Police Pepper Spray 8 Yr Old

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by skaternum, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. PUNKPRINCESS

    PUNKPRINCESS New Member

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    Yes.

    Sorry rjblue, but it sounds like you are part of the problem.

    And I KNOW some teachers are a-holes and define "bad behavior" as "won't listen to my stupid and irrational rules" but there is a point when people--kids--need to learn to cooperate and adjust, not always seek their own way. You aren't helping your son, you're making excuses for him and yourself.

    How did you "reinforce the teacher's requests to improve behavior"? And for how long? And did you ever suggest to him that if he behaved as the teachers asked, he would avoid punishment at school?
     
  2. mmscfdcsu

    mmscfdcsu Skating Pairs with Drew

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    Yes, and some kids may be intellectually able to do the work, but are immature and should be held back a year. It can be amazing how much better they perform when not overstressed by the demands of classroom not suited to their needs. I also have seen children who do fine at home and are terrors at school. It can be an atypical presentation of separation anxiety, not always bad parenting. PTSD kids can also be terrors in the classroom.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2011
  3. hirshey girl

    hirshey girl Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to come in as a parent to a child with ADHD who also has a learning disability. We are fortunate enough to be able to send our son to a smaller private school that is willing to work with us. When my son was starting school, I knew back then (pre-diagnosis) that going to a large public elementary school would be overwhelming to him. Based on parent intuition, it was a good idea to keep him in a smaller class. He's learning self-control (always a work in progress :)) but with teachers who are not overwhelmed and can respond in a more positive manner. I guess IMO, it's very easy to judge and point fingers but none of us know the whole story there. I'm sure that there are people who look at my son's behavior some days and think that we are not doing such a great job (especially when he can still throw a massive tantrum). Oh well, we do the best we can for him. We continue to hold him accountable for his behavior and work closely with his school. So honestly I no longer worry about what others think. Self-preservation, I guess.
     
  4. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

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    Are you a parent? Are you a parent of more than one child? Are you a parent of a child with ADHD, ODD, Bi-Polar etc?

    If not, come back and let us know how you coped. Everyone is a better parent before they have kids. After you are a parent, you realize that maybe it is not so easy to parent.
     
  5. PUNKPRINCESS

    PUNKPRINCESS New Member

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    I don't think it's wrong to think I'd do differently--and better--in specific circumstances with the particular parent I am addressing. :) I am 26 right now, and I plan to have kids later in life, thank you. No need to sound shrill and defensive.
     
  6. danceronice

    danceronice Corgi Wrangler

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    Sorry, but Punkprincess and agalisgv are right--if you don't reinforce that the behavior's wrong, then all little Sweetums hears is that he's right, teacher is just a big meanie and he didn't do anything wrong.

    My kindergarden teacher was, frankly, a witch who hated her job (she did much better when the school got a clue and moved her to an older grade as that was a big part of the problem) and the class was, simply, way too easy for me and I was inclined to try doing my own thing and giving her minimal respect. (Nowdays I'm sure I'd have been diagnosed with a 'disorder' and medicated out the wazoo despite the fact there's nothing biomedically at issue.) My parents were inclined to think I was not actually the problem, but I still got punished if I got sent home with a note about misbehaving. Because the teacher was running the class and I had to learn to respect that. I got the message.

    If a child is so mentally impaired by whatever "diagnosis" they have that they can't function and it's just not lil' Snookum's fault and we can't reinforce the discipline at home because then he'd just be so sad, boo-hoo, maybe he needs to not be in that school. There's nothing more obnoxious than a 'class clown' who never outgrows it and if at home he's hearing "It's okay, it's not your fault" he never will.
     
