Online dating advice

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by leesaleesa, Aug 16, 2012.

  1. leesaleesa

    leesaleesa Active Member

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    It's official: I am divorced, and am kicking around the idea of dating casually. Relationship was over quite a few months ago, and I am completely over it. Not looking to jump right back in the deep end, but would enjoy some company.

    Did the registration with Plenty of Fish to increase my odds of meeting someone compatible, as I do meet people live as well, but the responses I have been getting haven't been encouraging, to say the least. Are the pay sites any better?

    I am 40, and looking for someone about 37-47.

    I also did the labourious questionaire for E-Harmony, and immediately started getting matches for men in their late fifties and sixties, so I don't think that one will work. No, I do not enjoy classic rock (unless nineties rock has become classic) nor Corvettes and photos of you when you had hair, or being only five years older than your children.

    Any suggestions?
     
  2. mkats

    mkats New Member

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    just watch out for any lesser gays :cold:
     
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  3. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    I met my fiance on Plenty of Fish, so it isn't impossible to find someone compatible on a free site. It probably takes more time though. I was on there for I think 3 years, casually looking through profiles and reading messages, going on a date or two, before I met my fiance. I mean, I probably deleted 70% of the messages that came into my box because the guy obviously didn't read my profile. :p

    I think on a paid site, you might give yourself more pressure to date and get into a relationship because you're paying for it. Depends on your attitude though. If you want to jump right in and get to dating (instead of just reading profiles and filtering messages), then a paid site would be better. But I was perfectly fine taking it slow. :)

    My fiance's friend found his now-wife on Eharmony. It was hilarious - they both took the compatibility test and were 100% with each other. She actually messaged him and said, "Hey, we're 100% compatible, we should go out." And that was that. :rofl:
     
  4. leesaleesa

    leesaleesa Active Member

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    Lol. Gay men in Wilton Manors tend to date gay men. I'm starting to think this whole lesser gay thing is an urban myth. Not one gay man has ever tried to marry me. Not even one. What's wrong with me?

    A 30% success rate sounds pretty good. I would just like to meet people casually for now. I must have looked at 100 profiles in the past week, but they're so offputting. No baggage, no games, no drama, must not live more than 10 miles from me, even though I am obese you must be thin, must love reptiles.....Ugh. It doesn't help that I look for spelling errors and misuse of caps. Then again, shouldn't you take enough care to make sure your profile is appealing and error free before you post it?
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2012
  5. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    No, I did the same thing. Checked for grammar and such. It was helpful to have a thing for shy awkward nerds. :saint:

    Maybe it was more like 90% overall discard rate. I don't remember anymore. It's been 4 years. :lol: Definitely takes time and patience. After a while, reading profiles and messages was actually pretty fun.

    And from what I hear, Plenty of Fish has gotten more full of weirdos, so I must have lucked out back then. :lol:
     
  6. leesaleesa

    leesaleesa Active Member

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    I adore shy, awkward nerds, but I think they are terrified of me.

    Where does one go to find these nerds? I could take a Xanax and tie my hands to my side to keep from over talking and wildy gesticulating.

    I just checked my matches, and one is a biker friend. He's a fun guy to have a drink with in a group setting, but so not a match.
     
  7. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    LOL, I don't think that's it. I "interpretive dance" everything I say.

    It helps if you live near Caltech, for one. :p Although my fiance didn't go to Caltech, I dated a few guys who did.

    Well, they ARE shy and awkward, so you have to message them yourself! :D I maintain that I messaged my fiance first, although he says he might have. Well, back then Plenty of Fish deleted messages older than 2 weeks, so now we'll never know. :mad:
     
  8. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

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    Watch out for anyone who calls themselves Macho Man (I had someone of that name contact me via a dating site. Needless to say I did not respond).
     
  9. leesaleesa

    leesaleesa Active Member

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    Surely it was tongue in cheek? On the other hand, he probably thinks he's the shit.

    I've already been yelled at by DanMarinoLookalike2285 and INEED2BWITHUNOW, and been called fat by a Ron Jeremy look a like who probably doesn't know he looks like Ron Jeremy. Let's just say he's rotund, to be polite. All for looking at their profiles and not leaing a message. I didn't see any nerds. Then again, Ft Lauderdale isn't known for it's intellectuals, but someone has to do IT, right?

