I got engaged! Unfortunately....

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by woodstock, Dec 26, 2011.

  1. woodstock

    woodstock New Member

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    Pre-engagement (weeks ago when he started making comments on my small hands). "yes dear, I have small fingers, size 6. I can't really wear big jewelery so anything larger than a 1/2 carat solitare would be too big for me". And on my favorites toolbar, right on top of my computer, for 3 months now, I've had three different rings linked. On the toolbar it even says "diamond" and "bridal". I mentioned that to him today, and for all the times the man was on the computer with it staring in his face at the top of the screen...he never clicked on those sites. Other than placing a printed picture right in front of his face, I put out a lot of indicators on my preferences for a ring.

    I couldn't find the exact ring online but this is the most similar design to what he got me only that the wings are smooth crescent shaped with pointy tips and the spine is small diamond chips and the band wraps around from the lower tip of the body and connects into the middle of one wing.

    http://www.100silver.com/p-51797-ch...er-of-pearl-wings-pendant-approx-34-wide.aspx


    Plain and simple, it's fashion jewelery. I want to beat the salesperson who told him any ring can be an engagement ring. NOBODY even realizes I'm engaged, I wore it for a whole hour at Christmas dinner before my aunt even asked about my new ring. Nobody has said anything more than "um, that's nice. It's pretty". My mother called it costume jewelery from QVC (first thing out of her mouth when I had to POINT OUT to my family that I was engaged, not "congratulations" , not "it's beautiful, I'm so happy for you". Nope the FIRST thing out of my mothers mouth was "it looks like costume jewelry from QVC"). Another person said TO MY FACE that technically people have gotten engaged with rings from bubble gum machines. One of the patients at work (not dementia, just bluntly honest in the way some old people are since they're too old to care) said "what, was he too cheap to buy you a real ring?". My fiance is not the one getting these remarks. He's nowhere around when it's being said. He says he doesn't care, but he's not the one trying to excitedly show off an engagement ring and getting hurt repeatedly in return. It's ruining the moment in a big way. Maybe he'd feel different if it was his family who saw what he gave me and was blatantly derogatory about it to his face. But he's far away when I'm getting these comments about something that is supposed to be one of the most special pieces of jewelry in my life.

    And even worse it the very first thing I told him after I said yes, as he was still on one knee and opened the box and proudly asked "do you like it?" was a lie. The very first thing I did to my fiance was lie to him. What else was I to do?

    The one poster summed it up perfectly...I like figure skating too, but it doesn't mean I want a skate for my bridal set. I'm traditional, my fiance knows that. He got an idea and got stuck on it and all my words and comments prior to the engagement fell on deaf ears.

    I'm playing up the "the one wing tip is shredding my finger" card. He's upset and hurt. He insists the jeweler can fix it. I pointed out how much a wedding band will probably cost to custom set to this ring. He admitted that he didn't think of that. He says he wanted something special for me and is really stuck on me having this ring, even after I was literally crying to him about how people are saying not nice things about my ring and I'm having to specifically point out to everybody that I'm engaged since nobody has a clue due to the fashion style of the ring. He still insists that we should try to make this ring work and fix the finger shredding. He said no way could we get engaged without him having bought me a ring first, and insists on this one. I said it's okay if we had looked together for something that would be on MY finger for the rest of my life, but he said that it wouldn't have been romantic and he wanted to choose something perfect for me himself.

    It's so perfect that I'm crying alot. And I'm tired of all the hurtful comments. And all my engagement memories now involved shocked/pity faces, "what do you mean your engaged? where's the ring?" and mean comments. Especially from my own mother-"you need to get a lawyer before you get married to protect your finances, as obviously money is tight for him by the looks of your ring".

    He wanted to buy me a butterfly engagement ring. He obviously didn't search the internet as I found this within five minutes yesterday. http://www.callacut.com/viewitem.asp?idProduct=75&priceRange=0x999999&curPage=2 If it fits well, then it is PERFECT for me. I think it looks plenty bridal enough for my taste, it has the butterfly for what he wants me to have. It comes with a simple wedding band. The band and engagement can easily be worn separately or together, I won't always have to wear them together as I would a custom wrapped wedding band. And the main setting is around a 1/2 carat of diamonds.

