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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by flyingsit View Post
    Having a variety of price ranges is fine. But I have seen registries which included literally nothing under $100. Place settings of real silver, fine china, full sets of high-end cookware, etc. but no "everyday" items at all.
    My friend (a law school graduate) likes sending me links to random lawyer couples' registries, because they are completely OTT $$$$$. One laughable one was at Tiffany's, where they had requested a silver frame that was $495. It wasn't even the least bit ornate, it was a plain silver frame that you could probably get a knockoff at BB&B for $20. HILARIOUS.

  2. #62

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    I don't want a bridal shower at all, if and when I get married. Not that I expect my family and friends to listen, but I'm going to put up as big a fight as I can. Or maybe I'll just go into hiding before the wedding and not come out till the day of.
    Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Civic View Post
    Your boyfriend needs to man up and ask his sister where she and her fiance are registered. If they aren't registered then he can ask her what they would appreciate as a wedding gift. You shouldn't have to do the heavy lifting on this. She's neither your sister nor your sister-in-law (at least not yet.) JMHO.
    agreed x infinity. Why doesn't he ask the parent they share where she's registered?
    Q: Why can't I read the competition threads?
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  4. #64
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    He doesn't really talk to his dad unless he absolutely has to. There's a whole complicated history there that I don't want to get into.. I don't even know all of it, he's just told me bits and pieces. I do know that there is some seriously deep seeded anger there. He and his sister are on speaking terms at least but I don't know if he has her phone number, and all her other contact info has gone with the RSVP.

    I don't plan on doing any heavy lifting because it's not my place. My point was that this is the kind of situation where it would have been handy to have a registry card with the invitation.. that's all I was saying.

  5. #65
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    With all this talk about wedding registries, does nobody give cash? I know when I lived in Texas, it wasn't common among my friends, but among my friends in NY it's probably the norm.
    "The Devil is joining in, and that's never a good sign." Phil Liggett

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigB08822 View Post
    Anyway, my boyfriend is in her wedding party (Man of Honor) and he is concerned about $$. He is having to throw her bridal party along with the others in the wedding.
    Um, why does your BF "have" to throw the party? The bride and groom are being way greedy if they are forcing people to host parties for them....

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by overedge View Post
    Um, why does your BF "have" to throw the party? The bride and groom are being way greedy if they are forcing people to host parties for them....
    IAWTC. It would be nice if he WANTS to, but he doesn't HAVE to, and he (and the other party members) shouldn't go broke paying for a blowout if they can't afford it!

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garden Kitty View Post
    With all this talk about wedding registries, does nobody give cash? I know when I lived in Texas, it wasn't common among my friends, but among my friends in NY it's probably the norm.
    http://shopping.aol.com/articles/201...opDYNLprim0001

    And...regarding appropriate dress for the wedding...


    http://shopping.aol.com/articles/201...edding-attire/

  9. #69
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    I'm in the midst of planning for my wedding right now. It's in September and it's in NYC. I live in DC but my fiance is in NYC for now and I spend a lot of time there. I grew up in the suburbs of Syracuse, but I have not lived there in years and pretty much have few fond memories of the place and few connections other than my family, many of whom didn't bother to attend my sister's wedding which WAS in Syracuse. So, I opted not to have it there or in DC (mostly because I was not keen on any venue). NYC is special to us because it is the place that brought us together and we are jointly celebrating that which did bring us together (theatre) at our wedding.

    I'm hearing major griping from one of my BEST FRIENDS of 20-something years who still lives in Syracuse about my "destination" wedding (which is what she calls it) about having to travel/shell out cash to come. She is also a bridesmaid and is slightly perturbed she is not the matron of honor, because that role went to my little sister so perhaps this has something to do with the whining. Frankly, it annoys me to no end.

    It is not a destination wedding. 50% of the guest list is in the NYC-area (and that includes invitees from both sides), about 15% is from Syracuse, about 25% is from DC, and the rest of scattered throughout the country. At first, the family members on my side weren't thrilled, but now they're excited for the trip to NYC (they don't usually get to travel). The only one still complaining? The so-called "best friend" who lives at home with her parents at age 30 and has disposable income (she was on her own for year, but moved back home). It's aggravating. I finally said at one point, "look, if it is that much of a hardship, don't come...I understand." Yet, she still complains...daily. Perhaps as a means to get me to fund her trip or something. Which I won't do. Been there, done that.

    That said, I understand it may be a financial impossibility for some- and I respect that- and there are no hurt feelings towards those on my side who cannot travel- or won't. I'll deal. I've also tried to cut down on the costs of those who are traveling by booking a group rate at a less expensive hotel away from the wedding location but close to Penn Station for those who want to use it.

    In any case, I think anyone who has anyone traveling to their wedding, whether strictly "destination or not" should be appreciative of anyone making the trip and be understanding of those who cannot. Gifts, to me, should be optional, regardless of whether everyone is traveling or not.

    However, I also think the bride and groom can't win in every case. I mean, no matter where you have a wedding someone is going to complain (and forget that maybe it is not all about them). Likely (as I have learned) the complainers are usually the ones who have the least to complain about.

