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  1. #81

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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    Again, ceremony, reception, dress, tuxes...no real stress there. It was self-centered guests and whining attendants that caused the stress. And, setting aside bridezillas, that seems to be the cause of stress for most people I've known when they are planning their weddings. Perhaps if friends and family could bring themselves to act like grown-ups, weddings would not be so stressful.

    And as a person of faith, I didn't want to get married on a beach or in a backyard or a park. I wanted to get married in my church; I know it's hard to comprehend in today's world, but there are still a lot of people who feel that way about it. And I don't really see how it is so much nicer and more polite to ask your guests to bring the food than it is to provide it for them. People who get pissed off over a free meal really confuse me.
    I agree about guests and often the family being the most stressful people in the wedding by having fixed ideas about what the couple should do
    and not taking into account the wishes of the couple.

    I have nothing against church weddings if that is what the couple wants.

    "more polite"? I never said that it is more polite to let the guests bring the food. my initial comment in fact was on the contrary that I hate all the discussions about what is the right etiquette and what one should or shouldnt do at weddings is what makes me weary most.

    I like the beach party idea because that is what kind of people they are. a very formal black tie event would be awful for them especially if they have to be in the center of attention all the time instead of rocking to music on the beach. but if they had wanted to do a formal wedding with horse cars or whatnot that would have been great too if that woild have been what they wanted and if they hadnt been pressured into it!

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by vesperholly View Post
    Syracuse to NYC is a destination? That's, what, a 3-hour drive? It's even close enough that she could take a train down.
    Yeah, no kidding. Most people from the 'Cuse ARE taking the train though one couple is driving and another is flying.

  3. #83
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hedwig View Post
    I agree about guests and often the family being the most stressful people in the wedding by having fixed ideas about what the couple should do
    and not taking into account the wishes of the couple.

    I have nothing against church weddings if that is what the couple wants.

    "more polite"? I never said that it is more polite to let the guests bring the food. my initial comment in fact was on the contrary that I hate all the discussions about what is the right etiquette and what one should or shouldnt do at weddings is what makes me weary most.

    I like the beach party idea because that is what kind of people they are. a very formal black tie event would be awful for them especially if they have to be in the center of attention all the time instead of rocking to music on the beach. but if they had wanted to do a formal wedding with horse cars or whatnot that would have been great too if that woild have been what they wanted and if they hadnt been pressured into it!
    But there is a place between black tie with horses and carriages and a beach party. And therein lies the problem in these threads. Everyone seems to assume there is no space between a $20,000 wedding ala reality television and getting married in a pair of cutoffs in the backyard. What's up with that? What kind of weddings are all of you going to????? Or is everyone just watching too many wedding shows?

    Almost every wedding I've been to--including my own-- has been solidly in the space between. We drove my now traded in Pontiac with 100,000+ miles from the church to the reception, our guests barely met the official etiquette criteria of semi-formal which was fine, and we had a meat and potatoes type buffet at the local golf club and a two hour dance with a DJ. It all cost around $5000--including everything down to the attendants gifts, rehearsal dinner and photography. We spent $3 on centerpieces. All of them not $3 each but $3 total. My in-laws spent $0 for decorations for the rehearsal dinner--and it was decorated. I'm not kidding.

  4. #84
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    Fair point but there is a difference between people travelling to your home city and being forced to pretty much buy into some package holiday to Hawaii.
    Sure, but I'd rather travel to a wedding in a beautiful, entertaining location like Hawaii than schlep to the groom's hometown in some boring, ugly-ass place like Indiana.

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    But there is a place between black tie with horses and carriages and a beach party. And therein lies the problem in these threads. Everyone seems to assume there is no space between a $20,000 wedding ala reality television and getting married in a pair of cutoffs in the backyard. What's up with that? What kind of weddings are all of you going to????? Or is everyone just watching too many wedding shows?
    I've wondered the same thing. My niece's wedding last August cost a little over $6,0000. That figure included the cost of her dress and accessories, the venue, minister, deejay, wedding cake and buffet dinner for 106 guests. It was in the evening so most of the men wore suits and ties while most of the women wore nice dresses. A few (myself included) wore cocktail dresses.

    Edited to add: I don't know that many families who would be willing to spend $20,000 on a wedding. Some of my college classmates might but most of the people I grew up with or currently work with? No way.
    Last edited by Civic; 06-21-2010 at 06:55 PM.

