know the parent would just yell in private. But at least the kid would be spared public embarrassment.

    Of course if coaches are dependent on the $$$ of abusive parents they are in trouble.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Icetalavista View Post
    You know how they have those posters up about what behavior is/isn't acceptable at various sports events (for the kid athletes)? Why don't coaches be completely up front with parents who bring their kids to them for the first time and set boundaries then? For example, if I observe you berating your kid after practice/tests/competitions, our coaching relationship ends? etc etc

    And yes, I know the parent would just yell in private. But at least the kid would be spared public embarrassment.

    Of course if coaches are dependent on the $$$ of abusive parents they are in trouble.
    Yes it is all about the $$$. But the coaches can be just as abusive or worse. And sometimes the coaches just let the parents do it so they don't have to. If boundaries are to be set, they need to be set on both sides. I've seen far more instances where coaches overstep boundaries than instances where parents do.

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