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jlai
05-16-2012, 04:47 PM
I am nowhere near old. I dont want gifts because Ialways try to keep stuff around the house to a minimum.
That is always how I like to live. People figure that out aboutme and when they must give me stuff they giveme stuff like soap or tea, something I will consume and not leave around the house. That generally works except I still get unwanted gifts for easter, valentine day, and every other little celebrations I dont get a chance to specify no gifts.

julieann
05-16-2012, 04:58 PM
A former coworker is getting married next weekend. She is a widow and is marrying a widower. She has told everyone that they are combining two households and don't need any wedding gifts. Of course one coworker is organizing a group gift.:rolleyes: It's not the $20 or $25 dollars that is concerning me. I just need to know what others would do. Do I look like a cheapo and pass on the gift or do I pretend I don't understand her wishes? What would you do? As always thanks so much!

I think people are reading WAY to far into the request of the new bride. I'm assuming they are older, they both have established households that they are combining so they really have enough crap. They don't need one more set of mismatched towels, candle holders, vases or engraved frames. I think that's all the bride meant. If you got her a pretty card that said how happy you were for them along with some money so they can have a nice dinner, I doubt she would be upset. But she did also say 'no wedding gifts' so to have you at the wedding to celebrate is 'gift' enough for her.

cruisin
05-16-2012, 06:04 PM
^^ I agree.

My kids recently had a 30th wedding anniversary for us. We got 2 or 3 gift items (from family and a close friend), we got quite a few very nice bottles of wine (and wine baskets), and we got a few gift cards for local restaurants. All were very thoughtful.

I think a gift card for a nice dinner out, or a gift card for the local movie theater, are a great gifts for people who do not want "things".

kwanfan1818
05-16-2012, 06:21 PM
What was ironic about her keeping all the gifts was that they were mostly from our family & my brother's friends since it was his 1st wedding. Her side were mostly sick of her serial marriages & not only didn't send gifts but didn't come to the wedding which took place on St Thomas island (her idea) which my brother paid for.
If the marriage breaks up soon after the wedding, whichever member of the couple is in possible is supposed to send/give back the presents, not decide who keeps them.

---

There's a chain of party stores in Vancouver that has a section that they advertise for showers and hen parties, and that's where the necklaces of plastic penises, etc. are kept. I've never been to a shower like that, but I've heard enough stories like leesaleesa's to know that they happen far too often.

maatTheViking
05-16-2012, 06:22 PM
I always find tacky bachelorette (and bachelor) parties strange - like people are supposed to be embarresed? I mean, if you social circle and the bride/groom think strippers are fun by all means do that - but your friends should know you right?

My bachelorette party was more of an experience/fun day with friends - we went kayaking, had a great lunch and dinner, went to try and learn line dancing :lol: (this was in Denmark). This has been the trend for most people I know. I have been to parties where we went rapelling, recorded a song at a studio, had picnics, that sort of thing. Oh and a spa day + belly cast making for a pregnant bride :).

I always find it odd when peolple do something that you know the bride doesn't care for. Why would you?

Note that in Denmark you don't have showers, so some shower elements are definetly in the 'bachelorette party' too.


Gifts: I would never think to bring a gift to a wedding I didn't go to, except very close family.

Jenny
05-16-2012, 06:25 PM
I always find it odd when peolple do something that you know the bride doesn't care for. Why would you?

Ditto surprises for people who don't like them. I was at a surprise shower once - the bride had been lured over with the idea that she was going to babysit her nieces, and arrived to a room full of women, including her future inlaws, all dressed up for the occasion. She was wearing sweats, bedroom slippers, no makeup and her hair in a knot on top of her head. She burst into tears at the door, and it was uncomfortable for everyone, especially the person who the party was supposed to honour.

maatTheViking
05-16-2012, 06:34 PM
Ditto surprises for people who don't like them. I was at a surprise shower once - the bride had been lured over with the idea that she was going to babysit her nieces, and arrived to a room full of women, including her future inlaws, all dressed up for the occasion. She was wearing sweats, bedroom slippers, no makeup and her hair in a knot on top of her head. She burst into tears at the door, and it was uncomfortable for everyone, especially the person who the party was supposed to honour.

