Wedding/showers..advice, ettiquette, and general bitching!

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Smiley0884, Mar 18, 2013.

  1. Debbie S

    Debbie S Well-Known Member

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    I attended a wedding where the invitation invited you to a "wedding reception" and there was a separate small card enclosed inviting me to the ceremony. Kind of an odd reversal of what you usually hear about. But the wedding was at a hotel and the ceremony was in a small room (prob some type of exec meeting room) a couple floors up from the reception room and wouldn't have been able to hold everyone who was at the reception. The reception itself was a bit more informal that usual - no assigned seating, just buffet stations set up around the room and different-sized round and square tables for people to sit. There was a jazz band playing but not much room for dancing and most people didn't. I don't think the bride and groom danced. But it was a fun wedding, really. :)
     
  2. Jenny

    Jenny From the Bloc

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    But why would they be against it?
     
  3. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Hah, I'm actually more stressed about all the class projects I have to get done at about the same time! :lol: I'm still debating on whether that's a good thing, cause it takes me off the wedding stuff. :p I'm just waiting to hear back from vendors now, about the final preparations.

    I actually bought mine on ebay. :shuffle: But Preowned Wedding Dresses is a lot easier to shop, and more legit, I think. I was really just pricing how cheap I could go with the dress, since the general cost of weddings are :yikes:. It just really did not make sense to me how women are expected to spend hundreds upon hundreds (or even thousands) on a dress that they'll only wear for like, 8 hours max.

    It was a leap of faith, really, because the photos of the dress on the listing were TERRIBLE. I was actually the only bidder for it. :lol: And I contacted the seller a few times to make sure it would fit around the top. It's not perfect - there are a few splinter around the train and it's dirty around the hem and heavy scrubbing with Tide didn't take it out, but you probably won't be able to see them in photographs. I'll be having an outdoor ceremony anyway so it would get dirty again in no time!

    Thank you. :)
     
  4. maatTheViking

    maatTheViking Now ubering Machida's hair

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    Well, I'm opposed to having a shower for my second baby, as I think it is a bit tacky - and I have all the baby stuff I need!

    there can be lots of reason you don't want a traditional shower - maybe you think the games are silly, maybe you fear you will end up like my friend who received sexy underwear from her MIL to hers (through mail - and my friend thought it was funny, but others might be mortified).

    I think if you are throwing a party in honor of someone you should respect their wishes. They point is for them to have fun, right?
     
  5. ballettmaus

    ballettmaus Well-Known Member

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    Well, yeah, I figured and I so agree with you. I'd even go as far as to say it's brazen and in an impertinent way.
     
  6. Habs

    Habs Well-Known Member

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    Agree, but that doesn't mean no party at all.
    I'm anti-games at baby showers ( :yikes: ) and my friends know this, so when Mini-Habs arrives soon, they've already planned an afternoon tea meet-and-greet with no games, gifts optional.
     
  7. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    People play games at showers? :yikes:

    I already dictated no games at the wedding reception, and I think my mom has been to too many big weddings already, because she was suggesting some really embarrassing ones where I'm sure Alf would just leave and not come back. :lol:
     
  8. skatesindreams

    skatesindreams Well-Known Member

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    That's a great idea. Habs.
    I think those shower games are tacky, rather than fun.
     
    Habs and (deleted member) like this.
  9. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Well-Known Member

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    Does anyone think they are fun? I hate shower games, and quite honestly I avoid showers like the plague because of them. (The only remotely 'fun' game at my wedding shower was when I had to answer questions asked of my husband, and I got them all right- all the while his Mom was argueing with me that that wasn't his favorite, movie, book, whatever -6 or seven things and I was clearly wrong, and my bridesmaid being like "but that's what he wrote down")


    Games at a wedding reception? That's new to me. We just had a ton of drinking, dancing, and eating. (I've been to a few with 'dollar dances', which I usually do to give them a buck, but am not a fan of at all.)
     
  10. Habs

    Habs Well-Known Member

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    One of the worst afternoons of my life was at a baby shower for a good friend who LOVES shower games. You name it, we had to play it. I couldn't wait to leave.

