Online dating

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Ajax, Jul 19, 2010.

  1. Ajax

    Ajax Well-Known Member

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    Has anybody tried? I signed up for it but the idea of going on dates with total strangers from the internets kinda wigs me out... Plus I never know what to say when I message someone. Just say hi, or comment on their profile, or forget the chitchat and ask them out for a drink? To top it all off the first guy who messaged me wrote that I am "density material" (destiny, I'm assuming? :lol: and also :yikes:)

    Would love to hear your horror stories, success stories, tips...
     
  2. PrincessLeppard

    PrincessLeppard Pink Bitch

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    Erm, there's a thread somewhere with some stories in it. Some of them are mine. :p

    Here's a sample of mine, from my blog:

    And no, I have no idea why "neck" is in quotation marks. :rofl:

    I went on a couple nice dates, a couple weird ones, got a marriage proposal at the end of one :scream: and, um, yeah. It was fun. Go for it.
     
  3. Wyliefan

    Wyliefan Well-Known Member

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    Lush-ish? :lol: Well, we know he's not an English major!
     
  4. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    I met my bf of about a year (golly, has it been that long?) on Plentyoffish.com. Although it started out complicated because we casually dated for a few months before we seriously got together, and three months after he told me he wanted to get serious. :lol: He is one patient guy.

    I actually get a pretty good read on people when I chat with them online. It's always about 4 or 5 exchanges before someone suggests a meeting. Sometimes the guy messaged me first, sometimes I did.

    I always mentioned about something they mentioned in their profile when initiating first contact. I also only go for guys who've actually read my profile and comment on it. "You're cute" doesn't cut it with me. :lol: Obviously I don't go for ones who just say how romantic they are. :lol: That tells me nothing about their personality.

    I've met no weirdos in person, although there was that one dude on Lavalife who will go down in infamy as "foot fetish guy." The first question he asked me, before even a "Hi there" was, "How are your feet?" :rofl:

    To me, online dating just means getting a chance to meet people without having to go out and actually introduce yourself to strangers (which I hate cause I'm a hermit anyway) or hope to "bump" into someone magically compatible with you. You'll come across a few weirdos, but that's the same in offline life anyway. A plus is that it's easier to weed them out without feeling too bad about it. ;)
     
  5. Satellitegirl

    Satellitegirl New Member

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    I've date from sites before....although I've never had much luck. I did meet my bf online, but it was from a chat room I went to for years. I feel too uncomfortable with a whole "set up" for dating. I need friendship first I've found.

    But yeah, as far as contact goes, take common interests from their profile and ask them about it. That's the best way to start IMO.
     
  6. Ajax

    Ajax Well-Known Member

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    Yikes! That sounds like a horrible cross between creepy and cheesy :D
     
  7. jp1andonly

    jp1andonly Well-Known Member

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    i did online dating and was pretty successful. I met my ex online and we dated for 4 years. I met some nice guys who turned out to be friends in the end and I still talk with them even though we have long went our separate ways. I had 2 weird experiences but they were good for a chuckle. I always went for coffee after speaking to them online then having numerous phone conversations. Coffee is short enough that if it is going bad then you can leave quickly or it is a nice short intro before going for dinner, a movie, etc. Always trust you gut and always meet in a public place. Good luck :)
     
  8. Bev Johnston

    Bev Johnston Well-Known Member

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    jp1andonly that is great advice!

    I've tried online dating twice. First time I had better luck; meeting a nice man after only going out on one date with another guy. We dated for a while but it didn't work out, unfortunately.

    The second time I tried it, I got tired of wasting time on guys that weren't all that interesting in person.

    A good friend gave me advice that I think i will follow if I ever try again, and that is: meet for coffee for the first time meeting, not dinner. If you don't like them or they are hard to talk to, it's very hard to sit through an entire dinner. Like jp1andonly said, coffee is short!
     
  9. Cheylana

    Cheylana Well-Known Member

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    I can't say I've had much luck. I've been on-and-off with eHarmony. First time I signed up, I talked to a few guys right off the bat and went on a few dates - neither guy panned out, and otherwise I was matched with a bunch of guys but the only guys requesting communication being drop-dead ugly. :eek: Tried Match, but mostly got creeps. One guy seemed ok, so after e-mailing quite a bit, I gave him my cell number. Big mistake - he immediately started telling me how they were filming a porn movie across the street from him, and he could see them through the window, and asking what I was wearing. Eww. So done with Match forever!

