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Alex Forrest
07-31-2012, 04:31 AM
Yes, but at this point, I'm sort of on the guy's side. Whether he is straight or not so straight, he doesn't need a problem in his life. And this looks like it was going to become a problem. Probably a dramatic, just not needed problem. You saw him at most ten times in your life, he has the right to cut you off. Might hurt, but he's doing what's best for him, and you.

I wish you good luck SceneIt. I'd say something new agey but I hate that talk. Sometimes happiness is not a choice, and neither is unhappiness a choice. It just IS. Just try to make your way through it all, and don't stalk, please don't stalk. There are some people who will never find their 'soul mate' whatever that means. Focus on your friends. And if a sexy guy shows up every six months then take it for what it is.

Best to you, good luck. And no more texts/calls/drivebys!!

genevieve
07-31-2012, 05:34 AM
Sceneit is no ESTA. Thanks to ESTA, I now know that Maia Usova is an old hag of sixty who tells LEIS to get a baby, and blows smoke in the poor baby's face.

I do think the poster a page or so back was on the money with the masochistic tendencies, and yes, fifty shades is pretty lame. Man on man BDSM is much hotter, but you do run the risk of becoming a lady-body to a lesser gay if you're not careful.

for someone who hasn't been a huge participant in this thread, you've done your homework. well played :lol:

oh magnolia, I've been trying to convince people you're legit, but you're just making me look bad now :sekret:

BigB08822
07-31-2012, 06:29 AM
This thread = the best thing to happen to me this year.

SceneIt
07-31-2012, 12:23 PM
SceneIt, what happened to you is very, very common. Chances are that a woman will have dated a closeted gay man at least once (if they have dated more than 10-20 men), though they may have left the relationship not knowing exactly why the relationship did not work out, though a good chunk probably reach some kind of awareness before they breakup. Just google the phrase 'is my boyfriend gay' and you get over 50 million hits.

And this kind of thing happens to all kinds of women, young and old, in all shapes and shades. I was watching Pride and Prejudice (2005) a while back with the director's comment, and he mentioned that the actress Rosamund Pike, who played Janet Bennet, was very brave to act opposite Simon Woods who played Mr. Bingley in the film, because when they both attended Cambridge University (I think) together, they used to date but Simon Woods has since come out so he was and is gay but probably was a bit confused regarding his own sexuality when he was dating Rosamund.

Five months is a long time to invest in a relationship, but if you consider the fact that there are many women who find out their husbands are gay after 10, 20, 30 years of marriage, you got off lightly. It's a good thing that this guy's own homophobia made him think that you had accused him of being gay (which he most likely is).

Thank you for saying that. 5 months is a long time to invest in a relationship. But you know what I've learned is that interested people act interested. If he only cared to get together with me so few times during that period of time, then he definitely wasn't all too interested. Someone even said to me they thought he had me as the backup plan when he had nothing else to do or something fell through.

Next time, I just want somebody who at least appears like they want to see me as often as they could, without appearing needy or clingy. I thought that's what I was doing with this guy until he broke it off and then I was making lame attempts to try to work something out, all for nothing. I should have just left his dumping text there and not even responded.

And he might be gay, you never know, and I am never going to find that out.

SceneIt
07-31-2012, 01:57 PM
You can't let go of the guy because you don't feel like you have closure. You can't stop obsessing over him because you can't figure out why he did what he did. You want answers. How is it that you overlooked the most obvious explanation? As you yourself said, ". . . he has mental health issues (depression/anxiety/panic attacks). . ."

Hello?!!! I would have chalked up his behavior to depression, anxiety, and--let's add one to the list--control issues. So it has nothing to do with you and you cannot apply your own logic, mental process, etc. to someone with mental issues. Consider the case "solved" and start figuring out how to become exactly the kind of person whose company you would enjoy more than anyone else's. The way life works, once you become the person you want to be with, the right type of partner tends to show up.

You hit the nail on the head, thank you.

sap5
07-31-2012, 02:12 PM
Thank you for saying that. 5 months is a long time to invest in a relationship. But you know what I've learned is that interested people act interested. If he only cared to get together with me so few times during that period of time, then he definitely wasn't all too interested. Someone even said to me they thought he had me as the backup plan when he had nothing else to do or something fell through.

Next time, I just want somebody who at least appears like they want to see me as often as they could, without appearing needy or clingy. I thought that's what I was doing with this guy until he broke it off and then I was making lame attempts to try to work something out, all for nothing. I should have just left his dumping text there and not even responded.



:cheer2: Those are some good lessons learned!

Karina1974
07-31-2012, 02:23 PM
5 months is a long time to invest in a relationship.

