I don't want a bridal shower at all, if and when I get married. Not that I expect my family and friends to listen, but I'm going to put up as big a fight as I can. Or maybe I'll just go into hiding before the wedding and not come out till the day of.
Charter member of the "We Always Believed in Ashley" Club and the "We Believe in Ricky" Club
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He doesn't really talk to his dad unless he absolutely has to. There's a whole complicated history there that I don't want to get into.. I don't even know all of it, he's just told me bits and pieces. I do know that there is some seriously deep seeded anger there. He and his sister are on speaking terms at least but I don't know if he has her phone number, and all her other contact info has gone with the RSVP.
I don't plan on doing any heavy lifting because it's not my place. My point was that this is the kind of situation where it would have been handy to have a registry card with the invitation.. that's all I was saying.
With all this talk about wedding registries, does nobody give cash? I know when I lived in Texas, it wasn't common among my friends, but among my friends in NY it's probably the norm.
"The Devil is joining in, and that's never a good sign." Phil Liggett
I'm in the midst of planning for my wedding right now. It's in September and it's in NYC. I live in DC but my fiance is in NYC for now and I spend a lot of time there. I grew up in the suburbs of Syracuse, but I have not lived there in years and pretty much have few fond memories of the place and few connections other than my family, many of whom didn't bother to attend my sister's wedding which WAS in Syracuse. So, I opted not to have it there or in DC (mostly because I was not keen on any venue). NYC is special to us because it is the place that brought us together and we are jointly celebrating that which did bring us together (theatre) at our wedding.
I'm hearing major griping from one of my BEST FRIENDS of 20-something years who still lives in Syracuse about my "destination" wedding (which is what she calls it) about having to travel/shell out cash to come. She is also a bridesmaid and is slightly perturbed she is not the matron of honor, because that role went to my little sister so perhaps this has something to do with the whining. Frankly, it annoys me to no end.
It is not a destination wedding. 50% of the guest list is in the NYC-area (and that includes invitees from both sides), about 15% is from Syracuse, about 25% is from DC, and the rest of scattered throughout the country. At first, the family members on my side weren't thrilled, but now they're excited for the trip to NYC (they don't usually get to travel). The only one still complaining? The so-called "best friend" who lives at home with her parents at age 30 and has disposable income (she was on her own for year, but moved back home). It's aggravating. I finally said at one point, "look, if it is that much of a hardship, don't come...I understand." Yet, she still complains...daily. Perhaps as a means to get me to fund her trip or something. Which I won't do. Been there, done that.
That said, I understand it may be a financial impossibility for some- and I respect that- and there are no hurt feelings towards those on my side who cannot travel- or won't. I'll deal. I've also tried to cut down on the costs of those who are traveling by booking a group rate at a less expensive hotel away from the wedding location but close to Penn Station for those who want to use it.
In any case, I think anyone who has anyone traveling to their wedding, whether strictly "destination or not" should be appreciative of anyone making the trip and be understanding of those who cannot. Gifts, to me, should be optional, regardless of whether everyone is traveling or not.
However, I also think the bride and groom can't win in every case. I mean, no matter where you have a wedding someone is going to complain (and forget that maybe it is not all about them). Likely (as I have learned) the complainers are usually the ones who have the least to complain about.
Wedding planning? Stressful.
September in NYC should be gorgeous! And no matter what the complaining people do now, I'm sure it will be something to remember.
Albee I can understand your reservations.
I can't ever imagine expecting my friends to shell out their money to travel somewhere for MY wedding.
Sorry for hijacking the thread, but how do registries work? How do people find out what has been bought already and what hasn't? Some agency/wedding planner manages it?
All this just seems to alien to me. If I ever get married (which is highly unlikely), I'll make sure to do something completely mad and outside of the above discussed box.
We get it, Ziggy. You're unconventional, mad, zany and completely outrageous. You soar above the masses and yet somehow you come off as a boor. Why is that?
3539 and counting.
