PDA

View Full Version : Teenagers in Love, Sharing Passwords



Pages : 1 [2] 3 4

mkats
01-19-2012, 12:19 AM
I have a good friend who's been in a relationship for five, almost six years now - they plan on getting married sometime in the near future. She insists that they share each other's personal email passwords and be allowed to look through each other's gchat history, emails, etc. at any time. He even freely admits that when they broke up for a few months, she went through his emails and chat history to see who he was talking to and what he said. And he's okay with that.

The whole reason this came up was because he had to warn me that anything I told him over gchat, his girlfriend would automatically know, not because he would verbally tell her but because she'd see it in one of her regular digs through his account.

I guess whatever floats your boat, but no way in hell would I ever agree to such an arrangement. I'll steal Boyfriend's phone and leave him little love notes on the "notepad" function, but no way would I even consider looking through his texts, emails, etc. and he wouldn't look through mine either. Yeah, yeah, loving each other means no secrets and all that, but I want some level of personal privacy.

danceronice
01-19-2012, 12:38 AM
My mother has my facebook password so she can check my Farmville for me....

And dad does have one of my financial passwords, but not my banking or active trading accounts.

modern_muslimah
01-19-2012, 12:42 AM
I don't get that at all. I never share my e-mail, FB, Twitter or any other password with my husband and vice versa. We have code locks on our phones which neither of us know. I did tell him the pin to my debit card once because I gave him my card to buy something for me but since I don't normally make it a habit to give him my debit card, that's not an issue either. It just doesn't seem healthy to me for a couple to have all that information about each other.

MacMadame
01-19-2012, 12:42 AM
Teens often struggle with understanding healthy boundaries in relationships. To some degree it is part of the learning process, but parents and other adults in their lives need to be aware of it and help them navigate it.

Luckily they do learn. Mini-mac was looking at her Timeline the other day and was appalled at some of the stupid stuff she had written. So she's already figured out the internet is forever and she's only 13.

Anita18
01-19-2012, 12:57 AM
I have a good friend who's been in a relationship for five, almost six years now - they plan on getting married sometime in the near future. She insists that they share each other's personal email passwords and be allowed to look through each other's gchat history, emails, etc. at any time. He even freely admits that when they broke up for a few months, she went through his emails and chat history to see who he was talking to and what he said. And he's okay with that.

The whole reason this came up was because he had to warn me that anything I told him over gchat, his girlfriend would automatically know, not because he would verbally tell her but because she'd see it in one of her regular digs through his account.

I guess whatever floats your boat, but no way in hell would I ever agree to such an arrangement. I'll steal Boyfriend's phone and leave him little love notes on the "notepad" function, but no way would I even consider looking through his texts, emails, etc. and he wouldn't look through mine either. Yeah, yeah, loving each other means no secrets and all that, but I want some level of personal privacy.
That just screams insecurity to me. I did snoop into my first bf's email account one time. I'm not proud of it, and it was a sign that I didn't trust him. But YMMV I guess. I wouldn't dare do it now.

One time I did steal my bf's phone without his knowledge - he'd left it at my apartment so I took a pic of the cat yawning (teeth showing) and set it as his wallpaper. I still :rofl: about that one. Sometimes I'll use his phone for research purposes (it's an iPhone) but I ALWAYS ask first.

milanessa
01-19-2012, 01:02 AM
I guess whatever floats your boat, but no way in hell would I ever agree to such an arrangement. I'll steal Boyfriend's phone and leave him little love notes on the "notepad" function, but no way would I even consider looking through his texts, emails, etc. and he wouldn't look through mine either. Yeah, yeah, loving each other means no secrets and all that, but I want some level of personal privacy.

That's the point (at least in our relationship) - we don't invade each others privacy. The only time I remember looking at my husband's email was when he called me from a hotel and needed some info that he couldn't get because the hotel's internet was down. Because he would give me his passwords doesn't mean I want or need them and vice versa.


