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danceronice
11-08-2011, 08:55 PM
"Sushi" involves cooked product, vegetarian product, and not just raw fish. (In fact the word sushi refers to the vinegared rice.) I promise you in almost any sushi place except those sitting on a dock, it's been dead at minimum 24 hours and in most cases it's been frozen, too. As long as the fish is on ice, it is not THAT big a quality-control issue (and, again, doesn't actually have to be mostly/all raw fish.) A lot of the most popular maki (rolls) don't involve any fresh fish at all.

Now I could see hibachi or tempura for 35 being a colossal hassle. (And again, has the OP talked to the restaurant to see if $1500-2000 is actually what it would take? I'm guessing this is not the first event they've ever catered.)

agalisgv
11-08-2011, 09:23 PM
Maybe I'm missing something, but I thought Woodstock was only asking about ettiquette re: chipping in for the meal. The venue and guest list seem set and agreed to by the bday honoree, so I'm not sure why people are going on about not having kids there or having the party at home as a potluck.

Anyhow, I think etiquette is contextual. If it's accepted practice in your social group for people to pay for their meal, then that's fine. It seems you already have indication that may be the case based on the comments some of your friends have made. If you're not sure, you could ask some more of your friends for feedback just to get a better sense. I would make the payment expectation clear, though, in the evite that goes out just so no one comes sans payment method and then is stuck. Cash bar is also fine I would think.


Good luck with it!

milanessa
11-08-2011, 09:30 PM
Well, she did say she thought it was okay for the 4 children to be there when the guests will be asked to not bring children. That's a little strange.

I don't think the venue has been set. She said he hinted at a sushi place.

FigureSpins
11-08-2011, 09:33 PM
IMO, if they're your guests, you pay for their meals.

Talk to the restaurant - afternoon or brunchtime parties are less expensive than a Saturday night affair. Buffets are cheaper than ordering off the menu. You might be surprised at the restaurant's cost for a private party.

Have the restaurant provide water, soda and maybe beer or wine as part of your bill. Anything else, the guests can buy themselves from the bar. We usually pay for the tips as well, which takes the "tip jar" off the bar as well.

As for the "no kids," it's really up to you. I can say in all honesty that, if you include the four "related" kids, a guest or two will feel slighted and several will respond "no" to the invitaton. If you can live with that, fine.

My brother recently hosted a milestone party for his significant other. My nieces and I helped him get it organized and researched, made a lot of suggestions and really helped plan, at his request. Just before the invitations went out, he announced (via a Facebook message) that there would be "absolutely no stinkin' kids."

My nieces and I live in other states, 2-9 hours away. Did he really think we'd hire a babysitter for the weekend or leave our kids alone in a hotel room? As a result, no one from our family attended the party; it just wasn't possible, logistically. He saved money by having fewer guests; maybe that was his intention.

We were insulted that he didn't think about the situation from our perspective, especially with the fact that we were asked to help plan the shindig. So, that's important to think about: if the friend and his wife who are helping your plan have kids of their own, feel them out about the "no kids except these four" idea.

My kids can't stand one of DH's cousins because she deliberately excludes them from all sorts of activities because they're not first cousins with her kids. She's insulted them on many occasions with her OCD tendency.

agalisgv
11-08-2011, 09:36 PM
Well, she did say she thought it was okay for the 4 children to be there when the guests will be asked to not bring children. That's a little strange.

I don't think the venue has been set. She said he hinted at a sushi place. True, the venue was only "strongly hinted" at, but the kiddie issue seemed decided:
we decided that the only kids present will be family-member children Personally it doesn't strike me as strange, but ymmv. Either way it seems decided by the guest of honor.

Cheylana
11-08-2011, 09:37 PM
Maybe I'm missing something, but I thought Woodstock was only asking about ettiquette re: chipping in for the meal. The venue and guest list seem set and agreed to by the bday honoree, so I'm not sure why people are going on about not having kids there or having the party at home as a potluck.
Woodstock is concerned about the expense. Getting rid of the kids or doing a potluck are ways to bring down the cost without sticking the guests with a party bill. Why do children need to be at a sushi restaurant anyway; it runs up the bill ordering sushi for them that they won't eat because it's "yucky."

If it's sit-down dinner with a set menu, then you should pay for all of it. Guests shouldn't be forced to chip in for food they haven't selected. Presumably they would bring gifts for your boyfriend. But if it's just people gathering to have a surprise dinner and they order their own meals, then they should just pay their portion of the bill; this way they can manage their own costs.

Cheylana
11-08-2011, 09:39 PM
He then announced on Facebook that there would be "absolutely no stinkin' kids."
His choice, I wouldn't want small children at a formal event either, but wow, totally unnecessary to call the kids "stinkin'". :blah:

BittyBug
11-08-2011, 09:40 PM
"Sushi" involves cooked product, vegetarian product, and not just raw fish. (In fact the word sushi refers to the vinegared rice.) I promise you in almost any sushi place except those sitting on a dock, it's been dead at minimum 24 hours and in most cases it's been frozen, too. I wasn't talking about the fish, I was talking about the combination of the ingredients, whatever the topping may be (raw fish, cooked fish, egg, vegetables, whatever). The rice is supposed to still be warm, and it's very hard to hold that. And of course they've probably catered to large groups before - doesn't mean it was good or close the experience diners would have on a small scale in that restaurant.


