My Mom just passed away...

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Bailey_, Nov 19, 2011.

  1. Bailey_

    Bailey_ Guest

    Hello everyone,

    After a very intense six month journey with cancer, my mom lost her battle last weekend. The doctors all say that she had the most aggressive case of myeloma they have ever seen. We were very blessed to share the final few weeks with her at a wonderful palliative care program which allowed us time to say goodbye and prepare for her passing. It's hard to understand, but the final few hours of her life were actually very joyful. She was visited by her oldest and dearest cousins who sat around her bed, sharing stories of her childhood. When they went to leave, she opened her eyes (the doctor said unbelievable, considering she had been non-responsive for days). After they left, we had a chance to tell her that we loved her, tell her that we would be ok, and that it was time to go. Within minutes after we each had our final words with her, she passed away very peacefully. It was strangely, the most tragic and the most beautiful thing that has ever happened in my life.

    The last week has been filled with funeral arrangements, calls from family and friends, etc... but this weekend has been very quiet. A welcome quiet - something that I haven't had for the past six months and something that I've dreamed about. But, it's somewhat unnerving too... Even though I have watched her illness progress and was present at her passing, I feel strangely numb this weekend. It's funny how you can have so much anticipatory grief and yet the finality of her death is still strangely shocking to me.

    I had posted in the spring and was flooded with well wishes and advice. I just wanted to let you know that unfortunately, my mom lost her battle, but also say thank you for the support this community offered last spring.

    Take care everyone:)
     
    Allen, WindSpirit, Ozzisk8tr and 17 others like this.
  2. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2005
    Messages:
    30,765
    I'm so sorry. It was nice that you got to spend those last days telling her how much you loved her.
     
  3. DaveRocks

    DaveRocks Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2002
    Messages:
    5,432
    (((Bailey)))

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts.
     
  4. Garden Kitty

    Garden Kitty Tranquillo

    Joined:
    May 26, 2002
    Messages:
    25,121
    Very sorry for your loss.
     
  5. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Messages:
    18,917
    I hope you and your family find the same sort of peace that your mom found at the end, Bailey. Remember the good times but don't be afraid to grieve and be sad. Best of everything to you.
     
  6. MikiAndoFan#1

    MikiAndoFan#1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2009
    Messages:
    14,083
    I'm so sorry for your loss, Bailey_. :(
     
  7. KikiSashaFan

    KikiSashaFan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2003
    Messages:
    2,827
    {{{Bailey}}} So sorry for your loss.
     
  8. KatieC

    KatieC Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2003
    Messages:
    4,827
    It hurts so much to lose a loved one. Blessings to you and your family.
     
  9. Buzz

    Buzz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2001
    Messages:
    16,905
    Thanks for sharing that with us and hugs to you and yours at this time. Sorry for your loss and may she rest in peace.
     
  10. cruisin

    cruisin Banned Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    17,561
    Bailey, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am grateful that you were able to share your mother's last weeks/days/moments with her. I lost my mother in March, she had been ill, but she had gotten better, and it was unexpected. And I had been away for two weeks just before she passed, and didn't get to see her. Regardless of how prepared we are, it is never easy losing a parent. You will feel strangely numb for a while. You will be relieved that her suffering is over, but you will miss her. You will probably feel like there is something you are supposed to be doing for her for a while, especially in light of the last 6 months. There will be times when you go to pick up the phone and call her, then you'll remember. I still do, and it's been 9 months. But, mostly you will remember her love, her care, her friendship. There are times when I remember ways in which she drove me crazy, they make me smile now. She will always be part of you, carry the joy (and the crazy) she was in your life as a gift.

    You have my sincere condolences. (((hugs)))
     
  11. FigureSpins

    FigureSpins New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    2,062
    My sympathy on your mother's passing. I'm glad it wasn't too painful an experience for all of you.
     
  12. Kruss

    Kruss Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    2,128
    My sympathy and prayers for you and your family. I'm so very sorry.
     
  13. Cheylana

    Cheylana Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    Messages:
    4,927
    I'm sorry. I'm glad your mom was able to pass peacefully under the circumstances, but how awful for this all to transpire in a mere six months. May you be surrounded with love and support in the difficult days ahead.
     