  7. PUNKPRINCESS

    PUNKPRINCESS New Member

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    I had a witch for a daycare worker who instituted a sexist rule that girls could not play tag inside the classroom during playtime (while the boys were free to run around.) Well, I knew even as a 4 year old that that was the most ridiculous thing ever, so I disobeyed, ignored the daycare worker's warnings, and got sent to the corner. I was furious and rattled the nearby chair for the hour before it was time to go home. Witch told my mom that I'd been "bad" that day. I remember my mom asking me why I didn't listen to the grown-up (knowing that that's an expectation of good behavior) but I stayed quiet because I couldn't explain the unfairness at the time. (I also just thought "girl" and "boy" was an arbitrary designation, and wanted to be a "boy"--not knowing there were umm, biological reasons for that classification. :D) So I feel bad for you; I wouldn't punish my future kid in that situation, just explain to him/her that the teacher does run the show in his/her classroom, and if one can't adjust, perhaps it's time to switch classrooms or schools...

    That is true, too. "Class clown" and "just being a little boy" can still be disruptive to the other children, and it's still the teacher's job to teach. Although, I have heard that the traditional structure of schools today is not ideal for the way that boys develop (or something to that effect.)

    And, I will also state the converse: Just because a child is well-behaved in school (or public, whatever), does not mean that the parents are perfectly good parents.
     
  8. Grannyfan

    Grannyfan Active Member

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    I'm 63, so I went to elementary school from the mid to late 50's. I remember both good and bad about the way things were done. I was a good student, not genius, but could read before I started school, always made good grades, etc. I can remember times when I received favorable treatment because of that. I remember clearly students who needed academic help and didn't get it. We didn't know what special education was, but the students I recall with sadness not only didn't get help, they were sometimes singled out, even punished, because they had difficulty. They had no advocates then. Of all my childhood memories, these kids are the saddest. I am so ashamed when I think of how embarrassed they must have been, and how hurt.

    As far as classroom behavior goes, though, I remember only one student from all those years who had real problems. Back then, we just thought she was mean. Kind of like a female Ernest T. Bass. Even with her problems, there were never any incidents like the one that started this thread. Kids for the most part behaved themselves, and this was in classrooms with upwards of 30 students.

    When I was in 4th grade, I received a grade of C for citizenship, which was our designation for deportment. I know that I deserved that low grade because I ran my mouth constantly. My daddy threw a fit, directed at me, not the teacher. It never happened again. I honestly don't remember any incidents through twelve years of school of anyone's parents visiting the school to take issue with any policies.

    Our education probably seems barbaric to the younger generations, but it seems like most of us learned to read and get along with each other and make it in the world. Those of us who went to college did well. Those who didn't go to college did well, too. In my class of 85, there are doctors, attorneys, judges, teachers, nurses, and I don't think anyone went to the pen. In the class behind ours were four National Merit Scholars. On the flip side, those kids I referred to earlier never finished school at all.

    What happens at school is a reflection of the greater world, and the world was different then.
     
  9. danceronice

    danceronice Corgi Wrangler

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    I don't. I learned to obey the teacher, reasonable or not, which served me very well the rest of my school career--I NEVER got in trouble, and by high school as far as the faculty and staff were concerned I could pretty much set my own agenda. My parents never had to worry if they loaned me the car or if I asked to do something like go to a community-theater cast party--they knew I wasn't going to do anything they'd disapprove of. They knew I wasn't going to break any rules. We need more children to learn to do as they're told because authority figures are just that, authority figures. It's not a five-year-old's place to question a teacher's decision. If you reward obedience and punish disobedience it does a much better job setting kids up for later when they run into many real-world rules that are illogical. Dura lex, sed lex--the law is hard but it's the law.

    I would much rather not have to deal with "why". If I tell a kid on a school tour not to touch something in our museum or stop running, the correct response is to obey, not to question why. Be quiet, do as you're told, and you get priviliges. Don't listen, you get punished. 99% of children can handle that if it's applied evenly from early on. The 1% that can't are the ones with REAL issues.
     