    The only game we played at my wedding shower was an ice-breaker at the very beginning - say two truths and a lie about yourself and everyone had to guess which one was the lie. It was fun and got everyone talking with each other. Other than that, zero games, just the way I wanted it. Happy to say it's the same friends throwing the baby shower. :cheer:
     
  11. skatingfan5

    skatingfan5 Well-Known Member

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    Some people are just that way -- my sister hates to be the center of attention at any event. She even refused to walk down the aisle at her wedding (I think that was mainly nerves because she didn't think she'd make it to the altar without stumbling). But in general, she isn't keen on most social events -- especially if she is in any way singled out.

    You mean none of you have ever enjoyed endured a game of Bride Bingo? (I actually found one of these at a rummage sale and bought it for 50 cents because it was so retro and wacky.) :shuffle:
     
  12. Rogue

    Rogue Sexy Superhero

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    What we like to do for second babies is to throw a diaper shower. No gifts allowed except diapers of varying sizes to last the mom throughout the first year.
     
  13. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

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    :rofl: I would have bought that, too.
     
  14. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    We went to one where the couple stood on stage (yeah seriously, Alf and I are not standing up on no stages!) and the bride had to pass a raw egg up and down the groom's pant legs. Without cracking it, obviously. We took a look at the groom's mother during the exercise, and she was mortified. :rofl: They went around the tables collecting red envelopes, and some people made the bride pick the envelopes out of the groom's pants. Classy stuff. :lol:

    My mother was apparently guest to a wedding where the groom was blindfolded and had to find his bride by touching every female guest. Supposedly it's only supposed to be the face, but....yeah. :lol:

    We're so low key, we're not even going to have dancing. :lol: Just eat, chat, have cake, go home because the venue's kicking us out at 6pm!

    I HATE to be the center of attention too. I fully expect to trip on my dress down the aisle. I plan on laughing it off. Might as well be fun with it! I know I'd end up :rofl: if we were oh-so-serious during the whole thing anyway.
     
  15. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

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    Never heard of such outside of a drunk, private party. :eek: Certainly not a wedding reception.
     
  16. maatTheViking

    maatTheViking Now ubering Machida's hair

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    In Denmark, it is a tradition at the wedding dinner that if you bang you silverware on the plates the bride & groom have to stand up and kiss.
    There is also one about taking off the grooms socks and cutting them into pieces (the guy who gets the biggest piece gets married next, like bouquet toss for girls).

    We just said on the dinner menu we would not appreciate that, and people obliged (my husband did not want to waste good socks...)

    There is also a tradition for when the bride or groom leaves for a restroom trip, all the young guys/girls rush up to kiss the bride/groom (on the cheek usually) while the new spouse is away. I think that is cute.

    Don't know if those are games, but definitely solid traditions.

    Btw to me a reception is an afternoon thing after a morning wedding, with snacks, which you may or may not have. The evening is the wedding dinner. Most people have both invite more to the reception, usually casual friends, business acquaintances - and you would expect a card or token gift only, unlike the dinner guests.
    Do people do this in the US?
     
  17. Spareoom

    Spareoom Well-Known Member

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    I've only been to one wedding where there was games and it was a lot of fun. First, instead of tinkling glasses to make the bride and groom kiss, the requesting guest had to get up in front of a mic and sing a song with the word "love" in it. Not a whole lot of people went for it, but the people who did were either cute or funny.

    And then there was a game where each table competed against each other in a sort of scavenger hunt, like, "ok, do you have a chapstick?" and someone from each table had to cough up a chapstick. Or a non-wedding state drivers license. Or a 20 dollar bill (which was returned at the end. ;) ). Stuff like that. The wedding table was fiercely competitive but eventually lost out on the drivers license one because nobody had their wallets on them!

