Post your favorite kid-friendly joke (I put jokes & in little skateycat's lunchbox)

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by skateycat, Feb 5, 2013.

  1. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    1,815
    746
    113
    Writing this joke up for tomorrow's lunch!
     
  2. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    1,815
    746
    113
    I think I'll be working through some of PeterG's jokes for the rest of the month. Next week is a holiday, oh wait. If I send him to spring break camp I still have to make him lunch! :)

    Good thing you all posted so many funny jokes!

     
  3. Nan

    Nan Just me

    6,788
    2,466
    113
    A few more from the Laffy Taffy jar:

    Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

    What does a 500 pound parakeet say? TWEET!!

    What happened to the wind? It blew away.

    Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

    What kind of candy gets the giggles? Laffy Taffy!
     
  4. BigB08822

    BigB08822 Well-Known Member

    20,826
    2,376
    113
    I saw this one on Facebook:

    What do you call a motorcycle that likes to tell jokes?

    A Yamahahahaha!
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  5. Southpaw

    Southpaw Saint Smugpawski

    12,917
    3,832
    113
    :encore: Thank you, thank you, take my sushi, please!
     
  6. skipaway

    skipaway Well-Known Member

    7,615
    1,625
    113
    What was Eeyore looking at in the toilet?

    He was looking at Pooh.
     
  7. Fridge_Break

    Fridge_Break Well-Known Member

    7,986
    1,785
    113
    The first joke I can remember being told as a kid was What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

    Not exactly kid-appropriate, but this one always makes me laugh: A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. None of them saw it. :lol:
     
  8. PeterG

    PeterG Hanyuflated

    9,098
    5,692
    113
    Brian never listens to me............. :drama:
     
  9. DarrellH

    DarrellH New Member

    4,763
    375
    0
    Awww, Gee PeterG.
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  10. suep1963

    suep1963 Well-Known Member

    9,304
    1,856
    113
    What is grey and has a trunk?

    A mouse on vacation.
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  11. Rogue

    Rogue Sexy Superhero

    954
    45
    28
    Knock! Knock!
    Who's there?
    Interrupting cow.
    Interrupting c...
    Moooooooooooooo.
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  12. Sparks

    Sparks Well-Known Member

    7,251
    2,040
    113
    What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

    A nervous wreck.
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  13. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    1,815
    746
    113
    Thanks to made_in_canada I got tomorrow's joke from #classicjoketuesday

    Knock knock..
    Who's there?!
    Figs.
    Figs who?!
    Figs the doorbell, it's broken.
     
  14. Sarah

    Sarah Active Member

    197
    63
    28
    Did you hear that joke about paper?.... It's tearable.
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  15. BigB08822

    BigB08822 Well-Known Member

    20,826
    2,376
    113
    :rofl: Sorry!
     
  16. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    1,815
    746
    113
    Little stinkercat reads his jokes before he even leaves for school!
     
  17. made_in_canada

    made_in_canada INTJ

    4,495
    1,601
    113
    I've been using some of these jokes in the letters I write to my 5 year old nieces. They LOVE them :)
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  18. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    1,815
    746
    113
    I've got a new one!

    What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator?
    (I don't know, but don't try to fix its bow tie!)
     
    Sparks and (deleted member) like this.
  19. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    1,815
    746
    113
    Q: Why do fish live in salt water?

    A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
     
  20. KCC

    KCC Active Member

    964
    143
    43
    If you are still looking for more:

    Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
    What does a clock do when it is hungry? It goes back four seconds.
    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
    They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.
    When chemists die, they barium.
    Broken pencils are pointless.
     
  21. Nan

    Nan Just me

    6,788
    2,466
    113
    What do you call a pig that knows karate? - A pork chop!

    Why do bees have sticky hair? -Because they use honeycombs

    Why do cows wear bells? -Because their horns don't work!

    How did the barber win the race? -He knew a short cut.
     
  22. Icetalavista

    Icetalavista Active Member

    756
    67
    28
    Do you know who Alexander Graham Bell is?
    Do you know who Alexander Graham Kowalski is? The world's first telephone Pole
     
  23. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    1,815
    746
    113
  24. PeterG

    PeterG Hanyuflated

    9,098
    5,692
    113
    Sorry if some of these have been posted already:

    What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

    Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

    How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

    How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

    What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef

    What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

    What kind of coffee was served on the titanic? Sanka

    What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

    What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids

    What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.


    Probably not age-appropriate, but hopefully they will make one or two of you adults chuckle:

    What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam!!!

    What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack

    What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.

    How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer

    How do you get holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

    How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psychopath.
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  25. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    1,815
    746
    113
    Used in little skateycat's lunch for tomorrow:

    What do you say to a frog who needs a ride?
    (Hop in!)

    Heard at little skateycat's dentist office:

    Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
    Fo' drizzle!
     
  26. LilJen

    LilJen Well-Known Member

    9,924
    1,683
    113
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Lean beef.

    What happens when you run in front of a car?
    You get tired.

    What happens when you run behind a car?
    You get exhausted.

    Why were some people staring at the ceiling and clapping?
    They were ceiling fans.
     
    PeterG, gkelly, skateboy and 3 others like this.
  27. Fridge_Break

    Fridge_Break Well-Known Member

    7,986
    1,785
    113
    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef. :p
     
  28. PeterG

    PeterG Hanyuflated

    9,098
    5,692
    113
    Then the policeman says, "So, can you describes these turtles?"

    And the snail says, "Why no sir...it happened all so fast!"

    :D
     
  29. centerstage01

    centerstage01 Well-Known Member

    2,063
    492
    83
    Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
    Because if it had four doors it would be a sedan.

    How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
    A buccaneer.

    What would Abraham Lincoln say if he were alive today?
    "LET ME OUT OF THE BOX!!!!"
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  30. DAngel

    DAngel Active Member

    718
    99
    28
    Why is 10 afraid of 7?

    Because 7 8 9.
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.