  10. judiz

    judiz Well-Known Member

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    I am a Pre- K teacher, I had a child in my class a few years ago, he use to hit, spit and go into rages where he would snap his glasses in half. Once in a fit of anger he pushed an entire shelf over knocking all the toys to the floor. We sat down with the parents many times to discuss their child, begged them to have him evaluated before he started elementary school. The parents refused, chosing to blame the school, the other children in the class. I have since seen the parents twice since their son started first grade. The parents pulled him from his first school because they were not happy he was being sent to the principal's office for misbehaving in class. The parents were told he needed to be evaluated while at the second school but the parents threatened to sue the school system. The last time I saw the family they were planning to put their house up for sale and move to a district where their son wouldn't be tramautized by administrators.
     
  11. IceAlisa

    IceAlisa Épaulement!!!

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    Yeah, well. Wherever you go, there you are.
     
  12. skatemommy

    skatemommy Well-Known Member

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    These parents need to home school this child...maybe see what angel is like in a learning situtation.
     
  13. Aceon6

    Aceon6 Get off my lawn

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    So true. I attended a neighborhood school which guaranteed that everyone in the class was of relatively the same socio-economic class. Kids of different abilities were only together in kindergarten and first grade. After that, the grades were split by ability. By 5th grade, the classes were segmented again by IQ and other test scores, so that only the top 25% was in one class, the next 25% in another, and so on. While it did have the positive of making it easier for the teachers to develop lesson plans, the unintended consequence was an early set-up of extreme haves vs. have-nots. It was great if you were in an A or B section, terrible for those in C and D who played catch up all through high school.

    Another factor of the time was the absolute authority of educators, clergy, and law enforcement. No matter how far-fetched, if you got in trouble with any, you were punished. Standards of behavior were fairly consistent from neighbor to neighbor, so it wasn't that uncommon to get a scolding from the lady three doors down. I think that's why I am sometimes impatient with my younger relatives parenting styles as it was SO consistent in my day, I have a hard time wrapping my head around what's done now.

    It was VERY different.
     
  14. Karina1974

    Karina1974 Well-Known Member

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    I hate to say it, but you're feeding into that whole "self esteem" problem that is an issue with so many of today's youngsters who think they can do no wrong as far as their parents tell them. At some point you are going to have to address his behavior in school.

    If he feels like a failure, than you need to reinforce the idea that, in order to feel like a success, he needs to start behaving the way that his teacher(s) and, by extension, the rest of (decent, polite, "with class") society expects him to. Otherwise, he's never going to learn, and people won't want him around because he is still acting out, especially once he gets to an age where he should know better. That needs to happen from the get-go.
     
  15. Karina1974

    Karina1974 Well-Known Member

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    :respec: :respec: :respec:

    Now all we need is for all the parents to understand that and start raising their kids by that concept.

    Well, it's really simple. Parents (and other adults in charge) don't have to explain "why". I was raised with the concept of "since when does an adult EVER have to justify themselves to a child when telling them what the rules are in a given situation". They DON'T. I was told by my parents that, when I had my own place and was paying all my own bills, THEN I could make the household rules. Not before that. And my siblings and I were expected to follow the rules wherever we went, otherwise we'd be in huge trouble.
     
  16. rjblue

    rjblue Re-registered User

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    I took away- friends visiting priviliges
    -then his video games
    - then his computer
    - then his Magic cards (role playing game)
    - then all TV (which he does not have in his room, btw)
    -then his bicycle

    He also was grilled every night by his father, and I reminded him every day that he should be quiet in class. This went on for months, till one day he had a breakdown at home where he cried and cried and said that he felt his Dad didn't care about him or like him at all.

    He doesn't have any learning disablity. He's always been extraordinarily tall for his age, and that results in people expecting more mature behavior from him. Here's an example of the things that happen to him. Three boys were banging on the lockers at school. He looked at them, made a goofy face, and pretended to bang on his. A teacher walked around the corner, and yelled and yelled at him for making a disruption. She made him sit apart from the class for 15 min, and then came over to scold him some more. His eyes teared up and he told her it wasn't him making the noise. She finally asked the other boys(little cute ones) if it was them, and they admitted it was them and not my son. She made them apologise to him, but they got NO punishment.