    Wedding planning? Stressful.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by toepick View Post
    Wedding planning? Stressful.
    The more my mom is hearing from my aunt about wedding planning (for my cousin's wedding next week), the more she likes my elopement idea. And considering their reception is going to be more than 100 people, I think my dad (who hates crowds and fancy shindigs) is going to agree.

    September in NYC should be gorgeous! And no matter what the complaining people do now, I'm sure it will be something to remember.

  11. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theatregirl1122 View Post
    I just bought my step sister a gift off of her registry. Her wedding was April 17th, so I'm sure many people in this thread will find me horribly rude.
    Actually, you have up to one year after the wedding to get your gift to them. So you did fine.
    "Cupcakes are bullshit. And everyone knows it. A cupcake is just a muffin with clown puke topping." -Charlie Brooker

  12. #72
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    Albee I can understand your reservations.

    I can't ever imagine expecting my friends to shell out their money to travel somewhere for MY wedding.

    Sorry for hijacking the thread, but how do registries work? How do people find out what has been bought already and what hasn't? Some agency/wedding planner manages it?

    All this just seems to alien to me. If I ever get married (which is highly unlikely), I'll make sure to do something completely mad and outside of the above discussed box.

  13. #73
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    We get it, Ziggy. You're unconventional, mad, zany and completely outrageous. You soar above the masses and yet somehow you come off as a boor. Why is that?
    3539 and counting.

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  14. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by toepick View Post
    I'm hearing major griping from one of my BEST FRIENDS of 20-something years who still lives in Syracuse about my "destination" wedding (which is what she calls it) about having to travel/shell out cash to come. She is also a bridesmaid and is slightly perturbed she is not the matron of honor, because that role went to my little sister so perhaps this has something to do with the whining. Frankly, it annoys me to no end.
    Syracuse to NYC is a destination? That's, what, a 3-hour drive? It's even close enough that she could take a train down.

    I'm not minting money, so when I had to fly 5 states away to be maid of honor at my BFF's wedding, it was a bit of a hardship. But weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime occasion, and I was going to do what I had to do to attend without complaint. (It turned out that my BFF very kindly invited me to stay at her house so I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel.) It's just not worth it to be cheap, because brides will remember your bad attitude forever.

    Honestly, the only wedding I ever expect to have a say in is my own.

    Ziggy, registries are an automated thing. Usually what happens is that the couple will register by scanning a bunch of stuff they want with a specially-programmed scan gun. Everything they scan will go on a list, and when someone comes in to buy a present, they are given that list. Then when a gift is purchased, the cashier scans the registry number so it's automatically marked down as received. Often if you look at a registry, you'll see a column for "items requested" and "items received" - out of 6 glasses, 2 have been bought.
    Last edited by vesperholly; 06-21-2010 at 12:43 PM.

  15. #75

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy View Post
    Albee I can understand your reservations.

    I can't ever imagine expecting my friends to shell out their money to travel somewhere for MY wedding.

    Sorry for hijacking the thread, but how do registries work? How do people find out what has been bought already and what hasn't? Some agency/wedding planner manages it?

    All this just seems to alien to me. If I ever get married (which is highly unlikely), I'll make sure to do something completely mad and outside of the above discussed box.
    Friends of mine married recently who had one of her sisters manage the registry list. They had a list on their homepage and people were asked to contact her if they wanted to buy sth from the list so that items weren't bought several times.
    If you register in an apartment store, the store has a list and takes the items down if sth has been bought.

    If find all these wedding threads somehow depressing. There is always so much etiquette and "this is tacky" and "they don't know better" and "how can they expect this and that" etc. Somehow, a wedding seems to be such a stressful time for everyone, guests involved and most of all a time where breaches of etiquettes seem to really offend others.

    I have been to a few weddings where I felt like the bride and groom where at the verge of a nervous breakdown and some of the guests frowned about everything. At this last wedding, a group of friends got into a week-long argument about how much we wanted each to spend on a group present until we decided to split into two groups so that the lower budget group and the higher budget group could each buy their own present. So much drama.

    I love that most of my friends are really low-maintenance when it comes to weddings and that they see it most as a day to celebrate your love with your loved ones.
    The next wedding coming up is a simple beach party with barbecue. I will make the wedding cake which will surely be tilted and not very elegant but baked with all my heart. Others will bring salads and I am sure we will have a great time. I wish all weddings were like that instead of being often stiff and full of etiquette and more or less pissed or drunk people.

  16. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy View Post
    I can't ever imagine expecting my friends to shell out their money to travel somewhere for MY wedding.
    Do all of your friends live next door to you? Because no one traveling is a virtual impossibility unless you turn your wedding into a caravan around the country with multiple ceremonies in multiple cities.

    All of my husband's groomsmen lived out of state and had to travel to our hometown wedding last summer. None of them were upset.

    I was maid of honor in a wedding in Taos, New Mexico once which the groom's family considered a destination wedding, overlooking the fact that Taos is the bride's hometown and the wedding took place in the church she grew up attending. I was not upset about traveling. And I made about $15,000 a year back then.

