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Jenny
01-19-2012, 06:14 PM
If you are together with a "death do us part", then you have essentially made yourself one person, and why would you need to keep something private.

I think many would differ from this view. My husband and I are very, very close and I feel quite certain we will be as long as we both shall live, but while we share a great deal, we remain individuals.

Maybe it depends on one's personal definition of privacy. I don't equate that with keeping secrets.

And after all, for the truly paranoid, reading email and checking bank accounts and credit card bills will only tell you so much. Unless you've got a GPS tracker on someone and a mike that allows you to listen to every conversation they have, then there's still plenty that you won't know about. The question is, do you need to?

Badams
01-19-2012, 06:32 PM
My husband and I don't share passwords. I have been known to get on his facebook and post some pretty interesting statuses as him. And I also send interesting texts when he leaves his phone unattended. :shuffle: And I have gotten my fair share when he has retaliated.:rofl: I am easily amused.

PDilemma
01-19-2012, 07:24 PM
My husband and I don't share our passwords for anything. I do know my mother's email password and so does my father, but that is due to logging in for her to print her personal emails because she needs them in large print, with no glare and to use a magnifier due to visual impairment. I do not open her account at any time unless she asks me to and neither does my father. And her friends and family who email her are aware that one of us is printing them and seeing some of the contents.

But I think the "does your spouse know your passwords?" discussion is completely irrelevant as the original article is about teenagers who are typically not in relationships that are very long term. There's a reason teenage girls get excited about celebrating one month anniversaries! I also think that in the absence of a long term adult commitment--marriage or otherwise--sharing passwords is an issue of lacking personal boundaries.

MacMadame
01-19-2012, 09:11 PM
If you are together with a "death do us part", then you have essentially made yourself one person, and why would you need to keep something private.

No, you haven't. Just because you are with someone until "death do us part" does not mean you have to be one person. I'm with my husband forever and I don't share my stuff. It's not that I don't trust him either. It's that I am not just a couple but also an individual. (Just like you can love your spouse and that doesn't mean you love your parents less, you can be a couple and also be an individual.)

It's also that the more people you tell something, the more people know. So you tell only one person and then that person tells someone else and suddenly 3 people know. You can stop that by not telling the first person.

Anita18
01-19-2012, 10:10 PM
If you are together with a "death do us part", then you have essentially made yourself one person, and why would you need to keep something private. This is the one person in the world that you have chosen to share yourself with. I open my husband's mail, we share all our finances in common accounts, own everything jointly, and share all our passwords- but not to keep a check on each other- but because why on earth would we need to keep it from each other.
Completely disagree. I mean, if we had a joint bank account of course we'd share passwords for that :P , but I wouldn't let my partner have my email or Facebook password. Because if someone receives an email from that account, they completely expect it to be from me. When someone sends me an email to my account, they expect only me to read it.

My partner and I are not the same person. We're not even a hive mind and we like completely different things, and we don't expect each other to pretend to like the other's hobbies or preferences because that's just silly.

We're different people who choose to have one life together. I thought that was what marriage was about - two people whose lives are intertwined. Not two people literally turning into one. That's just creepy.

And possibly a good basis for a horror movie. :lol:

ks777
01-20-2012, 03:33 AM
Don't people usually have a secret email address anyways?

MacMadame
01-20-2012, 04:48 PM
I'm not sure what you mean. I have email addresses I rarely use but they can't really be secret or no one would know them and then they'd be useless. :lol:

pilgrimsoul
01-20-2012, 05:57 PM
My husband and I don't share e-mail or facebook passwords, but we do almost all of our computing side by side on the couch & do almost everything together, so there's nothing to hide anyway.

We do share our banking passwords since we have a joint checking account. He pays the bills online, so even though we have separate credit card accounts, he knows what my account numbers & balances are, but does not have charging rights. We both open all the mail so we both see all the bills. This arrangement strikes a nice balance for us since we share info, but also maintain some independence.

WindSpirit
01-20-2012, 11:49 PM
The whole reason this came up was because he had to warn me that anything I told him over gchat, his girlfriend would automatically know, not because he would verbally tell her but because she'd see it in one of her regular digs through his account. I remember once a friend of mine gave me her email address and it had both her and her husband's names in it. When I asked about it, she said, "Oh we share everything." I said, you may be fine with your husband knowing everything about you, but what about your friends who don't want to share everything with your husband, too?

I seriously don't get it and I would stop communicating with a person if it turned out s/he's has ceased to be their own person and became a two-head hydra with their SO.

