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milanessa
08-01-2012, 05:12 PM
But then if everyone's circumstances are different, then there's no point in making arbitrary rules like 8 dates in a month is nothing, and if you're not having 8 dates a month then you're not really looking for a relationship, because that's just not true, and the only reason it came up was because people questioned it.

I know that seems to be the meme in this thread but I don't remember a post that actually said that. People leaped (lept?) on something SceneIt said and it morphed into something else as I recall.

berthesghost
08-01-2012, 05:25 PM
I know that seems to be the meme in this thread but I don't remember a post that actually said that. People leaped on something SceneIt said and it morphed into something else as I recall.Here's the history.
5 months is a long time to invest in a relationship.
Actually, no it is not. Quite the opposite. You haven't even begun to get to know the other person after that length of time.

5 months was a long time to waste on a non serious "relationship" that was only 8 dates. Most people do 8 dates in 1 month.

But then if everyone's circumstances are different, then there's no point in making arbitrary rules like 8 dates in a month is nothing, and if you're not having 8 dates a month then you're not really looking for a relationship, because that's just not true, and the only reason it came up was because people questioned it.antmanb took what I said totally out of context and twisted it all around to mean bullshit things like "rules" applied to ALL people, etc...
I said most people do 8 dates in 1 month. A lot of people objecting because they feel most people do 8 dates in 2 months. Whatever. At the end of the day, SceneIt still had 8 dates over 5 months with a guy she still claims to not really know. It's not a big surprise.

aftershocks
08-01-2012, 05:50 PM
IMO, it only takes 3 months to know where a "dating" relationship is heading, IOW, whether it is worth it or not to invest anymore time, and whether or not you are sympatico with the other person, or just fooling yourself about whether you can accept (deal with) the inevitable faults you have discovered in the other person (and the other person in you for that matter). Three months is the breaking it or making it point, IMO.

hydro
08-01-2012, 06:57 PM
Oh, one more thing I should say. I found that guy on Adult Friend Finder - I used my rusty investigative skills, narrowed things down and found him! Do you think a man who is serious about finding a good relationship would post on AFF? His profile said he was looking for discreet relationships, chat, and emails.

If that's the case, you might want to get tested.

michiruwater
08-01-2012, 07:03 PM
At least now, SceneIt, you have incontrovertible proof that this guy was an asshole who was playing you (and is almost certainly married, sorry to say).

And I agree with hydro, just to be safe.

Anita18
08-01-2012, 07:12 PM
The "discreet relationships" is definitely one giant red flag, SceneIt. That means they're unavailable (for whatever reasons) for a normal relationship. You owe it to yourself to move on and find someone who is willing to be an active member in a partnership.
Seriously. :scream:

You were played SceneIt. No getting around that. :( Now you can really forget this guy.

And third the suggestion for getting tested. You really don't know where this guy has been. :yikes:

Southpaw
08-01-2012, 07:24 PM
Hold on, folks! I didnt meet him through AFF, I actually met him through a divorce support group on Meetups, like someone here suggested above.

:Edith Bunker Voice: Oooooooohhhhhhh......

Alright, you didn't meet him on AFF you met him through a divorce group. OK, so the guy's a major douchebag and he took advantage of you when you were in a time of vulnerability. Don't beat yourself up, your heart was in the right place. Just keep in mind the next time you meet a guy that you are in an emotionally unsteady place right now and for the love of Pete stay away from guys who claim to be psychic!

UMBS Go Blue
08-01-2012, 07:24 PM
:watch:

Anita18
08-01-2012, 07:51 PM
How has the dating world changed? Don't people still meet, date, fall in love ? That couldn't have changed much, could it?
Online, it's very easy to fake who you are and what you want. You didn't meet this guy online necessarily, but he might have found an avenue to get easy dates via Meetup. In the old days he probably would have been considered a ladykiller or a wedding crasher, but now the internet definitely increases the opportunities for such people to take advantage of others.

I consider myself pretty lucky. I've really only dated people I've met online because I'm an introverted hermit and I just don't go out. But I'd vet them very thoroughly through chat or phone before meeting them, and I think I have a good sense of who's a creepster or player because after going through hundreds of profiles, I haven't met a single creep. To be fair, I only went on 10 dates with different people, so my funnel is very very strict. :lol:

And I've only slept with the guy who will become my husband. So there's that too. I didn't tolerate anyone who was clear that all they wanted was to get in my pants, even by sweet-talking.

Theatregirl1122
08-01-2012, 08:44 PM
I like figure skating, too. So are you telling me I must be gay? By the way, I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay, so I don't see why you would lose any sleep if anyone thought you might be gay for liking figure skating?

The logical gymnastics you are performing in this thread are legendary.

michiruwater
08-01-2012, 08:50 PM
Maybe she's competing in the all around?

berthesghost
08-01-2012, 08:55 PM
Maybe she's competing in the all around?yes, but I fear that the beefy little blonde who asked her out for lattes after his fx comp is probably a lesser gay looking for her to beard him at comps. I mean, lattes! Not coffee. Latte.

leesaleesa
08-01-2012, 09:18 PM
This thread has downright become mean and nasty with respect to magnolia.

And for those who make fun of how naive I am at 50, please be aware that I haven't been out in the dating world for over 26 years. My marriage ended last summer. So I'm a born-again dater. This is like a new world to me. Even when I dated way back when, I've never had my heart broken like this.



You can't see it, but I am playing the World's smallest violin right now. Since you have a bit of trouble with comprehension, people only got "mean and nasty" to Magnolia when she wouldn't back off her blatant homophobia, and made fun of your naivete whe you shrugged off any logical advice given, and continued to whine like a tween about how you were going to stalk this guy. You say you were divorced a year ago, yet you've never had your heart "broken" like this guy did? Some twenty six year marriage that must have been.

Join the crowd-A lot of us are newly divorced. FWIW, anyone who has been online in the past year at least knows AFF is a hook up site. You my lady are making a straight up fool of yourself. Put on your damn big girl panties and act like an adult.

SceneIt
08-01-2012, 09:26 PM
... Since you have a bit of trouble with comprehension, ... and made fun of your naivete whe you shrugged off any logical advice given, and continued to whine like a tween about how you were going to stalk this guy. You say you were divorced a year ago, yet you've never had your heart "broken" like this guy did? Some twenty six year marriage that must have been.

Join the crowd-A lot of us are newly divorced. FWIW, anyone who has been online in the past year at least knows AFF is a hook up site. You my lady are making a straight up fool of yourself. Put on your damn big girl panties and act like an adult.

If YOU had any comprehension skills, you would have understood that I checked AFF after this happened, not before. I knew AFF was a hookup site, that's why I thought he might be on there if he were a player, and he was.

And as for my 26year marriage, that was dead in the water for a long time, and is not part of this thread. And no, my heart didnt break when that ended.

And I DON'T wear big girl panties, I wear a thong.:rofl:

Johnny_Fever
08-01-2012, 09:39 PM
.............And I DON'T wear big girl panties, I wear a thong.:rofl:Can you post a picture? ;)