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Thread: Dating Advice

  1. #1
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    Dating Advice

    So here's the deal, a friend set me up with a friend of hers in March. All she told me was that he broke up with his gf a little while ago and she thought we would hit it off. Well we did . It was just casual dating. He's very mature (a change for me!) and we took things very slowly. Then I got a text from him saying he's not ready for a new relationship so quickly and that he gets nervous and worries too much. I'm kinda confused about that part. He wants to keep a distance and not rush anything. So I'm giving him space. Then, after all of this, I found out from my friend that she thinks he broke up with his ex of 2 years in February when we met in March. No wonder he's not ready!

    My question is: Is he pretty much letting me down easy or does he need time to think about things?

    I appreciate everyone's advice!

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    Quote Originally Posted by sk8starz343 View Post
    My question is: Is he pretty much letting me down easy or does he need time to think about things?
    Both. But my question is, why are you worried? It seems like he was gracious and honest enough to let you know what was going on with him, rather than e.g. making up some bogus story or simply not returning your messages. It's a shame that he doesn't want to pursue things right now, but it doesn't sound like it's because he doesn't like you.

    Let him have his space, and if he's as decent a guy as he seems to be, things may pick up again when he's more ready.

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    Be sweet and understanding and let him miss you and all the wonderful things about you! Don't contact him. Go out with other guys. Hire a male model if you think you'll be running into him at an event. (I did that once....)



    If he really cares and there's a future, he'll come around. If not, he was at least a gentleman about it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Holley Calmes View Post
    Be sweet and understanding and let him miss you and all the wonderful things about you! Don't contact him. Go out with other guys. Hire a male model if you think you'll be running into him at an event. (I did that once....)



    If he really cares and there's a future, he'll come around. If not, he was at least a gentleman about it.
    Exactly.

    My sister dated this guy for a few weeks and it was looking pretty serious (he even told her he hated "parallel dating" and that he wanted to go long-term with her), but then she went on vacation for 9 days and he started dating someone else. And then he said that he liked them both and felt really conflicted about the whole thing. (Which if true, I think would be preferable to my sister simply not seeing through this guy's sweet talk. Cause that means this might be happening more times in the future. )

    Feel lucky that at least this guy was honest with you. In the meantime, don't feel bad about moving on, since he did let you go.

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    A lot of people think the solution to a relationship breakup is to start seeing other people to help them forget the previous one, whether off their own bat or being encouraged by their friends (which might be the case on his part here). I think most people have done this. It is not necessarily the right strategy.

    So I would probably just give him space and if he is interested he will contact you.

    In the meantime, if you find someone else, it is his loss.
    When you are up to your arse in alligators it is difficult to remember you were only meant to be draining the swamp.

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    Since he's fresh from his 2-year-long relationship, he may still have some feelings for his old girlfriend, or he may want to "play the field" a bit before settling into another relationship. I wonder why your friend didn't mention he was just coming out of a serious relationship; that's pretty relevant informatio inasmuch as it put you at risk of being the "rebound girl." Luckily he put the brakes on before you could get too attached.
    "Marge, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'm just going to have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson in the Mr. Plow episode

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    After just giving boyfriend advice to my good friend since 8th grade (25 years ago...). You should appreciate his honesty. It really sucks that in life, we all make different bad decisions in relationships. We stay in them when they don't quite work, and then in the process miss the 'perfect' one who would have been there for you if you weren't already taken. Welcome to the world. Don't sweat it. There's another one just like him around the corner. The key in life is to open yourself up to opportunities that your conscience can bear. He wasn't ready, but he might be in a few months. So don't worry about it. Date some more, go out with more guys. He might come around. And if he doesn't, welcome to the world of singledom. It can be a good time in your life. It's not like you have cancer or herpes or something, right? So just enjoy your life. No man is worth spit when it comes down to it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Holley Calmes View Post
    Be sweet and understanding and let him miss you and all the wonderful things about you! Don't contact him. Go out with other guys. Hire a male model if you think you'll be running into him at an event. (I did that once....)



    If he really cares and there's a future, he'll come around. If not, he was at least a gentleman about it.
    Ditto! Those of us that have an understanding of a long relationship and what revolves around that know this to be true.