  6. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by vesperholly View Post
    Syracuse to NYC is a destination? That's, what, a 3-hour drive? It's even close enough that she could take a train down.
    It's a lot longer than 3 hours. Albany to NYC alone is 3 hours, and Syracuse is a lot farther west from Albany, about another 100 miles or so (Albany being the point where you stop going east and start heading south).

  7. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    But there is a place between black tie with horses and carriages and a beach party. And therein lies the problem in these threads. Everyone seems to assume there is no space between a $20,000 wedding ala reality television and getting married in a pair of cutoffs in the backyard. What's up with that? What kind of weddings are all of you going to????? Or is everyone just watching too many wedding shows?

    Almost every wedding I've been to--including my own-- has been solidly in the space between. We drove my now traded in Pontiac with 100,000+ miles from the church to the reception, our guests barely met the official etiquette criteria of semi-formal which was fine, and we had a meat and potatoes type buffet at the local golf club and a two hour dance with a DJ. It all cost around $5000--including everything down to the attendants gifts, rehearsal dinner and photography. We spent $3 on centerpieces. All of them not $3 each but $3 total. My in-laws spent $0 for decorations for the rehearsal dinner--and it was decorated. I'm not kidding.
    Sounds like a great wedding!

    I think the issue with weddings is that the "ideal wedding" IS so marketed - even if you want to do something small and casual, there will be a relative or family friend who thinks you're doing it all wrong and will interpret it as a personal affront. I'm sure if I followed through with my elopement idea, my parents would be over the moon but my aunt likely wouldn't speak to me for the rest of my life.

  8. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    Sounds like a great wedding!

    I think the issue with weddings is that the "ideal wedding" IS so marketed - even if you want to do something small and casual, there will be a relative or family friend who thinks you're doing it all wrong and will interpret it as a personal affront. I'm sure if I followed through with my elopement idea, my parents would be over the moon but my aunt likely wouldn't speak to me for the rest of my life.
    I think PDDilemma's point is that "small and casual" or "$20,000 wedding" aren't a couple's only options.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy View Post
    Fair point but there is a difference between people travelling to your home city and being forced to pretty much buy into some package holiday to Hawaii.
    Who's being forced? If they can't afford to go then don't go. You also don't have to stay in the hotel the wedding is taking place or buy into a "package holiday". When we went to Hawaii for my BFF's wedding a bunch of us rented a house for 10 days and bought our own food. We had a blast.. and it was a good excuse to take a holiday we otherwise never would have taken. There are more cost effective ways to do a destination wedding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by toepick View Post
    I'm hearing major griping from one of my BEST FRIENDS of 20-something years who still lives in Syracuse about my "destination" wedding (which is what she calls it) However, I also think the bride and groom can't win in every case. I mean, no matter where you have a wedding someone is going to complain (and forget that maybe it is not all about them). Likely (as I have learned) the complainers are usually the ones who have the least to complain about.

    Wedding planning? Stressful.
    Your post was very similar what happened to me.
    Me and my now-husband, live and work in NYC. My close family (siblings and nieces and nephews) is 11.000 miles away (that is 11 hs by plane). Only my parents could attend.
    His family (parents and sister) are in Long Island NY, they called it a "destination wedding" and how "I" dare to plan a wedding outside of Long Island, poor grandma had to be in a car for an hour to go to it
    BTW, grandma is in perfect health.

    I think that everybody has to chilled more and try to support the decision of the couples without judgements. Also, I think that it should not be such a big problem if you cannot attend a wedding. As I said before, I married with only my parents present and I couldn't go to my sister wedding due to several reasons.

    A weddings should be not be a telenovela.

  11. #91

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    Quote Originally Posted by Civic View Post
    I think PDDilemma's point is that "small and casual" or "$20,000 wedding" aren't a couple's only options.
    I think no one is so stupid to think or say such a thing. examples that are given in such threads are normally those that lean towards an extreme at either end.

  12. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anita18 View Post
    I think the issue with weddings is that the "ideal wedding" IS so marketed -
    Three words: Bridal Industrial Complex

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    Quote Originally Posted by Civic View Post
    I've wondered the same thing. My niece's wedding last August cost a little over $6,0000.
    I am guessing you meant $6,000, not $60,000.

  14. #94

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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    But there is a place between black tie with horses and carriages and a beach party. And therein lies the problem in these threads. Everyone seems to assume there is no space between a $20,000 wedding ala reality television and getting married in a pair of cutoffs in the backyard. What's up with that? What kind of weddings are all of you going to????? Or is everyone just watching too many wedding shows?

    Almost every wedding I've been to--including my own-- has been solidly in the space between. We drove my now traded in Pontiac with 100,000+ miles from the church to the reception, our guests barely met the official etiquette criteria of semi-formal which was fine, and we had a meat and potatoes type buffet at the local golf club and a two hour dance with a DJ. It all cost around $5000--including everything down to the attendants gifts, rehearsal dinner and photography. We spent $3 on centerpieces. All of them not $3 each but $3 total. My in-laws spent $0 for decorations for the rehearsal dinner--and it was decorated. I'm not kidding.
    Well, you must live in a very inexpensive area. If we had a buffet where I live, you are already looking at $10K. Your $5K wedding never could have happened here. Of course you could have spent $5K, but all you would have had was a dress, flowers, tux for the groom, invitations, and maybe a high school kid taking your wedding photos. But I understand your point. (Even if most weddings I have attended are between $15K-$20K easy.)

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    Well, I married in NYC, Saturday night and my wedding cost $6000 with photographer, make up artist for myself (who made me a discount), DJ, 5 hs of top liquour open bar and food, wedding night at a hotel, a wedding cake (gift) and 50 guest. But, we did not have: buffet or sitting down dinner, tuxedos, flowers or decoration (it was not necessary) and we send an evite (I know tacky!). But we were very lucky that we found a japanese bar/restaurant that gave us a very reasonable quote and close the place just for us.
    It was just what we could spend and nothing more. Did I want a bigger wedding, with flowers, centerpieces, buffet and nice invitations? Yes, but I could not afford it and I was not going to go in debt. Maybe, someday I will.

  16. #96
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    PDilemma - sorry I didn't want to argue about who is right.

    I would just personally prefer a more chilled-out, low-key wedding and an idea of going through organising and pulling off a typical wedding described in this thread is just terrifying to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by heckles View Post
    Sure, but I'd rather travel to a wedding in a beautiful, entertaining location like Hawaii than schlep to the groom's hometown in some boring, ugly-ass place like Indiana.
    Of course but travelling to a far away, glamorous place might be much more expensive.

    So I guess I am not against destination weddings per se but I think you should consider whether it's affordable for everyone and whether there is any accomodation available in that place, besides the 4* hotel you and your partner are going to stay in.

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    In order to be married within the Catholic church, we have to get married *in* a Catholic church, and by a priest. Since my husband and I were married outdoors and by a justice of the peace, we're not officially married under the church, as I understand it. So the priest asked if we'd like a blessing/to get married in the church real quick, in his office. I said no thank you, because if I'm getting married in the church, I'm getting married in St. Patrick's Cathedral.
    Use Yah Blinkah!

  18. #98

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy View Post
    PDilemma - sorry I didn't want to argue about who is right.

    I would just personally prefer a more chilled-out, low-key wedding and an idea of going through organising and pulling off a typical wedding described in this thread is just terrifying to me.
    Your wedding is your wedding. It should be as you want it. If you want a low key, laid back thing, that's great. My dad got married in his apartment, and the food was prepared, as a gift, by one of the other people in the building who was a professional chef at a top Boston restaurant. My own wedding was in a garden, at the university where my husband and I met. My sister got married at a rock club after a gig (she was a professional guitarist in a thrash metal band). Get married where you want, as you want.

    My dad's wedding probably only cost $100, if that. Mine cost about $2000. My sister's was probably free.
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    Quote Originally Posted by genegri View Post
    I am guessing you meant $6,000, not $60,000.
    Yes. Thank you for pointing out the typo.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heckles View Post
    Sure, but I'd rather travel to a wedding in a beautiful, entertaining location like Hawaii than schlep to the groom's hometown in some boring, ugly-ass place like Indiana.
    Silly me. All along, I thought that a wedding's purpose was to celebrate the two people getting married, not to provide a great vacation location for the guests. You learn something new every day, don't you?
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