Post your favorite kid-friendly joke (I put jokes & in little skateycat's lunchbox)

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by skateycat, Feb 5, 2013.

  1. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Messages:
    1,732
    Instead of writing lovey dovey notes, I find a good joke, write it on a little note card and put it in little skateycat's lunchbox.

    He loves them! He gets really grumpy on the rare day when I forget to post a little joke or a riddle for him.

    If you post your favorite kid-friendly joke here, I'll try to use it in his lunch. He loves riddles too.

    Thanks!
     
  2. mkats

    mkats New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Messages:
    2,804
    I don't have any off the top of my head, but that is a fantastic idea. :)
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  3. KCC

    KCC Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2005
    Messages:
    944
    Did you hear that corduroy pillows are making headlines?
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  4. Nan

    Nan Just me

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2002
    Messages:
    6,778
    From my Laffy Taffy jar:

    How do you make an orange laugh? Tickle its navel.

    How do you make an egg roll? Push it.

    Why do fish swim in schools? Because they can't walk in schools.

    What is another name for a sleeping skeleton? Lazy bones.

    What do you get when you mix paint together? A mess.

    How did the farmer move his cow? In a moooooving van.

    Which side of a mug should you put the handle on? The outside.

    pa-dum-dum
     
  5. made_in_canada

    made_in_canada INTJ

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2004
    Messages:
    4,283
    Here's my childhood favourite...

    What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.

    If you have twitter Ellen does #classicjoketuesday and there's some gems.
     
  6. Southpaw

    Southpaw Saint Smugpawski

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2008
    Messages:
    12,108
    Why couldn't the cyclops open a school?

    Because he had only one pupil.
     
    PeterG and (deleted member) like this.
  7. PeterG

    PeterG Argle-Bargle-ist

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2002
    Messages:
    8,730
    Why were all the baby strawberries crying?
    Because their mommy was in a jam.

    If you are an American outside of the bathroom, what are you in the bathroom?
    European.

    What did the flea say to the other flea?
    Should we walk or take a dog?

    What animal should you never play cards with?
    A cheetah.

    Why did the lion spit out the clown?
    Because he tasted funny.

    At what time do most people visit the dentist?
    Tooth-hurty.

    What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted ice cream?
    Sure, Bert.

    What do you get when you cross a motorcycle with a joke book?
    A Yamahahahaha!

    How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
    Eclipse it.

    What is the hardest thing about skydiving?
    The ground.

    What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
    Fish and ships.

    What does a ghost call his mother and father?
    His trans-parents.

    What do cats eat for breakfast?
    Mice krispies.

    Why couldn’t the pony talk?
    He was a little horse.

    What happened to the mouse that fell off the shelf and into a glass of Mountain Dew?
    Nothing, it was a soft drink.

    What kind of animal can jump higher than the Empire State Building?
    Any animal - the Empire State Building can’t jump!

    What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
    Finding half a worm.

    What happens when a frog is parked illegally?
    It’s toad away.

    Why do airplane pilots always fly past Peter Pan’s home?
    They see the sign “Never Never Land”.

    What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
    A Toy Yoda.

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?
    To get to the other slide.

    Why did the football coach go to the bank?
    To get his quarterback.

    Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one.

    A dad went into a pet store and asked the owner if he could have a cat for his son.
    The owner said, “Sorry, we don’t do trades.”

    Did you hear about the man who stayed up all night trying to find out where the sun went?
    It finally dawned on him.

    Why did the candle fall in love?
    He met the perfect match.

    Where do little cows eat?
    In the calf-ateria.

    Why does a bike need a kick stand?
    It’s two-tired.

    Did you hear about the two nuts walking down the street?
    One was a-salted.

    What happened when the ship full of red paint crashed into the ship full of blue paint?
    All the sailors were marooned.

    What did the mother buffalo say to her baby when he went off to school?
    Bison.

    What do you call a crate of ducks?
    A box of quackers.

    What kind of suit does a duck wear?
    A duck-seedo.

    What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled out his tooth?
    The dentist.

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Zombies.
    Zombies who?
    Zombies make honey and zombies don’t.

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Jess.
    Jess who?
    Jess me.

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Avenue
    Avenue who?
    Avenue heard this joke before?

    Knock-knock.
    Who’s there?
    Someone too short to ring the bell.