Slightly Wounding Banana list cont: MacMadame.
I'm not minting money, so when I had to fly 5 states away to be maid of honor at my BFF's wedding, it was a bit of a hardship. But weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime occasion, and I was going to do what I had to do to attend without complaint. (It turned out that my BFF very kindly invited me to stay at her house so I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel.) It's just not worth it to be cheap, because brides will remember your bad attitude forever.
Honestly, the only wedding I ever expect to have a say in is my own.
Ziggy, registries are an automated thing. Usually what happens is that the couple will register by scanning a bunch of stuff they want with a specially-programmed scan gun. Everything they scan will go on a list, and when someone comes in to buy a present, they are given that list. Then when a gift is purchased, the cashier scans the registry number so it's automatically marked down as received. Often if you look at a registry, you'll see a column for "items requested" and "items received" - out of 6 glasses, 2 have been bought.
Last edited by vesperholly; 06-21-2010 at 12:43 PM.
If you register in an apartment store, the store has a list and takes the items down if sth has been bought.
If find all these wedding threads somehow depressing. There is always so much etiquette and "this is tacky" and "they don't know better" and "how can they expect this and that" etc. Somehow, a wedding seems to be such a stressful time for everyone, guests involved and most of all a time where breaches of etiquettes seem to really offend others.
I have been to a few weddings where I felt like the bride and groom where at the verge of a nervous breakdown and some of the guests frowned about everything. At this last wedding, a group of friends got into a week-long argument about how much we wanted each to spend on a group present until we decided to split into two groups so that the lower budget group and the higher budget group could each buy their own present. So much drama.
I love that most of my friends are really low-maintenance when it comes to weddings and that they see it most as a day to celebrate your love with your loved ones.
The next wedding coming up is a simple beach party with barbecue. I will make the wedding cake which will surely be tilted and not very elegant but baked with all my heart. Others will bring salads and I am sure we will have a great time. I wish all weddings were like that instead of being often stiff and full of etiquette and more or less pissed or drunk people.
All of my husband's groomsmen lived out of state and had to travel to our hometown wedding last summer. None of them were upset.
I was maid of honor in a wedding in Taos, New Mexico once which the groom's family considered a destination wedding, overlooking the fact that Taos is the bride's hometown and the wedding took place in the church she grew up attending. I was not upset about traveling. And I made about $15,000 a year back then.
I did not find planning a wedding that stressful in itself--as in arranging the ceremony and reception. It was people being ridiculous that stressed me out. I don't get why someone else's wedding automatically turns some people into whining self-centered morons. We had a relative demanding to dictate the guest list (so she could remove people she didn't want to see--we solved that problem by not inviting her); we had a maid of honor upset that I wouldn't pick out everything for her right down to the color of polish on her toenails; we had two random guests upset that they were going to be fed a buffet dinner for free....and on and on. That was the stress.
Oh...and to whoever just gave a gift for an April wedding. No worries there. We just got a gift for our wedding a couple of days ago and our first anniversary was three weeks ago. You're not late!!
Just because everybody else tortures themselves this way too?
Last edited by Ziggy; 06-21-2010 at 03:51 PM.
And as a person of faith, I didn't want to get married on a beach or in a backyard or a park. I wanted to get married in my church; I know it's hard to comprehend in today's world, but there are still a lot of people who feel that way about it. And I don't really see how it is so much nicer and more polite to ask your guests to bring the food than it is to provide it for them. People who get pissed off over a free meal really confuse me.
So that takes us back to the point you made about self-centred guests. By getting them involved with the process, you make such behaviour much less likely.
As for guests...I was raised to believe that whether you've invited people to a wedding or to the house for coffee and a cookie, you don't then expect them to bring the food.
Sorry, ziggy, I am not going to concede that a) other people's complete lack of manners (i.e. "I need to see your guest list and tell you who to take off of it or I won't come") or b) our graciousness in providing dinner after our ceremony makes us bad people or was all our fault.
And turn off Bridezillas already.