Bit of a rant re my sister organising afternoon tea

[talulabell]

I dont know what's involved in a Tea, but I know that a friend and I enjoyed a wonderful seafood dinner, in a nice restaurant on Rittenhouse Square in Philly, complete with appetizers, and two cocktails each, and it cost us just under $70 (US) per person (and I’m pretty sure that included tax and tip). $70 seems like a lot for an afternoon tea.

So what's wrong with buying clothes at WalMart...?

I was gonna say the same thing.

[Jenny]

To me, the deciding factor is not the cost of the afternoon tea (and as I said, if that price includes taxes and gratuities, it's in line with what hotel teas cost in other parts of the world), but rather if the expense is worth the experience of seeing old friends and supporting the host's efforts to bring everyone together.

If $70 is too much to pay for that experience, then so be it. The tea itself is secondary, I would think.

[numbers123]

I am not sure what defines a tea or the number of people involved here. But let's say that there are 30-40 people who could possibly attend. I can see where the breakdown could be:

Room rental for the hotel: $300 - 400
Chicken salad crossiant sandwiches and salad: $7.00 per person
Dessert trays: $7.00 per person
Drinks (tea and sodas): $2.00 per drink (so let's say 3 drinks per person)
Gratuity: 20%-25%

I am basing some of this on conference planning 15 years ago. I know that pricing has gone up.

It is your choice whether or not to attend. Depends upon what you feel is important.

[Aussie Willy]

I will just clarify a few things.

It is only a small group of about 6-7 people, including both my sisters. Quite informal really in terms of organisation.

In Australia, $70 is really expensive for an afternoon tea. Personally my upper limit on what I would pay for an afternoon tea would be about $20. But there are plenty of other options available, it doesn't have to be this place.

Basically I have already told her no I won't be coming, it is unaffordable for me. And I suggested that if there was something more affordable I would come along. I have said my piece - it is up to her what she does.

[marbri]

So what does the other sister think about all this? You only seem annoyed with one of them.

[Angelskates]

AW - is it a high tea? If so, A$70 is expensive, even for a flash hotel. I went to the Stamford Grand over Christmas (DELICIOUS!) and we had the platinum high tea for $32 per person. I would have paid more than $70 for the food and the experience though.

[Aussie Willy]

So what does the other sister think about all this? You only seem annoyed with one of them.

I don't know - I don't talk to her. I just got the email from the one I do talk to last night about this thing.

But basically I have told her my situation and maybe she may change the venue as a result. It is up to her. But if she chooses to go ahead with the selected venue then she will have to accept I won't be there. However I am not going to get angry with her about it because that doesn't achieve anything. I am probably more disappointed than anything.

[marbri]

Well then, at the risk of sounding flippant, if one of the 6-7 people meant to be at this thing is someone you don't even speak to it's probably a good thing this is out of your price range, gives you an excuse to bow out.

[slicekw]

So what's wrong with buying clothes at WalMart...?

Polyester rash.
general crazy atmosphere.
clothes that shrink and last only a few washings.
slave labor.
child labor.
deliberately underselling local shops and putting family businesses out of business.
.
.
.

This game is more fun than the original topic!

Willie, go to the tea and wash the new pants more often
You'll be glad you did so.

[softlip]

Don't want t derail the thread, but since we are discussing Afternoon Tea...

I take it that this is the same as "High Tea"? I'd like to go to one for experience myself, but I'm not sure what it actually involves or how it works. Is light food inclusive and if so what kind of food? Do you choose the tea and the food yourself or do you get a set selection? Is there a option without champagne? Do you need to book it or can you just show up at tea time? Is it a more "girls"-thing or can I bring my SO without him feeling like in a lingerie shop ? And finally, can you recommend a place in Sydney?

Thank you in advance.


ETA: Nevermind, just saw Angelskates post.

[Anita18]

I understand your feelings completely. I have basically lost a friend over this sort of thing. She and her husband make about 1.5 times what my husband and I make. And they don't seem to get that we can't afford the places they want to go or the things they do. She ranted at me all the time that anyone who doesn't shop exclusively at Whole Foods doesn't care about their health and is irresponsible. She always wanted to go out to lunch at extremely expensive places--one where a salad and cup of soup would run around $20 as opposed to the deli where the same thing is around $6. When we went shopping, she would insult the stores I shop in (and it isn't as if I am buying clothes at WalMart) and tell me why her preferences that cost two or three times as much are so much better. She just didn't get it. And I couldn't handle being around it anymore.

My bf is almost like that, although he's aware that his quasi-religious devotion to Whole Foods is somewhat irrational. He also knows I'm much more informed about current events than he is, and that I won't allow him to get too carried away with his somewhat irrational rantings.

He also makes a lot more money than I do, although his only real financial weakness is that daily trip to Whole Foods. It helps that we're both introverts and in our "me" time, he goes to Whole Foods for breakfast while I sleep in and save money cooking from scratch. And if he wants to spend $$$$ on something for both of us that I'm hesitant about, he picks up the slack.