  14. skipaway

    skipaway Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2002
    Messages:
    7,558
    Bailey, my sincere sympathies to you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  15. Bailey_

    Bailey_ Guest

    It has been a terrible six months. She was first diagnosed on my birthday and passed away six months to the day of her diagnosis. She had surgery on my parent's 40th wedding anniversary and my grandfather (my father's, father) passed away the morning that she was released from hospital following her surgery. And, my brother had a baby the weekend she went into hospital for the final time, exactly two months to the day before she died. We all thought that she would be present for the baby's birth because the chemo seemed to be going ok through the summer. But, then she developed intractable pain and they discovered numerous tumors indicating that the chemo was really not effective. She never really got to see and enjoy the baby except for a few visits to hospital when she was well enough to see him. I have worked a hand-full of weeks in the past six months. It's been an absolutely terrible time -- my family all agree that we want to have a big New Years party because we have to ring in a better year next year!

    Thank you for all your kind words.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2011
  16. Meredith

    Meredith what a glorious day!

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2003
    Messages:
    1,645
    I'm so sorry, Bailey. My Mom used to say you express your love with actions when your loved one was living, not after they are gone. She would have approved of the way you and your family cared for your mom in her last days, surrounding her with love. My heart goes out to you and your family. May your loving memories sustain you and know that the thoughts of many of us are with you.
     
  17. Really

    Really No longer just a "well-known member" Yay!

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2001
    Messages:
    29,500
    So sorry for your loss...
     
  18. Desperado

    Desperado Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2002
    Messages:
    570
    (((Bailey))) You sound like a very strong and caring person. My thoughts are with you, wishing for your pain to ease.
     
  19. myhoneyhoney

    myhoneyhoney Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    Messages:
    1,917
    (((Bailey))) I'm so sorry. Sending lots of hugs your way.
     
  20. oleada

    oleada Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2006
    Messages:
    28,460
    I'm so sorry for your loss :(
     
  21. Cachoo

    Cachoo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2010
    Messages:
    2,473
    I'm so glad it was so peaceful: My thoughts and prayers are for you and your family.
     
  22. rfisher

    rfisher Satisfied skating fan

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2005
    Messages:
    40,833
    I'm sorry.
     
  23. Lanie

    Lanie Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2003
    Messages:
    4,648
    ((((Bailey))))
     
  24. love skating

    love skating Clueless American

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2001
    Messages:
    2,196
    (((Bailey))) Prayers and sympathy to you and your family. I lost my dad to cancer last year. Cherish the memories of your mom.
     
  25. Andrushka

    Andrushka New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2004
    Messages:
    3,114
    I am so sorry for your loss :(
     
  26. overedge

    overedge Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2005
    Messages:
    17,819
    So sorry to hear this, Bailey. ((Bailey and family))
     
  27. Louis

    Louis Tinami 2012

    Joined:
    May 10, 2001
    Messages:
    11,508
    ((((Bailey)))). I've been there, and I still can't really talk about it. It's good that you can.

    Here's the one piece of advice I wish someone had given me. Your grief is not likely to move in a straight line. It will be more like the stock market - up some days, down some days, stable some days. There will be times you may be fine for days or even weeks, and then out of the blue, it hits. The strangest things can trigger it.

    With a disease like cancer, the initial feeling can often be one of relief. No one has to suffer (or watch someone suffer, which IMO can be worse) anymore. The sadness of the situation can sneak up on you once the relief has worn off.

    Please take care of yourself and also keep a watchful eye out for your relatives. Make sure your dad sees a doctor for a check-up within the next month or two. This type of an emotional trauma can have all kinds of physical effects. Make sure he's staying active/busy, too.

    Not sure if your mom's parents are still alive, but the same goes for them, maybe even moreso.

    2011 has been the worst year of my life for many of the same reasons, and I'm with you in waiting for 2012 to begin and bring some better luck!
     
  28. genegri

    genegri Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2006
    Messages:
    854
    ((((Bailey)))), I am so sorry for your loss. :(

    I have been there myself. Cancer is cruel.
     
  29. Habs

    Habs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2003
    Messages:
    3,844
    I'm so sorry Bailey. My sympathy to you and your family.
     
  30. nuge

    nuge Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2001
    Messages:
    4,033
    So sorry((( Bailey))) hugs to you .It's so hard losing a parent .Take care now and look after yourself .xox