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cruisin
05-15-2012, 09:50 PM
Oh, she'll know who did it and offer to pay, but she won't succeed and she won't decline them.... entire post

What an amazing group of friends you have and are. Your respective generosities are inspirational.


I've been to bridal showers for women who were married multiple times. The worst one was a 5th time bride. She married my brother who was marrying for the 1st time. The marriage lasted 2 weeks. (And she kept all the gifts, even from our side of the family. My brother got squat.)

THat stinks on so many levels.

numbers123
05-15-2012, 10:51 PM
Did you ask your co-worker why he/she is collecting for a gift when the couple was asked for no gifts? Isn't it rude to go against the wishes of someone during their special event?


Yeah. I'd like to hear the answer to that one.


So, your feelings are more important than the bride's and groom's?

I would like to know too.


What if St. Jude has policies the bride and/or groom disagree with which the bridge and/or groom disagree?

There's nothing to stop you from making a donation to St. Jude on your own.
This

Throwing another ember on the burning fire......

I know of one big problem with bringing gifts to the reception or, worse, the church. The bridal party then must arrange to transport the gifts and money to safety after the reception. The chances of anyone bringing their pickup truck to the party is fairly slim, and the possibility of having money stolen is quite large.

Back in my day wedding gifts were delivered in the weeks before the wedding. Then a neighbour sat in the house during the wedding to scare away thieves. The only people who brought stuff to the wedding were thought to have no manners.

The concept of a gift opening party after the wedding was new to me when my daughter told me about hers. It felt awkward to me, but that seems to be the way things are done now. Must move with the times.
I believe that the gift giving/location of where it is delivered/opening of gifts is a regional and socioonomic practice. Depends on what is the custom for you and your family/friends traditions.

On topic:
I think if the person who is celebrating an event (wedding, birthday, anniversary, retirement, whatever) has asked that NO GIFTS be given, it is their wish that they/she/he not receive gifts, including donations to charity in their name.
It is not about making myself be happy, but abiding by the wishes of my friend/family member, whoever. Someone asked me why I didn't have a 50th wedding anniversary party for my p[arents, I respond they didn't want that and her response was "that is totally unacceptable - I would have given it anyway" I replied who is it for then - You or you friend (family member)

skatingfan5
05-15-2012, 10:58 PM
I've been to bridal showers for women who were married multiple times. The worst one was a 5th time bride. She married my brother who was marrying for the 1st time. The marriage lasted 2 weeks. (And she kept all the gifts, even from our side of the family. My brother got squat.):eek: Sounds like she was in it just for the loot. Your poor brother -- but what was he thinking?

jkl
05-15-2012, 10:58 PM
Well I did ask my co-worker today why she was getting a gift for a bride who said "No Gifts". Her response was in the line of "some of us wanted to celebrate her new happiness by getting her a nice gift". Pretty much what you expected, right?

leesaleesa
05-15-2012, 11:04 PM
There is NOTHING fun about bridal showers.


No, there isn't. It always seems to start with stupid games and penis themed party favours, and ends with a male stripper who shaves all over, but seems to have neglected that task for this event, as well as forgetting to wash his filthy yellow G-string. Oh, and cake.

No gift means no gift. Don't bring one, and don't pompously donate to a charity in the couple's name. They asked you not to. Enjoy the booze, if it's an open bar.

Aussie Willy
05-15-2012, 11:11 PM
I am in agreeance that "no gift" means just that. If they have asked you to donate something to a charity do that. On the other hand a friend just asked for people to bring them bottles of wine as presents or my sister asked for hardware store vouchers as they were doing renovations. It really is about doing what the couple have asked and respecting their wishes.

A couple of weddings I went to as a thank you for having invited me I gave them a CD of the photos I took done with a nicely printed photo on the front cover.

numbers123
05-15-2012, 11:12 PM
It might also be that they were raised to take a gift to any event, no matter what. Or that they don't believe the sincerity of no gifts request.

