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magnolia
07-27-2012, 06:06 AM
So that really what it comes down too. They weren't interested so they must be gay????? I wonder if I can try that on for size.

The question of whether or not these men were gay or not is not something that can be absolutely proved or disproved, either by me or you or anyone else on this board. I claim more ability to make that judgement call because I met them in person and spent hours talking to them. But of course, if you think that they absolutely weren't, then just dismiss me and leave the board, which I see that some posters have done. But if you admit the possibility that I may be right, then I guess this leads to all sorts of ethical issues in terms of what they did, what I did, etc. I know what I did was not noble. I see that. Thus far, the way I dealt with it was to avoid meeting new people altogether so that I would never find myself in a similar situation.

Writing about my experience has been quite cathartic for me and I hope that I will soon be able to date again, and that I might react differently if I am approached by another person whom I feel is a closet gay.

I am rather sorry that I seem to have taken over this thread. I guess I recognized that another woman was experiencing something that sounded eerily familiar. Of course, I may be wrong. He may just be a player.

Theatregirl1122
07-27-2012, 06:20 AM
I'm pretty sure no one is going to leave the board because they think you have a crappy gaydar.

No one is saying that they absolutely weren't gay. Everyone is saying that if you go out with someone because you think they might be gay and then use a set of stereotypes to decide they actually are gay, you haven't achieved anything resembling confirmation.

And also a) seeking out men that you think are "closet gays", b) deciding they actually are "closet gays" and then, c) threatening to screw up their lives by telling this secret that you imagine you've discovered (which is especially hilarious since, if you could discover it in a few hours, how would their coworkers, family, and friends have missed it for years), d) being afraid that you might some day meet another "closet gay", e) finding the fact that you met a guy you decided was gay and hiding it so traumatic that you needed to quit dating, f) bragging about it on the internet, and g) finding bragging about to be cathartic (because apparently you've suffered something rather than having inflicted something on someone else) makes you at best a homophobic a$$hole and at worst delusional.

overedge
07-27-2012, 06:23 AM
He may just be a player.

Ya think???? :rofl:

bek
07-27-2012, 06:30 AM
I'm pretty sure no one is going to leave the board because they think you have a crappy gaydar.

No one is saying that they absolutely weren't gay. Everyone is saying that if you go out with someone because you think they might be gay and then use a set of stereotypes to decide they actually are gay, you haven't achieved anything resembling confirmation.

And also a) seeking out men that you think are "closet gays", b) deciding they actually are "closet gays" and then, c) threatening to screw up their lives by telling this secret that you imagine you've discovered (which is especially hilarious since, if you could discover it in a few hours, how would their coworkers, family, and friends have missed it for years), d) being afraid that you might some day meet another "closet gay", e) finding the fact that you met a guy you decided was gay and hiding it so traumatic that you needed to quit dating, f) bragging about it on the internet, and g) finding bragging about to be cathartic (because apparently you've suffered something rather than having inflicted something on someone else) makes you at best a homophobic a$$hole and at worst delusional.
Ita. And Magnolia. If it was so obviously to you after talking to them for just a few hours; how the heck are they able to remain in the closet. And really if these guys are so obvious than clearly they aren't making a huge concerted effort to deceive you. Once again and I said this before, if I was a closeted gay man looking to convince a female I was straight the last thing I'd say is how I kind of enjoyed the gay nudist beach.


Once again its totally possible that these guys were gay, and yes you'd know more than us after talking to the magnolia. But you know what who would know more than you; the people they've dated and been around for years.

magnolia
07-27-2012, 06:34 AM
No one is saying that they absolutely weren't gay. Everyone is saying that if you go out with someone because you think they might be gay and then use a set of stereotypes to decide they actually are gay, you haven't achieved anything resembling confirmation.

And also a) seeking out men that you think are "closet gays", b) deciding they actually are "closet gays" and then, c) threatening to screw up their lives by telling this secret that you imagine you've discovered (which is especially hilarious since, if you could discover it in a few hours, how would their coworkers, family, and friends have missed it for years), d) being afraid that you might some day meet another "closet gay", e) finding the fact that you met a guy you decided was gay and hiding it so traumatic that you needed to quit dating, f) bragging about it on the internet, and g) finding bragging about to be cathartic (because apparently you've suffered something rather than having inflicted something on someone else) makes you at best a homophobic a$$hole and at worst delusional.

I don't think there is anything to brag about in what I see is a rather pathetic story where no one comes out looking good. Who in their right mind would write about something like this to make themselves look good?? I am not writing about any of this to make myself seem heroic or be a victim either. If I wanted to present myself as just a victim, I would never have divulged the fact that I threatened one of the men. I was admitting that I lost my temper at what I considered an act of impertinence and I lashed out.

I think people who think that any heterosexual men would e.g., complacently talk about how they accidentally ended up in a gay nudist beach and felt fine with it enough to stay because he couldn't be bothered to find the heterosexual nudist beach to a woman whom he is going on a first date with are nuts.

bek
07-27-2012, 06:38 AM
I think people who think that any heterosexual men would e.g., complacently talk about how they accidentally ended up in a gay nudist beach and felt fine with it enough to stay because he couldn't be bothered to find the heterosexual nudist beach to a woman whom he is going on a first date with are nuts.

