How would you react?

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by Aussie Willy, Jul 10, 2011.

  1. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2005
    Messages:
    18,017
    As I raced to get a lift at a shopping centre, some guy who was already in there made a comment about how I looked like a woman on mission to spend up big on my credit card. I was actually in a rush because I was grabbing a bite to eat before I had to go somewhere else.

    Anyway my response was reply quite indignantly "Sorry but I am not your stereotypical woman". He was kind of taken aback because he thought he was being funny and made some comment about his assumption which I said was pretty bad one.

    Would you react the same way? Should I have taken it with good humour or and give him the benefit of the doubt? Or should he be called to account for making a statement that is not true of all people of a certain gender?
    julieann and (deleted member) like this.
  2. PrincessLeppard

    PrincessLeppard Pink Bitch

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2003
    Messages:
    22,007
    I would've laughed it off, though to be fair, if there was a good sale, I may have been in rush to buy something. :shuffle:

    You could've just said something like, "Not all women are like that, you know," without getting indignant.
    BigB08822 and (deleted member) like this.
  3. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2003
    Messages:
    30,181
    I hate people who make asinine comments because they think they're being funny. I probably would have said something far more rude to him.
    kwanfan1818 and (deleted member) like this.
  4. Tinami Amori

    Tinami Amori Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2003
    Messages:
    9,584
    It depends on few other factors…..

    I would make a mental note that he is stereotyping. Although when there are big sales at Malls or Department stores, as we see it on TV, it is mostly women who rush the doors…

    Depending on his age, appearance, facial expression, tone of voice and perhaps body language, I might have also thought he is either flirting or just being a wise arse…

    If a guy in a shopping centre would say to me that I looked like a woman on a mission to spend up big on my credit card, I would say “yes, very much in a hurry to buy a new tie and cufflinks for my new handsome secretary”.
  5. milanessa

    milanessa engaged to dupa

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Messages:
    18,917
    Wouldn't have bothered me at all - I probably would have just given him a genuinely quizzical smile.
  6. smurfy

    smurfy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    4,755
    I like your response. Clever. I always wonder why people say stuff like he did. So strange, makes an odd first impression.
  7. Capella

    Capella Guest

    I would probably be instantly paranoid (I hate elevators, and being in one with some strange man wouldn't help) and say something about not having any money to spend, just meeting a friend who's treating for lunch. And hope he doesn't rob or kill me.
  8. Aceon6

    Aceon6 Get off my lawn

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2005
    Messages:
    6,049
    I'm one to respond, although my on the spot ones very rarely match the one liners I come up with later. With benefit of thought "No, just racing to get the jaws of life to extricate your foot from your mouth."
  9. Tinami Amori

    Tinami Amori Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2003
    Messages:
    9,584
    What if he is cute and will be good for an hour of entertainment and flirting?... never hurts to say "I'll start spending now by buying you lunch... "...
  10. orbitz

    orbitz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    9,820
    You can generally tell by a person's demeanor and tone of voice if he was joking or not. If the guy was clearly going for a light-hearted moment then I think it's unnecessary to "put him in his place", so to speak, with some smart-alecky reply; It just make you look like you need to take a chill pill :lol: But again, it depends also on what mood the recipient of the intended joke was in at the moment. Everyone has his/her moment.
  11. MacMadame

    MacMadame Internet Beyotch

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2005
    Messages:
    15,959
    I would have ignored him. I don't talk to crazy people.
  12. danceronice

    danceronice Corgi Wrangler

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Messages:
    6,461
    I'd have probably just laughed.
  13. Badams

    Badams Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,912
    I would have said "yes! There's a huge sale at the porn shop and today is grandma's birthday!"
  14. Garden Kitty

    Garden Kitty Tranquillo

    Joined:
    May 26, 2002
    Messages:
    25,021
    I'd probably have just said thanks for holding the elevator and otherwise ignored him. If he were trying to make a joke, no matter how lame, I'd probably have just smiled. Generally I try not to get too worked up over what strangers think when it will have no impact on my life.
  15. orbitz

    orbitz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    9,820
    Better make sure first that he either (1) isn't married or (2) that his girlfriend/boyfriend isn't standing a few inches behind him :lol:
  16. Cyn

    Cyn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Messages:
    21,222
    I'd have told him I was rushing because I had to pass gas really badly, and figured the lift was where it would be the most contained, sparing everyone else in the mall. :saint:
  17. taf2002

    taf2002 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2003
    Messages:
    13,832
    I wouldn't care if he was joking or not. I don't like when total strangers think they have the right to joke with me, plus his comment was not funny in the least. I think Aussie Willy reacted like I would except I wouldn't have thought of as good a comeback as she did.

    Or this.