    I did not find planning a wedding that stressful in itself--as in arranging the ceremony and reception. It was people being ridiculous that stressed me out. I don't get why someone else's wedding automatically turns some people into whining self-centered morons. We had a relative demanding to dictate the guest list (so she could remove people she didn't want to see--we solved that problem by not inviting her); we had a maid of honor upset that I wouldn't pick out everything for her right down to the color of polish on her toenails; we had two random guests upset that they were going to be fed a buffet dinner for free....and on and on. That was the stress.

    Oh...and to whoever just gave a gift for an April wedding. No worries there. We just got a gift for our wedding a couple of days ago and our first anniversary was three weeks ago. You're not late!!

  17. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by milanessa View Post
    We get it, Ziggy. You're unconventional, mad, zany and completely outrageous. You soar above the masses and yet somehow you come off as a boor. Why is that?
    Because you're too much of a simpleton to function at my level of awesomness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hedwig View Post
    If find all these wedding threads somehow depressing. There is always so much etiquette and "this is tacky" and "they don't know better" and "how can they expect this and that" etc. Somehow, a wedding seems to be such a stressful time for everyone, guests involved and most of all a time where breaches of etiquettes seem to really offend others.

    [...]

    The next wedding coming up is a simple beach party with barbecue. I will make the wedding cake which will surely be tilted and not very elegant but baked with all my heart. Others will bring salads and I am sure we will have a great time. I wish all weddings were like that instead of being often stiff and full of etiquette and more or less pissed or drunk people.
    That's exactly how I feel about this. I just don't get how you could willingly go into all these lengths to turn what is supposed to be "the most beautiful day of your life" into stressfull hell.

    Just because everybody else tortures themselves this way too?

    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    Do all of your friends live next door to you? Because no one traveling is a virtual impossibility unless you turn your wedding into a caravan around the country with multiple ceremonies in multiple cities.
    Fair point but there is a difference between people travelling to your home city and being forced to pretty much buy into some package holiday to Hawaii.
    Last edited by Ziggy; 06-21-2010 at 03:51 PM.

  18. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy View Post
    That's exactly how I feel about this. I just don't get how you could willingly go into all these lengths to turn what is supposed to be "the most beautiful day of your life" into stressfull hell.

    Just because everybody else tortures themselves this way too?
    Again, ceremony, reception, dress, tuxes...no real stress there. It was self-centered guests and whining attendants that caused the stress. And, setting aside bridezillas, that seems to be the cause of stress for most people I've known when they are planning their weddings. Perhaps if friends and family could bring themselves to act like grown-ups, weddings would not be so stressful.

    And as a person of faith, I didn't want to get married on a beach or in a backyard or a park. I wanted to get married in my church; I know it's hard to comprehend in today's world, but there are still a lot of people who feel that way about it. And I don't really see how it is so much nicer and more polite to ask your guests to bring the food than it is to provide it for them. People who get pissed off over a free meal really confuse me.

  19. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    Again, ceremony, reception, dress, tuxes...no real stress there. It was self-centered guests and whining attendants that caused the stress. And, setting aside bridezillas, that seems to be the cause of stress for most people I've known when they are planning their weddings. Perhaps if friends and family could bring themselves to act like grown-ups, weddings would not be so stressful.
    Ergo, there is stress.

    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    And as a person of faith, I didn't want to get married on a beach or in a backyard or a park. I wanted to get married in my church; I know it's hard to comprehend in today's world, but there are still a lot of people who feel that way about it.
    That is totally understandable but the marriage ceremony itself and the wedding party that happens afterwards are two different things.

    Quote Originally Posted by PDilemma View Post
    And I don't really see how it is so much nicer and more polite to ask your guests to bring the food than it is to provide it for them. People who get pissed off over a free meal really confuse me.
    If you bring your own food, you are taking responsibility for it. You become somebody who takes part in organising the wedding. Which is very different to coming somewhere expecting to be given things.

    So that takes us back to the point you made about self-centred guests. By getting them involved with the process, you make such behaviour much less likely.

  20. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ziggy View Post


    That is totally understandable but the marriage ceremony itself and the wedding party that happens afterwards are two different things.



    If you bring your own food, you are taking responsibility for it. You become somebody who takes part in organising the wedding. Which is very different to coming somewhere expecting to be given things.

    So that takes us back to the point you made about self-centred guests. By getting them involved with the process, you make such behaviour much less likely.
    Here's the thing, though. My wedding day was not stressful. Not at all. You all keep telling us that every bride and groom you've ever met spent their day being stressed--too bad for them. I wasn't at all, not for a single second.

    As for guests...I was raised to believe that whether you've invited people to a wedding or to the house for coffee and a cookie, you don't then expect them to bring the food.

    Sorry, ziggy, I am not going to concede that a) other people's complete lack of manners (i.e. "I need to see your guest list and tell you who to take off of it or I won't come") or b) our graciousness in providing dinner after our ceremony makes us bad people or was all our fault.

    And turn off Bridezillas already.

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