View Full Version : Freaked Out! Dating a man with kids!

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08-20-2012, 05:48 AM
Thanks for all your responses :) Trying to be a responsible, mature adult is hard work! :lol: I don't expect to see him this week since he'll have the kids, but I usually hear from him. I'll put this aside as I have a busy week ahead. At this point, we have plans next Monday night.


08-20-2012, 08:59 AM
It sounds to me like the conversation went remarkably well, Olivia Pug.

08-20-2012, 02:41 PM
Don't assume anything.
He needs time to consider what you said.

You were open and honest.
He knows you care.

Hoping for the outcome that YOU want, Olivia!

As do I!

08-20-2012, 03:03 PM
I also think you did the best you could and it sounds like you were straightforward and mature. And he does need time to digest, so hang in there.

08-20-2012, 05:03 PM
Thanks, everyone :) I'll let you know how the week goes.


08-28-2012, 02:34 AM
It's now Monday evening, so be sure to give us an update... :)

08-28-2012, 06:48 PM
Hi, all :)

The weekend went well. Thanks for asking, nubka. I didn't bring up the subject of the kids except to mention that I was glad we talked about it, and mentioned again that he should feel free to talk about it with me, if he wants. He did open up a bit. He's generally very good with how things are between us, which is a relief. I think the issue is that the kids are putting pressure on him to spend time with me. He says that they are curious about me, my work, my home, my likes/dislikes (totally understandable), my dogs, etc. He talks with them about me, so I'm guessing they may feel a little left out. Remember, though, that the time I spend with him isn't to the exclusion of the kids; they're with their mom during those times. But, it is a new adventure for their dad. He continues to express how happy they are that he's happy. He loves his kids and obviously, if they're expressing an interest in spending time with me, I'm sure he'd like to pursue it. I don't think he wants to tell them that I'm hesitant to move forward, so he probably just makes a lot of excuses. Excuses would be easy considering our distance and our busy work schedules. Then again, how long can he put them off before they begin to wonder?


08-28-2012, 06:54 PM
Maybe he should just tell them that we're taking our relationship slowly? I really dislike the idea of making excuses or downright lying to children of that age. Also, I am very adamant that our time doesn't infringe on his one-on-one time with his kids. Sigh. It's tough to know how best to handle. But I'm not the parent here and I don't want to tell him how to handle it. He's the dad. They're his kids.


08-28-2012, 09:15 PM
Could you ask him to let the kids know that for the moment, you are taking things slowly?

08-28-2012, 09:21 PM
Could you ask him to let the kids know that for the moment, you are taking things slowly?

Yes, I could. I only just thought about that approach while writing my above posts. That will be another difficult conversation (for me, anyway), but I'll do it. I'll see him this weekend. Can't think of a conversation-starter for that one!


08-28-2012, 09:30 PM
He might try to explain to them, but I wouldn't be surprised if they looked at him like he was from Mars. In general, the three relationship memes are 1. Joined at the hip 2. Having a good time/fling, and 3. Star-crossed lovers, especially in romantic comedies.

That two people are serious, cautious, and have self-control (not circumstances imposed) just doesn't fit the standard memes, especially for pre-teen and young teenage girls.

08-28-2012, 09:31 PM
I wonder how much of his daughters' questions about you and what your life is like are coming from their mother? I would imagine she would be interested in knowing what kind of girlfriend is spending time with her daughters and what her potential role in their lives said girlfriend might eventually have.

08-28-2012, 09:38 PM
kwanfan1818: Interesting. I think they see us as "joined at the hip" because the younger made a comment to him (her dad) that one of his company's offices is near mine and he could work there, which, of course, he would never consider.

Southpaw: Very possible. I have no idea. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of, but my life is not up for scrutiny. I haven't spent much time with the kids at all. I suppose if she's curious enough, she can ask her ex. That's all between/among them. I have to make decisions based on what feels right to me. Not spending time with the kids isn't about being secretive; it's just what I feel comfortable with right now.


08-28-2012, 09:55 PM
It doesn't matter if their mother is really the curious one.
That's the message you want to send - in any case.