Miss/Ms/Mrs.?

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Vash01, Jun 9, 2014.

  1. Vash01

    Vash01 Fan of Julia, Elena, Anna, Liza, and Sasha

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    If you are a woman, what title do you prefer?

    I am single and it offends me when people call me Mrs. It offends me even more when they say that they were trying to be 'polite' or 'respectful'. The implication (to me at least) is that if a woman is not a 'Mrs.' she is to be respected less.

    If it's a face to face or a two-way phone conversation, I am able to correct them and ask that they address me as 'Ms.' which is neither Miss or Mrs. When they leave me messages, addressing me as 'Mrs.' that's when I feel very irritated that they are making assumptions about me (that I am married, and/or I prefer being called 'Mrs.' as a more respectable title).

    Actually I prefer being called 'Dr.' since I have a Ph.D., but not everyone knows that, so I am OK with either Ms. (preferable) or Miss, but I find 'Mrs.' rather offensive. They never ask a man whether he is married or not; why should it matter for a woman when it comes to how to address her, and why is 'Mrs.' considered more polite or respectable than Ms. or Miss?

    I am sure that it's a non-issue for many women, but it is something important to me. May be it's just my pet peeve.
    Do I have company? :)
     
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  2. snoopy

    snoopy Team St. Petersburg

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    Being called Miss is my favorite, since that implies youth. Though I guess I don’t care too much if I get called Miss/Ms/Mrs. Any of them are better than maam – which is what I get from all the baggers at the grocery store.
     
  3. DFJ

    DFJ Well-Known Member

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    I've never had anyone call me Mrs. I'm surprised that anyone would just presume.
     
  4. Artemis@BC

    Artemis@BC Well-Known Member

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    No, you're not alone!

    I prefer no title at all -- but I know there are some contexts where users feel it inappropriate to call me by my first name, so in those cases Ms is the only option. Do not call me Miss, do not call me Mrs. Why would anyone think they can make assumptions about my, or anyone's, marital status?

    But I'm not sure which bugs me more: people who call me Mrs or people (usually men) who sarcastically over-emphasize the Ms -- especially when corrected after calling me Mrs. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mizzzzzzz Hunter." :mad:
     
  5. smurfy

    smurfy Well-Known Member

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    Vash01 - Yes you have company!
    I am single and prefer Miss or Ms.
    since I have caller ID, I hardly answer my phone, but before - with telemarketers - they would ask for Mrs Murphy - and I would ask 'who is calling?' and most time they were snotty. Then I would tell them Mrs. Murphy was dead (my mom). The Mrs gave it away that they were not familiar with me.
    Mrs - sounds old to me.
    When I ask for someone, I always say Ms - nice neutral way.
     
  6. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

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    I am definitely a Ms and have been using it since my early 20s. Hate being called Miss because that is what you call little girls or a Mrs because never been married. Also liked that it didn't identify whether you were married or single which men didn't have to go through so I felt it was a good term for security reasons.

    At work one day when one of my colleagues started going on what the big deal was about it (in a rather nasty and aggressive fashion). In response I suggested "well my mum is divorced so what is she meant to call herself?". She actually knew my mum by chance because she was doing a course with her. Kind of put a personal slant on it. After that she made no further comment.
     
  7. Vash01

    Vash01 Fan of Julia, Elena, Anna, Liza, and Sasha

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    Nice to see I have company :)

    Ideally, I prefer 'No title', but if they must use one, it's either Dr. (if it's professional and they must use a title) or Ms. (if they don't know me, except for my gender, which is pretty obvious on the phone). Sometimes I just say - it's OK to call me by my first name, or just "it's Ms.".

    Snoopy, I do resent the 'Maam' regardless of where or who is calling me that, unless I am in Texas- there it's often Yes maam, or it would be considered rude.
     
  8. Veronika

    Veronika gold dust woman

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    I prefer Ms. or Mrs., but I never get that worked up about it. :) If someone truly doesn't know and is guessing, there is no reason to be offended.
     
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  9. kwanfan1818

    kwanfan1818 I

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    I think it's too bad that "Mrs." only refers to married women. In Europe, I'm "Frau" or "Madame" not because I have a husband, but because I'm not a girl (a Fraulein or a Mademoiselle).
     
  10. Vash01

    Vash01 Fan of Julia, Elena, Anna, Liza, and Sasha

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    I think that's fair, but what is the age limit to make that switch?
     
  11. Vash01

    Vash01 Fan of Julia, Elena, Anna, Liza, and Sasha

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    The reason I am offended is that they are not only making assumptions about my marital status, but they are also telling me that by calling me 'Mrs.' they are being polite or respectful (those are the words used by them; I am not imagining). Why is 'Mrs.' more respectful than Miss or Ms.?

    I can see that if someone is married, she may not mind the 'Mrs.' that much (although I have some married friends that I cannot imagine being called 'Mrs.'). I just think 'Mrs.' is a bad word because it is based on sexism. They never make that differentiation about men.
     
  12. kwanfan1818

    kwanfan1818 I

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    I think it depends on context: if there's a wedding ring, then Madame, but if there is none and the person can see you, it probably depends on how old the person thinks you are and how that age is seen. In formal correspondence, I'm always address as the equivalent of "Mrs." The assumption is the more respectful title in e-commerce :)
     
  13. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

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    I'm shocked that anyone under the age of 60 still refers to females of any marital status in a professional setting as anything other than Ms. I suppose it's generational, but I think both Miss and Mrs are disrespectful because they both tie the woman's title to her relationship to someone else.