    I told him I found a really nice ring. He refuses to even look at it. He says its only romantic if he chooses my ring. I was really close to telling him how unromantic it is that I've been in tears several times now over the romantic ring he chose for me. I love my fiance. I love that he truly doesn't give a crap at what people think or say- I wish I could be as self confident as that. But right now all my memories tied into this ring are: a lie to him, people looking upon it poorly and making rude comments or just giving "looks" that you just know are negative, a painful finger, and (I love my mother, but she can be a rude negative person, and despite me knowing she is rude and negative-her opinion still has great sway on my emotions) my memories of announcing my engagement to my family are all negative because they all reacted in a "what kind of engagement ring is that?" kind of way.

    I look at this ring and it makes me sad.
  2. Auntie

    Auntie New Member

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    Based on what you posted here, he truly doesn't give a crap about what you think or say either. I'm sorry that you feel guilty and embarrassed and sad about your ring and it sounds like you have every right to feel that way. If you this much disconnect as a couple about the ring I'd be wary about how you will handle the conflicts that occur during married life. :(
  3. rfisher

    rfisher Satisfied skating fan

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    Particularly, since you work in healthcare. To be honest, you'll probably stop wearing the engagement ring at work after the newness wears off. A plain band is much safer and easier to keep clean. Go with your job requirements. You'll be honest and his feelings won't be hurt either. You can keep the ring and wear it on special occasions if he insists. Go with work requirements. :)
  4. Nekatiivi

    Nekatiivi Well-Known Member

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    My heart really goes out for you woodstock!

    For the sake of your relationship I think it would be best to be honest with him and tell him how unromantic and hurtful it is that he dosen't care about your feelings in this matter at all. I would also point out that you did give him hints what kind of ring you would like to have and he dismissed all these hints. He can only blame himself for the situation.
  5. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

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    Getting engaged should be a joyous time. You should not be sad over the ring. It is sweet that your fiancée wanted to get you something unique, but he should save that for another occasion. You should have an engagement ring that you love, or at least like. The fact that it hurts you and is impractical, makes for an even more compelling reason to exchange it. My daughter has already told her boyfriend that he should take me with him whenever the time comes for choosing a ring. She has sent me photos of what she likes. If your fiancée can't afford a center diamond, he could get a traditional setting and put a semi-precious stone in it, for now. A diamond could go in later.

    I think you should be honest with him. I am sure that he would want you to wear the ring and if you can't wear the one he picked, he should understand.

    Congratulations! And I wish you great joy and happiness. But, exchange the ring. If you don't, you'll never be happy with it and will feel guilty for not wearing it.
  6. AndyWarhol

    AndyWarhol Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations!

    If you are going to spend your life with this man, you must be able to tell him you want a different ring. You deserve something you love and are going to be proud of.
  7. millyskate

    millyskate Well-Known Member

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    I think that's extremely unfair to the fiance. Men generally don't get hints, full stop. Unless he'd been told "I want a solitaire and don't like fashion style rings", he would not have understood. He, I'm sure, put a lot of thought and care into picking the ring, and in his mind, making it a surprise was romantic. His feelings are just as valid as the OP's. I'm not sure if he's been told about the family's reactions, but if he has that would have been completely crushing and devastating to him. Of course, he would react defensively.

    I think the ony people truly at fault in this story are the incredibly rude, insentive family members.

    There are two people in this, and dismissing his feelings is not going to help the overall situation. I think presentation is all important, and appealing to his romantic nature is quite possibly the way to move things forward. Rather than telling him what he did was unromantic and inadequate, say you appreciate his ring because of the thought that went into it. Nevertheless, you've got an unfulfilled dream of a princess style classic solitaire that is unfulfilled, and you'll always be a bit disappointed if that doesn't ever happen. Maybe suggest an anniversary / occasion where he could make that dream come true for you.
    His dream was picking out a special ring for you, don't break that for him.
  8. succubus

    succubus Well-Known Member

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    I don't know how to solve your ring issue, but I think your mom's being kind of a poop imo. Right or wrong, she could be a tad bit more constructive in her criticism.

    Best of luck to you and hope you soon are able to enjoy what's happening!
  9. Cupid

    Cupid Well-Known Member

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    When I got engaged, my mother looked at the ring and asked me if I were sure he bought it for me. I didn't know what she meant by that, and then she explained that maybe he bought it for someone else and it didn't work out and he had it anyways, and gave it to me. I guess she couldn't believe that someone would actually buy me a diamond ring!

    That ring is very lovely, appropriate as a wedding ring, resembles the butterfly he wants you to have, and YOU like it. Please return the ring he gave you. You will never look at it and feel happy, ever.

    Will it also only be romantic if you choose his wedding band? Will he have any say? Are you picking just a plain old gold band? If he insists you keep the ring he picked for you, I would get something equally inappropriate for him and see how he feels when the shoe is on the other foot. Maybe pick out a bumble bee or firefly, something to "match" the ring he gave you:shuffle:
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2011
  10. Louise

    Louise Banned Member

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    Does he have enough money to buy a more traditional engagement ring? If so, keep the butterfly for special occasions and wear the one you want all the time. The only time I've ever heard of a couple returning an engagement ring was when my friend realized that her fiance didn't spend three months salary on her ring, since she was led to believe that is common tradition. Her fiance made a bit over $100K/year and she expected a ring in the 25-30K range. I was appalled, never heard of that 'rule'. Has anyone else heard of that rule? I asked her if that meant three months pay after taxes, bills, insurance, house payments, etc and she was adamant that it was right off the top. (They are now divorced btw and she sold the ring for $20K).
  11. Cupid

    Cupid Well-Known Member

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    I just googled it and it said two-months' salary is a good starting point. :lol: Seems a little steep, especially if you made a good salary.

    Most people would be happy with a one-carat perfect/near-perfect diamond. Not sure what that goes for these days.

    I'm starting to think that maybe this is a prank on his part. To see whether she truly loved him enough to keep the ring and not say anything about it. Maybe he will present her with that ring she linked here on New Year's Eve?? I sure hope that's the case!
  12. cruisin

    cruisin Well-Known Member

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    Just wanted to add, that I agree with those who have said that anyone who was insensitive about the ring was inappropriate. The ring decision is between you and our fiancee. You are the only two that matter in this. But, that sad, you should be just as happy with the ring as he is. Yes, it was romantic and charming for him to get what he did. But, if you're unhappy, that defeats the gesture. If you can keep the ring and wear it on the other hand as a cocktail ring, that might solve the problem. If he can afford both.
  13. rjblue

    rjblue Re-registered User

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    Once again- I must reiterate- If this is such a big issue for you that you are crying for days- you should not be getting married.

    You and the man you love have made a decision that you love each other enough to commit for the rest of your life. What the Fcuk does a silly ring have to do with that!

    My wedding date was set for a year from when my husband and I decided to get married. My roommate said "You are not really engaged", because I didn't have a ring. We were students, and had better uses for our money than jewelry. We bought plain gold bands, and had a weekend at a nearby town for a honeymoon. SHE wouldn't marry her boyfriend until she could have a proper ring and honeymoon. She is divorced twice, and as I said- 30 years later, I still don't have a fancy ring.

    Stop thinking about this piece of jewelry (and other peoples reaction to it), and think about the man you want to make your life with.
    FunnyBut, HisWeirness, timing and 7 others like this.
  14. flyingsit

    flyingsit Well-Known Member

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    The whole "two months salary" cliche was actually started and promulgated by DeBeers, the diamond consortium. Not exactly an unbiased entity, but it was taken up and marketed by the bridal industry.

    A ring doesn't symbolize the depth of commitment, or actually being engaged, any more than an enormous wedding reception symbolizes how much two people love each other.
    rjblue and (deleted member) like this.
  15. Wyliefan

    Wyliefan Well-Known Member

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    The wedding-industrial complex strikes again. :rolleyes: I can't believe the expectations some women have. At this point I'd be over the moon if I could find a man who'd spend a week's salary on a ring.
  16. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

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    I'm still not willing to lay all of this at the fiance's feet - I mean, the constant crying?!? no wonder he's digging in his heels, it totally comes across like she's choosing other people over him - but I agree that this is a warning sign.

