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soxxy
01-18-2012, 02:09 PM
This article actually took me by surprise, but it's a long time since I've been a teenager:


“It’s a sign of trust,” Tiffany Carandang, a high school senior in San Francisco, said of the decision she and her boyfriend made several months ago to share passwords for e-mail and Facebook. “I have nothing to hide from him, and he has nothing to hide from me.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/18/us/teenagers-sharing-passwords-as-show-of-affection.html?pagewanted=1&seid=auto&smid=tw-nytimes

Years ago I had a sick friend who gave his brother :eek:his password and he cleaned out his checking account.

Yikes, don't do it!

Smiley0884
01-18-2012, 06:22 PM
Ridiculous. My 16 year old sister has exchanged passwords with her boyfriend and it has me completely :rolleyes:

It's not a sign of trust, it's a sign of paranoia and infatuation. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you hand over your right to privacy.

soxxy
01-18-2012, 07:05 PM
Ridiculous. My 16 year old sister has exchanged passwords with her boyfriend and it has me completely :rolleyes:

It's not a sign of trust, it's a sign of paranoia and infatuation. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you hand over your right to privacy.

Is there any talking to your sister, or does she just not want to hear it? I've been thinking about the article. I think it's a matter of, "If you loved me, you'd trust me with your password," or "Matt shares his passwords with his girlfriend, why not me??" (I suppose it beats, "If you loved me, give me a baby." :slinkaway

MacMadame
01-18-2012, 07:06 PM
My kids don't do this. I wonder if it's a real trend. Yes, there are some statistics studied but they are kind of vague and most are self-reported.

I mean I told my husband one of my passwords once because he needed to get online fast to do something for me when I was without internet access. But once he was done, I changed it. :lol: So I'd be in the "30 percent of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend." but in fact I don't share my passwords with him and don't expect him to do the same.

And we've been married almost 23 years.

Jenny
01-18-2012, 07:12 PM
It's not a sign of trust, it's a sign of paranoia and infatuation. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you hand over your right to privacy.

I think it's between friends as well - I know one of my niece's friends posted a bunch of stuff on her FB page (all in fun) and when I asked about it, she said they knew each other's passwords and it was no big deal.

I guess the thinking isn't much different than when friends shared closed and knew each other's locker combinations etc - my bet is most grow out of it, and are in no real danger.

Insisting on it as a sign of trust in a relationship is different of course. My husband and I know some of each other's passwords for convenience, and from time to time I will even sign his name on things, but we don't access each other's bank accounts or open each other's mail, even after 27 years.

Anita18
01-18-2012, 07:40 PM
:scream: Seems like a stupid idea to me. I freely share a lot of things, but I'm still on my own person and insist on some semblance of individuality. If an email comes from my account, it had better be written by me!

Smiley0884
01-18-2012, 07:44 PM
I think it's between friends as well - I know one of my niece's friends posted a bunch of stuff on her FB page (all in fun) and when I asked about it, she said they knew each other's passwords and it was no big deal.

I guess the thinking isn't much different than when friends shared closed and knew each other's locker combinations etc - my bet is most grow out of it, and are in no real danger.

Insisting on it as a sign of trust in a relationship is different of course. My husband and I know some of each other's passwords for convenience, and from time to time I will even sign his name on things, but we don't access each other's bank accounts or open each other's mail, even after 27 years.


I think my sister will grow out of it too, but for now I find it :blah: :P

IMHO the main thing to be weary of, is if something in the friendship or relationship sours, can you really trust that person to be mature enough not to use any private information against you? I know adults who are not above that, nevermind teenagers :scream:

numbers123
01-18-2012, 07:45 PM
I mean I told my husband one of my passwords once because he needed to get online fast to do something for me when I was without internet access. But once he was done, I changed it. :lol: So I'd be in the "30 percent of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend." but in fact I don't share my passwords with him and don't expect him to do the same.

And we've been married almost 23 years.

we've been married 38 years, I don't share mine either. There are a few instances that we have a shared password, but it is for the same account.

The only site i say logged into, is FSU and even that closes as soon as I close all internet windows.

PDilemma
01-18-2012, 07:45 PM
Teens often struggle with understanding healthy boundaries in relationships. To some degree it is part of the learning process, but parents and other adults in their lives need to be aware of it and help them navigate it.

milanessa
01-18-2012, 07:52 PM
I don't open my husband's personal mail (nor he mine) but other than that we would share any passwords/PIN the other wanted. We've been married for 35 years this April. Heck, my son and sister both know my checking account PIN.

Not smart for teenagers, though, IMO.

numbers123
01-18-2012, 07:57 PM
There is a reason our sons don't know our bank account passwords. :shuffle:

milanessa
01-18-2012, 08:04 PM
There is a reason our sons don't know our bank account passwords. :shuffle:

I'm sure there is. There's a reason my daughter doesn't know it.

Karina1974
01-18-2012, 08:10 PM
It's not a sign of trust, it's a sign of paranoia and infatuation. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you hand over your right to privacy.

It can also be a sign of one person trying to control or "check up on" the other person. IMO it smacks of jealousy and possessiveness, not love and trusting the other person. And show me a teen who is savvy enough to recognize the Signs of a Potential Abuser early enough to put a stop to it (or go to someone else who helps to put a stop to it) before it blows out of control.

I know if I were ever dating someone and was asked for my passwords to anything I would be saying "get thee behind me." Ditto to exchanging apartment/house keys - not that I have to worry about that because my landlord doesn't allow it, due to issues with previous tenants.

Jenny
01-18-2012, 08:29 PM
Ditto to exchanging apartment/house keys - not that I have to worry about that because my landlord doesn't allow it, due to issues with previous tenants.

When I had known my future husband only a couple of weeks, my mother came home one day to find him sitting in his car in the driveway, because I was late getting home from work and no one else was home. She immediately gave him a key, which was kinda funny because as I said to her, I wasn't even sure how much I liked him yet :lol:

Mind you, mother knew best, because as I said above, that was 27 years ago.

Karina1974
01-18-2012, 08:59 PM
When I had known my future husband only a couple of weeks, my mother came home one day to find him sitting in his car in the driveway, because I was late getting home from work and no one else was home. She immediately gave him a key, which was kinda funny because as I said to her, I wasn't even sure how much I liked him yet :lol:

Mind you, mother knew best, because as I said above, that was 27 years ago.

Yeah, but I'm assuming that was a key to a house that your mother owned. It's different when you're dealing with an apartment. I had an upstairs neighbor who would give out keys to friends, family... and the keys were not just to her apartment, but to the common entrance downstairs. And these were less-than-savory individuals, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if some of them had criminal records. They used to smoke in the apartment, and in the halls and stair-wells, and I would find cigarette ashes on the stair/hall carpeting, and she left the apartment a mess when she left; it had to be completely recarpeted and painted (as it had been when she moved in a year previous).

If it wasn't for the fact that our building super is also a Troy City cop, I would have been afraid to report her to my landlord, but I kept him informed of the goings-on.

Needless to say, she was on a month-to-month lease for a reason, and my landlord decided one month not to renew it, so she was gone. Thankfully, because I didn't trust either her or anybody she was bringing over. After she moved out, the landlord changed the common entrance lock, and that is the only time he's done that in the 11 years I've been there.

/OT