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Anita18
07-25-2012, 08:19 PM
When we first started dating, my fiance would contact me once a week. We'd go out on a date once a month for like, the first 5 months. It was as you described, super casual. But he started staying over during the weekend and it was clear he was fine with more commitment. The slow burn might have actually been good for me since I tend to overthink things and this way made it more casual and I was able to scope him out personally before I got too far into the relationship.

I don't think this guy would have strung you along for 5 months JUST for casual sex, especially if you didn't have sex for months. If there was another woman in the picture, what was he getting out of your relationship if it wasn't sex? I think he's just afraid of commitment.

There might be a chance that he will contact you again if he wants attention. But it'll only be on HIS terms, not yours. You have to ask yourself whether you deserve that.

FunnyBut
07-25-2012, 08:29 PM
I know it sounds pathetic, but do you think there is any chance he will try to contact me again!

No, it's not pathetic at all, most of us at one point or another have wanted someone that just wasn't there for us. :(

But just know that he has a problem, not you. He can't take the pressure of a relationship, he's totally selfish, and isn't responsible in communcation. Your heart will realize soon enough that there never really was much to work with.

magnolia
07-25-2012, 08:34 PM
I recommend reading The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider ASAP. Also, Why Men Marry Bitches is quite good as well.

UMBS Go Blue
07-25-2012, 09:10 PM
There might be a chance that he will contact you again if he wants attention. But it'll only be on HIS terms, not yours. You have to ask yourself whether you deserve that.I think that hits the spot, without knowing more about this particular situation.

It appears that you have a fair bit of needs. Unmet needs. Perhaps more contact at a deeper emotional level, and not just the physical bedroom kind. Although the primary problem looks like one where the whole relationship dynamic is being driven by his needs and his schedule, there could also be substantial secondary concerns fueling the spiral. In particular, your needs are either 1) willfully not being met despite having been communicated to him, and/or 2) not communicated clearly and properly in the first place, both of which enable the primary problem, which is his driving the relationship according to this terms.

If 1) he isn't willing to meet your needs, or even hear about them, and/or 2) you don't feel comfortable expressing your needs clearly and fully with him, then you should best move on towards other opportunities where you will feel comfortable expressing your needs and where you feel there is a reasonable chance they will be met.

At some point in any budding relationship, preferably sooner than later, it should be time for the "where is this going? what do you want out of this? what do I want out of this?" chat. Seems like your ship has already sailed with respect to this guy.

And, in any case, you should not feel desperate enough to enter any kind of "relationship" just for the sake of a "relationship," emotional/physical company, or emotional/physical attention. So, hit the reset button (http://multimedia.heraldinteractive.com/images/311a44cd44_ltpClinton_Lavrov030609.jpg), purge this scumbag from your memory, and go back out there with a clear mind. Resolve to be a better, more forceful relationship driver, on your own terms. Resolve to communicate your needs clearly and directly, as soon as practicable, when the next guy comes around.

Alex Forrest
07-25-2012, 09:28 PM
I would just do my best to forget about him. We're all crazy in our own way, the key with dating/love is to find someone that compliments your craziness and vice versa.
I had started to date someone this year (first time since a devastating breakup two years ago). I wasn't ready for five calls a day, or even a week. Leave me be during the week and let's see what happens on Friday/Saturday. I don't have a secret significant other but I'm sure his friends were giving him that same advice about me because I was really taking it slowly and was pretty withdrawn.
It's not up to any of us to say you deserve better. You know what you deserve and can handle. But I highly doubt that if it took five months to have sex that he was playing you. Maybe he couldn't handle the intimacy. I couldn't even handle someone being nice to me and wanting to call me so much, it put me on edge, like this person totally doesn't know how little worth I have and I'm only going to be a disappointment. Maybe this guy was like that too, which is a shame, but it's not your issue.
Actually SceneIt this sounds like me. Are you in Houston? *eek*

danceronice
07-25-2012, 10:16 PM
He's not interested. Instead of just saying so (which I can't blame him for), he's ignoring your calls and texts. Move on.

heckles
07-25-2012, 10:25 PM
This goes on for about 5 months and up to about the 4th month, when you start to have sex (this would be around the 5th actual date), and you want to see more of him, he points out red flags and blows everything out of proporation and ends the relationship.

I predict that this bozo is going to get a boner in a couple of months and cheerfully call you, acting as if nothing happened. Unless you want this scenario to play out repeatedly, don't engage him. Don't ask what happened, don't try to tell him how he "hurt" you.

Just don't take the call.

PDilemma
07-25-2012, 10:37 PM
I wasn't ready for five calls a day, or even a week.


I'm married and if my husband takes to calling me five times a day when we are both working or whatever, we're going to have a problem.

Rejecting that kind of obsessive clinging doesn't make you odd. And I don't think the situations are the same.

PrincessLeppard
07-25-2012, 11:47 PM
I recommend reading The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider ASAP. Also, Why Men Marry Bitches is quite good as well.

The Rules is possibly the stupidest book ever written. DO NOT use this as a dating guide.

SceneIt
07-25-2012, 11:49 PM
I predict that this bozo is going to get a boner in a couple of months and cheerfully call you, acting as if nothing happened. Unless you want this scenario to play out repeatedly, don't engage him. Don't ask what happened, don't try to tell him how he "hurt" you.

Just don't take the call.

That's a possibility. We've gone through this same problem about 3 weeks ago. He basically had me apologizing for all our misunderstandings, through email, and I thought that was the end of that. Right? Then about a week later, he called me like nothing happend. I even told him I was surprised that he called and when he asked why, I said because I thought he was so angry. Then he said, I thought we resolved that through the emails. '

So I'm wondering if that will happen again. This may be final this time, he was really pissed last time and said that our energies don't mix and never will.

Also, FWIW, he is supposed to be a psychic and used to make money on the side doing it, but says he's been out of it for a couple years now.

So he always speaks about "energies" and "the Creator". In the beginning when we first me, he said that the "saw the essence of the Creator" in me and he wished me "golden rays of light" or something like that.

My one friend thinks he's crazy :rolleyes:

But for some reason, I still feel it's unfinishsed business and I do hope he calls. I know it won't be right away. He trains for marathons and such and he indicated earlier that this is his high traning time right now.

Wyliefan
07-26-2012, 12:13 AM
My one friend thinks he's crazy :rolleyes:


I'm afraid your friend has a point. :shuffle:

victoriajh
07-26-2012, 12:17 AM
The Rules is possibly the stupidest book ever written. DO NOT use this as a dating guide.

Yes, you must instead use the famous sex and the city line ' he's just not that into you' :D

snoopy
07-26-2012, 12:29 AM
IIUC, you only had sex one time? To throw another possible option out there, could he be in the closet?

PrincessLeppard
07-26-2012, 12:31 AM
Some anti-anxiety meds really interfere with sexual desire and performance.

Unfortunately.

SceneIt
07-26-2012, 12:35 AM
IIUC, you only had sex one time? To throw another possible option out there, could he be in the closet?

No, we had sex 5 times since early June. I'm thinking he may have met someone else and just doesnt want me anymore.:(

In our heated text exchanges the last time, he brought up how a gay man at one of the marathons made a pass at him. He didnt realize this guy was gay and he said he basically followed him around the event and then asked him out later that evening.

I said well consider that a compliment that a gay man found you attractive, to which he was infuriated and said he did NOT find that complimentary and that he told me this the last time we talked about, but obvious I forgot.

It was like he was looking for ANYTHING to use against me as ammunition and for the reason why he didnt want to see me anymore. This really took me by surprise because I always though we had a reasonably good time when we went out.