What makes a Guy Undateable?

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by mmscfdcsu, Mar 21, 2010.

  1. Flatfoote

    Flatfoote Active Member

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    Anita18 had a good answer a few posts up. I was thinking in terms of those who see animals as nasty dirty little things that need to be kept out of the house. Or as something that isn't a living breathing thing that should be treated with respect.

    Those who just can't connect with an animal, or has a fear of them, I can undestand. That doesn't reflect on character then. But I still couldn't see myself with anyone who didn't love animals as much as I do.
  2. orbitz

    orbitz Well-Known Member

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    Well there's loving animals and then there's LURVING animals, LOL. I don't think I can deal with people who insist on treating their dogs or cats as if they're their children.
  3. Erin

    Erin Well-Known Member

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    No, I actually corrected it on the e-mail back to him, but it was only on the most egregious errors, and it was because he asked me to do so.
  4. Dave of the North

    Dave of the North Well-Known Member

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    When does the book "What Makes a Girl Undateable" come out?

    (Reason 1 - she has a copy of "What Makes a Guy Undateable" and takes it along on the first date...:p)
  5. gkelly

    gkelly Well-Known Member

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    Exactly. It's kind of silly for someone to compile such a list and imply that they speak for all women.
  6. orbitz

    orbitz Well-Known Member

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    Have you look through the content of the book? It's a comedic book along the lines of "101 Things To Do With a Dead Cat" or "Your MIL is like a Train Wreck Because ...", etc. I can't believe anyone looking at the book and its content would think that someone is trying to make up a valid list that all women should adhere to. It's meant as a joke; Nothing more.
  7. essence_of_soy

    essence_of_soy Well-Known Member

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    Do you cut up his food for him as well? :(
  8. essence_of_soy

    essence_of_soy Well-Known Member

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    :respec:
  9. Hedwig

    Hedwig New Member

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    What is your problem with this? :confused: He asked her to correct his mistakes and she did it and both won.

    I think it is great that he asked her as it shows a willingness to still learn and also trust as lots of people don't dare to ask others for help.
  10. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    I overheard the grad student calling her husband a day before he was to attend a fancy-schmancy luncheon. Her questions went, "Do you have your belt? Did you find your shoes? Did you try on the pants I bought you on Monday?"

    Apparently he hadn't yet, so he put her on speakerphone while he tried on the pants. :rofl:
  11. essence_of_soy

    essence_of_soy Well-Known Member

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    I wish this message board had a 'high - five' emoticon, Anita! You're awesome.
  12. essence_of_soy

    essence_of_soy Well-Known Member

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    I get this, but I'd still be checking his head for thumb prints, though.
  13. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    I didn't do anything! I did note the convo to said grad student later, and she said that being married was like being a mother. :lol: He drives her around and randomly writes her limericks (he had an AWESOME one for our field of study, DNA repair), so I guess it's a good trade-off.

    Actually I did wonder if I needed to do the same thing to my bf, since we were going to attend a wedding the next week. But then I figured that since my bf had a real job (vs being a grad student who sat around playing Xbox all day), that he would have something relatively nice to wear. :rofl:
  14. fenway2

    fenway2 Well-Known Member

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    I find the older I get, the less patience I have for cynicism. It feels very...immature. Like some 18-year-old college freshman striving to be Holden Caulfield. I just don't want to date some guy who thinks everything is a lost cause. I think there's something charming & romantic about hopeful optimism. Of course he has to be a realist too...I don't want anyone who's going to bury their head in the sand anytime something goes wrong. It's a difficult balance but it's one I find important.
    Jodi and (deleted member) like this.
  15. Dave of the North

    Dave of the North Well-Known Member

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    I belong to an organization that has semi-annual conferences with dinners etc. One year they had a head table, but did not seat the spouses at the head table. The wife of one of the higher-ups went ballistic because she wouldn't be at the head table. She said that she needed to be next to her husband because she would prompt him on when to speak, what to say to whom, pass him notes on what to do, etc etc. I can't remember if she escorted him to and from the washroom.:p This guy was a Colonel in the US military...
  16. essence_of_soy

    essence_of_soy Well-Known Member

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    Haha....your description of her reminds me of Madeline Kahn's brilliant turn in What's Up Doc as Eunice Burns. I'll see if I can dig up a clip of her somewhere on youtube.
  17. Prancer

    Prancer Ray Chill Staff Member

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    Sometimes being married is like being a mom (and all things clothing would surely be a personal example for me) and sometimes it's like having a dad. Or in my case, it's kind of like having my mom back, only she's a lot bigger than I remember and seems to have developed a square jaw. She sure says some of the same things, though.
  18. jenny12

    jenny12 Well-Known Member

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    :D Me too!

    Oh, but I do have some standards: I could never date a guy who smacks his lips when eating. How am I supposed to enjoy my food?!
  19. MOIJTO

    MOIJTO Banned Member

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    :lol: Pretty much the same rules apply to men as women in the undateable dept. But I would add gold digger to the ladies list.
  20. danceronice

    danceronice Corgi Wrangler

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    This! How someone treats service personnel is a HUGE clue to their personality, whether they're being rude jerks or going overboard to be egalitarian or buddy-buddy. (Be polite and let them do their jobs without making it harder.)

