Wedding/showers..advice, ettiquette, and general bitching!

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Smiley0884, Mar 18, 2013.

  1. 4rkidz

    4rkidz GPF Barcelona here I come

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2001
    Messages:
    9,184
    Hope you have a lovely wedding Anita, I LOVED my wedding.. its was almost 27 years ago and it was totally my wedding with my rules.. no showers allowed (just a girls bachelorette night out).. no 'rules' at the reception.. presents optional and certainly not expected (a lot of our friends were poor students at the time).. we paid for it ourselves so cash bar (not going to add to our young friends drinking habits ;)).. and saved our money for a fantastic honey moon (toured the States in our old Camero for a month) a combination of camping and hotels.. my hubby was great that it was all about 'my' day.. and parents were clearly informed to enjoy the ride but I was driving ;) Upon reflection I think the issue is that each bride has the wedding she wants.. be it cheapo like ours.. or the price of a house deposit.. because memories really are priceless :)
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2013
  2. Smiley0884

    Smiley0884 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2003
    Messages:
    2,696
    I think I might have said it upthread, but I can't afford to get married right now, not the way my bf and I want to anyway. While I agree that weddings don't have to be all about the hoopla and extravagance, we don't want that type of wedding anyway. With a baby on the way, my possibly taking up to 6 months off of work, and buying a condo, we just can't afford it right now. Both of us come from very close knit families, and we both have close friends that we want to share the day with. I don't see what the big deal is about stating the fact that we're waiting a few years to get married, due to finiancial reasons :confused:
  3. Jenny

    Jenny From the Bloc

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2001
    Messages:
    17,444
    cruisin, I think you are being overly defensive, somewhat understandable as your daughter clearly means a great deal to you and you are a good mom. Maybe if you read the rest of the post again with my assurances that I truly meant to offer encouraging positive advice for all couples planning to get married you'll see that I wish your daughter well too.
  4. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    30,765
    4rkids - 40 years ago, the wedding showers were not really for me (I mean they were, but) it was that my friends and my mother-in-law thought they were important and necessary. All the stupid games too. Our reception was in the church - no alcohol mostly due to the fact that we were 21 and 20. It was a miracle that we didn't kill each other during out honeymoon. We left following the reception.

    • Lost hubcaps on his mother's car while driving to the hotel, which meant we had to double back to find them.
    • The first day of our travels, he didn't stop for lunch. I tend to get rather irritable (down right angry due to low blood sugar) when I don't eat and kept waiting for a stop.
    • Got stopped at border because we didn't declare something - asked if we were going to leave anything in Canada and said no. Border patrol didn't understand why we had gifts in the car :)
    • Traveled to Winnipeg - a lovely city -and the hotel we stayed at for the first couple of days had a fire and we needed to evacuate the building. I didn't believe him when he said we needed to get out until he opened the door so I could hear the alarms.
    • Lost his wedding ring after 5 days of marriage - left in a hotel.
    • Got lost in the wilds of Canada - seriously, took the wrong highway and had a difficult time finding a place to stop
    • Got lost in Michigan on the way home. I drove his mother's car into the ditch (actually ran off the interstate avoiding a hazard).
    • Other driving issues in Chicago. And when we finally got home discovered all those rolls and rolls of pictures we took were blank - the camera was broken didn't know it.

    Going back to a normal work/school routine is probably the thing that saved our marriage. :p
  5. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2001
    Messages:
    11,045
    What cruisin said. And yeah, I'm defensive since I'm the one in this thread gettin married in under 3 weeks with no honeymoon planned until August. :p

    But I get what Jenny means about taking time for each other. For us, that time will be 7 hours Sunday afternoon as we drive back down after the wedding. :p
  6. mkats

    mkats New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Messages:
    2,804
    Nah, I think your situation is totally understandable. For me when it gets tacky is when people whine about not having enough money to do all the "hoopla and extravagance", as you described, and then start throwing things like jack and jill parties, because they want their big fancy wedding NOW.

