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  1. #41

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    Quote Originally Posted by BigB08822 View Post
    It is a party for the groom and they usually register at Lowes, Home Depot, etc. The point is to receive a bunch of gifts for the man to use around the house. Lawn mowers, weed eaters, tools, etc. Basically, as a gay man, stuff I know nothing about!
    The point is to have an excuse to shake their guests down for more gifts. A lawnmower? Really???????
    "Marge, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'm just going to have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson in the Mr. Plow episode

  2. #42

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    Quote Originally Posted by Albee View Post
    So I've been invited to my first destination wedding. And this is the first time I'm unclear on Wedding Etiquette.

    The scenario: My friends are getting married in the sunny south, we received an invite and said 'yes'. We are not in the wedding party. The trip will cost us about $3100.00 to go. Do we bring a gift or card or cash to the island?
    For that kind of dough you shouldn't have to buy them a damn thing. The gift is your presence at their destination wedding. And a conscientious wedding couple should tell their guests as much... JMO, of course!
    "Marge, if you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'm just going to have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson in the Mr. Plow episode

  3. #43
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    My best friend got married in Hawaii and we used it as an excuse for a holiday. We're not really the type to just take a holiday.. so to have a reason to go was the push we needed. It was awesome.. we had so much fun and Hawaii is so beautiful. I definitely want to go back there someday.

    That said I don't think we would have a destination wedding because we know that the majority of the people we would want there wouldn't be able to come because they couldn't afford it. We've talked about it and decided the only way we would do that is if we won the lottery and could afford to pay for everyone to come haha.

  4. #44

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    I'm not saying he expects anyone to bring him a lawnmower or something really expensive but he will undoubtedly get a lot of gift cards and cash that he would use to purchase something expensive like a lawnmower. I am sure if we asked them they would say the point is NOT to get gifts but I would beg to differ. What exactly IS the point, then? Only her friends are coming because he has none, literally, zero.
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  5. #45

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    The only thing worse than a bride at a wedding is the guests. I swear, there ought to be a separate category for guestzillas.

    I like registries. They tell you what a couple wants/needs. There's no sense in you wasting your money on something the bridal couple neither needs nor wants. They're suggestions only. If you don't like registries, then don't buy something from them, but most people like them. I like them and I would hate to have to guess at bringing a gift. Imagine getting fifteen hand towels, no bath towels, and twelve knives but no forks and all in different colors and styles, and then imagine the poor bridal couple who have a lot of things to do/adjust to now having to scramble and try and return useless crap that they don't have the receipt for and don't know where it came from and can't ask because it would be "rude" so they're stuck with unusable stuff until they can have a garage sell or donate it.

    Also, most people these days are fairly spread out and have several groups of friends where everyone might not know the wedding party or the wedding party's family. I've been invited to weddings where the only person I know is the bride or the groom (usually coworkers) and it would have been incredibly embarrassing for me to have to ask the affianced for his/her best friend's or parent's phone number and then have to call a complete stranger and ask where they're registered. In the case of the groom, the best friend probaby doesn't know or sometimes even the parents. It's just awkward to have to ask and I think it's more rude to call up someone you don't know and have to beg for information. It's not 1830--no one has to pretend that gifts aren't expected and you are allowed to ask for what you need. It's just easier and more efficient to send the registry card with the invite. I seriously cannot believe in 2010 people still have the opinion that providing registry information is rude or consider it begging for a gift. Let's be real here. You get married, you get gifts. It's a perk of monogamy to get a blender with settings you don't understand but sound really cool.

    As for showers, brides and grooms have the right to throw as many showers as they want. Whether you go to them or not is up to the invitees. My best friend had four showers because it was easier for her, but I only went to one. She had one with her co-workers at work, one for her family on her mom's side (strict Mormons who would not be comfortable around our shenanigans), one for the groom's side (his relatives lived out of town so it was more convenient for her to fly out to see them than for all of them to fly to Baton Rouge), and the Bachelorette party. From what I heard, all four of her showers were really enjoyable because the people at each one knew and liked each other. Her fiance had a honey-do shower too and loved it because men generally like tools, and why should the bride get all the fun stuff? Why shouldn't the guy register for stuff he likes too, and if they want to then go play with it, well, why not? If she can register for a set of high-cost cookware, I see no reason in the world why the groom can't register for some Craftsman drill something. You're not obligated to buy it. Or comment on it. If you think it's stupid, then buy a candle, or a toaster, or don't buy anything at all. Then again, I did give a friend $$$ towards her honeymoon and saw nothing wrong with it. When you give someone something, you should be basing it on what they want/need and not what you want/need. Otherwise, it's not really a gift so much as an obligation.

    For a destination wedding, if I was going, I'd buy them something small, like an ornament from wherever their destination is with the date and their names inscribed. Even the smallest shops usually have a website and you can take care of it from your sofa. If I wasn't going, I'd probably buy them the usual for me, and that's a gift around $20 for a shower (if I'm invited) and a gift around $50 for the wedding.
    "The practice of sport is a human right. Every individual must have the possibility of practicing sport, without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play." –Olympic Charter

  6. #46
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    Oh! The other thing I would put on my registry (if we were getting married right now) is camping gear! We love camping but we keep having to borrow stuff from people to go, which gets annoying but camping stuff gets expensive when you need.. well everything That would be something fun and out of the ordinary for people to buy.

  7. #47

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    I got married a bit later than most, but both my family and my husband's expected something in line with what a 20 something would do. We compromised and registered for things we needed for the new house - hardware stuff, landscaping stuff, and a few dinner and serving pieces that would allow us to host a holiday dinner with both families in attendance (18 in all at that time). My co-workers were impressed. The guys got together to make a Home Depot run to pick out my presents! I heard comments afterward that it was the first time they got to participate in choosing the gift. They got me a hedge trimmer and Workmate adjustable saw horse. My mother got us snow shovels and ice melt. Much more fun that a vase!

    As for the comment upthread about a "lavish buffet" to show off, we did the same thing in exactly the same circumstances. At the time, the church we were married in (Catholic) did not schedule weddings after 11:00 on Saturdays. We figured our guests would have had a quick breakfast, but not have eaten since. We did a full on buffet with a carving station. Our starving guests were very happy.

    Bobolina, my nephew did camping equipment and got most of what he needed, including a really nice waterproof and windproof tent that he could have never done on his own. It was a group gift from his friends.
    AceOn6, the golf loving skating fan

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobalina77 View Post
    Why do so many weddings have a gift table if you aren't supposed to bring the gift to the wedding then? Every wedding I've been to has had a gift table.
    Because people don't know any better.

    It comes across in the same way as an invitation that mentions where the couple is registered: the couple looks like they are treating the occasion as an opportunity for people to give them presents, rather than as time they make a lifelong commitment to each other and celebrate with the people who matter most to them.

    I've been to weddings in four U.S. states and three other countries. The couples came from a variety of different backgrounds, and most didn't have a guest table.

  9. #49

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    Quote Originally Posted by Matryeshka View Post
    The only thing worse than a bride at a wedding is the guests. I swear, there ought to be a separate category for guestzillas.

    I like registries. They tell you what a couple wants/needs. There's no sense in you wasting your money on something the bridal couple neither needs nor wants. They're suggestions only. If you don't like registries, then don't buy something from them, but most people like them. I like them and I would hate to have to guess at bringing a gift. Imagine getting fifteen hand towels, no bath towels, and twelve knives but no forks and all in different colors and styles, and then imagine the poor bridal couple who have a lot of things to do/adjust to now having to scramble and try and return useless crap that they don't have the receipt for and don't know where it came from and can't ask because it would be "rude" so they're stuck with unusable stuff until they can have a garage sell or donate it.

    Also, most people these days are fairly spread out and have several groups of friends where everyone might not know the wedding party or the wedding party's family. I've been invited to weddings where the only person I know is the bride or the groom (usually coworkers) and it would have been incredibly embarrassing for me to have to ask the affianced for his/her best friend's or parent's phone number and then have to call a complete stranger and ask where they're registered. In the case of the groom, the best friend probaby doesn't know or sometimes even the parents. It's just awkward to have to ask and I think it's more rude to call up someone you don't know and have to beg for information. It's not 1830--no one has to pretend that gifts aren't expected and you are allowed to ask for what you need. It's just easier and more efficient to send the registry card with the invite. I seriously cannot believe in 2010 people still have the opinion that providing registry information is rude or consider it begging for a gift. Let's be real here. You get married, you get gifts. It's a perk of monogamy to get a blender with settings you don't understand but sound really cool.
    Hear, hear. So much of this stuff just seems like common sense to me. And it boggles my mind that etiquette considers it acceptable to ask guests to buy expensive plane tickets to a destination wedding, but balks at putting a helpful registry card into a wedding invitation.

    Quote Originally Posted by bobalina77 View Post
    Oh! The other thing I would put on my registry (if we were getting married right now) is camping gear! We love camping but we keep having to borrow stuff from people to go, which gets annoying but camping stuff gets expensive when you need.. well everything That would be something fun and out of the ordinary for people to buy.
    Don't deceive yourself. Buying wedding gifts is not fun. It wouldn't even be fun if you asked for clown costumes and squirt guns. It's something you have to do and just want to get over with as quickly as humanly possible (at least if you're me!).
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  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squibble View Post
    Because people don't know any better.

    It comes across in the same way as an invitation that mentions where the couple is registered: the couple looks like they are treating the occasion as an opportunity for people to give them presents, rather than as time they make a lifelong commitment to each other and celebrate with the people who matter most to them.

    I've been to weddings in four U.S. states and three other countries. The couples came from a variety of different backgrounds, and most didn't have a guest table.
    Well, I brought my wedding gift to my friend's wedding because I didn't want it to arrive in a plain mailing box from Amazon.com. I actually put quite a bit of work into the packaging (and the card which went into the box), and I'm proud that I took the time to do that. They did have a guest table, so I didn't feel too awkward. Then again, this was a wedding where the processional music was the Jurassic Park theme and Muse's Feeling Good, and where guests were invited to wear flip flops because it took place on a hotel beach rooftop. May have been VERY different for my friend's old-fashioned fancy Kansas City-royalty wedding, but I was part of the wedding party there so I brought it to her house while we were getting dressed up. Guess I lucked out on the etiquette there!

    I also like being told where the registry is too, especially in times where I'm not close to the couple. I didn't think it was tacky when my friend included it in the invitation. I mean, it wasn't part of the actual invitation, they printed it on a separate card as an FYI. I knew the groom pretty well (ex-bf), but I had never met the bride, so I would have wracked my brain trying to figure out what they would BOTH like. Because I'm considerate like that. Turns out they all picked really boring typical registry stuff.

    But I guess it isn't real "proper" etiquette to do that. I don't recall ever knowing where my Kansas City friends' registry was. But I knew them both very well so I didn't need one.

  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squibble View Post
    Because people don't know any better.

    It comes across in the same way as an invitation that mentions where the couple is registered: the couple looks like they are treating the occasion as an opportunity for people to give them presents, rather than as time they make a lifelong commitment to each other and celebrate with the people who matter most to them.

    I've been to weddings in four U.S. states and three other countries. The couples came from a variety of different backgrounds, and most didn't have a guest table.
    See.. to me it makes it seem like if someone WANTS to give them a gift, this is an idea of what they need and this is where you can get it. I see it as a helpful thing rather than a gift grab. There is nothing saying you have to get them anything.

    Every wedding I've been to has had a gift table, and I've thought nothing of it. I don't think most people around here at least, do think anything of it.. and if they do then imo they are way too easily offended.

    Wyliefan.. I actually like buying wedding gifts for people. Actually I like buying gifts in general for people.

  12. #52
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    From CNN today: guests gripe about destination wedding


    http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/04/30...ex.html?hpt=C2

  13. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobalina77 View Post
    See.. to me it makes it seem like if someone WANTS to give them a gift, this is an idea of what they need and this is where you can get it. I see it as a helpful thing rather than a gift grab. There is nothing saying you have to get them anything.
    I didn't say that there's a problem with wedding registries, but rather with including a reference to the wedding in with the invitation.

    Wedding registries are very useful if you don't know the bride very well or if you aren't sure about her tastes or the couple's needs.

    If you want to know if (and where) someone is registered, you can always ask whoever issued the invitation (usually the bride's family or the engaged couple themselves). There's nothing wrong with calling or writing to ask, especially if you don't see the hosts on a regular basis. Alternatively, you can go the stealth way and (1) check the wedding registries at likely places (in the San Francisco Bay Area, where I live, it's usually Macys) or (2) Google the couple's names and the word "registry").

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    In other words, you can turn sleuth. But it just seems like such a roundabout, backdoor way of finding out information you need to know. I know I can only speak for myself, but I'm grateful when the registry card is in the invitation. It makes life easier and more convenient for me, and I just think it's a considerate thing to do. I have a great deal of respect for Miss Manners, but she and I will have to disagree on that one.

    Bobalina, I guess I should clarify, I like buying some gifts, like birthday presents for people I know well. It's fun to pick out something that you know the other person will love. But buying wedding gifts, when you know there'll be tons of presents coming in and you want to make sure yours is something both nice and needed, isn't really like that. That's why I'm grateful for registries -- but even registries can't really make it all that fun for me. At best they make it painless.
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    I like surprised gifts - and I also like to personalize my own gifts. I wish registries were like in my parents day, where there was a list of needed items and you could pick whatever version you wanted of the item to give.
    If I ever get married I might have my own internet version, where rather than registering at a specific shop I have a list of things and guests can tick off what they've bought. That way they can chose according to their budget as well...