    I don't date: The Activist, unless it's something I don't think isn't worth getting excited about (which is a very, very, VERY short list) AND he's capable of leaving it at the office, someone who doesn't like animals (they were here first), lots of jewelry and tattoos (I don't have tats or wear much jewelry, either), someone who's looking for a mommy and is emotionally needy, someone who has a problem with my having male friends (control freak!), someone who dresses sloppily (I even do SPORTS where you have to dress neatly!)

    If he wants to show up for a formal event in formal Scottish dress kilt instead of a tux, though, by all means (as long as it's actually culturally appropriate for him to do so--it gets a bit silly when "My great-great grandfather probably emigrated from Scotland and his name was McLaren so I can wear a kilt!" He's then probably one of those tourists who goes to Scotland and expects it to look like Braveheart. Don't appropriate tartans.) And hey, whatever culture, if he's got the legs to carry off a UtiliKilt http://www.utilikilts.com/ more power to him!

    No alcoholism, no drugs, no smoking (YMMV and I have met smokers where if you didn't see them light up, you couldn't tell), no stalking, no setting animals on fire for fun...that's to me all just common sense. Unless you're Bella from "Twilight" who wants a stalker control freak with boundary and self-control issues?
  21. Erin

    Erin Well-Known Member

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    I don't see the relationship between grammar correction and cutting up food at all, but the answer is no. I find it a little ironic that you called me arrogant for correcting grammar, when you are being rather arrogant yourself about making assumptions about a relationship based on the one item you know about it. I'm not sure why this bothers you so much considering it was something that we were both OK with in the relationship at the time.
    cholla and (deleted member) like this.
  22. Karina1974

    Karina1974 Well-Known Member

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    You don't think there's such a thing as a male gold digger?
  23. MOIJTO

    MOIJTO Banned Member

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    I think they call it something else. But yes.
  24. bobalina77

    bobalina77 Duck Hunter

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    I don't think I could date someone who wasn't close with his family. My family is super close (like we have dinner together at least every second Sunday) and I think people who aren't really close with family have a hard time understanding that. My ex wasn't really close with his family and it was like pulling teeth getting him to go for dinner at my parents' place and when he was there you could tell he totally wasn't comfortable. My current boyfriend is really close to his mom (his dad left when he was a kid) and so gets that my family is really important to me. He's totally cool about going to our family dinners, he gets along really well with my mom and dad, and he likes their dog. It's such a huge difference.
  25. Rex

    Rex Well-Known Member

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    It's the small things.... ;).
  26. leesaleesa

    leesaleesa New Member

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    What makes a guy undatable: Gets all up in your personal space, gesturing with his hands, loud, rude (attributes that to being from NY) spit talker with bad breath. Oh, and he snatches the half eaten chicken finger right out your hot little hand and eats it.

    Lucky for him, I had the beginnings of the flu. He was an animal hater on top of it all.
  27. luna_skater

    luna_skater Well-Known Member

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    This one's huge for me. I have an extremely close family. They live 6 hours away, but in the summer I see them at least once a month, and I always go home for Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas. They visit me often as well, when my dad's business trips take him through my city. My family is also fairly small--my mom has two siblings, my dad has one, and I have three first cousins TOTAL. Most of them (except for me) are located geographically close to each other, so two of my cousins are more like siblings to my brother and I, and I'm very close with my aunts and uncles. Having a family farm helps...everyone is always going out there to help out.

    My ex (we were together 7 years) didn't have this kind of family dynamic growing up. He had a decent relationship with his sister, but had a strained relationship with his parents, that actually improved when he moved across the country to be with me. But he often complained that I put my family first, and spent so much time with them, and never had enough time for him (mostly when we moved away from my family, but I would still travel home often to see them). I'm sorry....it's my FAMILY. They put me on this earth; they are related by blood. He was always invited home with me, but was married to his job and could never get time off work. At important (to me) holidays like Christmas, there was no way I was about to stay in the city with him when he would get one day off and then have to work the rest of the holidays (he worked in retail), when I could go home and be with my family for 2 weeks before having to go back to school.

    I admit that there may have been a few instances where I could have put him ahead of my family, that there was probably a weekend here or there when I didn't NEED to go home. But I always felt like if he had a closer family, he would understand where I was coming from more. AND...he's now been out of the picture for the last 3 years, and guess what? My family's still my family.
    Karina1974 and (deleted member) like this.
  28. Andora

    Andora Well-Known Member

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    I thought it was simply that a guy was undatable if he just wasn't my cup o' tea. Sometimes there's no explaining it past that.