    I'm old enough to both get "ma'am" frequently and to no longer be indignant about it. :p
     
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  14. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Well-Known Member

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    I don't know how to pronounce Ms. and Miss differently.
     
  15. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

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    Miz vs Misss
     
  16. GarrAarghHrumph

    GarrAarghHrumph I can kill you with my brain

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    When I must pick, I pick "Ms." But if you call me Mrs. or Miss, I don't care.

    I also don't care if you call me by my last name, or that of my husband. I just know how little you know me if you call me "Mrs. Myhusband'slastname". ;)
     
  17. quartz

    quartz Far beyond these castle walls

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    I prefer to be called Ms.
    I hate Mrs. I am not my marital status.
    There is no differential for men, so why should women be defined by if they are married or not.
    My local newspaper often features old photos of community events. Even ones from the mid '70's caption the women depicted as "Mrs. George Brown" and "Mrs. Joe Smith". Their first names are not even relevant, as once a woman was married, her identity was tied to her husband.
     
  18. halffull

    halffull halffull kind of day

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    I am married but don't like being called "Mrs halffull" because it makes me too connected to my mil who I'm not fond of. In a professional setting it has to be done but really, just call me by my first name, that makes me happiest :)
     
  19. Garden Kitty

    Garden Kitty Tranquillo

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    Generally the only time people call me with a title is in a work setting, so I prefer "Ms" since I don't think a person's marital status should be an emphasis in a professional setting. However, unless someone was calling me one of the titles in a deliberately sarcastic tone, I wouldn't be offended if someone called me a different title.
     
  20. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Well-Known Member

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    Oh, in that case I prefer miss because I hate the z sound
     
  21. Jot the Dot Dot

    Jot the Dot Dot Headstrong Buzzard

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    Howzabout "Babe"?
     
  22. overedge

    overedge Well-Known Member

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    I use Ms., for two reasons:
    - Like quartz says, I am not my marital status, so there is no reason to choose a title or honorific based on whether I'm married or not.
    - Mrs. Overedgehusband is wrong because I didn't change my name when I got married, and Mrs. Overedge is wrong because I am not married to someone who has my birth surname.

    As to whether it is a pet peeve, it actually doesn't come up that often. The only people who call me Mrs. Overedgehusband are some of Mr. Overedge's relatives when they address Christmas cards to us, and by now it's been going on so long that it's not worth getting worked up over, or trying to get them to change. But I would blow a gasket if somebody I just met tried to call me Mrs. Overedgehusband.
     
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  23. Vash01

    Vash01 Fan of Julia, Elena, Anna, Liza, and Sasha

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    I don't think it's generational, at least where I have lived and am currently living. The woman that called me Mrs. today (and it triggered this thread :) ) is in her 20's. I have met people in all age groups that called me Mrs. Of course there were some that did use Ms. I prefer being called by my first name, but I understand that in certain settings people don't feel comfortable with it. However, we have all called our CEOs/Presidents/Directors (of corporations or agencies) by first names, so it shouldn't be that difficult to call me by my first name. :)
     
  24. skategal

    skategal Bunny slave

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    I prefer Ms.

    I never changed my last name when I married so my telemarketer trick is to say "she doesn't live here" when they ask to speak to Mrs. Husbands-last-name. :2faced:
     
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  25. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    I prefer nothing, but if I had to choose, it would be Ms. I have been referred to as "ma'am" more often than not nowadays. :lol: It started happening a few years ago, so maybe 25 is the breakpoint? Though I've also always looked older than I am...

    Mrs. sounds like I'm more matronly than I feel, and I don't have my husband's name anyway. I still keep on getting asked about it, but I don't think it's that unusual anymore?

    Like I want to be referred to as "I need a polka," besides the inconvenience of getting everything changed. :lol:
     
  26. Japanfan

    Japanfan Well-Known Member

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    I prefer Ms. for all the previously mentioned reasons.

    What is even worse than Mrs. is when people call you Mrs. HIS LAST NAME without your first name in the title.

    Even worse, Mrs. HIS FIRST NAME HIS LAST NAME.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2014
  27. Skittl1321

    Skittl1321 Well-Known Member

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    Etiquette wise, I think that is correct though. A lot of etiquette books say it is wrong to use Mrs. with the woman's first name.
    It's not really modern usage, as women get their own names :)
     
  28. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Anyone who ever tries that with me is getting a punch in the face. :revenge:
     
  29. AnnieD

    AnnieD Active Member

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    I'm a teacher and it does my head in when kids repeatedly refer to me as Mrs... instead of Miss. Even kids I've taught for several years do it occasionally - which normally leads to my class yelling "She's not married!" in chorus at whoever the offender is!
     
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  30. Japanfan

    Japanfan Well-Known Member

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    I've only been given that title by my father-in-law and father, when they sent cards. I wanted to return the cards to sender, saying no such person lives here.

    To make it all the more annoying, I never even changed my last name to my husband's last names.

    Telemarketers used to call asking for Mrs. MY FIRST NAME - based on the name that used to be listed in the phone book - I always enjoyed telling them there was no Mrs. here!