Michelle Kwan will be chosen vice presidential candidate at the Republican National Convention, even though she will still be under the required presidential age of 35, and will be sued by Michelle Bachmann for appropriation of her first name. Johnny Weir will become pregnant, by in vitro fertilization, with a baby mink. He will cease to wear fur after this. The 2014 U.S. Figure Skating Championships will be awarded to Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. The 2015 World Figure Skating Championships will be awarded to a melting iceberg near the North Pole. Speedy Cinquanta will cancel them after declining to negotiate TV rights with Santa Claus and a pregnant polar bear. Universal Sports will be available on all TV cable providers, in fact, it will be on the air 24-7 on channels 4-999, replacing virtually all existing programming. It will not show any figure skating, however. Evgeni Plushenko will win 2012 Worlds and will then retire from Men’s singles. However, he will skate the Grand Prix in Ice Dance with his new partner, Alexei Mishin. Patrick Chan will forget to set his alarm clock and will spend 2012 Worlds asleep in his hotel in Nice. He will still win the bronze medal, however. A member of FSU will sue Alex and Maia Shibutani for being brother and sister. Dick Button will be the defense attorney. A cat named Trudy will demonstrate how to correctly do a triple lutz and become a Youtube sensation. She will also team up with Artur Dmetriev, Jr. and win the pairs competition at the Cup of China. Stars on Ice will be purchased by The Boston Red Sox and presented in Fenway Park in November and December for a record-setting 734 shows. Sasha Cohen will wear a Dustin Pedroia shirt and skate to “Dirty Water.” Caroline Zhang will sue Neil Diamond after she is denied a contract to skate to “Sweet Caroline.” Evan Lysacek will be banned from the show by USFS because of winning the 2012 Cy Young award for pitching 16 no-hitters for the Red Sox in September.