    I've been trying to meet guys IRL by joining Meetup.com groups, but mostly I end up meeting a bunch of women trying to do the same thing. Sigh!
     
  10. Aimless

    Aimless New Member

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    I've had reasonable luck. It's a strange experience though. Internet dating dissects the human psyche in ways that nature never intended. One guy i had lunch with was wearing an icky weird ring. "Is that a tooth?" I asked incredulously. He had mounted the first baby tooth his son lost on his ring. NEXT!

    The meeting for coffee idea is good. For a second date, I would recommend something other than dinner or drinks. Sitting across from somebody masticating is not the most attractive introduction, and there's always the awkwardness of "who pays?". I'd prefer to do something active, to experience something together and to interact. Stroll in a botanic garden, visit a country fair, go to a dog show, that kind of thing.

    I like to refer to EHarmony as EHornyMe.
     
  11. heckles

    heckles Well-Known Member

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    Everyone I've known who has used Eharmony was a headcase. So much for their psychological screening.
     
  12. dbell1

    dbell1 Well-Known Member

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    My experiences with online dating can be summed up this way - :wall: :wideeyes: :scream:

    I'm done with it.
     
  13. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    I think it's more like, why should we give someone else the responsibility of screening out what we would consider the weirdos? That's just a recipe for disaster. :lol:
     
  14. Ziggy

    Ziggy Well-Known Member

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    People meet potential partners offline? :eek:
     
  15. heckles

    heckles Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, Eharmony's requirements are weird. They require women to accept matches of men who are 19 years older.
     
  16. Cheylana

    Cheylana Well-Known Member

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    Just wondering; what do you think of this website? I was thinking of trying it, but worried that it might not do enough to protect my identity. Also, someone said if you google my name, my profile on Plenty of Fish will pop up. Is that true?
     
  17. PrincessLeppard

    PrincessLeppard Pink Bitch

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    It shouldn't. I'm on there under a pseud...my real name is nowhere on there.
     
  18. Twilight1

    Twilight1 Well-Known Member

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    I know 2 couples who met online and they are both still together, 1 couple is married since 1996 and the other is common law and will be getting married (proposal imminent for their 1 yr anniversary in another month) and both are quite happy.

    Back when I was younger I did the phone line thing. Met a bunch of awesome people that a couple are still good friends of mine. The guys I met and dated were people I hung out with a few times with a group because the thought of just going to meet someone I didn't know freaked me out a bit. The 3 I dated were completely not for me...though thinking back one was a complete sweetheart. I just needed the bad boy type at that time though... :lol:
     
  19. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Unless they changed things there recently (we both left the site last fall), you don't put your real name on there at all. You just choose a "username" and if you choose one that you use everywhere on the net, that's your fault. :lol:

    Otherwise it's just like putting your info up on any other site.

    It's okay. I like that it's simple and doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles. It just lets me read profiles without a lot of moving parts, which I want.
     
  20. Margot

    Margot New Member

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    I met my husband on Match.com. We were married 3-1/2 months later. That was about 4 years ago. I was 58 at the time and he was 62.

    I wasn't looking to get married, just to date. But, it worked!
     
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  21. mikemba

    mikemba Active Member

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    Ajax, although I have no personal experience with internet dating (since I have been married since before thei internet existed), I am happy to inform you that my cousin and his wife of 2 years met online.

    This thread led me to a question: has FSU led to any serious relationships between members?
     
  22. Quintuple

    Quintuple papillon d'amour

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    I wonder - has anyone ever met via FSU and later gotten togetha?
     
  23. agalisgv

    agalisgv Well-Known Member

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    Yes, BrokenAnkle and KHenry IIRC.
     
  24. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

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    Oooh, I didn't know they met here. :cool:
     
  25. PRlady

    PRlady aspiring tri-national

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    I've been on match.com and JDate for almost a year. I haven't met any ax murderers or disturbed people, but obviously I screen who I choose to see as carefully as I can. I've met many nice guys, one lasted a couple of months, and I'm still on there although I'm even more selective about my choices now.

    My 32-year-old second cousin, when she married her husband whom she met on JDate, told me sternly at her wedding: PRlady, it's a numbers game. It took me about 100 guys to meet the right one, get started!

