Sandra Lee has written a novel.

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Whitneyskates, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. Whitneyskates

    Whitneyskates Well-Known Member

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  2. Rex

    Rex Well-Known Member

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    "He reached over to kiss her luscious (slightly boozy-tasting) lips, when suddenly he felt a gurgling and rumbling in his stomach, underneath those washboard abs...a wave of nausea came over him as he realized he should not have eaten her Slow Cooker Meatloaf...."I-I-I have to go...can't make it...t-t-t-to the bathroom!", he dumped her off of his sturdy lap onto the floor, a heap of blonde extensions, Wal-mart lingerie and seasoning packets..." He barely made it to the toilet before his romantic meal started to come out at both ends...

    My favorite part. As close to real life as it gets.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2013
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  3. VALuvsMKwan

    VALuvsMKwan Wandering Goy

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    readers instantly go brain-dead from the inanity of her efforts?

    But is the cover a montage of tablescapes?
     
  4. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

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  5. emason

    emason Well-Known Member

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    I am NOT volunteering to be a test reader for this.
     
  6. Dr.Siouxs

    Dr.Siouxs Well-Known Member

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    Hurl.
     
  7. jamesy

    jamesy Well-Known Member

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    oh what new hell is this?
     
  8. shan

    shan Well-Known Member

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  9. Rex

    Rex Well-Known Member

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    God is punishing us for making fun of her...
     
  10. ChelleC

    ChelleC Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure it's going to be the next Pulitzer prize winner.
     
  11. overedge

    overedge Well-Known Member

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    I can't wait to read this. This is going to be the worst book EVER :scream:

    (not to mention that probably the only writing Nasty Sandy actually did on it was signing her name on the contract)
     
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  12. Rex

    Rex Well-Known Member

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    She was actually in Philly last week - signing vodka bottles...she is SO trifling.

    I bet this is as bad as Joan Collins' foray into fiction writing.
     
  13. Whitneyskates

    Whitneyskates Well-Known Member

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    I gotta feeling this book is going to be like the drunk lovechild of Jackie Collins and Danielle Steel.
     
  14. danceronice

    danceronice Corgi Wrangler

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    You would have better odds of getting a good read by randomly selecting a self-published Kindle book (and probably 99.9999% better odds the person listed as the author actually wrote the book...)
     
  15. Scintillation

    Scintillation New Member

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    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh wait this isn't a joke.


    *exhales* So.....
     
  16. jamesy

    jamesy Well-Known Member

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    Way to set the bar high for women's fiction.
     
  17. succubus

    succubus Well-Known Member

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    Did anyone else read the book title as 'The Russipe Box' in their head?

    I can't wait to read 'Chapter 4: Hey baby, it's Kwanzaa - now go get me some Corn Nuts!'
     
  18. Whitneyskates

    Whitneyskates Well-Known Member

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    Just think about the chapter that talks about Pixie Stix :smokin:
     
  19. shan

    shan Well-Known Member

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    And she has to devote a chapter to vanilla eggstract... :lol:
     
  20. overedge

    overedge Well-Known Member

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    And you didn't go?!? What is wrong with you?!? I'm sure she would have happily emptied the bottle herself before signing it for you.
     
  21. FiveRinger

    FiveRinger Well-Known Member

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    Sounds biographical to me too
     
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  22. Aerobicidal

    Aerobicidal Well-Known Member

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    I've already reserved this crispy delicious treat from my local aquaworium--I mean library. I found her memoir unreadable rather than unintentionally funny. Hopefully this will be the opposite.
     
  23. Rex

    Rex Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, the bottles could be worth something one day. You know, like Hitler's watercolors :EVILLE:.
     
  24. succubus

    succubus Well-Known Member

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    "Joooze"
    "Duhhhhhlishus"
    And my all-time pet peeve: "Expresso"

    It's espresso. Espresso. ESPRESSO! You're the de facto 1st lady of NY and your man is Italian - learn the proper pronunciation of one of the world's most popular caffeinated beverages!!!

    Ugh, now I need a glass of melk. With a shot of vodka or 2, of course.
     
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  25. danceronice

    danceronice Corgi Wrangler

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    Hey, be nice! Hitler was a halfway talented painter!
     
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  26. FiveRinger

    FiveRinger Well-Known Member

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    I think she might have them lined up on her dresser in her boudoir like perfume bottles
     
  27. Lanie

    Lanie Well-Known Member

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    :rofl:

    I like Rex's version better than the excerpt. Can you be her ghost writer?
     
  28. Scintillation

    Scintillation New Member

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    OMG if I could rep you I would. :rofl:

    Also, I'm sure this has been posted here before but I feel it is worth revisiting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDBntbxAXAY
     
  29. skatesindreams

    skatesindreams Well-Known Member

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    No...Sandra would make Ms. Collins and Ms. Steel's books read like award-winning literature, by comparison!
     
  30. succubus

    succubus Well-Known Member

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    "Ya know....I don't have any black friends...but I HAVE seen Soul Food!"

    I still can't get over how closely that frosting resembles diarrhea.
     
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