    Anyway, the couple was pretty fun-loving and easy going, so it suited the atmosphere at the wedding perfectly. People were laughing and having fun, nobody got embarrassed unless they wanted to (i.e. singing) and it made the reception very enjoyable. I'd like to think I'd do something similar at my wedding. :)
     
  18. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

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    Worst wedding experience I had: Friend from work (years ago) got married. She was "born again" Mormon. Her boyfriend proposed the night he returned to his college dorm room to find his roommate had hung himself :scream:. They decided to get married in the Mormon Tabernacle in Washington DC. Invited lots of friends and family who had to travel and stay in a hotel. Never told any of us (who didn't know) that we could not go into the Tabernacle if we were not Mormon. So, we all travel from different places (us from NJ) stay in a hotel, the night before. We go to the Tabernacle and have to wait outside for an hour and a half, standing, and doing nothing. They come out and greet everyone, then we go to a Marriott for the "reception". The reception was sparkling cider, Hawaiian Punch, and this awful cinnamon flavored wedding cake. that was it. Then we had to drive 6 hours home.
     
  19. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Wasn't there someone else here who had to wrangle everything for her friend's Mormon reception, AFTER she was not allowed into the ceremony? And then she never ever got a thank-you for doing all of it last-minute?

    That all convinces me not to attend any Mormon weddings. :eek:



    Also, my mom is fielding some :yikes: questions from the relatives now. Some are pissed they didn't get an invite, even if I've never met them, or only met them once. Or I haven't seen them in 15 years. :lol: Since the RSVP deadline has passed, I'm hoping that if I send them an invite, they're won't actually try to come. :shuffle:

    And then my snap-happy cousin asked her if he could borrow a tripod when he's there. Uhhh, we're paying good money for a professional photographer, who has a "if other "photographers" get in my way, I'm leaving" clause. He shouldn't even bring his DSLR at all, if he knows what's good for him! :mad: Getting pictures for immediate distribution to relatives only requires a smartphone!

    I know his mom will push him to take photos, because he had the job for his brother's wedding and she wanted him to take pictures of EVERYTHING. He didn't even get a chance to eat. They didn't have any professionals, only a bunch of friends with DSLRs shoot. His brother took about 300 photos, and only about 3 of them are remotely good. (Well, after some extreme Photoshopping.) So...yeah. :eek:

    I'm going to ask my mom if it's a good idea to email this aunt myself about this. :shuffle: This is actually very important to me. The photographer was the FIRST vendor we booked, even before the venue.
     
  20. CanadianAdult

    CanadianAdult Member

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    Worst wedding I went to, the police had to be called to break up a fight.
     
  21. skatingfan5

    skatingfan5 Well-Known Member

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    They could have at least offered a couple of rounds of Bride Bingo for the non-Mormon guests to pass the time. ;)
     
  22. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Well-Known Member

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    I am not Mormon, but since they are getting a bit bashed, I will speak up for a Mormon wedding I attended.

    First- it was made VERY clear that if you didn't have a temple recommend, you couldn't enter the temple. Since the temple was 100 miles away, most guests didn't go out there anyway.

    Second- I was asked really nicely by my Mom-of-Bride friend if I could help with the food. I brought my own apron and joined all the other church ladies (Relief Society?) in preparing dinner for everyone, setting out tables in the gym, breaking it down when the party was over. I was greatly thanked, because my friend is a nice person!

    Third- I was told ahead of time to dress modestly, and that I should consider covering my shoulders, but if I didn't want to, that was okay too.

    Fourth- We had a blast swing dancing the night away.
     
  23. Jenny

    Jenny From the Bloc

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    Agree this is important. I wonder if you can give this cousin a little job, so that he and your aunt get to do their thing without getting in the pro's way? Perhaps ask him to hold off until the reception and then take candids? Maybe you could put him "in charge" of getting candids of everyone in your family?

    Otherwise I would absolutely send a friendly note to cousin and his aunt saying how delighted you are that he's planning to take pictures, but warning him in advance that you've hired a pro whose contract is very specific about other photographers interfering in his set ups and angles. You could even say that you know he'd understand because he's been in the same position, and ask him to support you in keeping others at bay.