    And these ones aren't for kids, but funny things I remember from the TV show Friends:

    “Oh, sweet Lord – this is what evil must taste like!”
    - Phoebe, sampling Mockolate-chip cookies

    “Okay, what kind of a sick doggie snuff film is this?”
    - Phoebe, at Old Yeller’s tragic conclusion

    :lol:
     
    Fridge_Break, Nan, KatieC and 5 others like this.
  8. Susan1

    Susan1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2005
    Messages:
    776
    Have to add my classic -

    April showers bring May flowers,
    What do May flowers bring?

    Answer: Pilgrims (it doesn't work when it's written down because May and flowers are separated, so you have to do it out loud)

    And clear into adulthood I would tell that joke to my dad, and he'd answer "june bugs" (April, May, June, get it?)

    Anyway, my other favorite one is
    What's Winnie the Pooh's middle name?
    Answer: The :rolleyes:
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  9. DORISPULASKI

    DORISPULASKI Watching submarine races

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2002
    Messages:
    9,894
    What's the capital of Mississippi?
    M!
     
  10. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Messages:
    18,917
    There once was a lady from Kent
    Whose..................oops, never mind. ;)
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  11. Alixana

    Alixana who is on vacation!!

    Joined:
    May 1, 2004
    Messages:
    1,263
    The first joke I remember hearing was .. Where do kings keep their armies? In their sleevies.

    I used to pml over that when I was tiny. :lol:
     
  12. PeterG

    PeterG Argle-Bargle-ist

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2002
    Messages:
    8,730
    Is she the chick who used to live in Nantucket?
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  13. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Messages:
    18,917
    It's her mother. ;)
     
  14. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Messages:
    1,732
    I used this one this morning! Two thumbs up!
     
  15. TheGirlCanSkate

    TheGirlCanSkate New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    466
  16. Susan1

    Susan1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2005
    Messages:
    776
    That made me LOL NOW!
     
  17. victoriajh

    victoriajh Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2002
    Messages:
    2,002
    my son came home and told me this one-

    how do you wake up lady gaga?
    you poke her face....


    ;)
     
  18. PeterG

    PeterG Argle-Bargle-ist

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2002
    Messages:
    8,730
    :rofl:
     
  19. Simone411

    Simone411 aka IceSkate98

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Messages:
    7,275
    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Dwaine
    Dwaine who?
    Dwaine the tub, I'm drowning.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Orange
    Orange who?
    Orange you tired of waiting? Let's go.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Abby
    Abby who?
    Abby Birthday to you.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Henrietta
    Henrietta who?
    Henrietta a worm that was in her apple.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Roach
    Roach who?
    Roach you a letter. Did you get it?

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Police
    Police who?
    Police hurry up. It's chilly outside.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Ben
    Ben who?
    Ben knocking for ten minutes.

    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Scold
    Scold who?
    Scold enough to go ice skating out here.
     
  20. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Messages:
    1,732
    I'm making his lunch for tomorrow now...which joke next?
     
  21. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Messages:
    1,732
    And tomorrow's joke comes from Nan!
     
  22. lanne

    lanne New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2003
    Messages:
    16
    what happens when you cross an elephant and a rhinicerous?

    Elephino!
     
    skateycat and (deleted member) like this.
  23. Nan

    Nan Just me

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2002
    Messages:
    6,778
    :cheer:
     
  24. suep1963

    suep1963 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    9,035
    My nephew told this one when he was in second grade and got a note sent home from his teacher and a visit to the principal for "inappropriateness"
     
  25. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Messages:
    1,732
    Using this one today!
     
  26. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Messages:
    1,732
    Little skateycat got out of school early yesterday and lunch was at home. Elephino gave me a chance to use my linguist training and whip out a three-line translation for the answer to the joke.
     
  27. Matryeshka

    Matryeshka Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2002
    Messages:
    12,407
    What do you call a cow with now legs? Ground beef.

    What crime did the peanut complain about? He was a-salted.

    What did the mommy tomato say to her slow baby tomato? Ketchup!
     
  28. DORISPULASKI

    DORISPULASKI Watching submarine races

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2002
    Messages:
    9,894
    Why did the elephant have 3 white sneakers and one yellow sneaker?

    He forgot to lift his leg.
     
  29. BlueRidge

    BlueRidge AYS's snark-sponge

    Joined:
    May 24, 2002
    Messages:
    42,278
    What happened to the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?

    He got a little behind in his work.
     
  30. PeterG

    PeterG Argle-Bargle-ist

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2002
    Messages:
    8,730
    Not sure how old your son is, so I'm not sure if this joke would work for him. But I think it's a good one anyway:

    An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"

    She quickly responded, "The living one."