Heck yeh - None of it is our fault! (fascinating book on men and sex-on-the-brain)

[Beefcake]

I've seen features on the "male brain / female brain" reported over the years on Learning/History Channel shows. This author has summed it up and is on the road promoting her book ...

Love, sex and the male brain

Perhaps the biggest difference between the male and female brain is that men have a sexual pursuit area that is 2.5 times larger than the one in the female brain.

How soon 'til some guys will be bragging that "theirs" is 3.5 times larger?

To a man, this is the most natural response in the world, so he's dismayed by how betrayed his wife or girlfriend feels when she sees him eyeing another woman. Men look at attractive women the way we look at pretty butterflies. They catch the male brain's attention for a second, but then they flit out of his mind. Five minutes later, while we're still fuming, he's deciding whether he wants ribs or chicken for dinner. He asks us, "What's wrong?" We say, "Nothing." He shrugs and turns on the TV. We smolder and fear that he'll leave us for another woman.

Sadly, this has been the case with my sisters/female friends. The Diane Chambers in them always had them asking "what did that 'really' mean", when he meant exactly what he said. And "is he trying to ignore me while watching that sports program?" Uh, no, he's really just trying to watch that sports program.

But, seriously there are some fascinating things in that article. (I never knew that pregnant women shower their mate in pheronomes to afflict them with "daddy brain"!) I think the author hit at least a double with the interpretation that men are thinking of the solution during an emotional encounter with his mate, but may be mistaken as aloof to said problem by said mate.

If men and women would read this book, and its predescessor on the female brain, methinks there'd be less worry and consernation. Or maybe she is full of shit, and just wants women to buy her book in hopes of figuring out their men?

[bobalina77]

It's true that women try to read into things that don't really need to be read into. I admit that I've been guilty of it.. I blame Cosmo. As much as I love the magazine, it's full of "what he REALLY means when he does/says this.." crap. Boyfriend laughs at those articles all the time. Being with him has made me realize that I shouldn't feel the need to try and figure him out.. and if I am constantly trying to figure him out then something is wrong.

[silverstars]

It's true that women try to read into things that don't really need to be read into. I admit that I've been guilty of it.. I blame Cosmo. As much as I love the magazine, it's full of "what he REALLY means when he does/says this.." crap. Boyfriend laughs at those articles all the time. Being with him has made me realize that I shouldn't feel the need to try and figure him out.. and if I am constantly trying to figure him out then something is wrong.

Hah, ITA. My boyfriend found my issue of Cosmo on my desk, and I walked into my room a few minutes later to find him laughing uproariously over one of those "What's He Really Thinking?" articles. Basically, he said that it was complete crap.

I do think that it's an issue to consider that men and women just think differently, though, and that if it's the way that our brains are built, it's definitely not going away. I think that the best way to deal with it is to just learn how to talk...

[Prancer]

How soon 'til some guys will be bragging that "theirs" is 3.5 times larger?

Oh, please. There is massive anecdotal evidence that suggests that in MMS (Male Measurement Systems), 2.5 works out to at least 6.

And "is he trying to ignore me while watching that sports program?" Uh, no, he's really just trying to watch that sports program.

Except sometimes you guys ARE trying to hide by watching a sports program or whatever.

It's not that you're up to something. You just want us to stop talking for a while and hope we'll take the hint and go away.

That's not always the case. But I defy you to look me in the eye and tell me that you have never turned on the TV without hoping it will end a conversation you've had enough of (and not necessarily with a woman, either).

The thing women need to know there is that you aren't shutting them out so much as just saying the server is overwhelmed and needs to shut down for a while. Try again later when the server is back on line and has some free space.

It's just like FSU in the old days--stop hitting Refresh all the time, take a fridge break and everything will be back to normal in a bit.

But, seriously there are some fascinating things in that article. (I never knew that pregnant women shower their mate in pheronomes to afflict them with "daddy brain"!)

"Afflict."

Hmmm, why would women have such negative views of men?

[bobalina77]

That is true. My boyfriend has yet to do that to me.. but we've only been living together for a month and a half so I'm sure it's bound to happen at some point. He's been pretty good so far though.. there's not much I've had to bug him to do. He shares dish duty, will help fold laundry (until it gets down to my underwear because he doesn't know how to fold them ), does most of the cooking (as long as I bake once in a while.. good deal I think), cleans bathrooms all without me having to ask (or at least ask repeatedly). He's not allowed near the washing machine unless I've separated the clothes already because he won't separate the lights and darks cause he never did it when he was single

[Satellitegirl]

I'm guilty of trying to get my boyfriend to talk about what he's thinking, too much lol. I've learned lately though to give him space when he gets that way and talk to him about things later.

[bobalina77]

Oh see I don't do that because I HATE that "What are you thinking about?" question. If I wanted you to know what I was thinking about I'd tell you

[Veronika]

I used to read Cosmo, and then I stopped--it was really repetitive and dumb after a while.

I regret to admit that now that's I've been married for almost 4 years, I've pretty much slipped into the wife mold (and my husband is in his mold too.) I never thought I would be like that--nagging, complaining, nitpicking, and bickering. I try to stop, but it feels almost inevitable.

[Beefcake]

"Afflict."

Hmmm, why would women have such negative views of men?

Whew, glad I didn't use "infect".

In retrospect, think that "gift" would be the warm fuzzier description.

[Prancer]

I regret to admit that now that's I've been married for almost 4 years, I've pretty much slipped into the wife mold (and my husband is in his mold too.) I never thought I would be like that--nagging, complaining, nitpicking, and bickering. I try to stop, but it feels almost inevitable.

I've found that when our conversations are like that, it's usually because we need to get away from the daily grind and do something just for fun. It doesn't have to be a big thing, like a vacation, but it should be something that gets us away from the monotony of working and household chores for a bit.

Go out on a date and refuse to talk about household stuff. Go somewhere on the weekend that doesn't involve family, work or chores. Go for a walk after dinner. Play a game. Anything, as long as it doesn't mean focusing on the grind for a while.

Whew, glad I didn't use "infect".

Oh? Does that mean you thought of it that way??????

In retrospect, think that "gift" would be the warm fuzzier description.

Stop trying to appease me! You said what you REALLY meant the first time and we both know it.

[Beefcake]

Aw, love you too. I'm only reading your tarty response because I'm afraid to read pbp while Abbott is skating.

[bobalina77]

I've found that when our conversations are like that, it's usually because we need to get away from the daily grind and do something just for fun. It doesn't have to be a big thing, like a vacation, but it should be something that gets us away from the monotony of working and household chores for a bit.

Go out on a date and refuse to talk about household stuff. Go somewhere on the weekend that doesn't involve family, work or chores. Go for a walk after dinner. Play a game. Anything, as long as it doesn't mean focusing on the grind for a while.

This is good advice. Boyfriend works from home and so he has the flexibility to take one of my days off with me. We usually try to get out of the house and do something.. whether it's shopping (for fun stuff or for groceries for dinner that night), going to a movie etc. The other thing we do if we can't go out and do something is play Rock Band. He plays drums and I sing. It's so much fun and makes for good bonding time

[IceKween]

My boyfriend found my issue of Cosmo on my desk, and I walked into my room a few minutes later to find him laughing uproariously over one of those "What's He Really Thinking?" articles. Basically, he said that it was complete crap.

This was an interesting article. Of course I'd also like to read the peer-reviewed scientific papers this article was based on. It's no mystery that testosterone levels change how men AND women behave. Some men have lower t levels, while some women have higher t levels, and consequently their behavior is different.
It is a common belief that men are more analytical and women more emotional. I have to say that in my experience, with men and women superiors, the women WERE much more emotional and vindictive than men. The male superiors would look for a resolution and quickly end a problem. The women, well, let's just say they hold grudges, and remember even the slightest perceived insults for a long time. Maybe it is a matter of anatomy. Then again, my mom is just like a guy, she's very analytical and matter of fact, and she doesn't suffer weepy emotional people.
I wonder how gay men fall into this continuum. In my experience gay men are more emotional, tend to get clingy and desperate, and many times are more emotional than analytical compared to hetero men. It would be interesting to see a study on this. I know I've read that gay men have lower t levels on average than straight men.
And yeah, I used to read Cosmo and that whole "What is He Thinking?" page. It was such a joke. I would think that a MAN should be writing the column. Instead of some 'Rules' girl who wants to advance some whack agenda (for instance, I defy anyone to find a man who will wait for sex until AFTER the engagement ring is given). I laughed when I read that whole Rules book. This ain't 1950. A 28 y/o virgin is NOT an asset to a typical man.

[bobalina77]

I read The Rules after my ex and I broke up (I read a lot of relationship books in that time period) and laughed through the whole thing. I must say though that my current bf did pursue me, but it wasn't because I was playing some game, it was because I wasn't really in the right frame of mind to be starting a relationship when we met so I wasn't thinking of him in that way. We started out as friends and hung out for a month or so and one thing lead to another and here we are

[Prancer]

Aw, love you too.