    There's no way to go back to the "it hurts my finger/it's not suitable for work" angle. It is obvious you don't like it and that you need a traditional ring. This is going to take work to ensure that neither of you feel resentment every time either of you looks at a ring that is supposed to symbolize love and a commitment.

    and ps, how about shooting some of this anger toward your mother? what a crass and ugly thing to say to a daughter on the announcement of her engagement.

    I can't believe people are suggesting she keep this ring AND get another engagement ring. Perhaps the right solution is that she keep this ring, but that she buy the ring that she will wear all the time and show to her family for approval. I definitely don't see why he should have to buy two rings.
    Habs and (deleted member) like this.
  17. MacMadame

    MacMadame Internet Beyotch

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    It's dumb.

    When I got engaged, there were lots of stories in the news about thieves cutting people's fingers off to steal their rings and I had lots of other things I'd rather spend my money on -- like computers and big screen tvs.

    I think we spent 1/2 month's household income on my ring. I had a stipulation that I didn't want to spend four figures on it so it was under $1000.
  18. FigureSpins

    FigureSpins New Member

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    My guess is that he couldn't afford a traditional diamond ring, so he bought you the most meaningful thing he could within his budget, assuming that you'd love it because he gave it so much thought. He's not willing to say that out loud, though, because of his pride, plus his ego is hurt because you didn't proclaim it to be perfect.

    My DH stupidly gave me a pretty gold cocktail ring for Christmas the year before we were engaged and I was incredibly disappointed that it was just a gift, not a proposal. Count your blessings that he didn't give you this ring without the proposal. I still remember opening that (bleeping) velvet box and feeling my heart drop when it wasn't what I expected, lol. (He still hasn't lived that faux pas down.)

    He chose my real engagement ring as a surprise and I love it, even though it's not what I would have chosen. It matches our wedding bands perfectly, although I don't wear it any longer. (I wear knit gloves to coach and the princess setting gets caught, pulling the tines away and loosening the diamond. I save the ring for special occasions instead.)

    In my opinion, a non-traditional engagement ring should be chosen together and both parties have to agree on the ring. My niece and her then-fiancee chose a beautiful antique square-cut aquamarine and it was/is perfect. She's not into jewelry or traditions -- they semi-eloped at a Japanese tea garden with only their parents and her sister present.

    Your "finger-killing" butterfly ring does sound like a cocktail ring moreso than an engagement ring, so you need to present it and say "We went with something non-traditional." It's the promise to marry that counts, moreso than a showy rock. (Yes, 2-3 months' salary is the Bridal Guide suggestion, courtesy of the jewelry industry. Ridiculous to start married life in debt, so use your own judgement.)

    In your case, the ring he presented is impractical and you can't wear it at work. You didn't want a non-traditional ring, so you're not willing to explain/defend it right now. He feels you're being ungrateful.

    Go back to the jeweler with him and see what they can do about making it less painful and more practical. Admire the rings you do like and try to have a frank discussion about how important this is to you. Be willing to compromise on the style, the stone, the cost, etc. Ask him to compromise because it matters to YOU, putting aside others' opinions and the comments you've received. This is between the two of you and what you both want.

    ITA that the crying is not a sign of readiness for marriage. Some pre-marital counseling is definitely in order, sooner, rather than later. Know that, if the engagement is broken over this stumbling block, it wasn't meant to be in the first place. Better to find out that you aren't compatible before the wedding. If the woman breaks off the engagement, she should give back the ring. Appropriate since he likes it so much.
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2011
  19. Garden Kitty

    Garden Kitty Tranquillo

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    I'm concerned that the majority of your post focuses on other people's reactions to the ring and the rude comments that your family made. You acknowledge that your fiance is hurt and upset, but that seems to be a minor point and in fact you indicate that he should have people saying rude things to him about the ring as well.

    You say you love him, but the focus on the engagement seems to be on telling other people and having them be impressed by the ring rather than on the life you're building with him. Depending on other people's opinions and reactions for your own joy is rarely a recipe for a happy life.

    His refusal to consider changing the ring or seeming oblivious is also a bit troubling, but I don't know what he's thinking about all this. Are you sure that in your comments about the ring, the underlying message about really valuing him and wanting to be with him are coming through?

    I'm sorry that what should have been a happy time for you has turned into a source of worry and unhappiness. I understand the ring is important to you and I hope you can find a solution that works for both of you, but don't let the ring overshadow the other good things going on at this time.
  20. victoriaheidi

    victoriaheidi New Member

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    Agree with everything.