    One of my good friends is getting married in a few weeks from Richmond, where her fiance's family lives. Unfortunately that's about an 8 hour drive from here, and with all of us being busy and poor grad students, that means the vast majority of us will not be able to make it. One of the invitees has other family in the area, so she does plan on attending, and the rest of us agreed to pool together money and get her something nice off of her registry, that the one attendee can bring up with her. The bride was very understanding about this and said that she'd hadn't expected too many of us to be able to make it, but didn't want us to feel left out. :)
  7. maatTheViking

    maatTheViking Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2008
    Messages:
    1,698
    I personally think getting married is about showing a commitment to each other, and you don't need to celebrate with your friends or family - you could do that later, in my mind. But, then again, people have such different ideas about weddings, so it makes sense other people feel differently!

    as for the honeymoon, I think there is something fun about doing something as 'newly weds'. But I think it can be as simple as a night or two in a hotel where nobody bothers you ;).
    We ended up going on a long trip (2 weeks) before the wedding to Ireland, and then a short honeymoon (4 days) right after the wedding to Hamburg. My parents gifted us the train tickets and a very nice hotel. I was fun!

    I don't think what you do is an indicator of the marriage - it only is if you don't agree on what to do, maybe ;).


    I think it is interesting that people have so many different ideas - but then again, our most expensive thing for the wedding was the dinner, we both love good food. Most other weddings we have been to have really bland food, I find, but then people might spend more on what is important to them. As long as people do that, so they will get a day to remember one way of the other, that is what is should be like. And as wedding guests we should try and respect the choices :)
    numbers123 and (deleted member) like this.
  8. IceAlisa

    IceAlisa Port de bras!!!

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Messages:
    30,319
    We had our honeymoon a week after the wedding for two reasons:
    1. We wanted to attend a friend's wedding the following weekend
    2. I couldn't fathom dealing with a hasty departure right after the wedding.

    It felt too much for me--I am very easily overwhelmed with these things. The wedding prep, the wedding itself which was fairly big, left me longing for normalcy. We were both back at work the following week and I was never happier to be back in my routine. After the friend's wedding we were off to our honeymoon--several weeks in Italy, meticulously researched.

    I had the time of my life.
  9. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    17,368
    We went to Hawaii a day after our wedding. We got married on Saturday, left on Monday. Sunday morning, I woke up with a 105º fever. We called the Dr. he put me on Tetracycline (never told me it would make me photosensitive) and said I should go ahead to Hawaii. I was miserable on the plane, felt better once we got there. Wound up with sun poisoning since I didn't know I should stay out of the sun on the meds. Hawaii was beautiful, but it was an adventure. Since them, we've been to Hawaii 2 more times. The 2nd time it rained for the entire 2 weeks we were there. That was when they had the severe flooding in Kauai, a river went over it's banks and took out roads and homes - we were there then. The 3rd time was when the Tsunami hit Japan and we were evacuated in Maui. I think we should stay away from Hawaii :lol:!
  10. 4rkidz

    4rkidz GPF Barcelona here I come

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2001
    Messages:
    9,184
    See this is what I meant about memories being priceless.. Numbers - Winnipeg?? Really ;) LOL.. thanks for sharing.. I am sure Anita will make her own memories :)
  11. IceAlisa

    IceAlisa Port de bras!!!

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Messages:
    30,319
    True--the memories are priceless.
  12. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2001
    Messages:
    11,045
    Yeah, stay away from Hawaii the last week of August, please. ;)
  13. mag

    mag Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,983
    Well don't go to Arizona when I am there. I have been three times, and each time it has rained. I mean serious rain, and I'm from Vancouver so I know rain! I know people who have been going every year for years and they have never had a drop of rain ... I must be cursed (or related to Cruisin ;) )
  14. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    17,368
    Don't worry, we're done with Hawaii. It's too long a flight from the east coast. If I'm going to fly that far, I'd rather go to Europe where there are things to do when it rains :D.

    I don't cause weather issues in Arizona, just Hawaii :lol: So, no worries for the people of AZ, if I go there. But, it might not be me, both times my husband was there...Hmmmm!
  15. PDilemma

    PDilemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2008
    Messages:
    4,758
    We didn't have a honeymoon. We had two nights at the Hilton in Omaha. The one across from the arena, for those of you who may have been at Nats. It is about 40 minutes from our house. My husband had changed jobs just prior to our wedding after six months of drama after his previous employer burnt down the business in an insurance scam (only found out for sure that the employer was involved recently when there was an indictment). He was not even supposed to be allowed time off at the new job but they made and exception and gave him three days unpaid for our wedding.

    He is underemployed there and I became underemployed a year later. We actually still have not been on any trip by ourselves for longer than two days for the entire life of our relationship. We were planning a four day getaway in May in which we would go some place and not stay with friends for the first time ever...and now it looks like there will be mandatory overtime and no leave at his job until June.

    Yet our marriage has survived just fine. It is the only stable and secure and happy thing in our lives, actually. Honeymoons do not make a marriage. The most extravagant honeymooners among my circle of friends was the couple who is now divorced after a ten year marriage in which they lived separate lives for eight.
  16. madm

    madm Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    541
    Haha, we were on Kauai at the same time! We were on Spring break when a dam broke and the severe flooding washed out the only main road around the island (no way to get to the airport). We had plenty of food and gassed up the car in Princeville, so it was fine with us to hang out in our beautiful rental home for days. We have been to Kauai many times and it is not unusual to have rain in March, but the 30" we got in 10 days has made me think twice about going there again in March. We'll go back for sure because this is our favorite island, but maybe during a different month. The other island quirk that we had to plan for was driving to/from our rental home past Hanalei, because during heavy rains the bridge between Hanalei and Princeville (over the Hanalei River) floods as the tide comes in, so you have to drive over it during low tide. It's all just part of the charm of Kauai :). And it keeps the tour buses away!
  17. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    17,368
    We were in Maui for the first week, the rain was just as bad there. This was 6 years ago, I believe. I remember there was a problem at Waikiki, as well. Something about the water quality (maybe a sewage line broke?). We were in Maui for a convention, so there was a lot to do for that, and we were with a lot of friends. But, we had decided to spend an extra week on Kauai. We stayed on the south eastern part of the island (I want to say Poipu, but not sure), but did drive up to Princeville. I remember seeing all of the destruction on the drive up to Princeville. I also remember talking to a lot of the people who live there who were having to get out of their homes due to severe mildew problems. They said that March is typically more rainy, especially on Kauai. But that they usually get about 6" of rain for the month, that month they got 32". Another memory is that the streets were littered with dead frogs :scream:! Apparently they live in the foliage along the roadways, those areas were flooded and the frogs were going into the streets and getting run over. Happy Memory! :lol:
  18. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2001
    Messages:
    11,045
    Poor froggies. :(
  19. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2001
    Messages:
    11,045
  20. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    17,368
  21. mkats

    mkats New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Messages:
    2,804
    I like them!!!
  22. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2007
    Messages:
    11,072
    Anita they are lovely!
  23. skatesindreams

    skatesindreams Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2002
    Messages:
    13,689
    They are, indeed.
  24. mag

    mag Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,983
    Absolutely beautiful!
  25. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2001
    Messages:
    11,045
    Thank you! :)


    Another piece of happy news: my coworker who's gravely ill in France just emailed me and said he's up for Skype-crashing the wedding! :cheer: He can only think week-to-week, but he's aiming for next Saturday!

    Now, to either get Skype to work on my coworker's Android with unlimited data, or to recruit my sister's uber-hackery bf to tether something with his iPhone...But we are going to make this happen!
  26. vesperholly

    vesperholly Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2003
    Messages:
    7,498
    Awesome :) I think he'll make it. My aunt's cancer spread to her lungs in January 2009, but she held on for my sister's wedding that August and died in November. She always said she'd never miss the wedding.
  27. IceAlisa

    IceAlisa Port de bras!!!

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2002
    Messages:
    30,319
    It's amazing that people can will themselves to live for something while so ill, isn't it?
    Maofan7 and (deleted member) like this.
  28. mkats

    mkats New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Messages:
    2,804
    Oh, I'm so happy for you (and him) Anita... I wanted to ask about this but was afraid there was bad news. So glad :)
  29. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    17,368
    Anita, that would be wonderful. I'll send good thoughts to France for your friend.
  30. skatesindreams

    skatesindreams Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2002
    Messages:
    13,689
    The will can be a beautiful thing,
    Good luck with all of the technical issues.
  31. PDilemma

    PDilemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2008
    Messages:
    4,758
    So I just got home from a wedding that included an interpretive dance. As part of the ceremony.
  32. KCC