    I think I've found another book subject.
     
  10. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Yeeeah, if you were near the Kennedy Space Center, you could bag yourself a NASA scientist. Not sure what sort of nerds you're gonna find in Ft Lauderdale.

    IT guys aren't ALL that nerdy, IMO. The real nerds are making more money as engineers. :lol:
     
  11. RFOS

    RFOS Well-Known Member

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    I need to find someone who likes shy, awkward nerds. :shuffle:
     
  12. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

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    No it was actually quite serious. And now that you mention it he had the Ron Jeremy look about him :lol:. I don't think he read profiles very carefully either because if he had really read mine he should have twigged that I was none of those things that he was looking for (such as I am not a romantic person).
     
  13. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

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    :lol: You need to keep updating us on this. Already sounds very interesting and will give us hours of entertainment.
     
  14. heckles

    heckles Well-Known Member

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    Ah, the online dating scene. Avoid the ones who define themselves as Wiccans or Pagans. It's internet code for "I'm an unattractive narcissist who wants to appear spiritual but can't follow the rules of a real religion."
     
  15. Kruss

    Kruss Not Auto-Tuned

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    A couple of years ago, I found reading profiles for potential dates so disheartening yet hilarious that I started an "Adventures in Online Dating" blog. It's truly amusing going through some of those profiles. ;)

    My funniest experience (it's the one entitled "Adventures in Online Dating #2").
     
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  16. Ice Queen

    Ice Queen New Member

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    I tried Match.com and out of hundreds of guys, I found one I was attracted to. We emailed a couple times, and he told me the co. he worked for and his last name. At first he seemed nice, but then he came up with this. Hey, I know this is a weird question, but what type of underwear do you wear? Says, he just wants to learn more about me, and can tell alot by the underwear. I replied back with this. FYI, I am a lady and therefore will not answer your underwear question. The guy was in his 50's and acted like he was in his 20's.

    I found out, he lied about his age by 10 yrs., was not a "social" drinker, but after locating him on twitter....discovered he is clearly an alcoholic. The picture he posted was when he probably was in his 40's. His picture on twitter was very different. Glad I never met him!
     
  17. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

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    :rofl: OMG Kruss - the Kurt Russell Lookalike!
     
  18. Kruss

    Kruss Not Auto-Tuned

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    Wasn't that hilarious??? I howled when I first read it. Think I should have snapped him up? :lol:
     
  19. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Hey at least he prefaced the question with that! The first (and last) time I was on Lavalife, I had guy ask me, "How are your feet?" Even before "Hi how are you? Wanna chat?" :rofl:
     
  20. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

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    :lol: Oh most definately.

    My warning signs always go up when someone says that they have a fantastic sense of humour and are a really funny guy. Hmmm isn't that for me to judge?
     
  21. Murdoch

    Murdoch New Member

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    I used online dating extensively at one point and have the following notes...

    1) Plenty of Fish - free, but I found it to be the most laborious in terms of finding people that were ACTUALLY looking for the same thing I was. Due to it being free, I think there are a lot of curious people with no real intent - not everyone - but a good chunk.

    2) Match.com - I got nothing from this - I didn't find it very user friendly.

    3) eHarmony - I too kept get matched with people ten plus years my senior and I think I made contact with about ten men - never met any of them. So, based on the algorithm of a match, we never made it past chatting...

    4) Lavalife - by far my most successful. I liked this one because there are up to three profiles someone can set up and I could see if they were interested in dating, a relationship, sex, all three, only two or only one. This made a HUGE difference in helping me select who I wanted to talk to and make a connection with. I met several of the men I made contact with on there. A few were solo dates, most were multiple dates, and one was a nine month relationship.

    My biggest piece of advice, whenever you go on a date, tell someone with who and where you are going. A coworker and I were both dating and we always gave each other the information, just in case and we also staged an intervening phone call about an hour in to the date, just as a double check.

    Good luck and have fun!
     
  22. Impromptu

    Impromptu Well-Known Member

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    My sister met her husband on okcupid; and one of my best friends met her fiance on the same site. It's free, and there are plenty of (optional) questions you can answer to figure out compatibility. It also seems to have a decent percentage of those who self identify as shy/nerd/geek.
     