    You will find when you have children, that there are things you CAN'T make them do until they mature into the capability. My son's best friend is also constantly in trouble at school (they are in different classes) for the same kind of goofy behavior. They are 14, but they still play sports all the time after school, they play board games, they explore and build forts. They are polite and quiet in my house. They don't chase girls, or do drugs, or vandalise the community. They are kind to the children in younger grades. A classroom of 25 children the same age is probably the worst option for both of them, but there are no alternatives available here, and neither his friends Mom or I can home school them.
    I have three children. My son is the only one I didn't have to put away the breakables for when he was a toddler. He always does as I ask to this day.

    eta- Can someone make a concrete suggestion as to how to teach a child to be quiet,calm, and focused while in a large group of their peers? (This a serious request. I can't think of anything that doesn't involve attending school with him, and that is not allowed)
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2011
  17. Karina1974

    Karina1974 Well-Known Member

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    You make it clear to them that, even if other kids are acting up, THEY are expected to behave at all times, that you don't get to predicate your behavior on someone else's. There is that saying in response to "but so-and-so was doing it too" - "if everyone else is jumping off the bridge, are you going to do it as well? 'Course, you say that to kids nowadays, and you'll have to hear them saying "what if there's a good reason for it?" but you get the idea...
     
  18. rjblue

    rjblue Re-registered User

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    Did you read how we punished him, in the post I just made. We made his life miserable at home for months, because he would (eta- could not) not be quiet in the classroom. He KNOWS how he is expected to behave. He WANTS to be able to behave that way. HOW do I, at home, help him get those skills?

    eta- He goes to church every Sunday. He's been able to sit still in the pew since his early toddler years, and has always behaved quietly, and attentively to the mass. His attention span is not the problem.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2011
  19. Prancer

    Prancer The "specialness" that is Staff Member

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    Indeed.

    My kindergarten teacher violated my Constitutional rights. My fourth grade teacher pounded me on the head with her fist repeatedly because I got a math problem wrong--but that was better than what she did to one of my classmates, who got paddled at least once a week for fidgeting and talking back and whatever else. All of which, mind you, the girl continued to do because after you get paddled a few times, you get used to it and it doesn't make much of an impression any more, even when the teacher escalates the paddling.

    One of the middle schools I attended was basically a holding pen. The curriculum was dumbed down to an unbelievable degree when it was taught at all. There were kids who had sex in the stairwells, fights broke out several times a day, and on my third day of attending this school in the paradise of education past, two boys I didn't know tackled me, broke my arm and stole my purse. I was later held up at knife point and never did manage to make it to lunch with lunch money or lunch, as both were taken from me every day.

    I went to a very strict high school where students who acted up in any way were kicked out. My freshman year, there were nearly 1000 students in my class; by my senior year, there were less than 200. All those kids who were kicked out didn't grow up and improve because of all that strict discipline; they just went to other schools. Or dropped out. The dropout rate was a lot higher then, although not nearly as high as it was before that. Statistically, my generation did far more drugs and drank a lot more alcohol and had more sex and unplanned pregnancies than kids do now, so I guess bad behavior and dropping out was kind a given.

    Oh, yeah, and my parents were obviously bad and enabling, because they actually went to the school and protested some of the things that happened to me. Tsk. As did other parents, although I don't remember hearing about it. Of course, being a goodie two shoes, I was an aide and got out of class all the time and spent a lot of time in the office, so I got to actually see them.

    Do I get to define "how things were in the past" too? Can I apply my personal experience across the board and say not "This is how it was for me" but "This is how it was"?

    It sounds like he finds being in groups overstimulating. I sympathize, as being in groups tends to wind me up even now. The only thing that helps me is relaxation. I had to learn how to stop, take a few deep breaths and calm that adrenaline rush--and do it all again as soon as I felt that tightening-up sensation. I still forget to do that sometimes and off I will go.

