What makes a Guy Undateable?

**orbitz** · 03-21-2010, 01:48 PM

The book "Undatable" is displayed in the comedic section in the bookstore. It's only meant for a good chuckle or two.

Some real reasons that should make any guy undatable:
1. He's an abuser, cheater, liar, stealer
2. He has no respect for the person he's dating
3. Unemployed and no desire to get a job
4. Do drugs
5. Bad body hygiene
6. Ego maniac

**PrincessLeppard** · 03-21-2010, 01:48 PM

Originally Posted by Ajax

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I wouldn't date somebody because of it but seeing "definitely" spelled as "defiantly" drives me CRAZY

The pronounciation is completely different so how do you mess up the spelling??

If someone spells the word "definately" then the first word that comes up on spellcheck is "defiantly." My students do this all the time.

**mila19** · 03-21-2010, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by Ajax

All of the other stuff on the list, the speedos, socks in sandals, chest hair, I can overlook if the guy's personality makes up for it. My one dealbreaker would be smoking. I'll occasionally smoke a cigarette at a party but I would never smoke if I know I'm going to have any sort of physical proximity with a date/boyfriend. In fact I recently refused a guy who asked me out because the smell of cigarettes wafting off of him as he sat next to me made me want to retch.

Does anybody else feel that that's a reasonable dealbreaker?

I hated smoke when it was cool to have a puff or more during High School. Made my mother smoke in the balcony and occasionally locked her out in attempt to make her give up on smoking

Then at 25 had a ciggie from time to time when going out but it never became a habit.
Now, when it came to guys there were those who actually smelled like cigarettes and those who didn't although they did smoke. Weird but true. So as long as they don't smoke inside my house, I'm fine.
I do have a

reaction when it comes to body odour and body hair EEK!

**Erin** · 03-21-2010, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by Anita18

Many of the reasons featured in that article are so

.

Well, I found myself nodding along with some of them, but in actuality, I'd never dump someone over it. My ex (who was in his mid-30s) used textspeak, but I got over it. He was also a terrible speller, but I just corrected his spelling and grammar in his e-mails and then we were both happy.

**bobalina77** · 03-21-2010, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by mila19

I hated smoke when it was cool to have a puff or more during High School. Made my mother smoke in the balcony and occasionally locked her out in attempt to make her give up on smoking

Then at 25 had a ciggie from time to time when going out but it never became a habit.
Now, when it came to guys there were those who actually smelled like cigarettes and those who didn't although they did smoke. Weird but true. So as long as they don't smoke inside my house, I'm fine.
I do have a

reaction when it comes to body odour and body hair EEK!

I don't smoke at all and I always thought I'd never date a smoker but.. boyfriend smokes and it actually doesn't bother me. He's one of those who doesn't smell like smoke (unless he's just had one) and he NEVER smokes in the house. He's tried quitting several times since we got together but it hasn't stuck yet. I'm not overly concerned about it.. I think he will eventually.. but if he doesn't he doesn't.

**MOIJTO** · 03-21-2010, 02:32 PM

Since I haven't dated in many years, I can only list what I considered undatable and I would assume this applies to today.

Smelly
Smoking
Drug use/drinking
Sloppy dress/which could be in the smell catagory
Unemployment (other than layoff, deadbeat)

Tattoos, piercings were not the norm back than but I don't mind ears and a few tattoos.

Makeup, if their wearing makeup, I am sorry I would think they go both ways and I for one preferred hetrosexual men.

Abusive in anyway
Dishonesty
To many "girl" friends
To many friends in general

And to add I think you really need to know who you are before you can decide who and what kind of person to date.

**slicekw** · 03-21-2010, 03:17 PM

There is a certain way that men wear rings that is pretty darn icky. But then I have not dated a guy because I didn't like his hands.

My latest don't is don't date a guy that picks you up and then spends 45 minutes on how he's worried about his heart even though the doctor and the cardiologist told him nothing is wrong. Doesn't leave much to look forward to.

**Matryeshka** · 03-21-2010, 03:32 PM

I think everyone has a few shallow reasons for not wanting to date a guy, which is fine, just so long as it's not 311 of them. And a serious reason to one person might be shallow to another. For example, I'm totally with Nomad on the non-reading thing, and for much the same reason. Not being a reader is a dealbreaker for me, as I think over time, it points to what you spend talk about/spend your time doing together, and I LOVE to talk about books. I would drive a non-reader up the wall. To some of my friends, this is completely reasonable, and to others, it's very WTF.

MOIJTO said that she doesn't want a man who has too many "girl" friends or too many friends in general. This is bizarre to me. I have a lot "guy" friends and friends in general. I need my personal space--a lot of it. I need a guy that's similar in that respect. His Thursday Poker Night is A-OK with me. But I know a lot of both guys and girls that are like MOIJTO and that after a certain age, it's odd to have an active social group not connected with your significant other. It just depends.

And really, on the book, there are some obvious ones, like employed, non-abusive, etc. that are must-haves, and most people do meet those basic requirements. It is the little things that make or break most relationships. And I think it's agreeing on some of these little things that make things harmonious.

One person's dealmaker is another one's dealbreaker.

**mmscfdcsu** · 03-21-2010, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by Matryeshka

One person's dealmaker is another one's dealbreaker.

ITA! And, the older I get and the happier I am, the less likely I am to tolerate certain things. For example, someone who is always sniffeling, never blowing his nowe, just making that awful noise all of the time. Ewwww!

**Erin** · 03-21-2010, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by bobalina77

I don't smoke at all and I always thought I'd never date a smoker but.. boyfriend smokes and it actually doesn't bother me.

Yeah, mine smoked up until a few months ago and it wasn't really a big deal. He very rarely smoked around me except when we were travelling so it was usually off my radar screen. Now that he's quit, I actually don't even notice the difference. Now not every smoker can or will control their smoking that way, though, so I can see being hesitant about dating a smoker.

**Karina1974** · 03-21-2010, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by orbitz

The book "Undatable" is displayed in the comedic section in the bookstore. It's only meant for a good chuckle or two.

Some real reasons that should make any guy undatable:
1. He's an abuser, cheater, liar, stealer
2. He has no respect for the person he's dating
3. Unemployed and no desire to get a job
4. Do drugs
5. Bad body hygiene
6. Ego maniac

I've got another one for this list: guys who speed, weave in and out of traffic, and tail gate when they are driving. I guess that could go under #6, because IMO anyone who would behave like that obviously thinks his having to "get places" comes first over everyone else's.

As for the rest of the list in that list... GMAFB. I know someone is is 69 years old and would look hot in a Speedo because he has the body for it, and he wears a gold necklace (which really sets off his "cafe con leche" complexion), and the reason he could wear a Speedo is because he eats stuff like salads, works out (martial arts) and takes very good care of himself. He turns 70 in 10 months and looks about 50, and he's no "wrinkled-up old fuddy duddy" either. He works as a DJ, so he is hip to what's hot on the music charts. If he was about 15 years younger and wasn't already living with someone, I'd go out with him myself.

**bobalina77** · 03-21-2010, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by Erin

Yeah, mine smoked up until a few months ago and it wasn't really a big deal. He very rarely smoked around me except when we were travelling so it was usually off my radar screen. Now that he's quit, I actually don't even notice the difference. Now not every smoker can or will control their smoking that way, though, so I can see being hesitant about dating a smoker.

Yes.. the one understanding we do have is that I WILL not pick up smokes for him even if I'm going to the store anyway and he gives me money for them. Ain't gonna happen.. I'm not gonna make it easy for him to get them

He responded to that by saying "well I won't pick up tampons for you then.." and I was like "First of all.. not the same thing. Second of all.. I would never ask you to."

**Matryeshka** · 03-21-2010, 07:34 PM

I read this in I think a business magazine for a fool-proof way to tell someone's character, and it's the only thing I've found to be 100% accurate: how someone treats waitstaff. It's not the be-all and end-all, but after I read that, I noticed a lot of the people I didn't like/think much of were really lousy with waitstaff, i.e., over-the-top demands, not tipping, overly complicated orders just to prove who's in charge, flirting/trying to be funny (like a waitperson hasn't heard them all by his first week anyway). Or on the other other extreme, people that are too indecisive or get nervous when making an order or keep asking, well, what do you think? what would you order?

My older brother's the undertipper overdemanding one. Seeing him in a restaurant is like a microhistory of all his character faults.

**bobalina77** · 03-21-2010, 07:50 PM

It bothers me when someone doesn't acknowledge and say thank you to the waitperson when they bring the food. I just do it automatically because it's how I was raised. Someone does something for you, you say thank you. Even if one of my nieces does something I ask them to do I say thank you to them as well.. even if it's just asking them to be a little quieter

**Prancer** · 03-21-2010, 08:47 PM

Originally Posted by orbitz

The book "Undatable" is displayed in the comedic section in the bookstore. It's only meant for a good chuckle or two.

Yes, but upon whom is the joke?

Originally Posted by Matryeshka

I read this in I think a business magazine for a fool-proof way to tell someone's character, and it's the only thing I've found to be 100% accurate: how someone treats waitstaff.

That's a pretty good one.

I'd also look at how a person treats immediate family. That's usually a pretty good indicator of how a longterm partner ends up being treated, too.

**essence_of_soy** · 03-22-2010, 12:00 AM

Originally Posted by Erin

Well, I found myself nodding along with some of them, but in actuality, I'd never dump someone over it. My ex (who was in his mid-30s) used textspeak, but I got over it. He was also a terrible speller, but I just corrected his spelling and grammar in his e-mails and then we were both happy.

Wow! A deal - breaker for me would be someone who had the nerve to correct my spelling and my grammar in emails. How arrogant.

You're my significant, not my flipping teacher.

**silverstars** · 03-22-2010, 12:10 AM

I agree with a bunch of these things, but a few are pretty stupid. My boyfriend wears a ring (his father died a few years ago and it was his), and I'm not about to break up with him over that.

I agree that the best way to figure out a person's true character is 1) how they treat waiters/cashiers/etc and 2) how they treat their family. I've had guys go out of the way to be polite to me, my roommates (who are basically my family), and my actual family members, but then be horrifically rude to people whom they viewed as "below" them. To me, that's pretty disgusting and definitely a deal-breaker.

On a more superficial note, my friends and I have a (there for laughs...most of the time) no-Ed Hardy shirts rule. We're all in our early twenties, and as far as our collective experience goes, nothing good ever came in a skull-embellished, rhinestone-studded black t-shirt.

**RockTheTassel** · 03-22-2010, 03:23 AM

Originally Posted by essence_of_soy

Wow! A deal - breaker for me would be someone who had the nerve to correct my spelling and my grammar in emails. How arrogant.

You're my significant, not my flipping teacher.

Perhaps she just meant that she corrects it before she reads it herself, not that she responds to it with full corrections. I sometimes do that when I read emails with a lot of netspeak. There's nothing arrogant about it.

**genegri** · 03-22-2010, 03:31 AM

Nothing on that list by itself is a deal-breaker for me. But if a guy has more than say 5 of them, then they may collectively become a deal-breaker.

I too ustry to figure out someone's charactor from the way they treat waitingstaff. I find it to work one way only though. The few people I know who treat waitingstaff rudely are indeed jerks. However, I also know people who are polite to waitingstaff but they may not be nice or even decent otherwise. And I know a guy who is actually very nice and professional at work and he treats waitingstaff very professionally as well, but at home he is a domestic abuser.

There was this guy I dated before DH. He had a lot of vile things to say about his ex and I was an angel in comparison. He was very stingy to his friends and had disrespectful comments towards other girls' we both knew. He would not even help out his own parents in need. He treated me very well though, but I still didn't feel comfortable. It didn't last.

Then I met DH who would mention his ex in a matter-of-fact way, nothing vile. And he was always more than willing to help his other female friends (and male friends too). I liked that. I thought if a guy treated me much better than the next girl, it meant that he loved me very much and I would be very flattered. But if a guy was nice to everyone, it would mean he was a nice guy. Love changes but charactors don't. I married DH and he turned out every bit as I expected. Kind and caring.

In a way I got lucky. My naive way of telling which guy was nice happend to work out. But it was also very possible DH turned out to be a phony or a flirt or someone who has boundaries issues with other females. So I would not say my way was the best way to judge. But I think the principle I was going after has merit: Instead of looking for someone who loves you and you only, go for someone who by nature is a loving person.