To me, it's important to be your own person even in a relationship and have some degree of privacy. It's not about keeping secrets, it's more about trust and not trying to control another person. I've always encouraged my boyfriend to have his own friends, interests and things I'm not necessarily involved in. I don't have to know every passing thought in his head. I think it's important to have other people in your life to bounce your ideas off and sometimes to even snark about your SO. If one has a healthy relationship those things would not pose any threat.

I'm really put off by nosy people. Alas probably most people are nosy, some more than others. Take my sister. If I let her access my computer, she will go through everything. My documents, my pictures, etc. She will even change my settings. She doesn't seem anything wrong with it either. She will do it with me there until I grab her hand and say, what the hell do you think you're doing? So when she comes to visit, I either supervise her or install a program that won't let her do anything she's not supposed to. I even wrote a fake diary once when I was a kid, just for her reading pleasure. :lol:

I have a friend who will willingly admit that she's very nosy. I remember when I told her about my ex whom I gave my old computer that I cleaned up and did a destructive system restore on... and he still combed through the remnants of the registry and found links from my Internet history and went to every single one and questioned me about it. "Why did you go there? What did you see there? What is this?" To me it spells a controlling PSYCHO (as he turned out to be), but she said that she would do it too if someone gave her their computer, if only she knew how. Because apparently it's so fascinating to get into other people's stuff. :huh:

I don't get it. I'm completely the opposite. Even if someone asks me to get something from their house/computer/email, I will go out of my way to not look/access what I wasn't asked to. I have access to my supervisor's computer and email. I'm pretty sure there's some juicy stuff in there but I wouldn't know. If she asks me to read/print a particular email, I don't even read the subjects from other senders.

There's a few people I would trust with my computer/email/etc. password, but only because I know they wouldn't abuse it. If a guy asked me to swap email/etc. passwords because we're supposed to be one person now, I would say hell no. If I catch someone snooping around anyone's stuff, I will never trust that person completely. And to me, trust is the basis of a relationship.

In my experience, those who would like to have access to your everything are those that are the most insecure.

numbers123
01-21-2012, 12:06 AM
my husband and I will be married 39 years in August. We have some shared accounts, bank account to name one, which we have shared passwords for.

I don't think it is a matter of trust to share passwords - requiring someone to share them to show "love" indicates to me that someone is trying to control someone else.

Each couple is different. I know someone who is so closely attached to her spouse that I would find it stiffing - the checking account is under his name and she signs Mrs. ____ rather than her name. Just as she doesn't understand how we can take separate vacations and be happy together.

Personally, I have seen his outlook/gmail boxes open when we are talking about something in his office, and no way would I want to sort through all those emails to determine if there was anything to be worried about.

PD is correct the article refers to teenagers, but there are many adults who do the same things.

Angelskates - if anything ever happens to me, I imagine Princess Leppard could tell FSU. :P

KikiSashaFan
01-21-2012, 12:13 AM
It weirds me out when couples have a joint facebook. I've seen more and more of them pop up lately and I just think it's odd.

dinakt
01-21-2012, 12:16 AM
My husband and I know each other's e-mail passwords, but we never go into each other's computers unless explicitely asked. I do not think we know ( or care to know) our Facebook passwords, but I would provide it with no hesitation if he needed to look something up for me. I think respecting privacy is in a person's code of behavior, not so much in a fact of sharing or not.
19th century couples often shared diaries- either writing them together, or exchanging personal diaries. Tolstoy and his wife Sofia and Schumann with his wife Clara are two famous examples that immediately come to mind ( and from what I read, they were brutally honest in their writings- they prided themselves on not censoring their diaries knowing that the spouse would read them)
Considering the passwords can be changed, and as long as bank accounts are not one of the things you share until you really know and trust the person, I'm OK with it.

Aussie Willy
01-21-2012, 12:45 AM
The only time I have given a password is at work so I can get someone to check my work email for something I need or they need to access files that they can't get to with their own login.

I would never give my passwords to anyone, unless I was in a relationship with the person. That is just potentially asking for trouble, even if you think you could trust the person 100%. There is a reason why the banks say never ever give your passwords and security information to anyone else.

numbers123
01-21-2012, 01:06 AM
The only time I have given a password is at work so I can get someone to check my work email for something I need or they need to access files that they can't get to with their own login.

I would never give my passwords to anyone, unless I was in a relationship with the person. That is just potentially asking for trouble, even if you think you could trust the person 100%. There is a reason why the banks say never ever give your passwords and security information to anyone else.

That is the crux of this article. The definition of a relationship and who/what/when that might be acceptable.

PrincessLeppard
01-21-2012, 01:42 AM
Angelskates - if anything ever happens to me, I imagine Princess Leppard could tell FSU. :P

What if I go first? :drama: Obviously, you are indestructible, as you have been flattened by the Banana and are still here posting.

:sekret: