facebook etiquette

Discussion in 'Off The Beaten Track' started by backspin, Oct 10, 2010.

  1. backspin

    backspin Active Member

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    For those of you on fb--I'm quite sure this has happened to you too--how do you deal with it?

    I really want fb to be about keeping tabs on & keeping in touch with ACTUAL friends & family--People I know & care about.

    However, as I'm sure all you have experienced, I keep getting friend requests from people who fall outside that definition! Sometimes it's clients (I'm a freelance designer). I feel I cannot ignore those as they may take it personally. So I accept those, which means sometimes I have to be very careful about what I post, and sometimes I exclude those people from a post if it is more personal.

    Then there are the ones I went to high school with (apparently), who I have absolutely no recollection of, and don't even remember their name. This can at least be figured out by the 'mutual friends' thing, which helps you figure out how they even know who you are.

    THEN there are the people who happened to attend the same networking dinner as me 2 months ago. We did not meet, we did not speak, we were not introduced. But, they did pick up my business card, and now *bang* I get a friend request on fb.

    What do you do with these scenarios? Up until now I've simply accepted them, & hid them (I don't know you, I don't need to hear about your dog/kids/job/whatever). However that doesn't keep them from seeing all my posts, & it's a pain to have to select each time who sees what.

    I've been looking at the profiles of some of these "friends". Some of them have 200+ friend connections, and I'm certain would never miss me if I dropped off their list. So I'm thinking of "unfriending" some, figuring I won't be hurting feelings if they don't even realize I'm not on their list anymore.

    What do you do? How do you handle this kind of stuff? I know for some people on fb, it's "he who dies with the most friends wins" but I'm not one of those.
     
    deltask8er and (deleted member) like this.
  2. jp1andonly

    jp1andonly Well-Known Member

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    i dont add them. As a teacher I often get requests from students. I dont think so. Occasionally I add someone from my MS group but often delete them as i find we only had 1 maybe 2 conversations.
     
  3. nubka

    nubka Well-Known Member

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    I just don't add them.
     
  4. mmscfdcsu

    mmscfdcsu Skating Pairs with Drew

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    I don't either. If they are former or current students I also wonder what the hell they didn't comprehend when I was teaching ethics and boundaries. :rolleyes:
     
  5. PrincessLeppard

    PrincessLeppard Holding Alex Johnson's Pineapple

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    I have former students as friends. Since they are no longer my students, I don't see the problem. I don't post overly personal stuff, so it's not a big deal.

    However, I think now you can separate people into groups, so you could have "real friends," "clients," and "people I don't remember from high school." :D And then you can pick who sees what.

    Personally, I would go ahead and unfriend those people from high school you don't remember, and put the clients on their own list. But whatever feels comfortable to you. :)
     
  6. Spinner

    Spinner Where's my book?

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    What PL said, and keep this in mind--it's your personal page, so don't add people you don't know if you don't want to. You can't worry about others' delicate natures not being able to handle you ignoring their requests.
     
  7. Aussie Willy

    Aussie Willy Hates both vegemite and peanut butter

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    I don't bother with facebook anymore. As a skating judge I feel uncomfortable being friends with the kids I judge at skating, as much as I like them.
     
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  8. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

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    I do some of what princess says - put people in groups, although with changes facebook sometimes implements, I don't always feel like this is a good option.

    and I keep in mind Spinner's advice too..

    Having been in facebook wars, it is best to remember it is your page yet all that you post is on the internet.
     
  9. Wyliefan

    Wyliefan Well-Known Member

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    ^This.
     
  10. GaPeach

    GaPeach New Member

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    When co-workers ask to be my "friend"- I don't want to be their friend in real life. I joke I have a ten friend slot limit and I'm saving my tenth slot for Jeff Goldblum!:rollin:
     
  11. stanhope

    stanhope Active Member

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    For people that are not actual family or close friends, I put them on "limited profile," which I have set to show only my picture, email address, and city. That way, if they need to contact me, they can do so either through the email address they can see or through the facebook messaging system. I've found this works great with co-workers or other professional contacts. It also works wonderfully for those people from my past who are just that - in the past.
     
  12. numbers123

    numbers123 Well-Known Member

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    I don't let anyone see my address or email. If they are ones that need that info they can ask me for it
     
  13. duane

    duane New Member

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    Though I have many friend requests, I actually have only 2.

    Like stanhope, I allow people to see my picture and email address, and it's been nice to say "good to see you after all these years" to people I haven't seen or heard from in centuries. But for the most part, that's pretty much where it ends.
     