Actually, no it is not. Quite the opposite. You haven't even begun to get to know the other person after that length of time.

berthesghost
07-31-2012, 02:35 PM
Quite the opposite. You haven't even begun to get to know the other person after that length of time.:eek::scream:

5 months was a long time to waste on a non serious "relationship" that was only 8 dates. Most people do 8 dates in 1 month.

:yikes: at the idea of someone who spends half a year with another person and still has no clue. Talk about slow learning curve!

Vagabond
07-31-2012, 02:47 PM
Actually, no it is not. Quite the opposite. You haven't even begun to get to know the other person after that length of time.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Considering that you are the author of this post:


No, but I will tell you one thing, I would not consider for one second doing what she did - going out for drinks and then going someplace private with someone I don't know well enough to know that said person has the self-control enough to be able to keep my welfare in mind, above and beyond whatever he may have in mind. The only time I have done the drinks-and-then-someplace-private was when I'd known the guy for well over a year, and what ended up happening was completely consensual on both sides.

I also have no problem with letting people know where I draw the line about how close I let people get to me. There was a minor fire across the street from my apartment 2 weeks ago, and while I was outside watching it (at 1:30/2:00 AM) I was conversing with a guy who lives 2 streets west of me. During the course of the conversation he said something to the point of us "maybe going out sometime." I turned right around on him and said firmly - "2 things. #1 - I don't 'date.' #2 - I don't 'drink.' And if you ever come around ringing my doorbell unannounced, you WILL be dealt with accordingly, because I don't allow that privilege to anyone who isn't a blood relative." And mind you, there's cops standing around as I'm saying this (and the fact that my building's super is a Troy City cop had already come up in the conversation) . Didn't stop the conversation, but it did set him back a bit, and he didn't mention it again.

... I hope SceneIt takes your comments with a grain of salt. :shuffle:

MacMadame
07-31-2012, 03:44 PM
Ah, but are you REALLY sure that it has all worked out for you??? Because if you haven't used the super duper checklist to determine if your husband is gay, you can't really be sure, now can you? :P


Good point. ;)

Alex Forrest
07-31-2012, 04:52 PM
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Considering that you are the author of this post:
Originally Posted by Karina1974
No, but I will tell you one thing, I would not consider for one second doing what she did - going out for drinks and then going someplace private with someone I don't know well enough to know that said person has the self-control enough to be able to keep my welfare in mind, above and beyond whatever he may have in mind. The only time I have done the drinks-and-then-someplace-private was when I'd known the guy for well over a year, and what ended up happening was completely consensual on both sides.

I also have no problem with letting people know where I draw the line about how close I let people get to me. There was a minor fire across the street from my apartment 2 weeks ago, and while I was outside watching it (at 1:30/2:00 AM) I was conversing with a guy who lives 2 streets west of me. During the course of the conversation he said something to the point of us "maybe going out sometime." I turned right around on him and said firmly - "2 things. #1 - I don't 'date.' #2 - I don't 'drink.' And if you ever come around ringing my doorbell unannounced, you WILL be dealt with accordingly, because I don't allow that privilege to anyone who isn't a blood relative." And mind you, there's cops standing around as I'm saying this (and the fact that my building's super is a Troy City cop had already come up in the conversation) . Didn't stop the conversation, but it did set him back a bit, and he didn't mention it again.


... I hope SceneIt takes your comments with a grain of salt. :shuffle:

OMG that is brilliant. Can we also have a Karina1974 dating thread?!?!?! Pretty please?! Or just add to it here, since this thread has gone through the wringer.

#3.- I am a ravenous nymphomaniac, and THAT's when I am controlling myself!!! :)

Wyliefan
07-31-2012, 04:56 PM
Most people do 8 dates in 1 month.



Seriously? When do these people do things like work? Maybe I'm the weird one -- I probably am -- but I can't imagine having time for eight dates in one month.

michiruwater
07-31-2012, 05:07 PM
With 4.5 weeks per month, that's approximately 2 dates per week. I could manage that. Hopefully a lot of people have at least 2 free nights per week (though I can understand that some wouldn't want to spend both of those two on dates ;)). We only live once.

berthesghost
07-31-2012, 06:12 PM
Seriously? When do these people do things like work? Maybe I'm the weird one -- I probably am -- but I can't imagine having time for eight dates in one month.You're being sarcastic right? If not, and you really can't be bothered to share dinner, lunch or even coffee once or twice a week with someone else, I'd have to say you're not "weird" but just completely uninterested in ever having a relationship. To each his own.

SceneIt
07-31-2012, 06:29 PM
Seriously? When do these people do things like work? Maybe I'm the weird one -- I probably am -- but I can't imagine having time for eight dates in one month.

Interested people act interested. :)