  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wyliefan View Post
    In other words, you can turn sleuth. But it just seems like such a roundabout, backdoor way of finding out information you need to know. I know I can only speak for myself, but I'm grateful when the registry card is in the invitation. It makes life easier and more convenient for me, and I just think it's a considerate thing to do. I have a great deal of respect for Miss Manners, but she and I will have to disagree on that one.

    Bobalina, I guess I should clarify, I like buying some gifts, like birthday presents for people I know well. It's fun to pick out something that you know the other person will love. But buying wedding gifts, when you know there'll be tons of presents coming in and you want to make sure yours is something both nice and needed, isn't really like that. That's why I'm grateful for registries -- but even registries can't really make it all that fun for me. At best they make it painless.
    Yeah I see your point.. but usually even if I get something off the registry I try to make it a little more personal or creative by adding accessories. If I know the couple well enough.

    I completely agree with you about including a registry card. I don't want to have to do research to figure out where someone is registered. Especially if I don't know the couple that well. We have to go to my boyfriend's half sisters wedding this summer and he's not gonna think to ask where they are registered (he actually isn't that close to her for various reasons so it would be somewhat awkward for him to call her up) and I've never met her. He's also not gonna be much help trying to find a gift for her, again because they aren't that close. Why go? Cause she's still his sister and he wants to be there. They didn't include a registry card but it sure would be helpful to have one.

  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobalina77 View Post
    Yeah I see your point.. but usually even if I get something off the registry I try to make it a little more personal or creative by adding accessories. If I know the couple well enough.

    I completely agree with you about including a registry card. I don't want to have to do research to figure out where someone is registered. Especially if I don't know the couple that well. We have to go to my boyfriend's half sisters wedding this summer and he's not gonna think to ask where they are registered (he actually isn't that close to her for various reasons so it would be somewhat awkward for him to call her up) and I've never met her. He's also not gonna be much help trying to find a gift for her, again because they aren't that close. Why go? Cause she's still his sister and he wants to be there. They didn't include a registry card but it sure would be helpful to have one.
    Your boyfriend needs to man up and ask his sister where she and her fiance are registered. If they aren't registered then he can ask her what they would appreciate as a wedding gift. You shouldn't have to do the heavy lifting on this. She's neither your sister nor your sister-in-law (at least not yet.) JMHO.

  18. #58

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    I don't get the issue with having big ticket items on your registry. I figure the point is to be able to have a variety of price ranges accommodated.

    I just bought my step sister a gift off of her registry. Her wedding was April 17th, so I'm sure many people in this thread will find me horribly rude. Luckily I'm a college student so I don't care. I sent the gift late partially because I didn't want the package to arrive while she was on her honeymoon and sit outside of her house for days and days.

    I bought my step sister 6 glasses for $4 each because I am able to spend about $25 for her gift. However, my step sister was registered for gifts from $3 to hundreds of dollars. I don't think it is wrong that she put the several hundred dollar gifts on her registry because both she and her husband have family members who will want to give them expensive gifts for their wedding and those people probably want guidance on what they need as well. Looking at her registry for something to spend ~$25 on, I was not offended to see items I could not afford. I don't get why anyone would be.

  19. #59
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    The reason a lot of men are having the honey-do parties is to be included in the fun of pre-weddings. Traditionally wedding showers (and to some extent baby showers) are a women only affair. Guys should have the opportunity to have the shower environment and not the drink until you can't find your way home parties.

    The number of showers depend upon the giver of the shower. The bride or groom should not expect a shower. And it should be divided into the types of attendees. I had one shower - the groom's family didn't know the bride's family and in some cases would never see them again, the girlfriends wanted to give personal gifts and they weren't appropriate for mothers or grandmothers or great aunts to see. Uncomfortable all the way around for the attendees.

    One of my dil's had the same experience - one shower. My mom and I didn't know anyone, no one from dil's family talked to us, because they didn't know us, her friends had all kinds of personal jokes that weren't appropriate for her grandmother let alone my mother. The other one had 3 showers - her friends, groom's family and her family. You don't want to go to one of the showers, then politely decline.

    Gift tables are regional and socio-economic norms. And I would assume the same thing is true regarding the inclusion of a gift registry location. Personally, I would have preferred a gift registry where someone can determine if someone else has gotten that item, rather than get 5 pressure cookers. Pressure cookers that I never used because I didn't can.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Theatregirl1122 View Post
    I don't get the issue with having big ticket items on your registry. I figure the point is to be able to have a variety of price ranges accommodated.
    Having a variety of price ranges is fine. But I have seen registries which included literally nothing under $100. Place settings of real silver, fine china, full sets of high-end cookware, etc. but no "everyday" items at all.
    Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe.

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