Maybe I'm missing something, but I thought Woodstock was only asking about ettiquette re: chipping in for the meal. The venue and guest list seem set and agreed to by the bday honoree, so I'm not sure why people are going on about not having kids there or having the party at home as a potluck.Because (a) it's a discussion, and discussions tend to branch out, (b) the venue does not in fact appear to "be set" - the OP only said that her BF had hinted that this particular restaurant would be a great place to have a party, (c) woodstock expressed concern about the costs of having a large event in this restaurant, so people are suggesting alternative ways to cut the costs other than asking guests to chip in since some, but not all, people view that as a breach of etiquette, and (d) kids and the presence of kids at events always sparks differing opinions.

At any rate, I'm sure woodstock is capable of ignoring any posts that she deems either irrelevant or not of interest (including mine, LOL).

FigureSpins
11-08-2011, 09:47 PM
Why do children need to be at a sushi restaurant anyway; it runs up the bill ordering sushi for them that they won't eat because it's "yucky."I'm always amazed at how many kids like sushi. I personally think it's disgusting, but my kids don't.


His choice, I wouldn't want small children at a formal event either, but wow, totally unnecessary to call the kids "stinkin'". :blah:
It wasn't a "formal" event - it was at a family restaurant that I suggested and used for parties at in the past. Parties that included his stinkin' kids. (That's literal - his ex-wife didn't believe in soap.) The place is very informal and excellent for accommodating kids.

My brother has some mental issues from health crises, so he just wasn't thinking, but it was still insulting that he's so clueless as to not think about the distance and childcare issues. Come to think of it, DH's first cousin works there - we probably could have gotten my brother a break on the bill. Oh well, he'll never know.

agalisgv
11-08-2011, 09:52 PM
Why do children need to be at a sushi restaurant anyway; Because apparently the guest of honor wants them there, and it's his party.
it runs up the bill ordering sushi for them that they won't eat because it's "yucky." Depends on the kids I guess. Personally I've never seen kids do that. A lot of kids like sushi, but those that don't tend not to order up stuff they don't like. Plus there are only 4 kids total attending, so I suspect their bill would be minimal. Fwiw, when I eat sushi with my boys, the three of us eat for about $10. Course other family members (who shall remain nameless) can eat that much all by themselves, but that's a lot of sushi to eat then (in my opinion anyway).

Cheylana
11-08-2011, 10:00 PM
Because apparently the guest of honor wants them there, and it's his party.
The guest of honor doesn't know he's getting a party (supposedly). In any case, the OP specifically talked about which kids he/she is inviting and not inviting, effectively inviting comment on the issue. If it is such a closed issue, why even mention it?

agalisgv
11-08-2011, 10:05 PM
Woodstock said "we" decided about the kids --not "I". Presumably that means she discussed the issue with bf already and they came to a joint decision.

I did wonder, though, if he's making decisions about the guest list and making strong hints about venue, just how much is this a surprise party :shuffle:?

Cheylana
11-08-2011, 10:11 PM
I assumed the "we" meant woodstock and the bf's friend, based on this bit:

I was finalizing the guest list with one of his friends
Of course, dunno for sure.

woodstock
11-09-2011, 01:25 AM
Thanks for all the replies and feedback! The party will actually be a surprise. He's hinting for wanting one, but has no idea I'm trying to actually put a party together for him. Plus his birthday is Feb 12 (which is impossible to book/plan with Valentine's day so close). So I'm going to throw him off and have it 2-3 weeks prior to the actual birthday.

The kid thing is tricky, mainly because I know he would probably like his 4 year old son there to celebrate with him and enjoy the party. (one of the things he enjoys most in life is watching his son have fun). But to have his son there as the only child in the room would be rough on the little guy, ergo the addition of the 3 cousins to the mix to at least have some youngers to have fun with. (However,most of the attendees have kids, to allow ALL their children would basically mean fifteen children in total ages 7 and younger. At which point it turns into a kid party and not an adult event). That's why I figured I could get away with limiting it to family kids only, as they're FAMILY.

But it may be a moot point, for even though he hinted that the sushi restuarant would "make a nice location for a birthday party", it's looking to be $$. Excellent food, but a hibachi dinner there alone costs $25 per plate, sushi is around $10 for 6 pieces. It's looking to be 40 people, times say $30 per to eat, plus drinks (at probably $6-10 per drink), decorations, cake. Um, yeah- I just can't afford to foot that entire bill, but also don't want to try and ask for donations. I just don't know how I would word the invitation like that, so as not to insult/offend someone.

I would love to solve everything and do it at my house, but I live in a twin and it holds 15 people max before it's too crowded. (plus I have only one toilet). Right now with guests, their spouses, and his family its adding up to 40 people. In the summer I can have more people over as they can filter outside and hang out in the back yard and bring lawn chairs for more seating, but not for a February party. At most when I host winter things at home its about 10 people and we usually do pot luck or I just have snacks.

So my other option is to try and have it at a bar (so the kid issue is eliminated entirely). I'm looking around for one with a separate room and that has darts/pool/etc. I'll buy a bunch of appetizers and cake, people will buy their own drinks, and everyone can mingle instead of being seated for a meal. THe only trick is that most bars don't want to book things like that on Friday/Saturday, and weeknights are out as again, most people have young kids. So I'm thinking I might be able to pull off a Sunday afternoon (but once again, hopefully people don't have kid-activity obligations at that time, it may severely impact attendance).

I just feel bad as he specifically hinted about the sushi place, but then again he may not have realized the full details and cost of actually doing something like that. We'll see.

Garden Kitty
11-09-2011, 01:39 AM
Maybe you and he and a few of your closest friends can have a dinner at the sushi restaurant, together with a more casual, larger party.