I don't get that at all. I never share my e-mail, FB, Twitter or any other password with my husband and vice versa. We have code locks on our phones which neither of us know. I did tell him the pin to my debit card once because I gave him my card to buy something for me but since I don't normally make it a habit to give him my debit card, that's not an issue either. It just doesn't seem healthy to me for a couple to have all that information about each other.

I think you're being smart but your marriage is very different than mine.

Jenny
01-19-2012, 02:01 PM
Maybe it's generational, given that youngsters these days seem far less concerned about privacy than older folks.

The way I look at it, not demanding passwords is a bigger sign of trust than sharing them.

Angelskates
01-19-2012, 02:09 PM
I have several friends' passwords and those friends have mine. I think we've used them a couple of times when asked, and that's it. Really no big deal for us, but all relationships are different and trust means different things to different people. My neighbour has a key to my house/work, as do three other people, but none of them have ever used it inappropriately. They all have my bike key too. :lol:

soxxy
01-19-2012, 02:11 PM
I have several friends' passwords and those friends have mine. I think we've used them a couple of times when asked, and that's it. Really no big deal for us, but all relationships are different and trust means different things to different people.

Are the passwords related to financial accounts?

Angelskates
01-19-2012, 02:14 PM
Are the passwords related to financial accounts?

Some, yes. It's also FSU (in case I die, I want it posted :P), email, the combination and keys to my safe etc. At one stage or another, it's been used at my request, which is why I gave it. They also have copies of my passport, visa and other important documents (as do my parents).

milanessa
01-19-2012, 03:50 PM
The way I look at it, not demanding passwords is a bigger sign of trust than sharing them.

Exactly.

KikiSashaFan
01-19-2012, 04:25 PM
I have Mr. Kiki's passwords for his online banking, cell phone account and other bills, but that's only because he's a search and rescue tech for the Air Force and is often in very remote areas for unknown amounts of time without much notice and in those situations I have to make sure the bills get paid. I don't have access to his email or Facebook, nor do I want to.

rjblue
01-19-2012, 04:37 PM
I think the issue for married/committed couple is that if you are together for friendship, love and support, until it isn't working anymore, then passwords, bank accounts, mail privacy etc are all things that people preserve for themselves.

If you are together with a "death do us part", then you have essentially made yourself one person, and why would you need to keep something private. This is the one person in the world that you have chosen to share yourself with. I open my husband's mail, we share all our finances in common accounts, own everything jointly, and share all our passwords- but not to keep a check on each other- but because why on earth would we need to keep it from each other.

The important thing is that both partners have the same expectation, which is why premarital counselling is so helpful to many couples.

maatTheViking
01-19-2012, 05:18 PM
Me and my husband share paswords for financial accounts, that is mainly a practical issues, for instance for some reason our online banking only lets the main account holder see statements, and I am the one taking care of paying the credit card, so I need them. Likewise with his investment accounts, since I do the taxes it is easier for me to just get his passwords so I can import the info into turbotax.

Since we have joints account for everything monetary, it doesn't really matter.

we don't share email or facebook/twitter account - I would not want to go through his mail. Sometimes I have read an email he requested me to read on his account and vice versa, but I would never try to read through his old email, I trust him and respect his privacy.

I agree that sharing passwords is more controlling and a sign of lack of trust rather than trust.

julieann
01-19-2012, 05:48 PM
Some, yes. It's also FSU (in case I die, I want it posted :P), email, the combination and keys to my safe etc. At one stage or another, it's been used at my request, which is why I gave it. They also have copies of my passport, visa and other important documents (as do my parents).

My lawyer has my online persona (in case I die) he can close all my online accounts such as this one. Other than that no one knows anything except my husband knows our bank account. I have no idea why, I would have to die for him to pay a bill.

I don't think kids are careful enough with privacy, they are told they just don't listen.