    I met my husband, moved in with him 3 weeks after meeting him and married him a year later, we have been married for 30 years. He was on the "rebound" as they say, which I have always found silly, if you have made a finalization with something than there is no rebound, but nonetheless he was in a relationship for 6 years and only broken away from that for about a year when I met him. Some people know what they want and some pine away, if this fella is still unsure, undecided then give him that respect as he gave you respect...and then move on!
    Without fear you cannot find courage

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    Quote Originally Posted by IceKween View Post
    After just giving boyfriend advice to my good friend since 8th grade (25 years ago...). You should appreciate his honesty. It really sucks that in life, we all make different bad decisions in relationships. We stay in them when they don't quite work, and then in the process miss the 'perfect' one who would have been there for you if you weren't already taken. Welcome to the world. Don't sweat it. There's another one just like him around the corner. The key in life is to open yourself up to opportunities that your conscience can bear. He wasn't ready, but he might be in a few months. So don't worry about it. Date some more, go out with more guys. He might come around. And if he doesn't, welcome to the world of singledom. It can be a good time in your life. It's not like you have cancer or herpes or something, right? So just enjoy your life. No man is worth spit when it comes down to it.
    I don't really believe in the "perfect one." I believe that there are a few people who are very compatible with you and if you got married to any of them, you would be perfectly happy. It's just that I think finding that "one perfect person" puts a lot of pressure on having that aura of soulmate-ness and you can miss out on a really good person and relationship otherwise.

    Of course, this is also coming from someone who literally thought, upon being kissed for the first time by my current bf, "Hmm, this is an interesting development." Sometimes things just work out and you don't know why. And sometimes things don't work out and you don't know why. It's useless blaming yourself for something which really takes two people to achieve.

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    Thanks you guys for all your advice. And I don't know why my friend didn't tell me earlier that he just broke up. She just said she thought it would work out. I'm sorta new to dating and all the guys were very immature before this one. Thats why I'm sad. I know I'll get over it and thank god it happened sooner than later.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sk8starz343 View Post
    Thanks you guys for all your advice. And I don't know why my friend didn't tell me earlier that he just broke up. She just said she thought it would work out. I'm sorta new to dating and all the guys were very immature before this one. Thats why I'm sad. I know I'll get over it and thank god it happened sooner than later.
    Well, it might happen later too, you never know. That's the thing with relationships. You learn how to deal with it more though, that's the difference.

    And there are many mature guys out there. I find that a lot of guys give off that aura of immaturity because in reality, almost everything going on in the world freaks them out and acting immature is really the only way they can think of dealing with it.

    Or they're just clueless. Happens to guys and girls alike, though.

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    Sometimes things happen for a reason. After my ex broke up with me I made myself get out and start dating again too. I went out on a couple of dates (one of which was with my current boyfriend) and decided I wasn't ready but stayed in contact with my boyfriend because we got along really well and I liked spending time with him. About a month after we went out I made the decision to get myself out of my funk and give it a try with him. We'll have been together a year in July and we had "the talk" last night about where we saw the relationship going. I asked him point blank if he could see us getting married and he said absolutely, it's just a matter of having the money to do it. Which with him only working part time and going to school could be a while, but at least I know we're on the same page and headed in that direction (and not gonna go into debt when it does happen ).

    So as you can see you never know what's around the corner

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    And there are many mature guys out there.
    There are?

    Quote Originally Posted by MOIJTO View Post
    I met my husband, moved in with him 3 weeks after meeting him and married him a year later, we have been married for 30 years. He was on the "rebound" as they say, which I have always found silly, if you have made a finalization with something than there is no rebound, but nonetheless he was in a relationship for 6 years and only broken away from that for about a year when I met him.
    I'm really glad it worked out for you, but I think you're the exception, whereas sk8starz343 is the rule.
    "Marge, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'm just going to have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson in the Mr. Plow episode

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheylana View Post
    There are?
    Well I didn't want to shortchange the mature guys.

    I think all of us (men and women) are immature in some way. Even if someone is mature relationship-wise, doesn't mean they're mature work-wise or something.

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    I think everyone's 12 y/o self pokes its head out once in a while. I think the difference between the mature ones and the immature ones is knowing when it's appropriate.

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