  14. haribobo

    haribobo Well-Known Member

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    I really don't post anything too incriminating or controversial. I save that stuff for FSU. ;) My sisters, dad, and cousins are on fb so I keep that in mind when I post. When one of these pseudo-friends starts overstepping their boundaries or whatever, they can get deleted. I generally could give a rat's ass what people think most of the time though. I'll add pretty much anyone, and delete when necessary. I suppose you could call my style "cautious yet carefree." That makes no sense, does it?
     
  15. Aceon6

    Aceon6 Hopping around

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    I'm a careful poster, but still have not accepted any friend requests from folks who don't care about me. My circle is my family and some very close friends, plus some folks from my past who really care about staying in touch. I use LinkedIn for business networking.

    When I get a friend request that's related to work relationships, I send a response inviting them to connect to me on LinkedIn.

    For old high school and college acquaintences, I send a "Great to hear from you. My Facebook page is primarily a family thing and I'm sure you'd be bored to tears with baby pictures and the latest goings on with the elder set. Please send me your preferred email address so we can get in touch around reunion time." 9 times out of 10, I don't get the preferred email address and they just go away.
     
  16. Indra486

    Indra486 Well-Known Member

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    Create a separate "fan" page for your clients to add. This is something that many designers and digital arts have been doing to separate their private FBs from their professional life. That way, other professionals who pick up your card can add that page instead too. It also allows you to keep a small portfolio on FB.

    Other than that, don't feel pressured that you have to add people if they request. A very well-acquainted classmate of mine is networked to 300 people because of the media work he does back in the Phillipines. I once wrote a message on his wall and it was a big mistake because I got bomb-barded by requests from Filipino media stars that I don't even know. I deleted them but I learned to only leave messages privately when I'm connected to people with open FBs.

    I'm on absolute lockdown. I do occasionally de-link myself from casual acquaintances that I haven't spoken to in over year.
     
  17. zhenya271

    zhenya271 Active Member

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    I don't do anything with the requests that I don't want to add. I've learned in the past that if I hit ignore, they sometimes come back, so now I just leave the requests hanging there! Rude, but it works for me.:)
     
  18. The Village Idiot

    The Village Idiot Demon Barber

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    1) it's your page and you don't have to add anyone you don't want to, and

    2) since it sounds like you want to be able to have full control over who adds you, don't let anyone add you. Go to privacy settings and change the setting to let no one add you. That way if you want to be friends w/ someone, you'd have to add them.
     
  19. skateycat

    skateycat Minecraft Widow

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    Same here! I'm mainly a lurker on Facebook. I'm pretty active on Twitter, but I save the (relatively) juicy stuff for FSU.
     
  20. Spinner

    Spinner Where's my book?

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    *blinks* is that duane? Interesting it's a facebook thread that gets you to post :lol:
     
  21. backspin

    backspin Active Member

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    how do you do this?

    I've been wishing for a way to "organize" my friends into groups to more easily manage who sees what, but I can't figure it out.
     
  22. stanhope

    stanhope Active Member

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    Directions are here: http://www.facebook.com/help/?page=768

    Once that is set up, I just add people to the "limited profile" list when they request to be my friend.
     
  23. Anita18

    Anita18 Well-Known Member

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    Pretty much.

    Most people who have hundreds of friends don't really pay attention to who confirms their friend requests or not. They don't get a note saying that you've declined their invitation, so it's just as likely that they won't remember adding you.
     
  24. genevieve

    genevieve drinky typo pbp, closet hugger Staff Member

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    I arrange my friends into groups - there is a limited one that can't see my posts or any photos with me tagged in it. I think I only have 1-2 people on it.

    I also have my settings such that I'm unsearchable - if someone puts my name or even my email in, I won't come up. I do allow friends of friends to see me, and the more friends I have, the more people can see me - but it's possible to limit that as well. I don't publish my contact info either.

    I've also left a couple of people hanging indefinitely in the friend request queue :shuffle:
     
  25. Really

    Really No longer just a "well-known member" Yay!

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    I've just recently created a 'fan page' that I was going to use for school-related stuff, but I created a second "professional" profile that I will use to connect with students and their parents. I feel like I have more control over a profile than just a fan page. I still have my personal page, but none of my students or professional acquaintances will have access to that one.

    However, that being said, I still have my contacts divided into groups -- I just don't care for some people to know as much about what's happening in my life as others.