    FWIW, I think you were right to back off at home. It's one thing to reinforce the fact that he needs to behave at school, quite another to remove all the light from his life.
     
  20. Badams

    Badams Well-Known Member

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    This sounds EXACTLY like my oldest daughter. When she started Kindergarten we thought all was well. she always said school was OK etc...then we got the shocking phone call that our quiet little 5 year old was continuously acting up, kicking the teacher, threatening to bite the teacher, screaming and crying etc... She NEVER EVER EVER acted this way at home, I was floored! :eek: And extremely embarrassed. This was well into the year and i was shocked she wouldn't have contacted us earlier. The next day we made her march her little self into that school, apologize to her teacher and to her classmates, and she was punished at home. she knew she was wrong, but she would come home and not be in trouble because we had no clue it was going on. So she assumed she was in the clear. That was a rough school year. She would occasionally act out, we'd get the report, and we had to go though it all over again. only every time she was a little better about it. Now, at the beginning of every school year, we ask the teacher to let us know IMMEDIATELY if there are any issues. Every year has gotten better and better. She's older, knows we communicate with the teachers, and knows she's not getting away with it. This year she absolutely loves school. But she was a hard one to train.
     
  21. Aceon6

    Aceon6 Get off my lawn

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    My niece has a very rambunctious son who has a hard time in groups. He ADORES the First Tee golf program. The children are expected to adhere to a certain decorum, but he has zero problems managing himself in that setting. He wants to learn and fit in so much, that he just does it. Would something like that appeal to your son?
     
  22. Grannyfan

    Grannyfan Active Member

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    When I wrote about "how things were in the past," I of course referenced my own experiences. But I also indicated at the beginning that I knew things were not the same for all students. I knew it at the time, and I have not forgotten it.
    I apologize if I gave the opposite impression.
     
  23. FigureSpins

    FigureSpins New Member

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    I just want to say that two of my three daughters will be the ones that get caught when 2 or more kids are goofing around. Someday, they'll learn that the family curse of "extra rules" applies to them.

    Someone else can blatantly run a red light, I'll be the one to get the ticket.
    Someone else can send in a check a little late, we'll get ours back in the mail six weeks later.
    Someone else can doodle in class, whisper, pass notes, pick their nose, have a giggle fit.
    My kids get caught, even if they didn't start it. They get no sympathy from me, because my answer is "yes, but you CONTINUED the mistake."

    Some kids learn real quick how to instantly switch back to a "serious, yes I'm paying attention" face in classes while fooling around. Not my kids, they get caught in full dopey-face mode, lol.

    Ah well, keeps them from getting in mischief regularly.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2011
  24. FigureSpins

    FigureSpins New Member

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    Chess, museum visits, children's plays/musicals/puppet shows?

    I taught my kids to count things when they're trying to ignore someone else's behavior. They can count the lights in the room, the number of anything behind the teacher or how many seconds they can go without looking at the restless kids. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it certainly wouldn't hurt and they can say to someone trying to distract them, "Shhh, I'm counting the number of grey hairs on our teacher's head." lol
     
  25. Prancer

    Prancer The "specialness" that is Staff Member

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    You didn't; I appreciate the fact that you qualified what you said. But you also said:

    And I think it's important to realize that "the world" was really just one of many, even then.

    Again, it was VERY different--in your world. Do you think it was consistent everywhere?

    I went to six schools before I was in high school. The "world" surrounding each school was different, as were the parenting standards and family habits. In some places where I lived, families were primarily stable; in other places, they were not. In some of the places I lived, the kids ran wild and no one cared; in other places, the parents kept a careful eye on their kids. In some places, kids were expected to go to school, mind their manners and behave; in other places, not.

    Now it could be that that's just my experience and I just happened to hit the only places where there were such striking differences, and everyone else in "the world" lived where everyone was the same. I don't know; perhaps it was the time that I went to school. I went to school mostly in the 1970s and I must say that I think it's hilarious to think that things are worse now. Erm, really? By what objective measure?