But yeah, it really depends on the person. Sometimes it really does not occur to some people that $70 to attend a reunion is a bit much.

[4rkidz]

High Tea can be fun.. in North America many of the top hotels will have it during the afternoon - along with many of the cruises.. basically mid afternoon (typically 4pm) and should include - decent teas (English Breakfast, Earl Grey etc.,) along with various finger foods - typically sandwiches cut small (no crusts), and the best part various desserts .. I enjoyed taking my daughter when she was little all dressed up and we took her nana and had a lovely time.. and on our last cruise my hubby and I would go - as opportunity to have fresh cream (which is a treat in north america).. BTW when I lived in England I never went to high tea I think its more fun doing it in other countries - but not for $70 even if it is in Australian dollars..

[Aussie Willy]

Well then, at the risk of sounding flippant, if one of the 6-7 people meant to be at this thing is someone you don't even speak to it's probably a good thing this is out of your price range, gives you an excuse to bow out.

Ummm just because I don't talk to her, doesn't mean that I am not going to partake in an event because she is there. She is not the reason why I wouldn't be going and has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

[danceronice]

First: "High tea" is hearty sit-down meal involving heavy foods served family-style which served as the main meal of the day. "Full tea" is a four-course menu of finger sandwiches, scones, sweets, and dessert. The (generally American) use of the term "high tea" to refer to the latter is inaccurate. Champagne added to a full tea makes it a 'royal' tea. (See the book "Tea and Etiquette' from The Protocol School of Washington.)

Sorry. Drives me crazy.

I don't believe in overpricing events, but I also believe it's the responsibility of the host to cater to the lowest common denominator. It sounds like she wants a 'special occasion" event and not chips and dip at someone's apartment. $70 AUS sounds a little high, but it depends on the venue and what's included, and what the going rate is. (As someone mentioned, afternoon tea at the Mayflower, an experience I highly recommend, is substantially cheaper than a similar service in New York City, where everything costs more.)

And now I want a cream tea, but I have no scones. Or tea, come to that. In fact, no clotted cream, either. And just having jam would be silly.

[Angelskates]

danceronice, just because you have one definition doesn't make the other ones wrong. Different countries (even states) make their own definitions of things all the time.

[cygnus]

danceronice, just because you have one definition doesn't make the other ones wrong. Different countries (even states) make their own definitions of things all the time.

Except that danceronice is correct. This afternoon tea-with-scones-and-sandwiches, when copied at fancy hotels and tearooms in other countries is trying to recreate an English tradition. They think that in England it is called "high tea", which it isn't. It is just "tea" or (possibly) "afternoon tea". High tea is NOT a light meal- it's more like dinner or supper in NA- what working people used to eat after work. In Devon or Cornwall tea with scones and clotted cream is called "Cream tea". It's lovely- worth a trip to that part of the world.

People use the term "high tea" because they think it sounds posher, and that it's the English term for a fancy tea with sandwiches and cakes. It isn't.

[essence_of_soy]

People use the term "high tea" because they think it sounds posher, and that it's the English term for a fancy tea with sandwiches and cakes. It isn't.

Call it 'high tea', 'afternoon tea', 'cream tea' or 'fancy tea', at 70 bucks for a cup of English breakfast and one miserable cup cake, it's 'insani-tea'.

Think of all the skating magazines you could buy!

[Michalle]

Ugh, people who try to pretend this kind of thing isn't rude by acting like it's "all about the experience" make me so angry. Oh, "it should be worth it to you" to get together with friends. That's nonsense. Planning an event that will force someone to spend money that they need so they can EAT for the rest of the week is the height of inconsiderateness. And people who are oblivious to how upsetting it is to be asked to choose between participation in a reunion and financial responsibility are worse than the planners! With such a small group, why not just have lunch at a moderately-priced restaurant? And those who want to, could go get tea afterward?

[Angelskates]

Michalle - I'm sorry, but I don't think it's rude. AW is not broke, she's mentioned several times she's buying a unit/getting a unit built, she's just posted about buying $115 on trousers (?). It's about priorities. If AW thinks it's too expensive, no problem, she doesn't need to go or she can organise her own, but if everyone else thinks it's okay, then they should be able to pay for a posh time.

No one is forcing anyone to do anything. Maybe the rest of the small group want to have the $70 meal, why should they miss out? It's about their priorities too - maybe they are choosing the $70 deal without AW over a cheaper deal with her? Maybe they're not and they don't know AW won't be going. Either way, it's everyone's choice. They can always do something else with AW afterwards if they want to as well. There's no reason people can't do both or either.

To act as if the $70 is between eating or not in this case is ridiculous, because it's not. People prioritise their money differently. I would never pay $115 for the best fitting jeans in the world, but I would pay $70 for a meal with friends.

[Angelskates]

Except that danceronice is correct. This afternoon tea-with-scones-and-sandwiches, when copied at fancy hotels and tearooms in other countries is trying to recreate an English tradition. They think that in England it is called "high tea", which it isn't.

Or maybe they're just making their own version and tradition of high tea and what high tea is. The English don't own the term, after all.