I am not sure how I would actually deal with it to a co-worker who wants to give a gift in the face of the no gifts request. I would like to think I would politely decline to join in the office gift, but would probably go along with the group :wall:

BittyBug
05-15-2012, 11:17 PM
Though I have not seen a boosta bag, since my wedding :). Trust me - the money bag is alive and well and making the rounds on Long Island!

skatingfan5
05-15-2012, 11:24 PM
Well I did ask my co-worker today why she was getting a gift for a bride who said "No Gifts". Her response was in the line of "some of us wanted to celebrate her new happiness by getting her a nice gift". Pretty much what you expected, right?If they are going against the bride's stated wishes of "no gifts" they better be very sure that they know exactly what she would consider to be "a nice gift". :slinkaway

cruisin
05-15-2012, 11:30 PM
No, there isn't. It always seems to start with stupid games and penis themed party favours, and ends with a male stripper who shaves all over, but seems to have neglected that task for this event, as well as forgetting to wash his filthy yellow G-string. Oh, and cake.

Are you talking about a bridal shower or a bachelorette party? I have never heard of or been to anything like what you describe. Any shower I've been to has either been in someone's home or at a restaurant, usually on a Sunday afternoon. And it's a luncheon where the bride opens gifts and you play some benign games. Not necessarily a thrilling event, but certainly pleasant. You get to spend some time with family and/or friends you don't see as often as you might wish to. It's fun to see the bride open gifts, it's fun to see her excitement.


It might also be that they were raised to take a gift to any event, no matter what.

I think that is it for many of us. It just seems so wrong to not bring a small gift, even if it's just to say thank you for inviting me. I would respect the "no gift" request, but it would make me feel very uncomfortable.


Trust me - the money bag is alive and well and making the rounds on Long Island!

It probably is around here as well. I haven't been to any real Italian weddings recently. My daughter will be horrified when she gets her bag (when the time comes) :rofl:. Can't wait! :D

Anita18
05-16-2012, 12:49 AM
It might also be that they were raised to take a gift to any event, no matter what. Or that they don't believe the sincerity of no gifts request.
Yup. I even invited a Chinese friend to a pizza party for a non-Chinese friend, and she asked if she needed to bring anything as a gift. We've been brainwashed pretty well to at least bring fruit if you're going to another person's house. :lol:

smileyskate
05-16-2012, 12:58 AM
I've been to bridal showers for women who were married multiple times. The worst one was a 5th time bride. She married my brother who was marrying for the 1st time. The marriage lasted 2 weeks. (And she kept all the gifts, even from our side of the family. My brother got squat.)

I agree and hate to be downer, but really am sick and tired of invites or little work gatherings for 2nd time brides......or even another baby when you have already had one (UNLESS many years have passed and you could really use the stuff). This also goes for receptions where the repeat bride with a 1st time groom could put out by "word of mouth" that gifts aren't needed, just your presence is enough and then leave it up to guests. If both couples are remarrying-especially if only a few years have passed since the first big to-do, then I appreciate when they say "No gifts". I'd do like some posters suggest, either nothing but a thanks for having us, or a sentimental little thing, or a gift to charity.

jlai
05-16-2012, 01:05 AM
For those who have no luck convincing people that they don't want gifts for their birthday, I suggest that you choose a charity and ask for a small donation in your name. If your friends hear that request often enough they should come to know that you mean it.

I've done that for years, but I still get a gift along with the donation. For some people, they believe gifts have to be stuff. eta: And sometimes the donation is to their own favorite charity not mine

numbers123
05-16-2012, 01:24 AM
The problem with donating to a charity is, as others have posted, the issue of whether or not it is a charity that the person wants to have donations in their name made. If someone is going to donate a gift in my name to a certain charity, I want to at least approve of the charity or cause.

Parsley Sage
05-16-2012, 01:28 AM
I was at an Italian wedding two weeks ago and there was no boosta bag.

There were 4 gifts brought to the reception. The groom's aunt and uncle took them back to their hotel room for the night and then passed them on to the groom's parents the next morning. There was a fancy bird cage for envelopes.