PDA

View Full Version : Dating dilemma



Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 [11] 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40

SceneIt
07-26-2012, 08:14 PM
Uh-oh, the stink instead of the pink? My best girlfriend in grad school went out with a guy who had no clue WHERE HE WAS down there and got the other side treatment on their date. I got it. It happens. (and the helpless cutie eventually came out as gay.... Umm, thank you Captain Obvioius.)

LOL took me a while to understand your first sentence there! No, if only it were that easy. Not gonna reveal.

michiruwater
07-26-2012, 08:20 PM
The world population is approximately 7 billion. Let's assume 5% of the world is gay. That would mean that there are 350 million gay people, so even if few percent of that 350 million people are married, that would make for at least a million or so. Rough estimate. (Although I have primarily talked about closeted gay man because of how the topic began, I think there are lesbians who pretend to be straight, as well.)

I believe that homophobia is still rampant and that many gay people do feel compelled to try to behave as a straight person to fit in.

Many reports (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_percent_of_the_world_is_gay) cite a much lower estimate than 5%. But yeah, let's go with 350,000,000 to continue your argument.

Let's go with Japan, as your posts indicate you may be from there (I may be wrong about that). With 1.81% of the world's population, there would be 6 million gay people in Japan, spread out amongst nearly 130 million people. What do you really think are the chances that all three of these men that you went on dates with within a relatively short period of time happened to be closeted gay men looking for a beard? If the number is 2%, which is a much more commonly-cited number, then you're talking about under 3 million people spread amongst 130 million people.


I tend to think that gay men who are out and are proud of themselves are better, stronger individuals.

Isn't it nice of you to say so about a group you cannot and will not ever be a part of or understand fully, but whom you think you can pick out of a crowd so easily based on stereotypes - a group which is made up of individuals with their own hardships and stories you will never know.


The first closet gay came as a complete shock, and then okay, I ferreted two out just because I was so shocked that the first experience happened and I just wanted some confirmation for my own peace of mind that I could tell if someone was gay, not because I wanted to hunt them but to prevent another closet gay man from trying to hunt me.

Do you seriously not realize how completely unstable this sounds?

Karina1974
07-26-2012, 08:20 PM
Hopefully, you are not repeating his tales about her to mutual acquaintances and unduly harming her reputation.

And then there's the admitting that, if she and his ex wind up in the same "social group" she's going to try and get the back story on him from the ex. I really hope, for the sake of everyone in that group, that she re-considers that idea between now and the end of August. Nothing like having an entire group of people thinking you're a psychological nutcase right off the top of meeting you ('cause keep it on the DL as you may try to, that kind of shit does get around to everybody eventually). I also hope that, should she decide to carry through with it, that she wisely keeps the details to herself instead of posting it in public. It's one thing to purposely act in such a way as to make yourself look like a trainwreck, it's quite another to make a public spectacle of it.

SceneIt
07-26-2012, 08:27 PM
I feel like slamming a bottle of Mad Dog just from reading about this guy and I haven't even been around him.

How could he have "just" gotten out of this two-year relationship? Based on what you've said here, it's been at least five months since you two began your tenuous involvement. If his former relationship with an alleged alcoholic is still traumatic for him, what has he done to address it? Therapy? Al-Anon? Reading his tea leaves?

I wouldn't be surprised if this woman's alcoholism is a fabrication or exaggeration of his. Hopefully, you are not repeating his tales about her to mutual acquaintances and unduly harming her reputation.

His relationship with her ended in October. We started dating in February.

He did say she lost her driver's license due to drinking and driving, that she came to his house drunk on her ass one night I think it was March or April, begging him to take her back, trying to have sex with him, and that he had to drive her home. Said it was very ugly.

His therapy supposedly was joining the same divorce support group that I was in, that's how we met. And I havent told anyone about his ex belonging to the other social group I'm in, it's just ironic.

Any other questions?

And as far as magnolia, I had a former neighbor who was devastated to learn that her husband of almost 25 years was on the down low and. They are going through a divorce now. So it is a reality. I don't know why everyone is attacking her so much.

Prancer
07-26-2012, 08:32 PM
And as far as magnolia, I had a former neighbor who was devastated to learn that her husband of almost 25 years was on the down low and. They are going through a divorce now. So it is a reality. I don't know why everyone is attacking her so much.

No one is attacking her for saying that there are closeted gay men and some of them have beards. It's pretty much everything else she's said.

taf2002
07-26-2012, 08:37 PM
I tend to think that gay men who are out and are proud of themselves are better, stronger individuals.

I was going to comment on this statement but where do I start? There is so much wrong with it, not the least the arrogance of the statement itself.

heckles
07-26-2012, 08:43 PM
And then there's the admitting that, if she and his ex wind up in the same "social group" she's going to try and get the back story on him from the ex.

On the other hand, a conversation with his ex might reveal that this doofus has pulled the same nonsense with other women. The women may also compare timelines, and might discover that their involvements with this tool overlapped significantly.

That said, it shouldn't take a chat with the ex to get over this goof. There's already enough information available to determine that he's a schmuck.

magnolia
07-26-2012, 08:47 PM
Do you seriously not realize how completely unstable this sounds?

I see, you think I am being delusional because it sounds like I am claiming that I was personally particularly being targeted by closeted gay men.

Well, that thought did occur to me, actually. I am financially quite independent, you see, and in my profile, I did not present myself as 'looking for a good lover and provider so that I can have babies and manage a beautiful household'. Most Japanese women tend to write about how they 'love to cook and look after children' and I wrote a profile that, in comparison, was more 'rational', for want of a better word. I wrote about how I wanted a good partnership but that I tended to value my independence and I wrote about the books I read and that I had many interests that I would want to continue to engage in even if I were to ever marry.

It occured to me that this was a dream wife for a closet gay men. For argument's sake, let's assume I was right and that all three men were gay. Well, they really wanted to meet me and get together with me. I didn't have to do much to get them to meet me.

In comparison, during the time that I was on the site to make sure my gaydar was working, I also got contacted by another group of men who were young and poor, and it was clear they envisioned me to be their patron in exchange for sexual services, so to speak. Anyway, I did not see them as a viable options.

I also got contacted by much older men in their 60's and 70's who reported in their profile that they were very rich. Having air planes, managing hotels, blah, blah. It was clear there that they wanted me to be their younger trophy wife. I was not looking to be a trophy wife so I didn't respond to these invites.

And then there were men whom, in terms of age and social situation were equal to me and, it always turned out that these men whom I assume are straight did not want to date a woman who made as much or slightly more money and status-wise, was higher. These men made enough money to have a housewife and that's what they mostly preferred (remember, they are Japanese men we're talking about).

And so the only men whom I personally would consider dating happened to be closet gays and I think I was perfect for them because why would they want a clingy wife that might make demands sexually and financially?

And so it is no surprise that I easily met up with three closeted gay men quite quickly, you see.

milanessa
07-26-2012, 08:52 PM
No one is attacking her for saying that there are closeted gay men and some of them have beards. It's pretty much everything else she's said.

Bless her heart.

Anita18
07-26-2012, 08:52 PM
Well, if these guys weren't closet gays trying to find a beard, they would have nothing to fear, right?
And that's worth destroying their professional life for? Is that your mission, to find every closeted gay and destroy them?

I don't care if my doctor is gay or closeted or just damn confused. Not everyone who is gay knows from childhood. I had a crush on a guy in high school, and he was fairly popular with the girls, but he discovered halfway through college that he was 100% gay. For some it might take longer. I ain't judging. Everyone figures themselves out in their own time. Many "closeted gays" who wish to be married and have kids with a woman isn't malicious on their part, even if you think they are gay.

In fact, I think the number of gay men who are aware of the sexuality and go out looking a beard to purposely hide it from the world is very VERY low. The percentage of those who discover they are gay (or are willing to admit it to themselves) later in life is comparatively much higher. They deserve understanding and open-mindedness. They don't deserve your vitriol.


SceneIt--you come off as needy, clingy, and beyond desperate. I would pretty much guarantee if this is clear from your posts here, it was widely telegraphed to the guy who dumped you. And I would bet that's why he dumped you. You've aleady humiliated yourself in front of him--I have no clue why you want to continue that, but my guess is you will nonetheless.
My coworker was telling the story of her neighbor whose girlfriend screamed outside his door at midnight, accusing him of cheating on her and that's why he wouldn't let her inside. He denied the cheating, but refused to let her in. So she continued to scream and cry hysterically for an hour. The entire half of the complex could hear it.

Of course my coworker wanted her to shut up and go home so she could get some sleep, but my first thought was, "Girl, retain some of your dignity! Kick him to the curb!"

Not saying that SceneIt would have stooped THAT low, but agal's post about humiliation just reminded me of it. :rofl:


Uh-oh, the stink instead of the pink? My best girlfriend in grad school went out with a guy who had no clue WHERE HE WAS down there and got the other side treatment on their date. I got it. It happens. (and the helpless cutie eventually came out as gay.... Umm, thank you Captain Obvioius.)
It does not "just" happen, in my experience. And any guy who tried that with me would get a swift kick in the balls.


I feel like slamming a bottle of Mad Dog just from reading about this guy and I haven't even been around him.

How could he have "just" gotten out of this two-year relationship? Based on what you've said here, it's been at least five months since you two began your tenuous involvement. If his former relationship with an alleged alcoholic is still traumatic for him, what has he done to address it? Therapy? Al-Anon? Reading his tea leaves?

I wouldn't be surprised if this woman's alcoholism is a fabrication or exaggeration of his. Hopefully, you are not repeating his tales about her to mutual acquaintances and unduly harming her reputation.
The only way this would work out well is if they dished on HIM, and SceneIt didn't just scope her out to see if his stories about her are true.

He's a loser. There's nothing worthwhile in scoping out his exes.

michiruwater
07-26-2012, 08:54 PM
I see, you think I am being delusional because it sounds like I am claiming that I was personally particularly being targeted by closeted gay men.

:rofl::rofl::lol::rolleyes:

Okay, hold on, let's go over all the different groups of men that specifically targeted you in specific, stereotypical ways in collective age groups:


I also got contacted by another group of men who were young and poor, and it was clear they envisioned me to be their patron in exchange for sexual services, so to speak.


I also got contacted by much older men in their 60's and 70's who reported in their profile that they were very rich. It was clear there that they wanted me to be their younger trophy wife.


And then there were men whom, in terms of age and social situation were equal to me and, it always turned out that these men whom I assume are straight did not want to date a woman who made as much or slightly more money and status-wise, was higher.


And so the only men whom I personally would consider dating happened to be closet gays and I think I was perfect for them because why would they want a clingy wife that might make demands sexually and financially?

Yeah, you don't sound delusional AT ALL. And my favorite part:


And so it is no surprise that I easily met up with three closeted gay men quite quickly, you see.

:rofl::lol::rofl::lol::scream:

heckles
07-26-2012, 09:05 PM
His therapy supposedly was joining the same divorce support group that I was in, that's how we met.

This is exactly why a lot of support groups recommend that new members not date within the group for the first year. In the twelve-step programs there's a predatory type known as a "thirteenth-stepper" who takes advantage of the vulnerability of new members. After they get called out in one chapter, they move on to a fresh set of new victims in another. Maybe this is what's keeping Speedy Gonzales too busy to see you?

Vagabond
07-26-2012, 09:06 PM
SceneIt, magnolia, are you in the same city as each other? If so, maybe you should go out together some time. I think the two of you would really hit it off!

:)

Karina1974
07-26-2012, 09:08 PM
On the other hand, a conversation with his ex might reveal that this doofus has pulled the same nonsense with other women. The women may also compare timelines, and might discover that their involvements with this tool overlapped significantly.

That said, it shouldn't take a chat with the ex to get over this goof. There's already enough information available to determine that he's a schmuck.

Or as someone used to say to me: "Curiosity killed the cat... and satisfaction didn't bring it back." Sometimes one is better off NOT knowing...

Prancer
07-26-2012, 09:24 PM
Well, that thought did occur to me, actually. I am financially quite independent, you see, and in my profile, I did not present myself as 'looking for a good lover and provider so that I can have babies and manage a beautiful household'. Most Japanese women tend to write about how they 'love to cook and look after children' and I wrote a profile that, in comparison, was more 'rational', for want of a better word. I wrote about how I wanted a good partnership but that I tended to value my independence and I wrote about the books I read and that I had many interests that I would want to continue to engage in even if I were to ever marry.

It occured to me that this was a dream wife for a closet gay men.

I guess I don't understand closeted gay men at all. If I were a gay man trying to fool everyone into thinking I was straight, an irrational but traditional woman would be just what I would look for. Nothing says "I am a heterosexual" like a barefoot pregnant woman in the kitchen making my dinner with kids tugging at her skirt, after all. And being irrational would make her more susceptible, especially if she is illiterate to boot, and has no interests outside of the house that might help clue her in to my deception.

Clearly I need to rethink all my biases here.