    KCC Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2005
    Messages:
    936
    Not by the bride and groom though, right?
  33. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2003
    Messages:
    30,103
    that sounds awesomely awful :p

    one of my favorite weddings I've attended had the officiant do a live rendition of "Sweet Transvestite" in full Frank N Furter drag after the ceremony (with the bride, groom, and wedding party providing backup). Officiant wore a suit to do the ceremony though :p
  34. PDilemma

    PDilemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2008
    Messages:
    4,758
    No. It was done around them, though. As they sat in their yellow chairs under the spotlight which is where they were for most of the ceremony which was basically a theatrical production in a black box theatre. The program even read as such. They starred as "The Bride" and "The Groom". Both in quotes which bothered the English teacher part of me.

    The groom's sister, allegedly a professional ballerina, performed the dance. It was mostly tendus and arm waving and rapid running in circles around the "happy couple". I have taken about a year and a half of adult beginning ballet and am fairly certain I could have performed that choreography. We were told it was symbolic of the music that the bride and groom heard in their heads before they met and how they found each other across a room and began to dance because their music was the same. The ceremony also included their mothers each having a turn reading a rather eulogy like tribute to their respective children. The bride (the theatre person of the pair) sat there making very large and dramatic and possibly rehearsed facial expressions in response to everything. The vows were all about having adventures and being fans and finding mischief. (Good luck with that sustaining a marriage in the long term). I cannot even begin to describe the music. Most pop songs common at weddings do not translate well when performed as operatic arias by Miss Iowa (and we knew she was formerly Miss Iowa thanks to the bios on the back of the "playbill"). There were also costume changes for the dancer and the officiant (the bride's sister ordained on the web last month). And they tied a knot in some rope to symbolize the unity of the community. At the end, her sister pronounced them "a happy couple".

    And the reception was in the theatre lobby which does not have room for tables, chairs or people to do anything but go into the theatre. There was apparently "entertainment". But we didn't stay long enough for that. A picture on FB this morning appears as if their dog was involved in the entertainment.
  35. Habs

    Habs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2003
    Messages:
    3,784
    :rofl: That sounds epic!
  36. skatesindreams

    skatesindreams Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2002
    Messages:
    13,689
    ^^^
    A "new age" ceremony?
    I'm all for modern touches; but, prefer a little more tradition than that.
  37. PDilemma

    PDilemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2008
    Messages:
    4,758
    Oh, it was.

    I truly went just for the entertainment. The bride is an acquaintance of mine as are both of her parents and her mother is a good friend of my mother-in-law. I was my sister-in-law's plus one. My mother-in-law, the friend who was her plus one (father-in-law didn't want to go near this, he is very traditional), and I were enjoying the absurdity of it all, while sister-in-law (as my husband predicted) was all weepy and proclaiming it the greatest wedding ever.
  38. KCC

    KCC Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2005
    Messages:
    936
    Wow..... While I am glad that the couple made their ceremony "their own", I think it would have been hard for me to keep from laughing. And I think I would have stayed for the entertainment, just out of curiosity. Please try to find out more about how the dog fit into it.

    I will not complain ever again about my family's weddings.
  39. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2001
    Messages:
    11,045
    I would have loved to see that kind of offbeat wedding. :rofl:
  40. PDilemma

    PDilemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2008
    Messages:
    4,758
    I totally agree with you. Tradition with some twists is often a good thing. Turning the whole wedding into a performance is just odd. My MiL couldn't believe there was no "I do/will" and they just put their own rings on after the sister rambled about intertwining circles for awhile. The word "intertwining" was used excessively throughout to the point that I wanted to giggle.

    The bride's mother used some humor in her "tribute" talk. Then she felt bad and asked us if we thought it was inappropriate at the reception. She had been told it was to be "solemn". I told her this thing needed some levity, her response, "true, and people needed an excuse to laugh since I followed THAT DANCE". :lol:

    A lot of the "ceremony" would have been lovely in a different context. The words from the mothers would have been nice at a rehearsal dinner or in shortened form as a toast at the reception. And the theatrical touches (since the bride works in theatre) would have been cute in the context of just the reception--having a "playbill" with the menu or something like that. But in the way they did it, it was all just over the top.