    ETA: while we're on the subject, I can't stand to be called little lady, youngun', honey, darling, or the like. These are also demeaning, just like assuming all women are gaga for sales & shopping is. I despise shopping & I have to be forced into a mall. If I was rushing into an elevator it would probably be because I was rushing to get out of there.
  18. Holley Calmes

    Holley Calmes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,858
    I would have given him the "Southern Lady Freeze." This consists of stopping, looking at him like he was something you found on the bottom of your shoe, putting your nose slightly upwind, and with a slight shake of your head gone on your way as if he was of too little consequence to acknowledge. No mistake, he was after a response from you, and he was out to needle if not hurt. This was the "almost" kind of attack that men with no balls throw out there. I've listened to this crap all my life, and I do not think at all he was just trying to be cute. That was a stereotypical put down, and if he said it in a cute way, he was just trying to get away with being an ass and having an easy cop-out if you called him on it. You can never win by saying anything back to these jerks. Just put the f***** in his place without saying a word. He'll get the message.
  19. nubka

    nubka Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2006
    Messages:
    7,642
    Me too! :lol:
  20. Rex

    Rex Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2004
    Messages:
    25,850
    It doesn't sound like he was being intentionally offensive, but the comment sounds annoying, and a little patronizing. I think you said the right thing.

    So do I genevieve. I'm the type of person who minds their own business when I'm out in public getting personal tasks done. Don't like interruptions or snarky comments, especially when they are unsolicited.
  21. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2005
    Messages:
    18,017
    Thanks everyone. Some of you responses are brillant. It is moments like this that I wish I had the quickness of mind to come up with something really devastatingly Oscar Wilde funny. But it always happens after the event.

    Oh you are not the only one sweetie honey love darling (sorry! :D). Those people just really bug me. I let them do it three times and then I tell them how much I hate being called it. Usually in light hearted way, never in a pissed off way, but they usually get the message.

    The other one is a particular nickname that people give me (a variation on my actual name). There are some people I can accept it from but others I can't. I think it is those who assume a sense of familiarity with you that you would much rather them not have, who are the ones I hate doing it and I usually end up telling them so.
  22. Norlite

    Norlite New Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Messages:
    12,996
    Ugh, he's an ass of the worst kind. One who thinks he's clever but is just patronizingly stupid.

    I would have either ignored him, or given a :rolleyes:


    Also hate the honey, sweetie, dear names from a stranger.



    Comments which are more often than not insultive. Yet say something equally rude in return, and they get all offended.

    Fools.
  23. skateboy

    skateboy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Messages:
    4,245
    From what I can gather, he thought he was being funny. After all, he was inside the elevator and here you come, madly dashing to make it in there before the doors closed. He probably thought the whole thing was funny--if I saw you hightailing it in to the elevator, I might have thought so, too.
  24. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2005
    Messages:
    18,017
    Ah but the question is - would you say what he did?
  25. marbri

    marbri Hey, Kool-Aid!

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2001
    Messages:
    11,184
    You are female. You were in a shopping centre, a place people go to spend money. You were racing to get on an elevator. I would have laughed it off or ignored him, I wouldn't have dumped my issues on him ;)
  26. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2005
    Messages:
    18,017
    And your point is that the circumstances just lead to the inevitable conclusion that all I do in life is go shopping and spend money?

    I wouldn't construe challenging someone with a stereotype of a comeback to a comment that they placed on me without even knowing me as "dumping my issues on him". If I really wanted to dump on him I could have told him to f*ck off and stop being a pig ignorant sexist sh*thead. But I don't think that would have achieved much would it?
  27. Holley Calmes

    Holley Calmes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,858
    Why not? He was dumping his issues on AW!! Really! I can't believe you'd let this guy off the hook and chastise, though gently, AW for being disturbed by the encounter.

    OK, my response was to treat him like the insect he was and ignore him with frigid countenance, letting him know he's beneath contempt and not worth a sentence however clever or pithy. And I stand by that.
  28. orbitz

    orbitz Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    9,820
    When you take a risk and make a joke at/toward a stranger then you also take the risk that the intended might not take it well also. It happens. Big deal.
  29. triple_toe

    triple_toe Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2005
    Messages:
    1,172
    I probably would have laughed, unless his body language and tone clearly indicated he wasn't joking and was being a jerk. It was probably funny seeing you run towards the elevator in a big rush, and he was just trying to make a friendly joke.

    I don't know, YMMV obviously, but I can't imagine getting upset over a harmless little comment made in a joking fashion. Even if the joke wasn't funny, or you think it's in bad taste... are you ever going to see the guy again? Why bother to "put him in his place" or let him know you thought it wasn't a good thing to say? It's not like he flashed you his naughty bits or went on some rant about how women are inferior to men. I think your response came off more rude than his initial joke, to be honest.