  23. susan6

    susan6 Well-Known Member

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    I just finished my 3 month subscription to match. Not renewing. I have the extreme bad luck of being a liberal agnostic woman over 35 in a southern town. The majority of men on the site in my near vicinity are into huntin' and fishin' and mud-boggin' and good christian conservative values. I did a search where I expanded the search radius and got some much better matches (all of whom are in academia....yes, we do live in a bubble) but no one nearby. Of the 4-5 men I actually met on dates....nice, but no chemistry.

    And yes, you will get the 55 year old men who are finally ready to settle down and have kids. Dude....it doesn't matter how young you FEEL....you're old enough to be my father.

    I've pretty much given up on the whole thing. I've never been married and I'm in fairly good shape (I got a lot of compliments on some of the photos I posted) but a major problem is that I don't want to have kids. The men I find myself interested in are in the 35-45 age range, and they all want women in their 20's so they can have kids.
     
  24. OliviaPug

    OliviaPug Well-Known Member

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    This is a great thread! Very helpful (and hilarious) too :lol: I went on match.com just after my divorce, but never had the nerve to actually "connect" with anyone. I'm not shy; I just don't think I was ready. Of course, when I found out my ex was on there, that was enough of a deterrent to stay far, far away -- especially as he's told me he's looking for someone just like me, but with brown hair. :confused:

    Never heard of lavalife, but sounds like it was a good fit for some. I've heard awful things about eHarmony from friends. And one very close friend (a guy) met his now wife on match.com. I guess anything can yield results with effort and luck.

    O-
     
  25. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    I think only Murdoch had good luck with Lavalife. I met barhoppers and a foot fetishist there. :lol:
     
  26. Murdoch

    Murdoch New Member

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    I remember some of your stories! I was always so careful with my cross referencing... people would even change their profile name and do a separate one in the "sex" section, but I figured them out! LOL
     
  27. Cupid

    Cupid Well-Known Member

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    I've tried OKStupid (or OKCupid lol), but recently deleted my profile there. There are a ton of questions that you choose to answer from a multiple-choice list. And you can compare them to people they match you up with.

    I met one doctor from there. Didn't click with me, but he bombarded me with texts over the next couple of days, we went out twice, and he wanted to go out again, 3 days in a row! I finally told him not to call me so much and if just wanted to be friends and bikeride and play tennis, call me every couple week sor so, no more. He agreed, and then proceeded to text me again the very next day!

    Was supposed to meet this other man who lived in my town for a drink. He never texted to confirm, and when I did, he said he was on his way back from being out of town over the weekend, and we picked another date. Same thing. Then, he started texting me how beautiful I was and would I run off to Vegas and just make it legal! Still havent met him!

    Other guy, again from my town, was to call me, twice, and never did. But still sends me emails from time to time, which I ignore.

    So, no luck there.

    I find meeting people face to face through meetup groups if a good way to meet a variety of people in a no pressure atmosphere since there are both men and women doing something they enjoy, like dining out and sporting events.
     
  28. OliviaPug

    OliviaPug Well-Known Member

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    Well, okay. Lavalife sounds a little racy for me. Um, there is a sex section ... wow :lol: Not that there's anything wrong with that ... at least those folks are being honest about the reason they're online "dating"!

    O-
     
  29. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  30. leesaleesa

    leesaleesa Active Member

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    So that's how it is going to be. I thought it might be more efficient, like Careerbuilder.

    Why must they have those bare chested photos? One man is sitting at a piano, trying to look all soulful, with his silk shirt unbuttoned to show his chest. Just play the damn piano, Professor Longhair.I

    I received a few messages from one man who is a succesful mental health professional, but lives in one of the worst neighborhoods in Ft. Lauderdale. He explained it was because he's so tall (?????). I'm not sure why he volunteered this information-Maybe his last girlfriend was carjacked. Also unsure why tall guys are relegated to high crime areas.

    One interesting prospect has been seperated for five years, but stays married so his spouse can stay on his insurance, and that makes him a good guy, and women who can't understand that are idiots. He also pointed out that she has given him the green light to date (????)

    Finally, I chatted with one who seemed normal, but made a big to do about how he hated kids, and was glad I didn't have any so I could concentrate on him. Yeah, I want a needy guy who despises little humans. God.

    I gave up for the meantime and am now just looking at their dog pictures.

    So, are you saying that I will have to settle for a lesser nerd?
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2012