    Who knew I missed a whole list of things I should have been checking. ;)
  29. gkelly

    gkelly Well-Known Member

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    See, that's the thing. If he's not your cup of tea, he's undatable by you. But labeling someone "undatable" in general implies that no one would or should ever date him. Which is just stupid.
  30. PDilemma

    PDilemma Well-Known Member

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    The thing is that for an adult relationship to be successful in the long term, you have to put your significant other first, not your mommy and daddy and brothers and sisters. If you aren't willing to ever do that....good luck. I've seen a lot of marriages crumble because one spouse found it more important to go home to mommy and daddy's house than to be present and supportive to their partner.

    My family is very close and so is my husband's. But our marriage comes first.
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  31. Karina1974

    Karina1974 Well-Known Member

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    ^^^I agree with luna_skater. My "mommy and daddy", as PD calls them, have been "present and supportive" of me for 35 years, far longer than any SO has ever been. They are now both in their 70's, the Universe has seen fit to keep them both in relatively good health in both mind and body up to this point in time, and any SO who thinks he's going to be put first before them needs a serious reality check.
  32. Rafter

    Rafter Well-Known Member

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    Bad spelling and grammar are on my list. As is someone who doesn't have a post-secondary education.

    A momma's boy would also be a dealbreaker.
  33. Andora

    Andora Well-Known Member

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    I don't know that there's one clear answer for the whole other half vs. family issue. Clearly a momma's boy is trouble, but how does one say "your family isn't supposed to trump me" all the same?

    I read an article ages ago about someone dating three others who had various stages of closeness to their parents: super close, kinda close and not very close at all. The subject in question was somewhat distant to their folks, and was more connected to the one whose relationship with their family was similar.

    It doesn't mean one should have the same relationship with their family as their partner, because sometimes that's not a possibility, but where family fits in one's life should obviously not be at odds with one another.

    Exactly. :)
  34. Nekatiivi

    Nekatiivi Well-Known Member

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    I, for one, totally agree wih PD. I am extreamely close wih my parents but my SO comes first and I expect the same from him. I dosen't matter that my parents have always been there for me, my significant other is my significant other. If there ever comes a day when we are not each others number one anymore, there is nothing significant in our relationship anymore. If my SO has to work for Christmas, I won't go to my home town to be with my parents, I will stay home waiting for him despite the fact that I would love to be home with my parents. But my discomfort would be nothing next to his if I left him to be all alone for Christmas.

    My parents find his to be compleatly normal. If I break up wih my SO, my parents will be on my side, but untill that day there is no "my side and his side" for them, there is only "our side". The same goes to my brothers.

    If my parents got sick and needed help and support from me, it would be a different situation.
  35. made_in_canada

    made_in_canada INTJ

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    That was a large reason why my husband and I are divorcing. We weren't even really aware it could happen until it was much too late.
  36. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    I think it really depends on the situation. My mom was in Taiwan for months at a time because her mother was sick and near death. If at that time, my dad had suggested that she wasn't putting enough into their marriage (because God knows he can stress himself out with his own work), I think she would have told him where to stick it. :lol:

    What's important is compromise. Maybe you could all join your family for one holiday, and then join his family (or go it solo) for another. Then again my family doesn't put a whole lot of stock in absolutely getting everyone together for holidays and guilt-tripping people who can't make it. :p
  37. made_in_canada

    made_in_canada INTJ

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    Crisis is different. The rules go out the window in a crisis. It's when it's all the time, everyday, and there isn't agreement that's the issue.
    PDilemma and (deleted member) like this.
  38. luna_skater

    luna_skater Well-Known Member

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    Putting a significant other before my family is not something I'd *never* do. Without getting into a lengthy discussion about the dynamics of my former relationship, suffice it to say that this was one facet of a multitude of issues. I'm sure you can understand that this was not exactly a black and white issue. I brought it up to identify with the point bobalina77 was making, that the kind of relationship a partner has with his/her family can impact your relationship as a couple.

    I've seen a lot of marriages crumble for a lot of reasons.

    ETA: Re-reading my initial post, I realize it may come across as though I was running home to my family every chance I got. Not the case at all. My ex and I lived together, and spent all of our time together--when he wasn't working, which was not often. On the flip side of the situation, his 24/7 job came ahead of me, almost always. As I mentioned, he worked in retail. He worked constantly by choice, not necessity. We're not talking about someone who had a career saving lives. To remain on topic, that's a dealbreaker for me. I need someone who's willing to try and find balance in his life. This guy didn't make any effort to do that.
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2010
  39. luna_skater

    luna_skater Well-Known Member

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    Agreed. :respec:
  40. lise

    lise New Member

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    There has to be a limit though.

    My husband wanted his mom over for our wedding over a year ago, telling me and the rest of the family it was for a 6 month visit. Guess what, she's now living with us and she doesn't want to go home. He never consulted me about this, just decided on his own because she is his mother.

    Was I angry and bitter at him for this? You bet I was and I really yelled at him for deceiving me. Did I forgive him? You bet I did, although it's taken me just over a year to really accept it and stop being resentful. At the end of the day I realized that she was his only living parent, and that it was important to him to have her around. Since it's that important to him, it became important to me too. So, some closeness to family is nice, but you need to make sure you put your marriage first and support each other.