    Um, isn't he 14?
     
  26. ArtisticFan

    ArtisticFan Well-Known Member

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    Many such programs are very helpful in working with children about appropriate behavior in different settings. Obviously my experience is limited, as I only worked with children in a dance setting and while obtaining my certification to teach. I don't have children of my own and went back to a PR career rather than teaching for a variety of reasons.

    My biggest suggestion is to work with the teacher as compared to against him or her. I had a 5 year old student who would say he was Spiderman when he didn't want to do something. He would scream, kick, bite, and threaten if he was asked to do the simplest things, including being asked to write his own name. When called his mother would just break down in tears. His father would throw out his own threats and explain that teachers had never had a problem with the daughter in the family. The teacher and I were more than willing to try different techniques to work with him and get him to be a part of the class, but we received no support. The principal said work with the parents. The parents cried and threw out threats. We had to bribe other teachers to take him into their classroom when I was being observed by my professor, as this little boy would scream four letter words out while I was attempting to teach the other children. Looking back I laugh because I had a minister's daughter in the class who would immediately start praying for the little boy each time it happened and two other children who would burst into tears. Needless to say I was terrified the professor would mark me down for the situation.

    That was an extreme case, but there were others. I had some who were violent and bruised me numerous times, tried to choke me when I wouldn't let him play ball in the classroom during reading time, and one who broke my finger when I was taking up a standardized test he didn't want to put his name on after being told several times. All of those resulted in conferences or at least phone calls. During those...only one parent ever asked what she could do at home that might help. I remember it because I was mentally preparing myself for the accusations that the behavior and lack of control was my fault. To receive an apology and feel like someone wanted to make progress was shocking but appreciated.

    I know that the quality of teachers and the quality of parents is going to vary in every circumstance. However, I can say that I was trying my very hardest to be a great teacher. Was I perfect? No, I wasn't. But it was something I believed wanted to do and I put everything in my life on hold to go back to school to do it. However, what I saw and experienced told me that it wasn't for me. There were too many nights I cried to my husband, mother, friends, etc. There were times I went to the grocery store and left shaking because the mother of a student worked there and proceeded to yell at me because I "made her son finish his classwork" before he could play a board game or read for fun. Another parent e-mailed my supervising teacher and principal when I gave his son a zero on a test because I caught him cheating. The father told them that I must have made the test too hard that his son would need to cheat. It was open book and multiple choice. We aren't talking about a horrible test. One of the tests asked who was the author of the book. Hello! The answer was on the cover!

    But I am getting off topic. I admire teachers very much these days. It is a job I obviously can't do. I am still a firm believer that parents and teachers working together can make out so much better than one against the other with the child ignored in the process.

    In the case of the little boy being pepper sprayed. I'm inclined to think the problem is at home with this little boy. Mom is too busy threatening law suits and getting herself on television to actually seek a solution to her son's issues. That says it all for me.
     
  27. Prancer

    Prancer The "specialness" that is Staff Member

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    Did she threaten a lawsuit? Has she made more than one appearance on TV? If she has, I apologize for missing it.

    She's had him evaluated multiple times. He's in a special school. What is that if not seeking a solution?

    I'm not defending her because I don't think she should be putting this on TV (although I find it hard to believe that she worked at it) or allowing her son to be exploited this way, but to say that the fact that she is threatening law suits, not seeking a solution and busily getting herself on TV says it all for you strikes me as :confused:
     
  28. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

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    Bullshit! Someone up thread said that it used to be xyz, and that they never remembered anyone daring to misbehave (either themselves or when they were young). That we need to tell them to behave and they will, that we are buying into the whole self-esteem garbage.

    What happened to those kids in the past? well, some were victims of child abuse where someone beat their child(ren) to point of serious injury or death because the parents were expected to make them behave. They dropped out of school at an early age, maybe not even making it to middle school. They became social problems - drinking, drugging, etc. They got into fights outside the school yards, they just disappeared from the classroom and no one cared because the child was a problem. And for some, they became homeless bums because they were not able to function in society and no one cared enough to help them or their parents.

    Why are we seeing more of these problems? - I don't necessarily think that we are seeing more, it is just that people are aware of issues. Media splashes of violence, like this child, bring it to the forefront. PEOPLE who do not know what it is to live with a child with issues think that they KNOW the child can be controlled by methods of beating or telling them no, etc. Many who are blaming rjblue for her son's behavior DO NOT KNOW what she is experiencing, yet you tell her that she is not a good parent. GMAFB. :rolleyes:

    Again, I ask how many of you who are judging parenting and children's behaviors actually, you know, parent a child with issues? How many of you are willing to mentor the parent of a child who has issues - if you are such wonderful examples of how things should be done?

    rjblue - I don't have any answers for you, just an empathic ear.
     
    rjblue and (deleted member) like this.
  29. agalisgv

    agalisgv Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2005
    Messages:
    23,968
    Don't know how relevant this will be to your specific situation, but to me it sounds less like an issue of discipline, and more of an issue of teaching social skills. If he's 14 and bright, I would talk with him rather directly about the issue. What is getting on people's nerves at school? While he may think he's being funny or a class clown, that's not how he's coming off to others. When he comes off as immature, other people don't want to be friends, and his teachers won't respect him. Identify the behaviors that come off badly, and help him to see how others are viewing him when he acts that way. Part of immature behavior IMO is the inability to see things from another vantage point (and often lacking in appropriate boundaries and limits). So teaching him to view his actions from the POV of his peers and teachers can help him develop better discernment around his actions in the future.

    IME, children who act young but are otherwise bright can quickly modify their behavior if you talk shop about boundaries and appropriate comportment. This can mean discussing how far away should you stand from people before you squick them out, what topics aren't appropriate for jokes, the proper way to respond to a question, etc.

    Just from what you've written, I get the sense your son is trying *very* hard to fit in with his peers. But the way he's trying to do that is only alienating others. So talk shop about how to make friends instead of repelling them and teachers.
     
  30. ArtisticFan

    ArtisticFan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Messages:
    2,439
    She and her son appeared live on Good Morning America and the Today Show. They have also done not in studio interviews with multiple large markets. If she wants to call attention to an issue, that is one thing, but parading her son on television leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.

    As for the special school, maybe she is attentive and trying to work out a solution, but truthfully I don't see that in her current behavior. I have a feeling that he was in the school he was in as a last option. Few parents I know would opt for that if there were still other avenues to explore. From my understanding via media reports, he is now enrolled in another school. I hope that works out for him and everyone else involved. However, parading her son on national television doesn't bode well for the great first impressions from the teachers, students, and parents at the new school.

    I used the words about the lawsuit too strongly. She has only said she is not ruling one out.

    The fact that she has sought out or at the very least not refused interviews on national programs does tell me enough to form my opinion of her. I've worked in media and public relations long enough to know how someone gets on a show like Today or GMA. They aren't forced or dragged kicking and screaming. YMMV but I see it as a woman violating her son's privacy and hindering his future ability to make friends and be accepted by some people.

    I understand that she is probably frustrated by a lack of diagnosis for him. I realize she would probably give anything for answers as to what causes his outbursts. I get all that and sympathize with the family on those issues. I sympathize with the teachers who felt so out of control in the situation and feared for their safety. I feel for the police officers who had to deal with that and are now having people second guess them.

    Where I find the family failing is in the expectation of an 8 year old to do media interviews. If Today or GMA wouldn't talk to her without him, then she should not have done the interviews. It is that simple. Her father or father-n-law seems more than willing to talk to the media too. The school doesn't seem to be talking - not the teachers and not the prinicpal. The local media probably got a hold of the story through a police report or via a scanner. That would have provided only minimal details and usually not the name of a minor. The mom seems to be the one sharing all the details. So yes, that is all I need to know about the mom.