    Mind you, I don't really think saying rude things to strangers is the way to go even if they said something rude to you first. Why fight rudeness with more rudeness? Be above that and just don't respond if his comment really bothered you that much. And then forget it and move on with your life. :confused:

    Also, maybe it's a Canadian thing, but I don't mind dear/honey/love at all, nor do I mind saying hello to strangers or striking up a conversation in the elevator. I almost always get a "What can I get for you, dear?" from the Tim Horton's server. I also usually talk to the cashier at the grocery store about the weather, tell him/her to have a nice day, etc. I find it more pleasant that way. Spread love not hate people! :lol:
    skatefan, Prancer, Habs and 5 others like this.
  30. Cyn

    Cyn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Messages:
    21,222
    Are you sure you aren't really from the Deep South (or were possibly a Southern Belle in a previous life)? :) ;)
  31. triple_toe

    triple_toe Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2005
    Messages:
    1,172
    Haha, maybe! I've come to realize that my attitude is not common everywhere, especially on the East Coast of the USA... I've gotten some funny looks :shuffle:. Although generally, people seem to think I'm harmlessly insane so they smile back! :lol:
  32. Japanfan

    Japanfan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2002
    Messages:
    12,773
    it would really depend on my mood at the moment. But if a man (or woman for that matters) judges me according to a negative or inaccurate gender stereotype, I might well get offended and reply with something snarky. Comments like that aren't too away from the stereotyped view that the man makes the money and the woman blows it on shopping, and I do find that offensive.

    I remember telling a male worker at the neighbourhood greengrocer that I hated shopping - they didn't have an ingredient I needed and I wasn't happy that I had to go to another store. The guy, who I knew to be a bit of a jerk, replied: "No way!! A woman who doesn't like shopping?"

    I just ignored him at the time, but on another day, I might have told him that in fact, yes, women exist who do not like to shop - it isn't genetic.
  33. Twilight1

    Twilight1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2001
    Messages:
    7,591
    I hate malls and shopping in general because of the crowds and people walking slow. I go from point a to point b very fast. I never window shop. I go in, grab what I need to grab then leave. The only exception is the book store. I could spend hours (and have) in a book store.

    If someone said that to me, I would look at them and tell them what I was really doing. If I needed to grab a quick bite, I would say that. I would say it in a good natured way, but stereotyping does drive me a bit crazy.

    My husband and I are the same about shopping. Do it as quick and as painless as possible.

    Christmas shopping is a nightmare to me...which reminds me I should start doing that asap so i don't have to deal with the crowds... lol!!
  34. allezfred

    allezfred Prick Admin Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2003
    Messages:
    42,749
    I agree with marbri and triple toe. Is it really worth getting worked up over a fairly innocuous comment from a complete stranger? I mean, you were at a shopping centre. :lol:
  35. Angelskates

    Angelskates Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2004
    Messages:
    12,791
    ITA. Why let yourself get annoyed? It's a waste of energy in my opinion.
    Habs and (deleted member) like this.
  36. marbri

    marbri Hey, Kool-Aid!

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2001
    Messages:
    11,184
    My point was to respond to your thread titled "How would you react?" I wouldn't overreact ;)
    FunnyBut and (deleted member) like this.
  37. FunnyBut

    FunnyBut Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2002
    Messages:
    4,357
    I would have let it go. Even you thought it was just an innocuous attempt at humor. When people are just trying to be friendly to me, I try to acknowledge the goodwill, if I think the intent is good. I understand the sexist overtones of what he said, I just think it's such a minor event, I'd smile politely and let it pass.

    Sorry, if the guy was me, I would have regretted that I didn't press close on the elevator door a bit faster. But again, I wouldn't have said 'damn, those elevator doors at this mall just don't close fast enough!' to your face. I would have given you the benefit of the doubt (had a bad day, in a rush etc), just as I think you could done that with him.
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2011
  38. sk9tingfan

    sk9tingfan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,944
    The biggest stereotyping happened to me when I was about 28 and living in Manhattan. My building had had gas main problems and Con Edison told the maintenance crew not to turn the gas back on until further notice. One of the maintenance turned it on before that and three apartments were severely blown out and three people died in the explosion. I was lucky enough to have been taking an exam at that time and missed the actaul explosion.

    I had some significant smoke damage to my clothes and had an insurance assessor come up to give me an estimate. He looked me up and down and said, "What's the matter, isn't living with Mommy and Daddy good enough for you?" implying that my parents were paying for my apartment's rent! I replied that I had been financially independent since I had been 17 and had this apartment because I was a nurse and needed to be near the hospital. Needless to say, the guy was so embarrassed that he upped my insurance estimate.

    I guess there will always be people who are judgmental.
  39. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2003
    Messages:
    30,181
    Because the comment is annoying?

    I wouldn't be ruminating over it after the fact, but a simple response to someone's ignorant joke takes no more energy than any other response.
    Rex and (deleted member) like this.
  40. pilgrimsoul

    pilgrimsoul Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2003
    Messages:
    336
    I'd have kept it short & sweet - "Heh, I wish!" I wouldn't bother to explain myself to him.