    This made me :scream: but she had something of a point.

    What you put in your profile definitely matters, spend time on it.
     
  26. Ajax

    Ajax Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all the advice and stories everyone, keep them coming :)
    The website I'm using is called okcupid. I think it must have magical powers - it matched me up first with a guy from the same country as me (and I hadn't put in my profile that I was from there so it was completely coincidental!), and then with the real-life friend who had recommended the website to me :D
     
  27. Murdoch

    Murdoch New Member

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    I finished with internet dating about two years ago after some pretty significant trauma, losers and only one bright light (in FOUR years)...

    Rather than rehash all that, here is one piece of advice and a take on each site I used.

    Advice: Meet in public and tell someone where you are going and get an intervention phone call about 45 minutes in. If it is good - good and if it isn't - this is even better. I had this plan from day one and it was the best thing I did.

    One other - cross reference the sites. Typically people do not frequent only one site and sometimes, the profiles are SO different between sites, you know they are not for real to begin with.

    Plentyoffish... too many fish. It takes a LOT of effort to weed out.

    Match.com... AVOID. NOTHING came from this.

    eHarmony... the first time it sucked, the second time it rocked. BE REALLY specific when you answer questions though because if you are wishy-washy in an answer, they do not really take that criteria into consideration (ie. age). This IS a pay site, which used to indicate to me they were more serious about finding someone... a theory I now believe to be flawed.

    perfectmatch.com... I might have been their perfect match, but not one who contacted me interested me.

    Lavalife... this was probably the best one over the years. I did meet losers from here, but I met my one long term on here, as well as a few that are still friends. I like this one because it has three strands of profiles (dating, relationship and sex), whereby you can learn a lot about a person and their intentions. If I were to recommend one, this would be it. :)
     
  28. Veronika

    Veronika gold dust woman

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    I met my husband on Match.com. We got engaged after 3 months of dating, and were married about a year later. We've been marrried for over 4 years now...so I guess we are a success. ;)

    I will admit that I'm sometimes embarrassed to admit we met online. Sometimes I fib and tell people we met through friends...I think how we met is a rather personal question, and you'd be surprised how many people ask that question.
     
  29. Prancer

    Prancer The "specialness" that is Staff Member

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    I don't think they did. I could be wrong about that, though.

    I know of some couples who have met through skating forums--not necessarily just this one, but more a combination of skating forums where one kept bumping into the other.

    None of them lasted or were particularly "out," however. :shuffle:

    I've known a lot of couples who have met online and I think the best advice for ads is to be honest. Don't try to be something you aren't as part of the sales pitch. Sell what you have, not what you think other people want.

    The lies always come back to haunt. There are a lot of men out there who really don't like long walks in the rain but have created this expectation that they do and now have to live with it or the fallout. :p Meanwhile, they have been passed over by a lot of women who have thought, "What kind of moron likes to walk in the rain?"

    In my salad days, it was meeting in a bar that was embarrassing. And the line was always, "Er, we met in a bar. But it was a NICE bar.":lol:

    I think people ask "How did you meet?" when there doesn't seem to be an obvious connection, like attending the same college or growing up in the same town or working together. Some people are just curious; other people, though, want to hear stories of magical happenstance; it gives them hope :).
     
  30. ioana

    ioana Well-Known Member

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    This was not on FSU, but I do know of one case where people met via gymnastics message boards and ended up moving in together. They're still together some 4 years later. I used to do gym websites a while back and met boatloads of people online that way. Some turned out to be genuinely friendly and interested in getting to know me, some were complete creeps who kept asking for 'action shots' from my days as a competitive gymnast. One even went as far as to specify a preference for front pics of stalders on bars, erm...
    http://www.gymmedia.com/ghent2001/images/khorkina_UB_RUS.JPG

    I did meet one guy that turned out to be very nice and met up with him while on vacation in Italy. Unfortunately, he was not terribly attractive, so things never went beyond friendship.

    My old roommate did online dating when we lived together and she was constantly surprised when she met up with guys for coffee that I'd gotten a good read on them 'just' by reading their emails to her. I think actively posting online means you have a better read on these things just because you learn to look for 'tone' without the additional pressure of trying to figure out if the person is relationship material. I'd say definitely give it a try!
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2010