Rule number one of surprise parties: Even if people like them, make sure the 'lure' is something that makes the surprise target dress appropiatly. No one like to be under or over dressed!

taf2002
05-16-2012, 06:35 PM
If the marriage breaks up soon after the wedding, whichever member of the couple is in possible is supposed to send/give back the presents, not decide who keeps them.


I completely agree. She was one of my sister's best friends so we had known her for a long time so my sister was not shy about telling her emphatically that she needed to send the gifts back but she wouldn't do it. The fact that she dumped my brother so soon killed the friendship but the gift thing was the icing on the cake. Our whole family was embarassed.

Jenny
05-16-2012, 06:36 PM
Rule number one of surprise parties: Even if people like them, make sure the 'lure' is something that makes the surprise target dress appropiatly. No one like to be under or over dressed!

Exactly. When I threw my sister a shower, she knew what the event was, but the surprise was that I had looked up a bunch of her childhood friends, and that went really well. :)

I also know several brides who in the months and weeks leading up to their weddings, made a point of never leaving the house without being fully tiffed.

kwanfan1818
05-16-2012, 06:37 PM
I always find it odd when peolple do something that you know the bride doesn't care for. Why would you?

Because the feelings of the people throwing the party are more important than the guest of honor's.

numbers123
05-16-2012, 06:52 PM
I've been to bridal showers that range from: a) stupid games, putting the ribbons on a paper plate for the rehearsal bouquet and passing around the gifts so everyone can look at the dishes/towels/whatever, b) lingerie party where the bride gets all those see through nighties, thong underwear and edible underwear, c) the penis parties with alcohol drinking, d) a pampered chef party where you order something that the bride wants and are able to order what you want. With the expectation of any "free gift" goes to the bride and e) bachorette parties that were fairly tame. None of them are particularly fun/cute etc.

When I got married I went from my parents house to a "married apartment" we really didn't have anything so the kitchenware/bath and bedroom items were appreciated, especially since we were in school. Most brides that I know now have been on their own with kitchen/bathroom stuff.

Sending graduation announcements is a common practice in my area. They are sent to family and friends. Most of the time, it is because you include a picture of the graduate. Graduation announcements from college no matter the degree is also a common practice. I just decide who I am close enough to send a graduation gift. For the most part it is a small check.

I dislike the practice that one owes someone a gift because they have announced a particular event. And if someone says NO GIFTS - then that is what should be honored.

Karina1974
05-16-2012, 08:19 PM
I always find it odd when people do something that you know the bride doesn't care for. Why would you?


From what I've seen of my ex-SIL's Facebook page (she leaves hers public and since my 2 nephews live with her she has more pics up of them than my brother does) the bar-hopping that ensued at her bachelorette party was pretty true to form for her.

And still is, 19 years later. Seems like every single vacation picture of her shows her with a drink in her hand, and ditto her husband with the beer bottles. I hope my nephews don't fall into that habit when they come of age. My brother may brew his own beer, but his idea of relaxation is also hiking/canoeing/skiing through the Adirondack wilderness, not laying by the pool at some Caribbean resort. My nephews' step-dad, OTOH, looks like a heart attack waiting to happen.

michiruwater
05-16-2012, 10:35 PM
I guess that's nice (or not) for your SIL, but doesn't really answer or pertain very much to maatTheViking's question.

Garden Kitty
05-16-2012, 11:00 PM
I typically wouldn't send a gift to a shower that I couldn't attend, but there are exceptions to every rule and I can think of instances where I'd want to do it (usually instances where I don't get the impression that the bride has gone overboard with constant events designed to garner presents). Or if it's a family member, some times I'll go in on a larger gift with my sisters so the present is from everyone.

sk8pics
05-16-2012, 11:12 PM
When I had my 50th birthday party, I said no gifts, but asked people to bring food donations for the food closet at my church, because I know a lot of people hate to show up empty handed. They brought so much food! It was great. And some people bought some small gifts as well. Two of my skater friends had chipped in and bought me an ice ticket for one of the freestyle session and put it in a card, on which they wrote, "We know you said no gifts, but we thought it would be okay to support your skating habit." :lol: I didn't mind it that some people gave me gifts, but I'm glad it wasn't the whole group. Having people bring the food donations worked out pretty well.