How would you resolve this conflict?

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Alex Forrest, Nov 23, 2012.

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  1. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    :rolleyes:
     
  2. Ozzisk8tr

    Ozzisk8tr Well-Known Member

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    As in you want names? I can think of a few from around here...;)
     
  3. misskarne

    misskarne #408

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    Gotta love how you start changing the story as soon as you get unfavourable responses...
     
  4. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    Seriously? Can you give an example of me 'changing the story'? I added more detail, but this isn't rocket science, it's pretty straight-forward. And it's over now. Please show me an example, otherwise I'd think you are just a troll.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2012
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  5. misskarne

    misskarne #408

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    It was one of the main points in the "story" that I took issue with.

    We went from this originally:

    And then, when you started getting some unfavourable responses, you changed the story to this:

    So which is it?
     
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  6. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    Thank you for quoting me. I mean it. It shows character that you responded. Okay, I was loose on the word "afford". You are right. I can 'afford' to write a $500 check in the same manner that he could afford to pay me $100. I'd feel the pinch if I had to pay up $500, but probably not $100. But he'll feel it at $100. And so maybe 'afford' is the wrong term. He's not going to miss a car payment, turn off the electric to cover this. He just won't be going out for a week or two.

    Thank you for responding. I hope I clarified things, I haven't changed anything wrt this incident.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2012
  7. misskarne

    misskarne #408

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    Ah. I see. More hyperbole.
     
  8. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    Is this to me? Haha, yeah, I probably personally know over 20 people on FSU. Some even respond to my posts. What's your point?
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2012
  9. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    Really? Give me an example.
     
  10. misskarne

    misskarne #408

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    I meant that your references to your friend's financial status was hyperbole.
     
  11. taf2002

    taf2002 flower lady

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    A week or two? Where do you live that you only spend about $50 when you go out? I need to live there.

    Alex, one reason people take issues with your posts is not to be mean but because you tend to be overly dramatic & sometimes your details can be picked apart. $120 for gym clothes...OMG that's a fortune!!! Nevermind that good yoga pants can cost more than that. And where I live gym memberships aren't cheap...so your friend can afford that but would have trouble paying $100?

    Maybe I'm a suspicious person but I find it let's say odd that you often mention how comfortable financially you are. It's verging on bragging.
     
  12. kwanfan1818

    kwanfan1818 I <3 Kozuka

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    Move to Vancouver BC: it's very easy to do dinner and a movie for one on $50, and that even includes a glass of wine. Or a cover charge and a few drinks at a club. The monthly gym membership at the practically new Y, with a beautiful pool and great equipment in the middle of town on Burrard Street, is $56/mo, or $46/mo for under 35.

    Although this is the land of lululemon, I've never spent $120 on a gym outfit, let alone a pair of yoga pants, but $120 sounds right for a nice gym outfit from looking at the prices at the nearby Running Room and the locally made One Tooth Activewear.
     
  13. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    Well, I did not realize I came across as bragging. The reason why I mentioned that our incomes are disparate is because I first felt guilty about asking him to pay so much that he would rather spend on other things. I don't recall bragging any other time. Like I said upthread, the reason why I revealed how much the outfit cost wasn't to be "ooo look at how expensive my clothes are!!!" it was to give a perspective on what was thrown out. I work out most days in a wife beater and cheap shorts (and yes, a bandana, haha) that come from Goodwill because I don't like to spend alot of money on workout clothes that constantly get dirty and need to be washed. I've never said what kind of car I drive, how much my house is, or what my income is. FWIW, I drive a 7 year old car that I paid $12K for, and I usually don't spend $50 when I go out, which I think is alot for one night. I don't usually drink when I go out because I don't like to spend $12 for a glass of wine. I'd rather buy a 5L box of Franzia for the same price. I mentioned how I buy clothes at Goodwill, which is hardly bragging. I'll be more careful in the future though, because I didn't realize it could be interpreted that way.

    On second thought, Taf, weren't you the one who got all nasty and accused me of bragging because I once posted that I gave $1000 to a charity? I think it was the homeless senior in HS who was working 50 jobs and her school expelled her for missing so much class, and I posted that I gave to her fund to encourage others. Certainly it wasn't to brag to strangers on the internet, most of whom I will never meet. You probably also shouldn't go on the Oksana/WMA thread because I also mentioned that I sponsored a girl in my neighborhood to make a point about Galina's treatment of Oksana. It wasn't to brag. In real life I would never mention what I contribute. No one in my neighborhood knows I helped this family out, unless they said something. So maybe I should just take it with a grain of salt and recognize the source. And I find it odd that you would think I'm bragging. I mean really, for what purpose??? I know only a few people on FSU in real life, and the rest I will probably never meet. I don't really care at all what people on an anonymous message board think of me, good bad or indifferent, and I certainly don't have a desire to brag to or try to impress people I'm never going meet. It sounds more like jealousy, and that's your issue.

    And the unfortunate thing about message boards is so much is left open to assumptions and different interpretations. This was not a dramatic situation, it was resolved quickly and it's back to normal. I was upset, sure, I think most people would have been upset if someone threw away their property in a thoughtless act. I wasn't whining or crying with my friend and making it seem like the end of the world was coming. The situation seems to have come across totally differently on this board then how it transpired IRL. Maybe because I only post about issues or problematic situations does it seem that I'm dramatic. Believe me, my life is pretty dull and boring. Why start a thread about how I slept in, had lunch, had a good time with friends and am now going to sleep? That's what Facebook is for. haha. So when you don't know me IRL and all you see is me looking for advice on how to solve a problematic situation, I guess I could come across as dramatic and have a life filled with problematic situations.

    To answer another question upthread, if he had washed my clothes and the dryer burnt them or other clothes bled and ruined my clothes, if he said "Alex, I am so sorry" I'd let it go. I was almost going to let this go, but the more I thought about it the more annoyed I was. And that he never said "I'm sorry" really upset me.

    I'd really like to know if anyone here would have thrown out the clothes if they were in the same situation? Fess up. I don't think anyone will, because it is inexcusable.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2012
  14. taf2002

    taf2002 flower lady

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    I'm not sure what I would have done if the clothes were really stinky because I am really sensitive to smells. My husband bought me a fragrance thing for my car & I put it in the trunk so it wouldnt' be too strong but I had to remove it because the smell was choking me. He said he couldn't even smell it. You say the clothes were wet...wet clothes mildew really quickly and at that point (when they really start smelling even worst) I would have a problem even handling them at all & sure wouldn't want them in my garage on or my porch. But if that was your friend's problem he should have said so. Maybe he didn't want to appear too whimpy. Either way, it may have been a thoughtless solution but I wouldn't call it unexcusable.
     
  15. VALuvsMKwan

    VALuvsMKwan Wandering Goy

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    Oh for fcuks sake, Miss Thing...drama queen much? :rolleyes:
     
  16. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes Alex, I think you take parts of TV/Movies/Books/Entertainment Columns to make up stories and post it just to get attention/drama. Then when the story lines start to get criticism, you change it and can not make it consistent. This is why people "see you as dramatic

    You went to the gym with friend, you left your clothes in someone's car, you abandoned that friend to hook up with other friends, friend goes home, you don't call friend, friend gets angry and throws clothes away, you request monetary compensation, you get compensation for lost clothing, you still want apology, friend didn't offer one. You and friend have plans for Thanksgiving dinner. This friend is more than a casual friend - you have given friend access (key) to your home in the past. I don't know anyone who gives a casual/gym friend a key to their house.

    It isn't about the clothes - it's about the nature of the relationship. You both are drama queens. You don't like the advice or the lack of sympathy, I am sure his side of the story has major drama too.
     
  17. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    You really think that's being a drama queen? Huh. If someone shows you that they have no respect for your property, and has a callous streak, you'd let them alone in your house? I say it is being wise to not give them 100% access. I alluded to a few things this person has done before that have already made me a bit mistrustful. Well, one of those things was that one time I accidentally forgot to log out of my FB on his computer, and when he got on the computer he posted a really embarassing status on my page. "I am a raging lioness in heat, and I need five black men to come over right now and tame me". It might have been funny if it was on Grindr or something, but many of my coworkers and family members are friends with me and it was embarassing. He didn't apologize, but just said I had no sense of humor, which I think was callous. Plus the lack of respect for my privacy bothered me. So that's a little bit more to the backstory. There already was a sense of mistrust, but I didn't blow that out of proportion at the time either, it was sort just a 'note to self be more careful with your email/Fb'. So there's more to the story, as there always is.

    And Taf, I respect that you and many others have issues with smells. But there were other options, like just putting the bag outside or in the garage, or yes, even wash them since he washed his clothes that day. The clothes weren't drenched, they were just sweaty. Throwing them out without at least giving me a warning seems harsh. And part of me suspects he did that because he knew how much I liked that outfit. I stood taller in them, felt more attractive, and felt much better about myself in them. I suspect he picked up on that, and threw them out to be spiteful or passive aggressive. Yeah, great friend, right? But that is only a suspicion. I can't read his mind, so I'm going to not think about it like that.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2012
  18. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

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    Yes, you're a drama queen. It's actually quite funny so keep on posting.
     
  19. Twilight1

    Twilight1 Well-Known Member

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    I have to agree about the drama. I would have been disappointed that a friend threw out nice work out clothes but I would have gotten the frack over it.
     
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  20. mag

    mag Well-Known Member

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    I find it interesting that AF usually works out on old clothes from good will, but on the one day he leaves his wet, mildewing clothes in his friends car and they get thrown out, he is wearing expensive work out wear. As Arsenio Hall used to say, "Things that make you go hmmm."
     
  21. allezfred

    allezfred Old and Immature Admin Staff Member

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    As did C&C Music Factory......
     
  22. PrincessLeppard

    PrincessLeppard Pink Bitch

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    EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!

    c'mon, let's sweat....
     
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  23. escaflowne9282

    escaflowne9282 Well-Known Member

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    This reminds me, I was super greedy this Thanksgiving, so I think I'm gonna do the elliptical for about an hour today.
     
  24. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    Well, I usually only work out at the gym 3 times per week, sometimes more if I'm not too tired. I didn't regularly wear that outfit, because I didn't want to have to wash it so much, so maybe a couple times a month. Yeah, it was bad luck that I was wearing that on the one day I left the clothes in his car. I also have two other workout outfits that are very nice too that I wear when I want a boost. It's not like the one that got thrown out was the one and only nice workout outfit I have. I've left clothes at his house several times before though, and never had them thrown out. So this situation was not the one time I ever left something with him. It's not a big deal. I just won't ever leave anything at his home anymore. Problem solved. Moving along.
     
  25. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

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    You sure tried to make it one.
     
  26. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    Maybe you interpreted it that way. That isn't how it played out in the real world. Sorry to post my feelings on here. I figured an anonymous message board gave me a cover to vent and get advice without getting my friends involved. I got the advice, and dealt with the situation without much drama. Even when I called him I was calm and just said "You know, X, I'm pretty upset that you did this, and I do think that you should reimburse me for those items". He obviously agreed, and came over in a few minutes. I expressed to him how my feelings were hurt, and we moved on. I think that's what adults do. No drama, no raised voices or accusations or "HOW COULD YOU?!"s, just a resolution of a simple conflict.
     
  27. Sparks

    Sparks Well-Known Member

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    Look back at the thread title. You asked...
     
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  28. michiruwater

    michiruwater Well-Known Member

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    I just want to clarify, AF, that my issues with what you posted had nothing to do with your issues with what your friend did. I would never have thrown out the clothes, and I think your friend/acquaintance/whatever was completely in the wrong. What I took issue with was you being melodramatic, per usual, by using the word 'sociopath', and continuing to bitch about how you planned on cutting out said friend after he compensated you for the items he threw out.

    And I mean, just now you post that you resolved it when he paid you, but then there are multiple posts on this thread where you made it clear it was not at all resolved. You're inconsistent and dramatic and it's irritating.

    And you've been told this before, in the equally melodramatic, hyperbolic thread about your dad on that ridiculous dating website, but if you post crap like this on a public message board you should probably expect people to tell you things you don't want to hear. Duh.
     
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  29. taf2002

    taf2002 flower lady

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    You're absolutely correct. Case in point:

    "He obviously agreed, and came over in a few minutes. I expressed to him how my feelings were hurt, and we moved on."

    You moved on???? You didn't even let him in the door! I don't call that moving on. I guess if he had groveled it would have been alright. :drama:
     
  30. Alex Forrest

    Alex Forrest Banned Member

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    Yeah, I suppose you are correct. I do put it out there don't I, but I am thick-skinned enough. I don't mind hearing things I don't want to hear. I never should have said he was like a sociopath, that was pushing it. I did get some very good advice here, and I thank those that offered it to me. Had I not posted this thread, I probably would have not have asked to be reimbursed and just let it go, and simmer in private. In real life I avoid conflict like the plague, and so many times I just let things go. I've started becoming more assertive little by little so I don't feel shat on. I am pleased with the way it all worked out, so thanks for helping out. I finally got ahold of my parents earlier and told them what happened, and my Mom's response was "What in the world?!!" and she was appropriately dumbfounded and angry like I was. It sucks what happened, but it's over, we hung out today no problems. And I know that no matter what I write on here, there are going to be many people who will be automatically insulting and looking for the worst. It's not a 'duh' for me, I expect it. My posting history has not been the nicest or the most sound so I do deserve it, but I've tried to change that, and have left mostly negative comments off of here. Trying to live more in line with "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." It's more enjoyable that way. I've enjoyed the feedback, and try to improve myself. So thanks.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2012
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