    One wedding I went to did a very cool thing to ensure that everyone got what they wanted. At the reception, they had set up a couple of benches/risers in a corner, and then they called up different groups - bride's family, groom's cousins, bride's high school pals, father of the groom's family, etc. It didn't get in the way, and the couple gave the appropriate group shot to guests as a thank you.
     
  24. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

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    I would definitely let your aunt and cousin know the situation. Explain to them that your photographer has a contract that he will leave if there is anyone else taking "professional" photos. That you will still be charged. And insist that they not bring a professional camera to the wedding, or you will ask them to leave it in the car. Actually, one thing you might consider - have him set up a corner and do a "photo booth" set up. that should not infringe on the professional photographer's territory. People like the photo booth thing at weddings. He'd need a printer with him to do that. And each guest who gets their photo taken can write a note on the photo and that can be your "sign-in book".

    Just to be clear, I was, in no way, Mormon bashing. This was not about the couple being Mormon. It was more about her being a bit over the top. The conversion from drugs, and sex, and rock & roll, and born again zealot mentality. The fact that she accepted a proposal the night her fiancee's roommate killed himself (and they only met a month before). When she came into work, the next day, and told me about that I was horrified! And the fact that she didn't tell us we were not allowed in the Tabernacle. I had no idea. If I'd known, I would not have gone. I would have been happy to take her and her new husband out for dinner, when they returned, and give them a gift. And there was no food at all, except for this awful cinnamon cake. The wedding was in the morning, there was hours of standing around during and after the ceremony. We didn't get out of the reception venue until around 5:00. That is a long time to not provide any food at all. This was the bride being totally oblivious and inconsiderate. Oh, and after she got married, all I heard was how much she detested kids (I was pregnant at the time). Then, a year or so later, all I heard was how desperately she wanted a baby and that she couldn't get pregnant. I have not seen her in many years, couldn't handle the crazy anymore. Don't know if she ever had kids.
     
  25. Jenny

    Jenny From the Bloc

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    Anita, the other thing you might want to do is put a trusted family member in charge of keeping an eye on cousin. You don't want to be stressing about this on your wedding day, so delegate it to someone else to deal with him. You can even have that person introduce themselves to the photographer, let him know they're there to run block if there are any issues. I think the photographer would appreciate it, and you avoid any unpleasantness if he starts getting uppity with guests or wants to complain to you.
     
  26. maatTheViking

    maatTheViking Now ubering Machida's hair

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    I just had prof. Photographer friend post Facebook meme saying: here, let me set up my shot angle an lightning so you can stand behind me with your crappier camera...

    I think it might be pretty common and annoying. I agree with Jenny, and you can also tell him that he should relax an enjoy the dinner, spin it as doing him a favor?

    If your aunt want free pics for a family album, maybe you can promise that every close family like parents an aunts/uncles can get to choose a prof shot an you will get that to them?
     
  27. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    :lol: Yeah I'm definitely going to spin it as doing him a favor. At his brother's wedding, I watched him about to take a bite and then his mom hit him on the shoulder and told him to take more pics. He was exasperated by the end of the night! This guy loves to eat, so it was quite frustrating when he "had" to be taking pics when it was eating time. :rofl: He doesn't fight to get super-weird angles, so as long as we let him know it's not his job to take pictures during the ceremony, I think it'll be okay. It's his mom I'm worried about. :shuffle:

    Luckily, the photographer is giving us rights to the photos if we pay for a DVD. So once we get that, I can share them with family and everybody can print to their heart's content! :lol: It's just that they usually take 3 months or so to get back with all the photos, and of course people want to see pictures now. :p
     
  28. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

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    No, usually just the bride and her mother. ;
     
  29. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    LOL, doesn't explain why so many people feel the need to put it on Facebook right away, when the bride and her mother likely won't see it until the next morning. ;)

    It did creep my friend out that one of our friends took a pic of her cake cutting and had it up on Facebook in 5 minutes. :shuffle:
     
  30. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

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    When my daughter got engaged, she called me and my husband, finacee's mom and dad, then her BF. It was on FB within 5 minutes (BF). She had over a hundred likes and comments before she got home! No harm done, but I think my daughter wanted to tell a few people herself :lol:.