    Also, I don't think it's just woodstock who's coming across as not ready. His stubbornness over this is just...well, a definite character trait that will come up in the future.
  21. KCC

    KCC Active Member

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    I'm another one who only wears her engagement ring for special occasions. It is a traditional ring, but it catches on everything, is hard to wear with gloves, and feels bulky when I wear it with my wide-banded wedding ring. I like the look of it, but not the feel. My husband asks me periodically if I want a bigger diamond -- he sometimes thinks that I don't wear the ring because the stone is not big enough -- but I assure him that 1) I love what he got me, 2) a bigger stone would only catch on more things and be more uncomfortable and 3) I would not wear a bigger stone any more often than the current one. I love our wedding bands and am happy to not wear the diamond except for dressing up. It has been like this since we said "I do".
  22. Veronika

    Veronika gold dust woman

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    In my experience, other people have a lot to say when it comes to engagement rings. It really matter what the couple is comfortable--but it's obvious that Woodstock is not happy with the ring, and that needs to be fixed.

    I got engaged with a simple (yellow) gold band, which looked a lot like a wedding band. It was a promise ring of sorts--I got it at the beginning of April and we got the "real" ring in June that year. We picked out the "real" ring together--I wanted something non-traditional, so we decided on an aquamarine center stone. My ring is lovely, and I've gotten many compliments on it--it's oval and about 1.5 carats with diamond side stones (probably .25 carats of diamonds.) It's very big when you compare it to a diamond ring...but the stone has a tiny chip in it, so I don't wear it every day. I have a diamond wedding band that I wear every day.

    My sister is the one that suggested I could go with a non-diamond center stone on my engagement ring...but she seems to have forgotten this. She keeps saying that I can inherit my mom's diamond when she passes away...never mind that my mom's diamond is a marquise cut and I don't really like those. ;) My sister makes the fact that I don't have a diamond some sort of deal, and I don't really get why.

    My advice to Woodstock--fight for what you want, up to a point. The ring should not be a deal-breaker.
  23. nubka

    nubka Well-Known Member

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    ITA!
  24. WindSpirit

    WindSpirit OmnipresentAdmeanistrator

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    Very nice-looking ring and it does look like an engagement ring.

    He may not care what they think, but he should care what you think. You love him, you appreciate the fact that he tried to find something special, but for many reasons, you are unhappy with that ring. And I'm sure it's not what he tried to accomplish here.

    You guys need to meet halfway. You have your own traditional ideas about engagement rings and he has his. You want a traditional-looking ring, he wants to give it to you in a traditional way. How about you talk to a good friend of his, maybe someone from his family if they're close, who could help connect your ideas? If they talked to him and showed him that other ring (that you had seen and approved), better yet a few to choose from so he'd make the choice in the end, maybe that would be easier for him to swallow?

    As a person who's very particular about my jewelry, I like to choose my own. I'm not comfortable wearing something I don't like. I don't care if it's expensive (I'm not crazy about diamonds either, I just don't get the appeal), I just have to like it. I would definitely want to like my engagement ring and would like to have at least some say into choosing it. I would be unhappy if I didn't like it. So I don't think you're crazy or unreasonable. Yes, it's just a ring, but it's a symbol, too. And it should make you feel happy.

    BTW, all those people making those negative comments are out of line. They should be supportive of you and your fiance, not trying to put you down or make fun of you. OK, so he didn't buy you exactly what you wanted, but he tried. Men are generally clueless when it comes to stuff like that (those bookmarked pages that you left for him, babes, that never works! :lol:), so it is sweet that he tried to make it special. Hopefully he can be guided into making a tad better choice that would make you and him happy. After all, it's about making each other happy. Right now, you're not happy. Whatever his ideas about rigs are, he should try to make you happy. And you should try not to hurt his feelings, so thread carefully. Congratulations, by the way. Hopefully you'll be able to chuckle about it years later and it'll make a good story for you children, if you plan any, or your family in general. Best wishes to you both.
  25. Southpaw

    Southpaw Saint Smugpawski

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    I said she should keep this one for special occassions and get a different everyday ring because by the way she described it sounds like those butterfly wings stand a good chance of getting caught on something one day and snapping off. If that were to happen it would upset both of them all over again. It just doesn't sound like a ring that is built to withstand the rigors of daily life.

    I think emotions need to settle down a bit before any attempt is made to resolve this and negotiate a compromise. The fiance is obviously feeling rather defensive right now, probably because his masculine pride is hurt and when a man is in that state it's no time to try to negotiate a deal with him.
  26. orbitz

    orbitz Well-Known Member

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    At this point I'm sure the fiancee is well aware that his future bride is very, very unhappy with the engagement ring. Right or wrong, I'm sure he will feel the pressure to try and rectify it and probably will.
  27. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Exactly. "Romantic" means different things to different people, and keeping quiet while your man just does things for you isn't part of my definition. :lol: At the same time....

    It sounds like everyone in woodstock's life is being a poop. I mean, criticizing her ring immediately upon the news that she's getting MARRIED??? :scream: I don't want to know these people!

    Not to mention the fiance refusing to listen and woodstock crying over how she doesn't like her ring. Everyone's being a poop!

    My bf is very very considerate to me, but he doesn't get hints. :lol: I have to tell him full-stop what I want. I think many men are like this, or at least the men in my life. Doesn't mean they're not good partners, yeesh. There's a lot more to relationships than that.

    THIS THIS THIS THIS! :respec:

    I want to marry you rjblue. :lol:
  28. danceronice

    danceronice Corgi Wrangler

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    If it's nearly flawless? Two months' salary would be good unless he makes a LOT of money. A perfect one-carat is going to set you back. (Not as much as a true ruby, sapphire, or heaven help you, emerald, because real stones rather than synthetics are rarer than diamonds, but a LOT.) Unless you cheat and get a bunch of little stones that add up to a carat.

    Woodstock, that ring you linked to is gorgeous. Be honest with him. It's that or you're going to end up not wearing it, especially if you're working with patients who are a danger of ripping jewelry off.
  29. WindSpirit

    WindSpirit OmnipresentAdmeanistrator

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    I have but I think it's stupid. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with anything too expensive. I don't want to worry about getting robbed or damaging or losing it. The more expensive it would be, the less often I would wear it so what's the point? I can't imagine accepting a 25-30K ring. Maybe if I was leading a Hollywood star life then I wouldn't care, but to me that's an obscene amount of money to spend on jewelry. But then again, some people really like jewelry. It's their thing.

    If I were your friend, I'd be perfectly happy with a 5K ring. BTW, did she even like the ring she got and only decided to return it because it wasn't expensive enough? What happened to them? Frankly, if I were the guy I would break off the engagement. Alas, many people, including many women, are like that. They like expensive stuff because it's a status thing. I have family like that. They've turned "Keeping up with the Joneses" into art. They like many things just because they're expensive. I couldn't give a shit which brings me problems too when some guys can't understand why their "charms" (aka material possessions) are not working and they get very frustrated. "I don't understand women!" - "You mean, you don't understand it when your luxury car doesn't impress women?" :shuffle:
  30. Really

    Really No longer just a "well-known member" Yay!

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    The cost of the ring means squat. My engagement ring was $250 because we were students and broke. We were engaged for a month before I got a ring. Big deal. Next August we will celebrate our 30th anniversary.
  31. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Seriously. I love working with my hands and I wouldn't dare wear anything very large or expensive on my fingers. I imagine the women who want expensive rings don't do anything with their hands aside from getting their nails done. :lol:

    I loooove uber-luxury brand cars myself (Lamborghinis, Ferraris), but only because they're such drool-worthy beautiful cars. Couldn't care less about the douchebags who drive them out in public. ;)
  32. succubus

    succubus Well-Known Member

    Joined:
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    1,160
    I just can't fathom the friends/family saying nasty things about her ring. My girlfriend's engagement ring is a gorgeous giant blue topaz in a rectangle antique setting. She's gotten a lot of 'wow, that's different' but never any of the shittiness Woodstock appears to be getting. Secretly, I'm a little envious of that ring - I have a sweet and conventional solitaire which I wouldn't trade for the world because it's from the man I love more than anything, but I look at her ring and think 'how gorgeous and unique'. ;)

    Plus all of this is really bullshit in the grand scheme of things. It's just a ring -I'd examine my own reaction, his reaction, and my family's reaction to it to see what's going on under the surface here.
  33. Desperado

    Desperado Active Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    562
    I could just be imagining this, but I'd be curious to find out how woodstock's family felt about the fiance before the ring giving. It could be that the ring is a catalyst for a lot of feelings felt by everyone right now.
  34. jadingirl

    jadingirl New Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2003
    Messages:
    118
    So what is your budget for a ring? If the ring he got contains diamond chips I assume it is 1000$ or less - it sounds like he got you the best blingingest ring he could for that money hence the reason it is large. Tell him you want to keep it but can't wear it and that you would like to choose a wedding band set that includes a small diamond ring that you can wear daily. You should be able to but a set for 1000$ easily at a chain jewelry store.

    A friend of mine got a huge diamond from her man but it was not a good quality one (though I would never say that to her) it was very dirty looking not a lot of sparkle but it was at least 1 carat or more. It was obvious he wanted to buy her the biggest ring he could not the best quality and it sounds like maybe that's what your fiance did too.
  35. Wyliefan

    Wyliefan Well-Known Member

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    17,647
    That sounds so pretty. I think I'd like something like that. Diamonds are gorgeous, but when everyone has them in engagement rings, sometimes I think it might be fun to be a little different. :)
  36. Veronika

    Veronika gold dust woman

    Joined:
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    That, and you can get something much bigger and nicer than a diamond if you get a gemstone instead. The price difference is dramatic.
  37. victoriaheidi

    victoriaheidi New Member

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    I definitely thought about this, too.
  38. Angelskates

    Angelskates Well-Known Member

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    I think this says more about you than your fiancé. He found a unique ring and you look at it and it makes you sad? What about what the ring represents to you as a couple, as in that he LOVES you enough to find something unique and special, and that he wants to spend his life with you? Any ring can be an engagement ring because an engagement is not about a piece of jewellery and the fact your focus is, bothers me. I honestly think if others loved it, you'd love it. I don't think your problem is with the ring at all, but your focus on the ring and what other people think of it, is sad - and IMHO a huge indication that you are not ready for marraige.
  39. michiruwater

    michiruwater Well-Known Member

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    I'm a bit perplexed that, apparently, the fact that woodstock got a ring she a) doesn't like, at all, and from what she's said she wouldn't have really loved even if people were gaga all over it, b) has heard all sorts of really nasty shit about, c) actually physically hurts her, and d) her fiancee is apparently too stubborn to do a thing about, regardless of A-C, and that e) she is therefore severely upset about something that she's likely been waiting for for a very long time and wanted to be this big, joyous, happy occassion but is instead a pile of shit.... means that she clearly shouldn't be getting married at all. Wow. Seriously, guys?

    Yeah, some of you were able to bone up when you weren't able to have the traditional engagement rings, which is great. I assume you talked about that with your fiancees and understood that from the get-go, as well. I don't get any indication that woodstock had any reason to expect anything less than something traditional, in this case, and in this society engagement rings are, as stupid as it is, considered to be quite important. Considering the verbal abuse she's getting from all these people her fiancee isn't dealing with, I can hardly blame her from crying. She's not just crying because she doesn't like the ring. She's crying because this entire situation is never what a girl wants when she's been dreaming of her engagement for probably her whole life. It's supposed to be this big, happy, joyous thing, and everyone is treating it crappily. That's awful.
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2011
    mag, WindSpirit, Angela-Fan and 3 others like this.
  40. victoriaheidi

    victoriaheidi New Member

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    Look, I'm not saying she shouldn't get married. I'm saying that she AND her fiancé don't appear to exhibit the maturity necessary to marry. I'm sorry she didn't get the ring she expected; I'm also sorry she's hurt by it, physically. And I'm sorry she's putting up with some jerky relatives. But you know what? Disappointment happens in life. And I'm sorry if it's supposed to be some "big joyous thing," but life doesn't go as planned 95% of the time. It just seems like she's more concerned about the physical object than the engagement, and if she can't move past this and get to the happiness of "so what, I'm still engaged!", then no, I don't think anyone's out of line in saying that she's not mature enough to handle a marriage.