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OliviaPug
01-06-2012, 09:09 PM
How do you date the brother of a best friend? Or do you just not date the brother of a best friend?

The best friend is encouraging the dating, but seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

Thoughts?

O-

nubka
01-06-2012, 09:20 PM
If there was chemistry there, I would date him. Are they uber-close as brother and sister? Are they the kind that confide/tell each other everything? If so, that could make it a bit sticky...

OliviaPug
01-06-2012, 09:21 PM
If there was chemistry there, I would date him. I would mention it to the freind, of course. :)

Insane (as in amazing) chemistry on both sides. The friend knows. I just adore this friend so much. I would never want anything to jeopardize our friendship.

Thanks for your response.

O-

skatingfan5
01-06-2012, 09:24 PM
How do you date the brother of a best friend? Or do you just not date the brother of a best friend?

The best friend is encouraging the dating, but seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

Thoughts?

O-If it doesn't work out, then it could be a bit awkward. On the other hand, one of her friends/college roommates introduced her brother to my niece and they began dating. The friendship survived -- and so did the relationship with the brother. Five years later, my niece married him and so far, so good. :)

OliviaPug
01-06-2012, 09:56 PM
If it doesn't work out, then it could be a bit awkward. On the other hand, one of her friends/college roommates introduced her brother to my niece and they began dating. The friendship survived -- and so did the relationship with the brother. Five years later, my niece married him and so far, so good. :)

Thanks. The thing is ... I don't want marriage or a committed relationship right now. I'm not looking for things to work out that way. I'm coming out of a horrible divorce (happy to be out, but difficult nonetheless). I don't want to lead him or my friend to believe I will be going down that road. I figure, if I don't plan to go down that road, why bother to run the risk of hurting someone and possibly hurting a dear friendship? Then again, I like him and it would be fun. That sounds selfish, doesn't it? That's sort of my dilemma.

O-

Wiery
01-06-2012, 10:03 PM
I wouldn't do it, basically because you are coming out of a divorce, and "rebound" dating is often temporary. Give it some time, recover from your divorce, and if the chemistry is still there in 6 months or a year, then re-consider dating him.

If the dating doesn't work out and he has hard feelings, then things might get awkward between you and your friend.

DarrellH
01-06-2012, 10:12 PM
You risk losing both people if things go wrong.

soxxy
01-06-2012, 10:17 PM
You sound like you'd like to do it, but you sound somewhat more apprehensive, and I would be as well. Why not quietly "monitor" the situation for a while; maybe things will become more clear with time. What types of interactions do you have with your best friend's brother now?

Cheylana
01-06-2012, 10:39 PM
I wouldn't do it, basically because you are coming out of a divorce, and "rebound" dating is often temporary. Give it some time, recover from your divorce, and if the chemistry is still there in 6 months or a year, then re-consider dating him.
This is a very good point. Not a great idea to make your best friend's brother the "rebound" guy.

OliviaPug
01-07-2012, 03:11 AM
Thanks to everyone who has responded.

I have a nice friendship with the brother now, but he is constantly asking for more. I think it would be better to keep him as a friend, if possible.

Sunday is "D Day." Wish me luck!

O-

Rob
01-09-2012, 04:06 AM
Ok, this is complicated, but my ex-sister-in law (was married to my brother/stayed part of our family after divorce) has lived with the brother of her ex-boss and best friend for about 25 years.

Ok, I know, I will try again. She and my brother got married way too young. They divorced amicably so she stayed in the family -- more like my sister than sister in law. Her ex-boss and best friend introduced her to her brother. They dated for a few years, broke up for a couple of years (she stayed best friends with the sister) and then got back together.

We all call ourselves the Clampetts.

OliviaPug
01-09-2012, 09:40 PM
Rob, LOL! That *is* complicated!!

Well, I saw him on Sunday. Just for dinner. Fun night. He lives far enough away (1 1/2 hours) that I'm hoping we can just be friends. That's probably wishful thinking, but I remain hopeful!

O-

PDilemma
01-09-2012, 09:55 PM
My friend set me up with my now husband. When our relationship got serious, she freaked out on us. Three months before our wedding, she went to our priest to try to get him to stop the wedding.

And now she is the sister-in-law from hell. Turns out, she just wanted to have some fun controlling who her brother dated and already had his next girlfriend picked out. Her idea was to keep him from ever marrying so he would always be at her beck and call.

maatTheViking
01-09-2012, 10:00 PM
I would be very frank with the relationship, and tell him you like him, but b/c of the divorce you don't want a serious relationship right now; and that you want to stay friends with the sister. Suggest then to see how you both feel in 6 months.

OliviaPug
01-10-2012, 03:08 AM
PDilemma: Wow, food for thought! And sorry. That's crazy, and some people are.

maatTheViking: I agree. I think That's a really good approach. I have alluded to the fact that I don't want a serious relationship, but I think more frankness wouldn't hurt. Thanks.

O-