If a gay guy was looking to deceive a woman to thinking he was straight out right deceive... Than he probably wouldn't bring up how comfortable he was around gay nude beaches.

But a straight gay if the subject of gays was brought up, might think it a funny story to tell a girl about how he ended up on a gay beach, and wanting to show how maybe he was totally open minded about that type of thing; might want to say how he didn't mind it at all. Maybe its not something HE would have said on a first date with a woman, but after you brought it up...He might think its a funny story and also might think it would earn him brownie points for showing he was open minded. And/or he might want to see how open minded YOU are.

Of course once again I'm not a closeted gay man but...

magnolia
07-27-2012, 06:41 AM
If a gay guy was looking to deceive a woman to thinking he was straight out right deceive... Than he probably wouldn't bring up how comfortable he was around gay nude beaches.

But a straight gay if the subject of gays was brought up, might think it a funny story to tell a girl about how he ended up on a gay beach, and wanting to show how maybe he was totally open minded about that type of thing; might want to say how he didn't mind it at all. He might think its well a funny story...Precisely because he is well comfortable in his own sexuality.

Of course once again I'm not a closeted gay man but...

bek, I think you have the profile of someone who might unknowingly date a closeted gay.

bek
07-27-2012, 06:48 AM
bek, I think you have the profile of someone who might unknowingly date a closeted gay.

I actually tend to be pretty careful about who I get involved with Magnolia... Everyone I have dated seriously have been people I have known for awhile....I'm not saying that a closed gay guy wouldn't make a comment like that maybe he would..But I wouldn't label a guy I just meet as gay because of one comment, or because he's 35 and not married (etc).

Once again you automatically went into the date assuming these guys were gay and asked them questions that would make them sound to you-like they are gay...Of course you got your desired results. It would be one thing if you were like you know my gut just says their gay. I'd have no issues with you there. But you absolutely don't have any confirmation that they are actually gay. None.

I try instead to get to know the person and get to know what they are like. To me the whole point of dating is to get to know someone/ who they are and decide what their character is like...One date a few hours of talking to someone-doesn't do that.

milanessa
07-27-2012, 06:48 AM
Why is all this so important to you, magnolia? You've already made any point you were trying to make. You're just repeating yourself now.

Quintuple
07-27-2012, 06:53 AM
OH MY GOD.

So I was watching "Take Me Out" with George Lopez tonight and it reminds me of the damn 4 pages of this thread I read.

Men are heinously arrogant, bro-ish, and defensive about their sexuality because of the women and men who turn away (turn off their lights!), judge, call them gay if they dare do anything off the stone tablets that define normative behavior.

Oh hail no. You don't like my lipstick smeared in a circle around my chicken lips and boobs smashed in your face? YOU MUST BE THE GAY.

YOU LIKE THAT BAND? YOU MUST BE THE GAY.

You can dance? You can't dance? You dare try to dance in front of me? You made that twitch to the left? GAY.

No wonder men are so effed up and have whole threads dedicated to beating their chests demanding answers to their emotions.

One of my greatest joys is to show complete impenatrability to the idiocy of girls, guys, dogs and cats who think that sticking their asses out, wagging their tails, and giving sad eyes will do them favors with me. I feel like a Bernard Marx in a world of pneumatic mobthink lechers.

But that's just me. I'm attracted to people who don't give a sh*t what others think and are just themselves.

OK, incoherent rant over.

made_in_canada
07-27-2012, 07:34 AM
bek, I think you have the profile of someone who might unknowingly date a closeted gay.

Note to self: Do not drink water while reading this thread. My keyboard might not recover :rofl:

Michalle
07-27-2012, 07:51 AM
I have NEVER laughed out loud so many times at anything on the internet.

Aussie Willy
07-27-2012, 08:52 AM
bek, I think you have the profile of someone who might unknowingly date a closeted gay.
Okay that is a really weird thing to say or assume.

I used to go out with someone who a lot of people assumed was gay. I can you he definately wasn't. :D

Anita18
07-27-2012, 09:09 AM
Ya think???? :rofl:
I hang around a comic book forum where 95% of the posters are young males, and having interacted with them on a daily basis, I'm pretty sure 99% of guys who dump women the way SceneIt experienced are commitphobes or players, not closeted. :lol:

I just find it very very unlikely that there would be SO many closeted gay men out looking for beard wives, and that magnolia has only come across them instead of any straight men. I mean really?

This whole debacle also reminds me of an ongoing joke in that other forum. There's a female poster there who complains about men all the time, and how nobody finds her special but how she's gonna meet Mr. Right in the laundromat she works at. Nevermind that 90% of the men who frequent it are disgusting creeps. She apparently had to clean up some guy's er...emissions after he pleasured himself in the bathroom and was adamant that she had to tell him they had no future together the next time she saw him. :rofl:

I haven't even gone into her beliefs that she's being stalked by Scientologists. Despite the fact that she's in upstate NY working at a no-name laundromat and the Church of Scientology is based in Los Angeles....:shuffle:

allezfred
07-27-2012, 10:09 AM
bek, I think you have the profile of someone who might unknowingly date a closeted gay.

:rofl:

magnolia, I don't think giving advice about dating is your strong suit. :shuffle: